Comics by Shaenon II

[Professor Zobot]

The last thing I remember is being encircled by men in black suits who apparently can't decide which government they're working for, and then a sudden pain and...

Well, now I'm in some kind of burlap sack, and it's rather uncomfortable. Why are these people being so cruel...

Hmm... they took my gun, but they didn't try to rip off my arm. Foolish of them. Now all I need to do are some calculations, and soon I'll be busting out of this enclosed prison. Fortunately, they also didn't take my pen, so the bag itself will be a good place to do my math longhand. I don't really NEED to, but for some reason it makes me feel comfortable.

[Professor_Tinker]

". . . . . would you like a moment alone with the ship?" I quip, watching him nearly *cuddle* the control board.

That earns me a dirty look, which just makes me chuckle.
"Oh, honestly. I'm joking. Besides, i understand to be honest. . . It really is very elegant. Even if teechnology isn't my main forte, I can see the appeal."

He raises an eyebrow, obviously surprised by my admission.
We get to work, in a slightly more amiable mood towards each other than before. Mostly, I just serve as his assistant while he works his magic with the ships computer, until he's learned it's workings.

After a few hurs have passed, we retreat inside to order chinese and talk tactics.


[/u]

[SoItBegins]

10101010111010101010100101010010
10100101010110101010101010101110
111010101010011001010101001

Oh, sorry... I've just been exploring the control board. I think it's encrypted in some strange way, but I'm getting close to cracking it. And it's so NEAT!!

----------

I've got it. Now let's see here. All packed? Check. Water bottle, vorpal bunny, ray guns... (so on, so forth) ... suitcase locks, teddy bear, packed lunch.

Wait... Professor Tinker is bringing a teddy bear?!

...no matter. Let's GO!

----------

The martian craft lifted off from the ground with an obligatory low rumble, shaping the air in its vicinity. It slowly rose higher than the roofs of the city, and paused for a second...

...then whoosh, it was gone, leaving only a thread of scared birds and fire-fractured air in its wake.

[Jane Narbon]

I noticed the launch just as soon as it occured. It was highly unusual-- silvery object moving at extreme speed-- and I'm sure I know exactly who was inside it. I took the opportunity to point out my good/bad schema to the robot again (one had already left, it said to find a good communication site.)

I'm still having trouble believing how gullible these robots are. They appear to be simply accepting everything I say! The other bot returned. He said the invasion of Earth would be soon.

Once the Martians invade, I will set up myself as leader of a country. A small country. This country will gather resources and develop technology to invade larger countries, and subdue the Martians there.

Soon, I shall be ruler of the WORLD! Ha ha ha! Ahahahahaha. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!

[That Guy]

Once the craft reaches space.

"Oh, this was a bad idea," I thought as I checked the escape pods for the nth time. "Visiting Martians always ends badly. The radicals can usually convince everyone it's an attack"

I pull out a small object. "At least Ri-Xean gave me this communication device. She'll get her band of rebells to pick up my pod before it's shot down like the others..."

"...Not that I want to get shot down, but a good hench is always prepared."

"Mr. Guy, what are you doing back there?" asked Professor Tinker.

"Just checking the escape pods," I answer.

"Don't worry so much, Mr. Guy. We'll be fine."

[Professor Zobot]

I've woken up tied to a chair in a dimly lit room... the last thing I remember was a sharp pain to my head, which is becoming all too frequent. I gotta work on that. Plus, I was so close to completing my mathematical plan to escape from that bag! Darn it...

Those guys in black are standing around me. At least, a few of them. I doubt it'll help now, but I might as well try to be polite.

"Err...good afternoon, gentlemen?"

One of them, a man with brown hair, steps forward. "Good afternoon, Mr. Toboz."

"Why are you doing this? What's the point of attacking me?"

"Shouldn't you have figured that out by now? You're the mad scientist, after all." He's smiling, and it's really ticking me off. How DARE he take me lightly! "Tell me, Mr. Toboz...did you know that the people of Mars are going to invade the earth soon, because of your little laser incident?"

Huh? I look up at him. "What laser? What are you talking about? I..." Wait. I woke up in a pile of rubble, and there was that satillite thing nearby... Oh no. I DIDN'T, did I? "An invasion? Let me guess: You're part of some government entity devoted to stopping it, aren't you?"

"Not...exactly." Ok, that smile is REALLY starting to annoy me. "We are members of the Martian Espionage Team, humans working for a small faction of the Martian government. We were sent here to secure this region of all threats for the initial invasion. That means dispatching of the more "unpredictable" elements, such as yourself."

I'm trying not to snicker. "You mean I'm at the mercy of the METs?"

