Comics by Shaenon II

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 1:37 am

Welcome to The Mad Scientist Wars! Here any who dare (and are invited) may, for a space of a few short... err... posts?... anyway- become a powerful Mad Scientist and plot against their rivals! Diabolical Plots! Indescribable Devices! Almost Too Much Fun!

~Rules~

The Mad Scientist Wars is set up on an invitation system. The current [invited] players are:

SoItBegins
Jane Narbon
---->Henchwoman: Claire
Professor_Tinker
---->Henchman: That Guy
chicgeek
---->Henchman: Desius
Dr. Amino
Lord Dave
Professor Zobot
Wallycaine
blazerflarey
runingwolfin

Please don't post in this thread if you don't have an invitation. If you want an invitation, please go on over to the Signup Queue.

That's all for the rules. Now, on to the story!

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 1:59 am

ARCHIVES

Part 1: Beginnings

The Mad Scientist Wars began rather uneventfully one fine day, when I offered a mint to anyone in hearing distance.

...say, want a mint?

A certain Professor Tinker accepted my offer...

On a side note, Why yes! I would love a mint!

...unfortunately for him.

To Aaron Shades, AKA prof_tinker: you are now female. Ha.

Here's the rest of the story:

Professor Tinker:
Damn you, So It Begins! You realize that we are mortal enemies now, right?

VENGANCE WILL BE MINE!! And why is my hair longer now?! How does *that* work?! And my goatee is gone . . .

SoItBegins:
prof_tinker: Hit me with your best shot.

Professor Tinker:
So It Begins: Would you care for a cough drop?

SoItBegins:
Aaron Shades AKA prof_tinker: Yes, I would.

*takes cough drop and runs it through the chemical analyzer*

What, you thought I was going to eat it?

SoItBegins:
/me takes advantage of the fact that Aaron Shades (now Anne?) has not shown up lately to make a few... preparations.

SoItBegins:
Ok, I probably shouldn't be doing this, but...

AHAHAHAHA! I HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER AARON SHADES//PROF_TINKER! AHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA!

*settles down in secret lair*

Professor Tinker:
Damn you, So it Begins! You have done no such thing!

I have recovored from your nefarious mechenizations, only to be confronted with a multitude of computer malfunctions.

But lo, I hath returned. MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

SoItBegins:
BTW: upgrade my personal shields and await the next attempt of Aaron Shades/prof_tinker.

Heh heh heh.

~~~
At this point, there was a pause, as though both Mad Scientists were working on projects of their own. Then:
~~~

SoItBegins:
I, in the spirit of *ahem* peace and goodwill, send a package to Aaron Shades//prof_tinker. (innocent grin)

Professor Tinker:
. . . . hey! A package for me! How positively lovely.

. . . . . . . . . A robot? What's it d- CURSE YOU SO IT BEGINS! CURSE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF HECK!

SoItBegins:
Side note: Re prof_tinker's dire predicament: AHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHYAHYAHYA! AH-- what the?

(short pause)

How did this box get under here, anyway, and why has it made my swivel chair start dancing?!

Ah, no matter. I'll just remove it--

*** KA-BOOOM!!! ***

You are so going down.

~~~

Thus did the wars of enmity known now to all and sundry as 'The Mad Scientist Wars' begin.

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 8:51 am

ARCHIVES

Part 2: ...and then there were Three

Professor Tinker:
Ah, So t Begins, it seems you found my little pet amusing. My mother taught me that it is only good manners to return a gift in kind.

You have three days to deliver the antidote, before this nightmare shall never end!! BWAHAHAhAHAHAA!

SoItBegins:
Antidote? What are you talking about? I decided to take Montezuma's revenge!

(Note: In 3 days, you should be over it. Should. :-J )

Professor Tinker:
To Mr-Miss-whatever So It Begins:

Then I shall take the revenge of the conquering spaniards! Your petunias are my battleground! En guard.

. . . . and you might want to check your mailbox soon. Fluffy is getting lonely.

SoItBegins:
What on earth did you do to my petunias?! That really is going too far. (I'm male, by the way.) That said, while I'm out here, I might as well check my mailbox. You said...?

(peeks in mailbox) (pause)

Hello, Postal Service? I've received a package that seems to have been sent to the wrong address. I'd just write 'Return to Sender' on it, but there isn't any place to write it and I was wondering your policy for retur-- oh? Oh, ok. By the way, you may wish to have the mailman who picks it up wear gloves. Thanks, b--

(huge explosion, as behind me my main base of operations goes KABOOM!)

Ohh, you are so--

(huge explosion, as prof_tinker's base of operations halfway across the city goes KABOOM!)

All right, what's the big idea?

~~~
The culprit behind the mysterious explosions, however, would prove much more surprising.
~~~

Jane Narbon:
So It Begins looks up to see a slim, intelligent, and beautiful woman hovering some 12 feet above his head (with the aid of a jetpack, of course).

"Behold, it is I! Jane Narbon, your nemesis! Err.. that and Aaron Shades's across the way!"

He yells up to me: "I've never head of you. Did you do this to my petunias?"

Professor Tinker:
THE HECK?! What happened to my base?! I had three months worth of evil english papers in there!

. . . .And was that So It Begins base? I had a monster set to destroy that myself! I hope Fluffy is okay. . .

*Rushes to So It Begins Base*

So It begins! What could have possessed you to. . . . who the heck is that woman wearing the mismatched jet-pack ensemble? Doesn't she know that Zeerust is out of season?

Jane Narbon:
Aaron Shades, my other nemesis, has started hostilities by commenting on my fashion choices. I yell back, "Don't you know that the white labcoat look is in this season?"

Soon I shall destroy them all. Hmmm, who should I fire missiles at first?

SoItBegins:
*looks up*

Uh, Aaron, somehow I think that your comment about her fashion choices might not have helped matters. Anyway, I think she looks hot in that lab co-- OH SH**! SHE'S FIRING MISSILES!

*dives for the hatch of my underground bunker while Aaron Shades hotfoots it in the other direction*

I'll get you BOTH, next time...

Professor Tinker:
"Oh, please. English overcoats are *so* much more classical and- OH HECK MISSILES!!!"

And so It Begins! You traitorous cur! leaving me with this madwoman! . . . although, i guess it's no skin off your back if I get vaporized. . . .

Miss Jane Narbon, perhaps we could talk this over like civilized mads? After all, obviously you are a woman of taste and genius. . . *inches towards the mailbox, and thus retrieves Fluffy*

Jane Narbon:
Aaron Shades seems to be covering for his lack of tact by first arguing with me, then attempting to be diplomatic. Does he really think that-- wait one moment. What's that he's carrying...?

I quickly dodge as Aaron Shades hurls a-- what is that?

Oh no! It's a vorpal bunny! And I left all of my Holy Hand Grenades in my secret lab... I guess I'll have to run away, but first, I think... yesss.

I tell my jetpack to dodge for long enough for my tool belt to synthesize the requested item, then 'accidentally' drop it as I'm flying away. Hopefully, one of my two nemesises will find it. Then... the fun will begin. Heh heh heh. Nyee hee hee hee hee. AHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAA--wha?!

It has wings?! No one told me vorpal bunnies coud grow wings! I... hey, little feller... I'm sure you're a niiice easy-going, uh, bunny... take it easy now.. easy... I said, easy... eeeas--uhoh.

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!

SoItBegins:
*peeks head out of bunker* Is she gone?

Oh, good. Phew. Considering I now have two enemies, I'm ++glad one just flew awa--hey, what's this?

Ooh! A chocolate bar. Looks to be unopened, which is important... hm. I think it must have fallen from Jane's pack when she bailed. Likes chocolate, does she? Well, one man's... er, woman's loss is another man's gain.

*eats chocolate bar*

Yum. That was good.

Y'know, I think I need to take a liedowww.... *thud*

Professor Tinker:
Professor Tinker looks around in astonishment, which quickly turns to glee as his foes drop like flys.

One is on the run from Fluffy, the Vorpal Winged Bunny, and the other seems to have eaten a explosive candy bar.

VICTORY! *laughs maniacally* Fools! Did you really think that you could win against the likes of *me*?! Let this be a lession!

FEAR THE NAME OF TINKER!!

*walks away, whistling, to go correct term papers*

Be back home for dinner, fluffy.

SoItBegins:
Be warned, Aaron: This is not over.

However, it was most certainly not over, as there were more unusual twists in store...

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:09 am

ARCHIVES

Part 3: Travels, Tribbles, and Trouble

SoItBegins:
*telemetry failure*

*regen protocol init*

*bunker occupancy scan: 0*

*close hatch, and lock it*

*primary regen: nervous system*

Some time later...

Wha? Where am I? Last I remember, I was... Oh, no.

I'm getting resurrected again?!

Ah well. At least my brain's back online. I can sense the progress readout from here-- it'll start by rebuilding my bones, then go from there. Also, the computer says that I've regained enough cognition capacity to control some of the bunker systems. Nothing much yet, but I can send out surveillance bots. And the nanobot crews have already started rebuilding my house.

It might take a few days, but I will return. And then...

Darn. I can't grin wickedly anymore... one of the disadvantages of [temporarily] being a brain in a tank.

Oh well. It can wait. Everything can wait...

Professor Tinker:
So, It Begins. . . . .

Er, it begins? At any rate, it seems that my nemisis has survived, to my great displeasure.

But then, according to my organic surveillance he is left as a brain in a jar, and Jane Narbon is left with a chewed-upon outfit (and those stains do *not* come out).

While I rest at home, enjoying a vintage bottle of strawberry soda and a copy of Paradise Lost, none the worse for the wear.

. . . . saving the destruction of my rose bushes. Still, Advantage? Professor Tinker.

'Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win. Sun Tzu, the Art of War.'

*sips strawberry soda*

Jane Narbon:
Eegads. I'm lucky I had my Holy Stun Grenades right inside the door of my lab. However, despite needing to get a new lab coat, I'm not defeated yet. Now, what should I do to get back at my nemesis (the one who didn't fall for my *ahem* candy bar stunt)? ... Oh, wait... Oooh, yessss.

Compose new email message:

Aaron Shades, you have proven yourself a truly worthy opponent. You have so impressed me by your cunning, tenacity, and capacity for evil that I think I'm starting to feel romantically towards you.

In short, I'd like to take you out on a date.

Dinner in 3 days, maybe?

SEND

Ooh, this will be perfect. I'll be able to judge his character and his weaknesses at the same time. Now, assuming he falls for it, only four questions remain.

1. What hardware should I take along?

Ooh, this will be tricky. The tool belt, chameleoned into a dressier form, is coming in any case, but the rest... hmm, mind control nanites or portable energy shield?

2. How to conceal it?

Ok, this will be trickier. I don't really want to turn up looking as if I'm about to be dropped into a war zone. Hmm... I'm pretty sure at least some of this stuff can masquerade as jewelry, and I can hide the larger stuff in my purse, but what to do about... (so on)

3. To use or not to use?

Do I try to build Aaron's trust, or just enslave/destroy him? On one hand, I've got a partner. On the other, a henchman. On one side, more work but a higher gain; on the other, not much trouble (but not much imagination either.)

Decisions, decisions.

However, more important than all of that is one simple, but tough question.

4. ...what to wear?

~~~
At this point, there was a pause in Mad Scientist activity. Then:
~~~

Mr. Purple Knight:
I don't want to intrude at all. It's just I have a few extra Tribbles I was hoping one of you might be interested in. If not, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

SoItBegins:
(I send out a robot to take the tribbles) Thanks.

Jane Narbon:
I missed out on free tribbles?! Ouch. They could have been useful. Still, it won't be long now before all of my plans come together.

Then there will be fun.

Professor Tinker:
Tribbles? You're kidding me. between a Vorpal rabbit, three Grues, and a (Project X) I've my hands full. Thank you though. (to Mr. Purple Knight) And I'll see bout getting you on the 'No Kill' list.

SoItBegins:
My new body is almost fully regrown.

Jane Narbon:
Still no response from my (prospective) date. I hope he got my message.

In other news, I've decided what hardware to take along. Oh, is Aaron in for a big surprise...

Heh heh heh.

SoItBegins:
Phew! I finally get a chance to move again. My new body's complete, and... what the... who wrecked my lab?!

Tribbles? Now who was it gave me those?! And since I'm using an entropic filing system... they ate the most important stuff. Great. Oh well, nothing else for it...

CURSE YOU, WHAT'S-YOUR-NAME!!

Mr. Purple Knight:
*Bows Graciously* Thank You, thank you very much. (Just so you know, those tribbles are going to die in a couple of hours. I made it so that they can't be sent back to me that way.)

Professor Tinker:
Dear Miss Jane Narbon,

While I am incredibly honored by your prospect of a fine thinly-veiled attempt on my life through romance, i must decline.

You see, So It Begins has a better chance at ensnaring me in a faux-romance than you do, shall we say.

-Prof.T

And justin[purple_knight]? Kudos, good sir! *claps happily* Magnificent! A fine display of geek reference and Deadly Weapon! Why, not since the MPFC Black Knight 3000 have I seen such a display.

SoItBegins:
So this upstart'll wreck my lab with tribbles, huh? Well...ok. Get a sample of the Tribbles' DNA before they all die, crossbreed them, so forth...

AHA! I have created the INVISIBLE TRIBBLE!

I think I'll send 3 or 4 of these to Mr. Purple Knight, by way of thanking him for clearing up my messy desk.

Jane Narbon:
What? He rejects my invitation on the grounds that it would have been an attempt on his life?! How can he be so distrustful? If worst had come to worst, I'd have only singed him a bit.

Anyway, I'll fix his wagon.

Let me see... ah!

(hours later)

Ok, let me see. Computer, load this fleet of remote-controlled drone model planes with disintegration bombs, then tell them to drop the bombs on the lab of a certain Professor Tinker after he leaves. Once this is done, have the plane carrying the note-- say, where did I put that note? Oh. Haven't written it yet. Hold command.

Now then...

"I hope you enjoyed the bombardment! Consider it my gift to you.

Jane Narbon

P.S: If you ever change your mind and do decide you want to have dinner, my schedule's always open."

Yes. Computer, resume command recording.

...then, have a plane drop this note in the rubble. Launch planes... now.

Heh heh heh.

Professor Tinker:
. . . . . MY LAB!!!! Great Googly-Moogly, Someone has reduced my lab to so much rubble and dust!

Wait, theres a note.

. . . . good grief. I guess she meant it. Well, I'll be.

Well, I'll get Fluffy to call up the regular guys to fix my lab again-- they give me a discount for every five repairs. In the meantime. . . . I'd better deal with this Miss. Narbon.

"Dear Miss. Narbon

Do forgive me for causing you offense, I had no such intention to do so. I merely wished to try and gently insinuate that I am, shall we say, a Michalangelo rather than a Picasso.

I would be delighted to accompany you to dinner, just as soon as my bedamnned lab is back up.

-Tinker"

Mr. Purple Knight:
What, why can't I get into my Lab? There appears to be some sort of squishy invisible wall. Computer analyze!

INVISIBLE TRIBBLES

Oh.

Well as long as we're playing up the ante I'll just send him invisible EXPLODING tribbles.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SoItBegins:
Ahhh, another quiet day at the lab. Time to sit back, relax, and hammer out the details of my latest plot to take over the world.

KA-BOOM!

Wha-- what was that? And what's with the impact crater in my floor?

KA-BOOM!

Ok, this is just weird. If it's Mr. Purple Knight trying to get back at me for the tribbles, then--

KA-BOOM!

This is getting ridiculous. Prime, what's causing the bangs?

<scanning....>

<source determined to be invisible exploding tribbles>

Oh.

Well, then, I think I'll outsmart him. Send him... I know. Send him this empty box. Then we will see how he reacts.

Jane Narbon:
Well, the date is set, the place is chosen, and soon I shall be eating dinner with Professor Tinker. The best part is that I've got everything handled... when he gets there, he'll see one good-looking madgirl, alone, unarmed, and harmless.

Well... mostly harmless.

Mr. Purple Knight:
What's this? A box? Hmm, I'd better not touch this, computer analyze contents.

NOV SCHMOZ KA POP

Dagnabbit, I didn't get the tribbles out before they ate all but the Fake Foreign Lanuage vocabulator. There's only one thing to do.

*Presses Big Red Self-Destruct Button*

EVACUATE!!! Oh, yeah, it's just me.

BOOM

Well, too bad it's gone, but at least I'm safe from whatever was in that box. Now, I'll rebuild in the kitchen of my brother's restaurant, Bob's Steakhouse.

Professor Tinker:
Well, my lab/library is almost back up, and this time I got some blast-proofing done. Just now I have that bedamned dinner offer hanging over my head.

. . well, best make the most of it. I think i still have some blood-daises in the back yard. But I need backup, and most of my supplies are gone. I can wing it with evil-linguistics and Fluffy though.

SoItBegins:
Well, if nothing else, I now know that Mr. Purple Knight is a bit of an over-reactor. Also, the small quantity of nanobots I hid in the box should have hitched a ride on him by now. Once he rebuilds, the bots will drop off and bug his new lair.

Heh heh heh.

Jane Narbon:
Well, let me go over everything again.

Swallowed a 24-hour time-release dose of Universal Antidote: Check.

Turned on all the electronic stuff (and my cell phone): Check.

Practiced walking in high heels: Check. (ouch)

Tool belt is fully charged and in stealth mode: Check.

Ah well, here goes...

Ah, you must be the famous Professor Tinker. How are you feeling tonight? Wonderful! Shall we go?

Hmmmm... seems decent enough. I think that I'll do nothing nefarious. Not just yet. Conversation is sometimes a better tactic. Also, he brought that &#*$ vorpal bunny. I've told my tool belt to teleport a Holy Stun Grenade directly to me if necessary.

Yes. I'll wait, and talk, and have a good meal. Then, I will decide what to do.

What could possibly go wrong?

(ominous roll of thunder)

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:28 am

ARCHIVES

Part 4: Dinner at Eight

Mr. Purple Knight:
Ah, how I love a walk through an electromagnetic screen. I always feel so clean. I'll just empty whatever came off into this pot. I sure hope nobody uses it for soup. Especially since I just put Vorpal Bunny Nip into it.

Professor Tinker:
Fluffy has his best collar on, I have my best Louie the Seventh shoes (they're not heels!) on, and my best evil manuscrip in my pocket just in case.

*hand out a bouquet of ruby-red Blood Daises*

My dear Miss Narbon, you look lovely. You don't mind Fluffy coming, do you? You see, *something* destroyed my domicile just today. Now, I know the best little place with this *fabulous* soup they have. . .

SoItBegins:
Suddenly, as Professor Tinker was exchanging light salvos of conversation with his *ahem* nemesis, Jane Narbon, Fluffy the Vorpal Bunny became alert. Someone, or something, out there, had deployed VorpalBunnynip.

Quickly, despite the surprise of his Master, Fluffy raised his head and flew off to the east.

Jane Narbon:
Professor Tinker seems to be quite a nice guy. He even brought me blood daisies! We've talked about some of his past capers. I've managed to talk him (without his realizing it) into giving up information on soitbegins AND this purple knight fellow. I even managed to get him to spill the details about his upcoming lab security system!!

It gets better. That vorpal bunny, Fluffy, left a while ago. It's as if he scented something irresistible. So now the question: Ally with him or control him? Right now, I think control might be in order, but that will have to wait until the right time.

And yet...

Aagh! Not now.

So, Professor, you snuck a what in his lair exactly?

Mr. Purple Knight:
ATTENTION ALL ENEMIES. MY FAMILY HAS DECIDED TO RUN AN INTERVENTION ON ME AND I WILL BE PUT IN AN ASYLUM. DO NOT WORRY. I WILL ESCAPE IN A WEEK TO SEE WHAT HAVOC I'VE CREATED WITH THE RAMPAGING VORPAL BUNNY NIP MONSTER THAT DESTROYED MY BROTHER'S RESTAURANT. THAT MAY BE THE REASON MY FAMILY SENDING ME AWAY. Silly, isn't it?