"Do NOT take us lightly, Mr. Toboz. We have the local mad scientists right where we want them. We have enlisted the aid of Miss Jane Narbon, who believes she is using us when we in fact will be using her. We have placed a bomb within the Martian landing craft we knew Prof. Tinker wouldn't resist repairing, which will explode when the atmospheric pressure outside the craft shows that it has entered space. We are in the process of infecting So It Begin's trusted AI "Prime" with a virus that will make it mimic the homicidal behavior of a number of artifical intelligences taken from popular works of science fiction. And now we are about to execute you."

He lifts up a pistol and points one end at my head. And then my robotic arm shot up and dislocated his hand right off of his body. The other METs start drawing their weapons. Then the metal arm I'm wearing fired a mini-missile from its palm, which I didn't know it could do. I'm going to have to strip it down and make sure I know exactly what it's capable of once this is over.

So now all the agents around me are either dead or dying. I wish I could do something to help them (I mean, I'm not a monster, after all) but I'm tied to a chair, and escaping must take precedence. Plus, I have to find a way to prevent this war that apparently I'm the cause of. And the place to start doing that is by putting a stop to this Jane Narbon, who is probably some puppet of the Martians, like the METs are. For some reason her name sounds familiar... Also, I should probably warn Professor Tinker, if I can find a way to reach him, and this So It Begins guy, whoever he is.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In outer space, a bright red light on the console of the ship carrying Professor Tinker and That Guy starts flashing brightly for some reason...

[Professor_Tinker]

SPACE! SPACESPACESPACESPACE SPACE!!!
Whooooohooo!
. . . what? This *is* my internal dialouge, after all. With So It Begins I can hardly afford to lose my composure, so I have to let loose *somehow*

So It Begins is going on about the level readings on the ship, which I'm only really paying half attention to. Mostly I'm focused on the veiw window as we glide though the atmosphere, soon to enter the stars. . . .

If only Father could see me now. I'd include Mother, but knowing her she *is* watching through her sub-elegmatic Telescope.

I tune in a little more to So It Begins.
". . . And so, with the setting normalized and the gyros equeliberating, everything is going perfectly!" he declairs happily.

I freeze, turning to him with shock on my face.
"What. Did. You. Just. SAY?!" I hiss, setting aside my teddy Bear.

He looks confused, " I just said that the levels were holding and-"

"No! Not that! quote:'everything is going perfectlyend quote! Have you no understanding of the Theory of Narrative Causality?! The only time someone says something like that it;s to heighten dramatic tension!" I exclaim, beginning to pace.

"It's not even something you would normally say! I'm the optimist, you're paranoid!! Something MUST be wrong. I don;t know what, but something *is* wrong. Check the ship."

[Jane Narbon]

Nothing much to say. Still waiting for the invasion.

On a lighter note, I snuck into the labs of Professor Tinker and SoItBegins and left a few... surprises. Not that I needed to in Professor Tinker's. Evil clothes starch. Wow. Who knew that would be such a success?

... maybe if this whole Martians thing comes a botch, I could try to take over the world that way.

[SoItBegins]

As if the world had been waiting for me to say that everything was going perfectly, something bad happened. Several bad things, actually.

First, a large armada of Martian ships came out to meet us. All thoughts of friendly contact between two relatively peaceful cultures was dispelled when they started firing. It turns out that Professor Tinker's pretty good with a joystick. Hey! This is just like playing "Swoop"...

Second, the traditional background hum of Prime, in my head, got... strange. Immediately afterwards, with a final burst, "1111111111111111111111111", it shut off completely. This was not good. Prime would only ever use the "Light" distress alarm, as I called it, in one circumstance. It had been successfully infected with a virus. As Prime was directly linked to my body and mind by means of the nanobots therein, this was an extremely serious emergency. Very soon, I would have to temporarily "shut down" to the outside world, to destroy the virus and protect my mind.

Unfortunately, that wasn't all. Mr. Guy, Professor Tinker's henchman, came running in as if he'd seen a ghost. When asked, he would say no more than these three words:

"There's a bomb!!!"

[That Guy]

"A bomb?" said Professor Tinker.

"Yes, well to be more accurate, it's a device that will flood the entire ship with flames as hot as 1000 degrees Celsius."

"To the escape pods!" shouted Professor Tinker.

"What, the Martian ships will blow us up!" exclaimed SoItBegins.

"Professor Tinker, go get into pod 3. SoItBegins, I understand that you'll just regenerate so..."

"No. I can't afford it now with Prime behaving strangely," he said.

"Okay, then come with us."

------------------------------------------

We are all cramped uncomfortably into the one pod that'll be saved. Jostling for room I call Ri-Xean.

"Yeah, Ri-Xean. Hi, it's Thadeus.-- So are you watching the battle.--Yes, it is hopeless.--Um, I was wondering if you could pick up a couple of friends and me.--Okay...Yeah...Bye."

I hit the button labeled evacuate. There is a whoosh. Then we float for a second. Crash-Clank. And we're accelerating away from the battle.

[Professor_Tinker]

"and to think, for a moment I almost considered letting the escape pods go to waste as scrap. Mr. Guy, remind me to give you another rase for not listening to me." I sigh, wiggling slightly to gain access to a remote control in my pocket.

"Truly, the point of having an assistant is to ensure that common sense may cling to life in my presence. But All the same, I find that insane paranoia has it's moments." I continue cheerily, hitting a red button.

"You may have noticed; I left my Teddy Bear behind." I grin wickedly, watching out of the tiny viewport as out ship suddenly takes a sharp turn towards the Martian Fleet.

The ensuing explosion takes out a handful of the martian ships, engulfing them in a wave of flames that buffets our ship with a blast of heat.
A tiny bear-shaped speck is seen falling to earth, a parachute unfurling.

"There. With any luck, they may think we self-destructed to pull that off."

[Professor Zobot]

I'm free! I'm free! I can move my non-robot arm again! Now time to explore this secret base...

It doesn't look like there are any more METs around other than the eight my arm took out. This place is too small to be their central base, though. With all the observational equipment, I'd say this is just some sort of recon office or something. It looks like they've got some sort of satellite setup for observing the different mad scientists (and myself, for some reason) in the area. Let's see what happens when I re-align it to look at Professor Tinker's location...

Goodness! D-did that ship just blow up? T-t-that means that the good professor is... No, I mustn't cry! Truly, he was one of the best of us. I shall have to honor his memory by doing what the good professor would have wanted: putting a stop to Jane Narbon and her Martian masters and bringing peace to the earth.

Oh, and I think his friend Mr. Guy was in there too. No big loss, really, Something about him just seemed sort of...cronyish. For some reason I don't really feel as bad about him dying.

Well, time to get to work. I've got a world to save.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok! I've fully explored the MET's outpost, and armed myself with whatever I could utilize. You know, if I live through this, this place could be a pretty nifty base. My equipment for facing off against Lady Narbon consists of the following:

-My robotic arm, gotta love it. With super strength and an iron grip, it's pretty handy. The rocket punch option leaves something to be desired, but it apparently has a slot in the palm for firing a mini-missle. I wish I could reload that, but there's really no mini-missles around here. After looking over it's circuits, I can conclude that whoever made this thing gave it a lot of smarts, and some pretty potent sensors as well...it's almost like the arm itself is a full robot!

-My variable raygun: It only has enough power for five shots, but with 18 different types of ray, from Freeze-ray to Tazer function, it's useful.

-One of the METs handguns. I don't think it'll do me much good, but still...

-The little key-chain laser pointer I borrowed from Prof. Tinker's laundry room. I guess he'll not be needing it now, but I still feel bad about taking it without permission.

-A little mask and a fedora to disguise my identity. If I'm going up against a mad scientist, I might as well look like some kind of hero. Now I just need a superhero-ie name...

I've traveled to the location of Miss Narbon's lab, according to the MET's satellite system. I've also been careful to avoid being seen by any ordinary folks, as well as any other MET agents that could be around. I'm pretty sure there's more than 8 of them. I'm currently watching Miss Narbon through this second-story lab window. She doesn't seem to notice I'm here, she's just going about her daily experiments. All I need to do is swing through this window, break the glass, and land near her, so I can fight her and bring her to justice before the Martians can use her. Here I go...

*Thud!*

Ow... why didn't the window break? Hmm? This looks like glass steel, not glass! Screw it. Robot arm, break through that window!

*Crash!* *Tinkle...tinkle...*

I jump in and try to strike what would be a heroic pose. Miss Narbon is either laughing or in fear-driven shock. Time to show her whose boss!

"Jane Narbon! Your Martian-enabled pre-reign of terror is abortively over! I, the...uh...er....the Humanoid Machine shall bring you to justice and save the world from anything you could...er... potentially do!"

She is so totally scared speechless.

[Jane Narbon]

So a guy with a funny name breaks into my lab, and-- wait a minute...

I take a close look at the guy brandishing the fedora. "David Toboz? Is that you?"

Sure enough, it is DT. Ho hum. I could deal with this several different ways, but that arm might cause trouble. I think I'll just handle this the simple way.

I turn to the Martian robots, and say

"You see? This is David Toboz. He's one of the bad ones I told you about. He seeks to stop our rightful cause. And he even disguised himself as a 'hero' to do it!"