~~~
Thus did Mr. Purple Knight leave the Mad Scientist Wars... forever!! (Or at least until I invite him again.)
~~~

Jane Narbon:
From what I've seen of Professor Tinker, allying him would be a worthwile proposition. He seems more trustworthy than some of my contemporaries.

... or, I could control him instead and have a new henchman. Tricky choice. One choice leads to full intelligence but only partial trust, the other choice the exact opposite. Hmm... I think I'll knock him out, take him back to the lab, then decide what to do with him.

Now, what exactly did I pack that'll help me pull this one off? Aha! Here we go. I'm so glad that Joss Whedon thought of this one-- I probably never would have stumbled upon the idea myself. Now, I just need a little distraction...

As the check comes (great food, including the best lobster bisque I have ever tasted), I reach for it, and *accidentally* knock my drink into my lap. At least the dress can be dry cleaned...

A few minutes later, I've been to the restroom and cleaned the stain up as best I could... and I'm ready to implement my plan.

This will be good.

SoItBegins:
Phew! Another quiet day at the office. Those nanobots I sent should start transmitting any moment now... what the?! Why are they in a big dish? And isn't that a lop-eared...

Well. It looks as if I now have gotten bots in Professor Tinker's vorpal bunny. I'll tell them to lodge in the rabbit's vision and hearing brain circuitry. Then, I... WHOA.

Whatever else was in that pot, it made Fluffy go wild! It looks as if it's ransacking this restaurant, and the secret lab hidden beneath it. As far as I could tell from the wild ride the monitors received, it looks as if it was Mr. Purple Knight's lab.

I HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER MY ENEMIES WITHOUT EVEN MEANING TO! MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Now, let's see here. If this stuff is Vorpal Bunny Nip, it'll wear off in about 2 hours, then the rabbit'll be out for about 10 hours more. Then, he'll return to Professor Tinker, and I'll have bugged (or rabbited) his lab without even realizing it!

Heh heh heh.

Professor Tinker:
Well, this has been a pleasant evening so far. Pleasant, intelligent conversation, good food. pity about Miss Narbon's outfit.

. . . what the-! Fluffy! What's gotten into you?! No! Bad Bunny! He's acting as if- Vorpal Bunny Nip! Oh, dear. . . .

*gets up to chase after Fluffy* I'll have to ask the waiter to make my excuses of Miss Narbon.

Jane Narbon:
My. It looks as if Professor Tinker left to chase after his runaway vorpal bunny. I wipe off the sedative-infused lip balm I applied while I was in the restroom. Even with 2000mg of Universal Antidote in my system, this stuff is making me slightly dizzy. Admittedly, if I had gotten the chance to give Professor Tinker a *ahem* friendly kiss on the cheek (by way of thanking him for a good time), it would have knocked him out in seconds.

Oh well... I guess I'll just save that for the future. Heh heh heh.

I arrange for the bill to be sent to Professor Tinker's Visa card, then retrieve my jetpack for a quick ride home. Now, only a few things more to do...

Let me see here. Well, the signal from the audio/tracking bug I planted on Professor Tinker's going strong. Now for the camera I hid in the ornamental pin on my dress.

What the... this is all static-y! The video's practically unusable. Oh well... all in all, it was still a profitable evening. I got tons of information about my enemies and their lairs... now I just have to sort the false from the true.