At once the two bots seize the guy and haul him out the window. Then, the rockets in his metal arm activate, by what signal I don't know. He (and they) go flying.

Aren't successful plans fun?

[SoItBegins]

This is a bit more cramped than the main ship, but it doesn't matter. I've been putting this off for too long since the "Light" distress signal. I've got to shut down.

I turn to Professor Tinker, and say "Prime's been infected by a virus, and I'm going to have to stop it. Otherwise, it's going to destroy my mind, and possibly turn my body into an evil automaton. Well, more evil than I already am, anyway. The point is, I'm not going to respond to just about anything for the next hour or so. Ignore and do not record anything I say--- it might contain the virus, or pieces thereof, in it."

Then, I put my head in my hands and prepare to go... inside. I hope Professor Tinker bought that one little white lie at the end, about why not to record anything I say. I'm liable to shoot off my mouth off while I'm comatose, and I'd rather have the good Professor thinking that it's the virus talking.

I flick a mental switch in my head, and this world vanishes, to be replaced with a landscape carved from lightning and neon. I smile. I'm inside.

Now the real war begins.

[That Guy]

*The hatch opens*

"So Thadeus in trouble again," asked what appeared to be a woman, though she was red and extremely tall.

"When am I not?" I asked. "Well, Ri-Xean, I'd like to introduce my current employer Professor Tinker..."

"Pleased to make your acquaintance Miss..." began the Professor.

"Ri-Xean is fine."

"...and SoItBegins, who is a bit incapacitated," I finished.

"The ponies, the ponies, not the ponies!" exclaimed SoItBegins.

"So how did you two meet?" asked Professor Tinker.

"Oh, we met when Mr. Stevens decided to help the Martian rebellion," I replied.

"Yes, my successor died in that uprising," added Ri-Xean.

"Needless to say it failed."

"I am currently trying to lead the rebellion in a more productive direction, with subversion of the populace and some small guerrilla attacks," Ri-Xean.

"Oh dear god, the toenail clippings. Why!?!?" screamed SoItBegins.

[Professor Zobot]

Ack! She's got little Martian robot things!

*Starts to get hauled out the window*

"Class 2 threat detected, level 4. Initiating Rocket Punch."

What? No! Bad robotic arm! We can handle this! That's a bad, BAD robotic ar-RRRAAAAAAHHHH

While shooting up into the air, I manage to wrench off one of the robot things and fire the handgun at what looks like a weak spot. It didn't seem to destroy it, but it did sever some cord and cause it to power down. The other one was blown off in the initial launch. But I'm going to pass out from the thinning atmosphere soon unless I can reprogram this cowardly robotic arm to fly back INTO danger.

I need some kind of cool one-liner to say when I get back to her lab.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later, in Jane Narbon's lab.

*There is a loud crash as Professor Zobot's arm crashes through the ceiling and impacts the floor.*

I look up at Miss Narbon and attempt to say "Wild horses couldn't drag me away. Why did you think robots could?" What I actually managed to spit out was "Unngh...wil' hordes cud..." before I recover. This time, I don't give her time to act. I switch my variable raygun to "Icy Cool Flavor" and blast at her, freezing her right leg and left arm against the wall behind her.

"Your days of madness are over, you evil scientist." I walk forward and pick up a phone on her desk, dialing a number. "Hello, St. Garfunkel's Sanitarium for the Incurably and Dangerously Unstable? I've got a pick-up for you..."

[Professor_Tinker]

I pull So It Begins out of the craft, discreetly turning on a small recording device in one of my jacket-buttons. Between SiB's cute little ramblings and Miss.Ri-Xean I will have quite the information to bring home to my archive.

"Well, then I suppose you find yourself among allies, Miss Ri-Xean. I will speak for my colleague here when I say that we would be glad to help your rebellion, as I am sure it would mean a ceasefire in the targeting of out planet by Mar's forces. At least, I would think so." I say cheerfully, ginning at Ri-Xean sincerely.

"The screwdriver needs to be sonic, you fool! Why would my defenses abandon me?" states SiB, in what I hope is some form of agreement. Or potential blackmail material.

Ri-Xean smiles and inclines her head slightly.
"that is good to hear, Professor Tinker. We need all the allies we can get. I don;t suppose Thadeus has told you of what has occurred. . ?"

I shake my head, shrugging slightly.
"Well, between him being a new hire, and the space craft and the bomb and whatnot, there hasn't been much time.

[SoItBegins]

So here I am, in the landscape of my mind. Hey! What's all that red stuff?