~~~
Annotationator's note: I suspect that business with the lipstick is what Miss Narbon was referring to Joss Whedon about-- In Firefly, Saffron uses the exact same trick (only she actually pulls it off) in the episode Our Mrs. Reynolds.
~~~

SoItBegins:
A few loose ends to clear up: Purple Knight Guy is still on the run from his family after unwittingly creating a monster with injudicious use of Vorpal Bunny Nip.

And another loose end to create: David Toboz, you have been given a provisional invitation to the Mad Scientist Wars. Use it wisely.

Finally, it looks as if all the unusual events recently have calmed down. I now have a permanent video feed showing the inside of Professor Tinker's lab, and nothing has been heard from my (self-declared) 'nemesis'. Now, I should get back to working on my MASTER PLAN.

First, I will get an account on "The Nice" forums. Then, I will-- whoops, wrong plan.

First, I will create a giant monster that has the capability to lay waste to all around me. Then...

Ha. Ahaha. Nyahahaha. MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

(ominous crash of thunder)

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:43 am

ARCHIVES

Part 5: Blackmail!!

Professor Tinker:
Well, I managed to calm down Fluffy with a piece of shiny foil and a piece of string, but I lost my Evil Manuscript somewhere in the process!

I have to get Fluffy home so he can come down safely, so i can't look for it. I merely hope that it hasn't fallen into the wrong hands, as the dire contents of it could be devastating if misused!

. . . . hmm. Well, misused by someone besides me. All in all, not a bad night out.

SoItBegins:
Well, that was a nice planning session on my MASTER PLAN. Let's check the monitors... What's Professor Tinker doing?! He seems to be turning his entire office upside down... oh wait. According to what he's been muttering, it looks as if he's looking for some sort of 'manuscript'. I think I'll wait and see what happens.

(a few minutes later) Well, the guy's turned his entire office upside down, and hasn't found it. I'm just glad the guy likes to think out loud, or-- what the?! He had dinner with JANE NARBON?! It's impossible! I mean, he's still in one piece and everything. Anyway, he apparently left this 'evil manuscript' somewhere in the flight path of that bunny of his. Now, I just have to trace back the location from my videorecordings of the bunny's point of view.

This is kind of fun.

Jane Narbon:
I've had an interesting evening checking out what the good Professor had to say during our little dinner date. I'm especially interested in this "David Toboz" fellow that's been hanging around lately. Could he be another Mad Scientist? Ah well... no way to find out now.

Ok, back to work. Which of these security codes are true, and which were Prof. Tinker lying about?

David Toboz:
Observing that dinner date proved to be quite informative. At the very least, I know that of my would-be competition, Prof. Tinker and that violet-ish knight guy aren't really a threat at the given moment. And while the four of them have been fighting and flirting with each other, I've had the freedom to build up my resources and prepare to utterly crush that which would oppose me. Now the only question is... how should I crush them?

Hmm...orbital high-intensity laser pointer? No, I keep putting off patching the energy leak and throwing it into orbit. A pity. Maybe my vast army of destructive spinning zobots? Actually, I'd better not. I still haven't quite figured out why they feel the compulsion to sing showtunes while they destroy. It's too embarassing to send them out as is. And of course, I haven't even finished assembling the mail-order earthquake generator kit I sent away for. Blast.

I shall have to finish something one of these days. For the moment, I’ll have to improvise. Let's see…so instead of anything overly violent, I'll just make a few phone calls, shift a couple million dollars from some guy's account to someone else's account... and send an e-mail.

Dear Miss Narbon:

I greet you on the conclusion of your recent romantic outing. I trust it was some sort of success. That being said, I will be quite blunt. You are to kill the mad scientist named So It Begins, preferably with fire, before the sun sets tommorow night. Failure to do so will result in myself uploading certain... photos and videos of a quite delicate nature from your childhood onto the internet for all to see. While modesty premits me from elaborating on the nature of these images, I will say that should they come into the public's view it will be quite hard for the UN to take you seriously the next time you attempt to hold the world hostage by any means.

I hope to hear of your success rather quickly.

Sincerely,

Professor Zobot

Well, her response to that should prove amusing. Now then, I’m going to have to come up with something nasty to do to So It Begins as well…

Professor Tinker:
Well, no luck finding my manuscript. But Fluffy is asleep, so the crisis is somewhat over.

. . . . but now I may be forced to do something I loathe. E-mail Miss Narbon to see if she's seen it. Nothing so aggravating as handing over information to a tenuous ally(?).

Just goes to show I should have saved a copy of the damn thing. . . wait a tic.

SOMEONE BUGGED MY JACKET!! It dosen't look like So It Begins make, and it lacks the JN stamp Miss Narbon puts on hers. . .

E-Mail:

Miss Narbon, Thank you for the lovely evening. I must apologize for my hasty exit in pursuit of Fluffy, he ate something in the bisque that disagreed with him.

I don't suppose you might have found a manuscript I lost? It's fairly plain, but it has some sentimental importance to me, left over from when I first went Mad you see.

- Andrew Tinker, Professor of Evil English studies.

P.S. Someone has me bugged, check your clothing. Not SiB work, or yours.

Jane Narbon:
I received a very strange email from Professor Tinker today... I wrote back saying that I hadn't seen any sort of manuscript. What was more worrying was a postscript saying he had been bugged. Source unknown. I think I'll check my lab...

So that's why my miniature video camera didn't work! It was working for someone else! I'm going to check the rest of the lab.

...how did all these bugs get in here?! I'm not talking about the kind with 6 legs, either. Hmmm... I know these aren't mine, they don't quite look like what So It Begins uses-- he has this fondness for nanobots-- and I've never known Professor Tinker to use a bug yet. Which brings me back to the only other possiblity, and the newest madboy to set up shop around here... David Toboz.

That, unfortunately, leads me straight to this email I received from him earlier. He must have found photos of me dressed as a clown (back from the days when I took a 'Circus Skills' class one summer when I was younger). I wound up in the post of 'Clown'. It was extremely fun. That said, since I'm now an evil mad scientist, a photo of me in a clown suit is a bit of a... liability. And this-- upstart wants me to kill So It Begins.

As I see it, I've got 3 choices here.

1. Kill SIB.

This has two unfortunate side-effects: He'll just regrow a new body, and that guy will still have a hold on me because of those photos.

2. Ally with SIB to help me recover or delete those photos.

Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing that SIB won't save a copy of the photos. Actually, considering him, he probably will.

3. Ally with SIB, recover the photos, then double-cross him and help the new guy get rid of him.

Good idea, but I might get caught in the crossfire.

Unfortunately, that's all three choices. Perhaps if-- Aaargh! I'll never think of a good plan at this rate. Perhaps if... hey, wait. Maybe with the help of So It Begins (who I can probably ally) I could... oooh, yesss. Total, complete yes.

I have it.

Compose new email:

So It Begins:

I received this email from a new madsci in our area (edited copy of orig. email attached). As you can see, it calls for your death, through my blackmail. I have come up with a plan, but it needs more than one person to implement it.

If you do not agree, I will, unfortunately, be forced to cave into this blackmailer's demands.

Please respond.

*send*

If SIB allies with me and I can keep Professor Tinker out of the way, this plan should go off without a hitch. Now, how to do that?

Ah! I have it!

Compose email:

Professor Tinker:

I think I may have found your manuscript and was wondering if you would like to come over and retrieve it.

Jane Narbon

*send*

Once Prof Tinker gets here, I'll knock him out and find some way to keep him unconcious for the next 36 hours. That should keep him out of the way, and I'll be able to use Fluffy.

This plan is going to go great.

I hope...

SoItBegins:
Well, after much backtracking, I think I may have found the missing manuscript of Professor Tinker. I'll retrieve it later. Oh, hey! Incoming eMail. What's it say?

SoItBegins:

I received this email from a new madsci in our area (edited copy of orig. email attached).

(so on)

P.S: Check your lab--My lab had been tapped, so you may find some bugs in yours (I'm not talking about my bugs, of course).

I... what? This new guy wanted her to kill me?! Hmm... This is a tricky one. Either this is her way of going about it, or she really does want to ally with me. Could she be more harmless thn she appears? Hmm... wait a sec, what's that about bugs?

Prime, run a bug scan.

<1 bug found - parabolic microphone at distance of 220 yards from lab>

Prime, destroy it with the lasers.

<done>

Well. Miss Narbon certainly wasn't lying about-- waaait a minute. "MY BUGS"?!

Prime, run another bugscan. Make it a deep scan this time.

<search has found 12 items - 6 matched camera-microphone pairs, 3 of those intended as backup. within lab.>

*groan* Prime, destroy those too. *ducks as lasers burst over my head* The question is whether to ally with Miss Narbon or not. If I don't, I suspect she will have to carry out Toboz's 'request'. If this request actually exists. Maybe it's just a plot to do something nefarious to me.

Ok, this is getting nowhere. At least if I temporarily ally with Miss Narbon, I can double-cross her if necessary. I think I will ally with her and see what happens. I need the exercise.

(Prime, start composing eMail.)

I only hope I'm not making a mistake...

Professor Tinker:
Hmm, Miss. Narbon sent me a response, saying that she found my manuscript, but I can't help but be suspicious. If she had really found it, she would

A) Keep it and use it for her own means.

B) Hold it over my head to get me to do her bidding or

c) Go madder than before due to it's contents. Or use it to turn a potential Mad, well. . .

But perhaps she's offering this up as a means f building trust. She does seem interested in an alliance. I'll just take a few universal antidotes and health serums and head over with Fluffy.

. . . . I'll take a GRUE just to be safe.

Jane Narbon:
Well, it looks as if things are falling into place. Prof. Tinker is going to come visit, and SoItBegins is (tenuously) allied to me. Now, while I'm waiting, I just have to go over the things I'll need to pack.

Portable holoprojector, self-concealing: Check.

Shield generator for SIB: Check.

Miniature energy pistol: Check.

Jetpack: Fully charged.

MoVERs (Miniature VersatilE Robots): In place.

Deepcover audio and video bugs, ready to place: Check.

Sedative slap patches (just in case): Check.

Vorpal Bunny Nip: Check.

Hidden earpiece & microphone (for communication with SIB): Check.

Tool belt (currently visible): Always.

Now, once the good Professor is out of the way, the plan can... begin.

Professor Tinker:
Alright, I've got three GRUES in my darkest pocket, Fluffy's been told what to do in an emergency and given the (project X- information classified) necessary, my devil-pixy is berating me for being a trusting fool, and I have prepared my usual dead-mans trap, should the worst come of it.

. . . . . well, here goes nothing.

"Good morning, Miss Narbon."

David Toboz:
Well darn. They found the bugs. It's really unfortunate, since I thought the "improvements" I made to Miss Narbon's design would have made them nearly invisible. Oh well, what one mad scientist creates, another can dismantle.

Bah. They served their purpose, anyway. I know now that Miss Narbon has no intention of doing as I told her. I wasn't expecting her to anyway, since she's crazy, but one could have hoped. I'll have to begin improving my lab's defenses. One mad scientist is bad enough, but if she and So It Begins decide to gang up on me... Hmm.

Well, I was planning on testing SIB's capacities next anyway. This just means I'll have to move a bit faster on that. Of course, I don't have anything planned out, per say, so I'll have to improvise again. I know! I'll get my assistant's pet spider monkey, point my makeshift irradiator at it, and mutate it until it's something not entirely unlike a walking death machine. Then I'll simply fling it at SiB's base with that catapult I made "a little bit better" from the Ren Faire last month. That should give me some interesting data!

*An hour later, the sound of a catapult releasing can be heard from about 3 blocks away from Professor Zobot's lab*

Jane Narbon:
In mad science, there are many subtle and complex ways to knock someone out; however, sometimes it's just easier to whack him over the head.

I hope I didn't hit Professor Tinker too hard.

With Fluffy given enough Vorpal Bunny Nip to make him docile (but not enough to turn him mad), the grues vaporized (the trick is to shine a bright light on them), and that... thing that was following the good Professor knocked out of the air (lucky swing), I feel I'm now ready to face my newest nemesis.

I think I'll scrap the plan, and just do what he asks.

-----

I've come politely to the entrance to David Toboz's lair. The door's opened for me at least...

Yep, it's the blackmailer himself. He doesn't seem very happy to see me. He's aiming some sort of ray gun at me.

"Umm... why the ray gun? I've come all this way--"

"--to destroy me. Before you destroyed the bugs I put in your lab, I saw you swear that you'd never cave in--"

"--as a show for So It Begins's benefit. You and I both use bugs. He uses nanobots. Anyway, it doesn't matter any more, because I've done what you said.

Killed him."

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:57 am

ARCHIVES

Part 6: Deceptions

SoItBegins:
<awake>

<restore request - restore from pattern (abrupt)>

<regrow body>

<yes, again>

EARLIER THAT SAME DAY:

<INCOMING PROJECTILE>

What is it, Prime?

<mutant - type unknown - hostile>

Prime, set up that new prototype energy shield I've been working on.

...

<projectile captured - irradiated spider monkey>

Destroy it.

Aargh. Another day. I wonder what exactly when Jane Narbon is going to show up and outline this 'Plan' she's been talking about.

*ding dong*

Ah. Miss Narbon. Welcome! I'm sure it'll be interesting, implementing this Plan of y-- hey, what are you--? quit it! I-- WHAT THE--

NOOOOOooooooo....

David Toboz:
Well, the spider monkey was a bit disappointing, anyway. I'm somewhat envious. I mean, he's got an ENERGY SHIELD! I want one of those! That's the good thing about being a mad scientist, however: I can just build one.

Wait...is that Miss Narbon at my door? How did she find me? I mean, so soon? And me without any activated defenses, and the lab's simply in a mess, and I really don't have anything ready to bring about her doom!

...how terribly impolite of me. Well, the only way I can properly greet her now is with a ray gun to the forehead. It's what she would do for me were the positions reversed.

"Wait...you actually killed him? I mean, just like that? I must say, Miss Narbon, that I am impressed." Impressed enough to elevate her on my list of most dangerous contemporaries, anyway.

"Very well then. Let it never be said that I am not a man of my word. Here: This disk contains the only copy of the photos I paid a rather handsome sum of someone else's money for. There is of course a copy on my computer, purely a defensive means, that is set to upload itself to several prominent sites should my computers detect any change in my vital signs. Once you have departed a sufficent distance from my lab, they will be deleted and you can go on your merry way, causing destruction and misery to whatever you wish."

"Why did I ask you to do this? Well, all you need to know is that I was curious to see how you'd react. And of course, how SiB would as well. Now then... seeing as how you've seen fit to travel all the way to my lab in person, is there anything else you would wish to speak of?"

Professor Tinker:
. . . . ohhh, my head. What happened? Where am i?

And where are my glasses? Last thing I remember was going to Miss Narbons house, and then. . .

Oh, Deary. I must be in her lair. It feels like I'm on a couch, and I can hear Fluffy snoring. This doesn't bode well.

Heck, it doesn't even sound good. What did mother always say bout being captured. . . .

Oh, of course. "Get out quick, but not without secret plans and blackmail!"

Jane Narbon:
..."Now then... seeing as how you've seen fit to travel all the way to my lab in person, is there anything else you would wish to speak of?"

Yes. I've found myself admiring your method of doing things. You don't need to make huge and complex plans. You don't go off deploying hare-brained schemes. You just manipulate others to do things, plain and simple.

...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want to be allies with you.

(a little while later) David Toboz seems to have taken my alliance offer quite well. Even I'm surprised at how fast he accepted my offer. That said, the fact that I'm wearing scent laced with a HUGE dose of oxytocin may have helped.

Now, I wonder how Professor Tinker's feeling... he should have woken up by now. I've taken precautions. I've turned on FileVault on my computer, and I also left a little surprise for the guy. When he attempts to touch the holographic replica of Fluffy I left for him, the security system'll trigger and knock him out again.

Ah well... back to the alliance at hand.

So, I suppose that our first order of business should be to focus on--

Suddenly, a very much alive So It Begins crashed into the room, pointed at me, and in a voice made of anger and defiance, said "You. You tried to destroy me."

SoItBegins:
Eegah, that was too close. It's lucky I had... (mumbling). Now, time to do something about what just happened to me.

...

I'm standing outside the lair of that Toboz guy. Miss Narbon seems to be talking to him, as far as the enhanced lenses can tell. This time, I'm not going to fall for that candy bar stunt, the one that first left me a brain in a jar. I told my computer, Prime, to infuse the new body with nanobots... just in case.

Unfortunately, I've just now realized she probably won't try it again.

So back to the question: How to get inside? I could sneak in the back, or I could try the air vents... Nah. I think I'll just go for direct confrontation.

*I crash through the front door, quite angry*

You. You tried to destroy me.

The two didn't bother to say anything-- they just reach for weapons. Now I get to see how good I am at--

YAA! *whoa* Oof! Hey, wait-- YIEEE!

...dodging. My electrical-bolt gun's charged, there's a handy table to hide behind, and there's two angry mads shooting at me. What more could one want out of life?

AAAH! *ducks at the last second*

Hmmm... body armor, maybe?

David Toboz:
"An alliance? With me?"

Professor, I represent the collective union of voices in your head. We've all had an emergency meeting and decided on the course of action you must take right now. You'll like it, it's the one that gives you the highest chance of surviving through the next week unscathed. You need to point your Vaporizator 2050 at Miss Narbon's head right now, and fire. It probably won't actually hit her, but the message will be clear.

"I would certainly welcome the partnership, Miss Narbon. I must say that I am flattered that you think so highly of me, but I must confess that you have a slight misunderstanding of my nature. Hare-brained schemes have their place, (and I wouldn't be a mad scientist if I hadn't enacted at least a few.) I simply usually find it more effective to keep things simple. Why do work yourself when you can coerce others to do it for you?

That being said, what's your field? My best work has been in robotics, but I'm quite capable in-"

*The front door is smashed in by SiB*

I can't help but sigh. "Good lord man! Have you no concept of subtlty? You know, had you been a bit more imaginative in your conceptions I would bother with witty banter, but as it is you've pretty much killed the entire thing." I take a shoot at him with my raygun, and he dives behind the table. One of these days I'll remember why I bothered to make the furniture in my lab so me-proof. "I'm going to give you three minutes to surrender before I call in a platoon of my serrated spinning zobots to destroy you." I wait for a few seconds, then get bored. "Nevermind. I'm calling them in now! Tremble in fear as you helplessly watch them shred you...while singing the lyrics of Andrew Lloyd Webber's most popular musicals in harmony. One of these day I'll manage to debug that..."

I turn to face my lovely guest. "Now then, Miss Narbon. I believe it would be prudent to relocate our discussion to a safer point in the lab. Go down the green corridor. I'll meet you there after I take a moment to indulge in a bit of manical laughter."

SoItBegins:
I'm coming under fire, an army of serrated robots is flying at me while doing a very good rendition of 'The Lady's Got Potential' from 'Evita'. I'd have chosen stuff from 'Les Miserables' myself, but... ah, no matter. I only came for one thing. And now I see just how to get it.

I quickly dive out from behind my table, dodging ray-gun blasts and runaway robots, and run into the corridor Miss Narbon's just gone down. I grab Miss Narbon's wrist (the one holding her gun, so she can't shoot me) and start dragging her to the exit.

It takes her a few seconds to realize what's going on, but when she does, she starts hitting me in sensitive spots, trying to get me to release her. After enough hits to the head, I grab her other wrist as well. I'm lucky I wore the codpiece.

Off I go, ducking around those darn robots, dodging the defense systems of David Toboz's lair, Jane Narbon in tow. It's a pretty painful journey all the way to my car, where the restraint systems kick in and bind Miss Narbon into a seat.

As I zoom off, I yell at David Toboz "And don't even think about trying to rescue her!!"

Actually, I hope he doesn't try-- that energy shield I used to deflect his spider monkey worked great, but the power drain knocked out half my lair's systems.

Soon, I will have repaid Jane Narbon for trying to kill me.

(really evil grin) Heh heh heh.

Jane Narbon:
Ok, now what? My personal effects are in the front seat of this mechanical monstrosity So It Begins calls a car, where I can't get at them. I didn't think I'd be having to do anything of this sort, so all I have on me are a few slap patches of various chemical compositions (acid, sedative, etc.) Unfortunately, this seatbelt is pinning my arms as well as my body, so I can't get to those either.

I guess I'm really, truly stuck this time. Curse that So It Begins! Ah well... at least this ride'll give me time to plan what to do next. And to ponder on the matter of Professor Tinker a bit. I do hope he hasn't been wreaking havoc on my lab in my absence.

Well, there's nothing to do now but wait...

Professor Tinker:
Well, I've been knocked out again by the Fluffy hologram, discovered that Miss Narbon has a good encryption device, played with her lazers, watched a few DvD's. . . . where is that woman?!

She should have been here, gloating over my defeat and capture, offering an alliance/ demanding my servitude HOURS ago. I mean, really!

. . . which means she has been detained. Drat. I suppose I had better see what I can do - hoo hoo! What's this! She has a fully stocked botany lab? Well, my mother taught me a few tricks in the field. . . . Let's see if i can't send a few beasties to her rescue.

Jane Narbon:
Well, so much for my new alliance. I was serious when I tried to foment one between me and David Toboz.

Maybe it was something I said.

Ah well... I guess I'll just have to go back to working alone, and the prospects look pretty bleak. I hate to go Damsel in Distress, but at the moment, I really need someone to rescue me.

Of course, as soon as I get my hands free, I'll hopefully be able to rescue myself...

SoItBegins:
Suddenly, from Jane Narbon's lab, strange creatures poured forth. Some looked like a cross between eagles and cheetahs, and could fly. Others had the head of a goose and the body of a pig. Still others were undescribable. All of them went after the car belonging to SoItBegins.

And Professor Tinker smiled.

Professor Tinker:
Improved gryphon, moves twice as fast with a cheetah instead of a horse. The Swineese, an intelligent and deadly animal whose wings, unfortunately, never quite came through. One pirana plant, and a delightful little set of beasties based on theories from (Plan X Classified).

All in all, not a bad day of work. They're under strict commands to rescue Miss Narbon, knock out her captor, and bring them both back here.

In the meantime, I'm making popcorn!

Jane Narbon:
Now in So It Begins's lair. Have been unbound. Now, where did I put those slap patches?