I guess it's the virus. It looks as if there's still a few pockets of non-virus-infected nanobots, but that's it. My mind's been completely taken over. I can command those... I get how this works. It's like a strategy game. I can send my 'troops' against the virus. If I can purge the virus out of some infected 'troops', I can take them over. And, I can try eliminating the virus myself. As long as I don't get too close.

Here goes..... Attack!

[Jane Narbon]

Well, it's time to test some of the new stuff I've been cooking up.

I lay a conciliatory hand on DT's arm, the ordinary one. "Look, are you sure you have the right person?"

When the hand comes away, however, there's one of my new clear patches sticking to DT's elbow. He drops like a stone, giving me time to get free.

Unfortunately, his metal arm will be a bigger problem. It's flying around the room, wrecking stuff and trying to punch me, while dragging its owner along with it. Now let's see if-- YAAAAH! A mini-missile! I guess David Toboz wins this round. I just have to lock the computer (a matter of milliseconds), then use the emergency exit.

I step in front of a panel on the wall, and push two of the buttons at the same time. A trapdoor opens, and the floor I fall onto starts going down at high speed. Soon it'll be at the old, disused subway terminal, from where I can rocket to my secret island retreat. I hear it's got a great view of Mars, this time of year.

I yell as I drop further down.

"Adios, David Toboz! May your life be boring and long!"

Then it's off, by hypersub, to my secret island lair.

[SoItBegins]

That's better. I've cleared out the virus around my brain stem, so my body won't shut down any time soon. I've also got the tactile and gustatory senses going.

Now, onward! First, I'll clear out the rest of the senses. Then, motor control. Then comes higher consciousness and the memory store. Let me see...

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

As I progress father in my brain, the infestations get nastier, with creatures made of virus (so far, only dogs and similar, but I'm sure I saw a virus-built dragon hanging around somewhere), and stuff that takes more work to beat. Most likely, the virus'll be concentrated in three points:

1) Cognition. That will be difficult, but not unduly so.

2) My memories. That'll be harder, because the virus'll be able to use my worst memories as weapons, to turn against me.

3) The virtual uplink port leading back to Prime. Ooh. That one'll be nasty, but if I can convert the flood of Virus coming through that portal, I can get rid of this thing for once and for all.

In other news, I've got all sensory and most motor functions working. That said, I really need to work on getting to my memories-- the virus is plundering them, one by one.

And that's something I need to stop.

[Jane Narbon]

Ahh.. travel by hypersub. Now it's time to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Ok, not really. It's time to plot and plan instead. First: David Toboz. I thought his becoming good would make him less of a hazard, but then along came that dagnabbited robotic arm.

Now, there's not much I can do, seeing as if I get close the arm can fly and launch stuff at me. Hacking into it is right out-- that's SoItBegins's department, anyway. About the only thing that could do anything is an EMP, though the arm probably has self-repair mechanisms that will bring it back online after a while.

Actually, that gives me an idea... *scurries over to the sub's minilab*

---------

Done! A wearable harness that can be concealed under clothing without too much trouble (though it is a bit heavy). When activated, it creates an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) that will burn through any nearby electronic equipment, rendering it useless unless it's been built resistant or has EMP-proof self-repair mechanisms.

Come to think of it, using this in SoItBegins's lair would pretty much destroy everything. Of course, now that I've double-crossed him that last time, he probably won't open the door for me either. Ah well. Later.



Second problem: The Martian robots. Where are they? What are they doing right now?

Should I worry?

No way to tell right now. Also later.



Last problem: Trust. It's pretty obvious that my trust in the Mad Scientist community has fallen to an all-time low. This isn't really surprising, but it would be nice if they were just a little more... gullible again. If I did gain their trust again, I'd have to be careful-- a lot more subtle, for one thing-- but it would be worth it.

But how to gain their trust?!

(A muffled *ding* from the sub's main control panel. We're here.)

I'm sure I'll think of something soon. For now, out to the sandy beaches of my secret island retreat!

[That Guy]

Ri-Xean says, "Well, I have to go see to things."

"All, right then," I say.

"Now, tell me Mr. Guy. You two have a story that I'd rather like to hear," says Professor Tinker.

"It's long. So, I suggest that we get comfortable," I say as I open the door into a room full of chairs. "Please sit."

"It all started when Mr. Stevens discovered that there was life on Mars. That was a bit technical. Then, when he tried to contact the Martian government he found them to be a bit...unwelcoming. It probably had something to do with his demanding that they bow to him or he would blow them up with his super-missile."

"They stopped the missile from coming within fifty million kilometers of Mars. It was at that point that Mr. Stevens decided to go for a less explosive form of attack. We launched about a month later. Taking a circuitous route and managing to escape detection we reached the surface of Phobos."