~~~

This brings us right back to where we are today.

by **SoItBegins** on Mon Mar 31, 2008 11:55 pm

Whoa! What are all those creatures coming from Jane Narbon's lair? And they're heading towards mine. Hmm... they don't look particularly friendly.

I know! Prime, deploy the M.A.R.I.O.!

Soon, the area outside my lair is a scene of squished animals, as my newest robot creation, the M.A.R.I.O., jumps all over them. I'm getting a higher score than ever before!

Now, once--

<ROOOOAR>

What is that thing? It looks like a cross between a dog, a turtle, a porcupine, and a dragon. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was supposed to be

*the M.A.R.I.O. neatly dodges a jet of flame from the monster*

--Bowser.

by **Jane Narbon** on Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:57 am

While SoItBegins is trying to destroy the huge monster that Professor Tinker sent, I'm trying to sneak up on him. It's not easy, since the lab isn't particularly organized (and the floor is used as a filing space).

Eventually, however, I manage to get right up behind him. Now, I know I had a sedative patch hidden somewhere on me.. Aha!

Wait, this one's been used. Too many enemies, not enough time for replacing stuff. Fortunately, I can also knock SoItBegins out the same way I knocked out Professor Tinker.

*CLANG!!*

by **Professor Zobot** on Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:01 am

(Sorry about disappearing like that, guys. I have had a bad couple of days, and it won't happen again.)

My lab invaded, and left trashed. My potential ally kidnapped right beneath my nose...and on top of it all, he had to imply that I would try something HEROIC.