"From there we spent our time trying to find some Martian technology to study. We had found several items, well perhaps stolen is a better word, but so far we had only uncovered technology in the possession of the Martian public. It was then that we stumbled upon an outpost of the Martian Space Navy or MSN."

"For a week we prepared to attack the station. I spent the time spying on the defenses while Mr. Stevens prepared our weaponry. During our attack, before reaching the weapons vault we discovered a simultaneous infiltration by the Martian Rebels, who promptly subdued us and took us to their base for interrogation."

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TO BE CONTINUED...

[Professor_Tinker]

I nod, listening to the story.
"Sounds like standard behavior. Not many Mads would have done differently." I say, choosing my words carefully. I don't want to suggest that *I* would have. . . . I'm not much of one for missiles, after all.

But even as I listen, I devote a part of my mind to working through the situation at hand.
Fact: We must assume that the government of Mars is antagonistic to Earth.
Fact: There is a rebellion against government.
Additional Note of Truth: the enemy of my enemy is my enemies enemy, nothing more.
However: Ri-Xean and my assistant have been friendly to each other thus far, and she was perfectly willing to help. She seems nice.
I like nice people. Nice people need help.
But then again the resources of Mars would be -
But the man who visited me at the hospital said I should try to still be good
I could turn this situation to my advantage- *!&@^***************

I wince slightly, leaning forward to rub at my forehead slightly. I HATE it when that happens.
I. .. I was always a nice person. And I tried to stay that way. Which means that there are times when my instincts and madness are. . at odds with each other.
I don't ned to decide right away. I can wait.

"Doctor Tinker? Are you okay?" says Mr. Guy, looking concerned.

"I'm fine. Please go on."

[Professor Zobot]

Wha? Where am I? The last thing I remember is her touching my shoulder...

Darn it. She must have had some sort of chemical weapon distributed by touch. Hm, where is she? The lab looks all dischevaled. And why do I feel like I was dragged around the floor by a certain mechanical rocket-arm? Hmmm. She's taken the trouble to lock me out of her computer systems, but she left a lot of her projects here. While I might be tempted to help myself to them, I can't believe she didn't try and set up traps for me while I was out. Therefore, the best course of action is to press this self-destruct button on her computer console and run out of the lab screaming.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *The lab blows up behind him, as David Toboz just barely makes it out alive*

Well, that was refreshing! Now, I should really keep up my pursuit of Miss Narbon. Too bad I don't know where she went! Still, I'm sure that I can use that satellite hookup back at the MET's intelligence base to find her, and put a stop to her martian-enabled plans...

*There is a loud booming sound from above, as the Martian Invasion Armada punctures into the earth's atmosphere, overhead of the nearby city. Although some of the ships look battlescarred (Thanks to a certain teddy bear and a certain bomb) they do not look must less dangerous.*

Oh right. The ACTUAL Martians. Hmm. What should I do now?

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In the depths of Prime's mind, the MET virus, which had developed a sort of sentience all it's own, has decided that it does not want SiB within itself, taxing it's memory. From it's near-limitless virtual hordes, it deploys a phalanx of his worst nightmares towards his location, supported by a troop of his most embarrassing memories. Soon the interloper would be eliminated, for how could man defeat itself?

In the real world, the eyes of So It Begins glowed red, as he lurched up, and gazed at his allies. "Don't you see? The Peonies! They plot to destroy the kumquats!" He thrust forward, wrapping his arms around the neck of one of those nearby him. Fortunately for everyone involved, even when disabled a mad scientist must obey certain...conventions, so the person he began to choke to death first was none other than the closest henchman in the area, Mr. Guy.

[Jane Narbon]

Ahhh... I always loved this island. Shame it's so deserted. I could use some sort of protection in case of rival mads.

As I recall, Mommy always had packs of ur-gerbils, loyal to her and her alone.... I know bio-splicing isn't my strong point, but I wonder if I could create something akin to those?

I'm lucky that I left the lab building fully stocked... Now, it's time to get to work.

Heh heh heh.

[SoItBegins]

Oh, no. I clear out Cognition to find this!

Ok. Let's see. I have to stop choking the guy, so...

I turn to the 'troops' I've reconverted.

Prime: Send a detachment to motor control. Shut most down, except what's needed to stay alive. Everybody else, come on!

And they do. But the Virus is sending my worst nightmares at me. It's impossible to continu-- hoi!

From far away, I see the One Terrible Secret being loaded and sent in the direction of my vocal cords. This galvanizes me beyond all possible thought. Heedless of fears, I charge straight through, destroying the main Virus 'nerve center' for this area, managing to scoop up two-thirds of the Secret before it hits the 'out' conduit. Phew.