That's it then. So It Begins must pay for his arrogance. I mean, yeah, I DID technically have him killed, and Miss Narbon did do the deed, but it's not like he had to take it personally. We're mad scientists. Anyone of us worth his/her salt should be able to cheat death a couple of times. I suppose I should also render some aid to Miss Narbon as well. It wouldn't do to leave an ally in danger like that. But before anything else, I must repair the damage done to my lab by all this tomfoolery!

Well, that took longer than I expected. Hmm... according to the bugs remaining around SiB's lab there's quite the fracas going on outside. (I'm not going to pretend that I didn't lose any, but I've always found it a lot easier to spy on people when they think they've already disposed of a spy or three. It makes them think they're no longer being watched.) Hmm...are those mutant monsters going up against some odd plumber-ish thing? How...mad.

Well, my next course of action seems clear. I'll send out a platoon of Zobots to SiB's lab with express orders to find and rescue Miss Jane Narbon, (as well as to try and destroy anything that stands in their way.) and in the meantime, I'll work on finishing and boosting the power of my orbital laser pointer, so I can fling it into space and vaporize SiB's lab and everything in it in an expanding column of intense focused energy! With my genius, it should only take an hour or so...

I wish I had time to come up with something a bit more original, but it's all happening so fast, I'm forced to employ more traditional mad scientist tactics. Hopefully the Zobots will manage to accomplish something useful, but they'll be up against another mad scientist with little to no backup. It'll be amazing if one of them survives. However, they should buy Jane Narbon some time.

"Zobots! I command you! Go and recover Miss Narbon, as well as shredding any other puny biological life forms that get in your path! And STOP SINGING SONGS FROM CATS!"

by **SoItBegins** on Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:49 am

*CLANG!!*

Ohowwww! That hurt! Good thing I was wearing my special gaming helmet. I whirl, and sure enough, Miss Narbon's right behind me. She looks quite innocent, standing there, but for the fact that you can see the iron pipe she's trying to hide behind her back.

Now what should I-- uh-oh... looks like I just got to play the Zobot Bonus Round of Super M.A.R.I.O. Hmmm...

Prime, politely restrain Miss Narbon.
<done>

Now, back to the ga--AWW...
There goes the M.A.R.I.O.! Luckily, I made a spare, but still, it's quite a loss. No matter right now, though-- Prime, launch the L.U.I.G.I.!

by **Jane Narbon** on Wed Apr 02, 2008 2:06 am

Ok, NOW what? I'm being politely restrained, I'm fresh out of-- wait, what was that? Sounded like a buzzsaw...

(Suddenly, a zobot bursts in through a freshly sawed opening. It severs the energy links holding me, then picks up the iron pipe that I tried to knock SoItBegins out with. It tries the same.)

*CLANG!!*

This time, SIB doesn't even bother to yell. He just picks up his ray gun, turns around, and fires. The zobot dodges and fires back. Soon, it's a full-fledged gun battle, while I'm left unattended in the corner.

I spot a strange-looking ray gun lying on the corner of a desk. It's larger than usual, and it's got an empty glass cylinder on top of it. I pick it up, aim, and fire.

The results are a bit unexpected. Instead of the standard plasma bolt, a contiguous ray of blue-white energy lances out of the gun, to strike SoItBegins square on. His entire body glows for a second, then vanishes. When I look at the glass cylinder on top, I see it now has a miniature SoItBegins inside.

Having triumphed over SoItBegins, I throw the cylinder in the trash bin and accept a ride from the zobot back to David Toboz's lair.

I wonder if Professor Tinker's found the evil popcorn I left for him yet...

Heh heh heh.

by **Professor Zobot** on Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:58 am

Mwahahahaha! My Orbital Laser Pointer is finished at last! Now I can highlight items during a presentation within 10 nanometers of inaccuracy! Also: it can vaporize things from space!

All I need to do now is find a way to get it in orbit...from my underground lab... that I never built a hanger or launching bay for...

Sigh... well, at least I can go check out how my Zobots are doing. What? They're not dead yet? But those were all version 1.0 models... they're so riddled with bugs that it was just easier to redesign the upgraded versions from scratch! Now that I mention that, it occurs to me that they were probably a poor choice to send to aid Miss Narbon... oh well, I *AM* mad, after all.

Hmm... it looks like my mechanical minions have gotten a bit distracted. Most of them are engaging a bunch of organic mutants outside So it Begin's lab. But did SiB deploy those or someone else? Wait... are they fighting in a garden-scale model of Tokyo? Why would they ever do... oh yes... when monsterous things fight, somehow, a version of Tokyo is ALWAYS destroyed, isn't it?

Oh dear...what's that green plumberish thing hopping towards the Zobot carrying Miss Narbon? Noooo! It leaped on it's head! In the original models, an overly strong jolt to the head activates the musical self-destruct sequence!

*The Zobot carrying Jane Narbon stops singing, and begins to play a faint yet audible version of "Pop goes the Weasel" from it's audio units.*

by **Professor_Tinker** on Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:42 am

.. . . . you know, if I wasn't Mad and I wasn't seeing this through my own spy camera, i wouldn't believe what I'm seeing.

And here I thought a L.U.I.G.I. was purely theoretical? I hope my poor babys can make it through alright.

And theres something funny about this popcorn i'm eating. . . hey! No butter?! Thats EVIL! Ugh!
Almost makes me want to see Miss narbon get blown up.
. . . . But then, she was my nemesis first!

Only one thing to do.
"Fluffy! Go help Miss Narbon, would you? But be a dear and wreck her jacket while your at it."

by **SoItBegins** on Wed Apr 02, 2008 11:21 pm

This is worse than being trapped in a bottle with a ship in. At least there I could get some exercise. (Don't ask how I know this.) Prime's taken over playing the game (Super L.U.I.G.I) for me, but I'm stuck here. More to the point, how do I avoid being disposed of with the rest of the trash? I'm beginning to regret installing the incinerator.

Uh-oh... and the disposal cycle is just about to trigger.

Will this be the end of the illustrious Mad Scientist SoItBegins?

by **Jane Narbon** on Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:21 am

Uh-oh. The zobot I'm hanging onto appears to be losing altitude, while playing a tinny rendition of 'Pop Goes the Dizzard'. It's time to switch back to walking.

*lets go and drops 3 feet to ground level, just before the zobot explodes*

Ah, good! There's David Toboz's lab, just over there. This time, he really will be glad to see me, seeing as I've vanquished SoItBegins. (Also, the oxytocin probably shouldn't have worn off yet.) Now, with David Toboz as my pawn, no one could stop me! I--

I duck, as a supersonic vorpal bunny swoops in, ruins my lab coat (again), then leaves.

--could destroy Professor Tinker, for one. Who knows-- time will tell...

by **Professor_Tinker** on Thu Apr 03, 2008 3:28 pm

Well, so far It seems that the L.U.I.G.I is getting distracted by the Pirana Plants I had the sense to send in earlier, and Fluffy did his job *heh heh heh*. I'll have him keep scouting the perimeter while *I* figure out how to get the heck out of here!
I knew I should have picked up lock-picking, but I'm a literary scientist!
. . . . I concentrated on cat-burgling!
Well, when she comes back here, I had better be gone, and I *really*need to get back to my lab to check on the progress of the (Project X, Information classified) before the pizza pockets are gone.

Oh, dear, what to do. Well, i suppose I had better just keep up on the action through my pocket view screen. I wonder if Miss narbon has a copy of Hello Dolly around.

by **SoItBegins** on Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:36 am

SoItBegins is a bit too busy figuring out how to get out of the current mess he's in to--

Hey!! Prime, stop using my forum account!

--post, but even miniaturized he sure can yell.

Prime

by **Jane Narbon** on Fri Apr 04, 2008 2:08 am

Phew! After all that, I'm back in Toboz's lab again. He seems to still be predisposed to ally with me, though I notice he's keeping his hands a bit closer to his ray gun than before. I think I've got him going pretty well, but then something happens to jolt me out of my concentration.

From outside, the sound of a bullhorn.

This is the police. You are surrounded. Come out with your hands up.