...whoa. Did I do that? I guess all I have to do now is mop up the remainder of the Virus here. Then, it's on to the uplink port back to my computer itself!

-----

In the real world:

SoItBegins's arms suddenly loosed their hold. He went wide-eyed for a second, then said, "I think that Jane Narbon--"

Then, he went back to babbling on about petunias and iceberg lettuce.

[Professor_Tinker]

I leap up to pull SiB from my henchmen, supporting him when his grip suddenly loosens.

"I think that Jane Narbon-" he begins, before lapsing back into insan- ah, unintelligible insanity.
My button catches it crystal clear, and as I lower him to a seat in a chair, I relay the recording to the micro speaker in the edge of my glasses.

He knows something about Jane Narbon. The inflection and structure suggests nothing less than something important, and the laws of Dramatic Tension designate me to obsessing about it untill it is reveiled in a pivotal moment.

I help Mr. Guy recover "Looks like the virus must have gotten a firm hold on him, ey? I hope you're all right." I say cheerfully, the weels turning feircely in my head.

The web of Narrative Causality is pulling tight around us, but for now we are still on exposition. Setup. Running gags and back-story hints. This is the only time we may truly act before the plot is set in place, and we will have little movement.

I take off my glasses for a minute, wiping them with a handkerchief I keep in my front pocket. They are small, and square, and are actually a necessity as I am rather short-sighted without them. Also, they make me look older so that people take me seriously, as I am still a young man.
"Please continue with your tale, Thaddeus. I believe that Sib has calmed down."

[Professor Zobot]

"Martians! Arrgh! Why does it have to be Martians?!?"

I gaze up at the ships, feeling the inevitability of my situation sinking in. I haven't gotten a moment's rest today! First we were attacked outside Prof. Tinker's house, then there were those MET guys, and then I had to fight Miss Narbon! I just don't get a rest!

"They've already gotten into the atmosphere...the attacks definitely soon. So many innocent people are going to die. So much will be destroyed. And I don't have anything that can fight giant spaceships! I need to plan! I need to build! I-I need to..."

If there was anyone nearby David Toboz, or, barring that, anyone listening via remote relay, they would have detected a slight, wavering twang in his voice. It was faint, but it would remind any listeners of the sound of a stretched rubber band, just before the snapping point. Then, as he put his fleshy hand over his head, it was gone.

"Ok, pull yourself together, David. You don't have any way of fighting that armada... yet. So you can't let yourself feel guilty for any deaths that happen until you DO have a way of fighting them. But to take them on, you'd need a ship of your own, or maybe a..."

Suddenly an idea exploded into his mind. "I need to search the ruins of the Narbon lab, the ruins of the lab I woke up in for any usable parts, and then dismantle everything electronic within the MET's base. And before that, I need to send an e-mail."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Miss Narbon,

Hello! This is Mr. Toboz, the guy who attacked your base earlier. Umm... I'm kinda sorry about that, but I was told that you were in league with the Martians. And that they were planning on double-crossing you and killing you later. So while I know you're probably mad at me, think of it like I was saving you or something...eh heh heh...

Listen, I know you probably hate me. But the Martians are attacking, and there's no time left. I'm going to do something, something big. And I don't think it's going to work, at least not by itself. I hate to say this, but I need help from someone. Anyone. And the United States military's not returning my calls. I know you were planning on using the Martians, but let me just say that I know from experience that they were sending out their agents to eliminate any mad scientist they could find, so I'm pretty sure even if you DID ally with them, they'd just try to vaporize you from orbit as thanks once they got what they needed from you. If there is ANYTHING you can do against that armada at all, I'm begging you to do it.

Keep in mind I'm not trusting you, nor am I expecting you to help at all. I expect that I'm going to rush out to fight them and get myself destroyed. But I believe there might just be the slightest chance that my words might convince you to help, so I figure that even a long shot is worth trying. Think of how the Martians were planning on killing you. Think of how pretty exploding ships are. Think of how much chaos you could be in a position to cause if people thought you saved the earth. (Not that I condone or support that last one, but if you can help now, someone will probably be able to stop you later.)

Anyway, here's hoping you help, and that neither of us are dead tomorrow morning.

Sincerely, from the guy who knows he's making a big mistake,

David Toboz

[SoItBegins]

YES! I've secured the uplink port and taken back my mind. Now, I just have to clear this Virus out of Prime's hard drive, then that will be it. If nothing else, I'm glad I've stopped babbling. Now, through!

I'm in the main hard drive, but... where is everybody? In most of the area of the drive, there's no Virus! It must have pulled back... into....

My jaw dropped when I caught sight of the castle. On a 'hill' that represented the main thought units of Prime, there stood a red castle, built of light. I realized it must be the main stronghold for the Virus. I'm still not sure where it gets all these ideas from.