I take a quick peek out the window. It's the police all right, and it looks like they brought the SWAT team and-- *gasp* --is that a tank?!

I glance over at David Toboz. He glances over at me. And both of us know that, for alliances, there's now no turning back.

by **Professor_Tinker** on Fri Apr 04, 2008 9:41 pm

Gracious! The police have arrived?
. . . well, i can't have that, now can I. hose are MY nemesis, damn-it!
I'm getting so frustrated, stuck here with no ability to join the free for all . . my enemies in madness trapped by the hated establishment that has foiled me so many times. . . .

making me feel so very . . . . MAD.
All I have on me is my pocket Pc, a apare pen, and a pad of paper.
More than enough to . . . . yes, yes, I can see it now. If I can write the proper sequence, then I can make The compu-locks self-disable, and I can escape! And then I can get to the scene,and, well.. . . .

Time to test Project X

by **Jane Narbon** on Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:41 am

David Toboz appears to be lost. SIB, would it be possible to send out a search party (and destroy this post when he is found?)

by **SoItBegins** on Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:52 am

Jane Narbon wrote:...search party?

So ordered.

**********

Uh-oh... the disposal cycle starts in seconds and I'm still here. I wonder if... Yes! My energy gun got captured along with me!

The glass cylinder shatters. I'm trying to frantically step up the trash to the rim of the trash can. It's kind of like one of those cheesy internet games, but this one is life and death.

Ah! Finally out! ...great. Now I just have to unshrink myself. And to do that, I'll have to get over to the computer at least-- Prime probably can't hear my (also miniaturized) voice.

Here goes...

by **That Guy** on Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:15 am

Meanwhile...

Professor_Tinker's out right now, so it's a good thing he sent me a key.

I walk inside.

So this is Professor_Tinker's lab. Well it looks more like the house half of his lab. Oh look, a note.

"Mr. Guy, I've sent Fluffy (the Vorpal Bunny) home with this message. I would like you to watch him. He will probably be waiting for you down in the basement lab."

Ok, so I just have to watch his bunny until he gets back. Not a problem. Let's see, if what I've been told is true, he should respond well to bribery.

"Hello, Fluffy."

A blur, yelling, then silence...

by **Professor Zobot** on Sat Apr 05, 2008 11:47 am

The police? After all this other excitement? Oh dear.

Unfortunately, most of my mechanical minions are out at SiB's lab still, and since I've only recently set up shop in this area, I don't have a ton of tricks up my sleeve for this contingency. I could use the laser pointer, it might not be in orbit but the emitters are pointed in the right direction, but that'd just create a horizontal beam of energy that would vaporize the police, most of my lab, and probably a small section of the surrounding area.

All I've got left is my hand-held raygun, a few oversized computers, and half-built earthquake generator in the corner. Well, there's nothing else I can do now but wing it.

"Miss Narbon, I would suggest you use that jet pack of yours to escape for now, unless you have some clever idea waiting in the wings. While I would love to form an alliance with you, (even though I suspect you've got someway of influencing my behavior) right now is not the time for such discussions."

*Dons a set of plastic glasses and a fake mustache, and puts on a brown trench coat, and then climbs up to the external sections of his lab and sticks his head out a window*

"Mine name ess Jaun Armando... zis ish medical res-search facility. You tree-passing, pleas leave. Only kan-cer res-search done here!"

by **Professor_Tinker** on Sat Apr 05, 2008 2:18 pm

SUCCESS!! I'm out of the lab, I've released Project X by remote, and I'm on my way to get my rivals out of a bad situation with the Po Po.
. . . wait, I'm forgetting something.

. . . . . . Oh my gosh! Mr guy!! My new henchmen! I just sent fluffy home so that he could be looked after, and I just released Project X! Oh, dear.
Well, so long as he steps out of it;s way and it can find an exit, he should be fine. I think. I mean, X never went through testing stages for emotional stability, and I never worked out how the levels of adrenaline would settle down. . .
Oh, what am I worrying about? My luck is great right now! And project X is *just* a Cheshire Cat, after all.

Ah, here's the place.
"Excuse me officers? I'm Professor Tinker, from the nearby collage. What's going on here? Oh, really? How odd. . . . this is just a research facility."

by **That Guy** on Sun Apr 06, 2008 7:00 am

A big purple cat suddenly appears beside me. Then Fluffy jumps from behind some equipment. The cat hisses at Fluffy. Then they jump at each other knocking over a table laden with vials and beakers.

I run away from the chaotic battle. Hiding behind an upturned table to consider my options. There aren't many.

This table also had chemicals stored on top. Most of them spilled onto the floor. After mixing together, they got to work on eating through my shoes. The chemicals will either mutate me or kill me. I can't afford to be killed or mutated on my first day at this job.

I have to get out of here now, but the Cat and Fluffy are causing too much destruction for me to slip out.

-Wait what's this. "Formula G-584, causes massive growth of biological units. Applied to the skin." A growth formula. This would cause both of them to pause their fight so their metabolisms can cope. I would be able to escape, but then they would destroy the lab and the city.

Well, it is the only choice. I throw the vial at the two creatures and run towards the door.

Outside, I look back in time to see them crash through the roof of Professor_Tinker's house. Well the Professor shouldn't be too angry if his creations destroy the city.

by **SoItBegins** on Sun Apr 06, 2008 10:00 am

Phew! I'm finally over to the computer. Prime, super-size me!

<whirrrrrRRRRR> ZAP!!

Ahh, that feels good, being 6 feet tall again. Prime even got the height right. That said, I really can't hang around.

I've got to stop a catastrophe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Jane Narbon's lab, things looked to be going from bad to worse. David Toboz had tried to negotiate with the police, only to quickly pull his head back inside the lab as several bullets whistled past it. Jane Narbon's jetpack was seemingly malfunctioning, and the two were out of ideas.

Which left me free to sneak in. The door was solid, but anything made of wood will give if you hit in enough-- especially if the hinges go first. I ran through and into one of the back corridors, jumping over several inconvieniently placed tripwires as I did so.

It wasn't hard to find the main lab area. Jane Narbon and David Toboz were both watching the windows. Neither of them heard me. I set my energy gun for 'Paralyze', raised it, aimed...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...and fired at Jane Narbon. She went over, stiff as a board.

David Toboz spun around, wide-eyed. He opened his mouth to say something. I said, "Stop. I'm trying to save you, not destroy you."

He mouthed, "What--" but I cut him off again.

"I'm sorry to have agreed to all this. Jane Narbon had cooked up an intricate plan to get back at you for trying to blackmail her, and she-- say, don't you think it could be a lot quieter in here? Prime, find all active holoprojectors and disable them."

Immediately, the noise of the 'Police' vanished. David Toboz took a quick peek outside. There was nobody there.

I continued talking. "Anyway, Miss JN here recruited me, on the grounds that if I didn't help her, she would be forced to cave in to your demands. And I went along with it. The kidnapping? Her 'alliance' with you? The police raid? All faked. If everything had gone as planned, you would be the one on the floor now."

I still wasn't finished. "Now, before I leave, I just want to say one thing. I do not want to form an alliance with you. I do not want to have anything further to do with you. I'm sick of all this double-triple-quadruple-crossing. I'm getting away from this whole business."

Then Jane Narbon spoke. The paralyze effect must have been wearing off. "But you're not going to get away with it. Either you release me, or we'll all be destroyed."

by **Jane Narbon** on Sun Apr 06, 2008 10:09 am

#%&$. The one thing I didn't forsee going wrong in my plan, and it did. That said, I'm not defeated yet. I planted self-destruct charges in this lab, and made sure the doors couldn't be opened from the inside.

I'm never saying where the charges are, not even if SoItBegins uses the Nanobot Flavor of the Day on me. And, if by some chance I do spill the beans, neither he nor Toboz'll be able to break the quantum encryption I've set on it. It would take millions of computers working in parallel to break it. Somehow, I don't think even SoItBegins's fabled 'Prime' can tap into that many.

Now, my enemies-- both of them-- will