So, it's off to the castle... and we can finish this once and for all.

[Jane Narbon]

I'm dreaming up plots and ideas when I hear a whirring sound behind me. Seconds later, the sub bursts into flame. I turn. It's the Martian robots again, and I think they've cottoned on to my plan.

I gape in mock surprise, as if I didn't expect this to happen. (Actually, I didn't expect this to happen, but maybe this way they'll explain.)

The robots pause, and then one starts speaking.

"You. We have found out from the non-tangible networks on this planet, combined with data from Mars Central Command, that you are a Mad Scientist, that you are evil, and that you are a very good liar. As such, the invasion of this planet will start immediately, with the destruction of you first."

I take off running as lasers fuse the sand behind me, glad that I stashed my spare jetpack behind the door of the lab. Soon, I'm airborne.

Darn. The Martian droids are still following me! I-- wait, I'm getting in an e-mail. If this is spam, I'm going to-- It's not spam. From David Toboz.... Martians likely to try to turn against me: I can see that!.... wants me to help in any way I can.

Hm. Well, I guess I kind of have to do this, else there's no way I'll be around much longer to try to take over the world myself. Also, at least I'll improve my reputation a bit. Now, let's go!

Uh-oh. Dodging to the left or right brings on extra flurries of laser fire, as does attempting to climb or dive too sharply. It's almost as if the bots are herding me, bringing me to a specified point in..........

Oh. My. God.

As an army composed of a thousand Martian ships removes invisibility shields right in front of me, I know this is not going to go well. There's a nasty bolt cannon on the front of the first one, and it looks as if it's going to fire any second now. Here goes...

As the marble-pillar-thick energy beam fired, I dropped down, aiming for the beam to just miss my jetpack. At the same time, I triggered the 'Fake Bailout' function of the jetpack, which would send me dropping down to the sea, with the useful addition of a large cloud of smoke. It would have worked, but I misjudged the distance and the beam of energy slammed into my jetpack for real. I went down all right, the force of the impact driving me underwater. The only consolation was that I wasn't far from the coast. Holding my breath until the Martian fleet had gone (10 seconds), I set out towards land.

Ok, I've reached the city, but now what? I have on me:

1 tool belt, many useful tools, light synthesis capability
1 jetpack, mostly vaporized
2 slap patches
1 holographic eyepiece, linked to computer

Meanwhile, the Martians are starting to deploy:

Too many troops


It looks as if I'm going to have to raid someone's lab to get anywhere.

The Martians most likely have robots posted at my lab (and probably David Toboz's as well, since they've already once thrown him out a window.) That leaves Professor Tinker's lab, and the lair of SoItBegins. Of those, I'll try SoItBegins's lab first. You can explain things to humans. Vorpal bunnies are another matter.

I set out across the city, dodging patrols of armored Martians. Most citizens are indoors, the ones that aren't dead, wounded, or locked up. The city has become a battlefield, with the Army and the Martians stuck in the newly created war for Earth. SoItBegins's lab door is locked pretty securely, but... what's this?

When I touched the handle, a drawer slid out of the wall! There's a note, and a glass container of.... something. The container's glass is extremely thick, and there seems to be a metal bracket on the bottom to fit it into something. Let's see the note.

"Dear Jane Narbon and/or David Toboz:

If you're reading this note, I'm dead or otherwise inconvenienced. Most likely, it's got something to do with the forthcoming Martian invasion and the fact that I'm going straight towards Mars in a ship that Professor Tinker refurbished (i.e. I'm not entirely sure it will work properly.) At any rate, this is a measure I enacted before I left, for cases of LAST RESORT. Use this ONLY if both the martians are there AND there's a serious chance they'll win.

In the glass container is an engineered virus I've cooked up. It causes all organisms using the modified iron chemistry peculiar to Martian organisms to disintegrate. It's a hybridized rhinovirus, so most people should either remain unaffected or catch a nasty cold. No more than that. I have not tested it, though, so use it ONLY IF YOU HAVE TO.

To deploy the virus, go to the fountain in the roundabout in the center of the city. There should be a bracket that will fit the bracket on the container. Place the container in the bracket and turn. This should solve all problems.

SoItBegins

P.S: Don't bother trying-- the lab door is staying shut and locked."


Well. This is interesting. I now have a little dilemma. If I use the virus, it's likely the Martians will be destroyed. Unfortunately, I'll be hailed as (shudder) a hero.

On the other hand, if I don't use it, I might be able to leverage a significant part of the world from them. If they don't kill me first.

...I'm on the horns of a dilemma, and if I don't act soon, it's going to gore me.