Comics by Shaenon II

[chicgeek]

"Oh, the lair,by all means! We can toast Lagos on her sucessful fray, not to mention the rescue." The mental image of Wallycaine being carried to the ship by a giant hopping cyber-rabbit flashes through my head. I turn quickly to hide my grin. "Lagos,dear, you look a bit singed. How are you feeling?"

[Wallycaine]

"I'm feeling pretty good. The auto defenses he's got set up for me are pretty good at making sure I don't get anything worse than some scratches and scrapes. I don't know why he doesn't put them on himself, but that's the mad for you. I must compliment you on your array of weapons, as I don't think it would have been at all successful without you there. I propose an extra toast to your genius and guns, always a good combination."

*Wally staggers to his feet*

"I think we better get downstairs then, if you'd like. I think the external elevator is still in operation, so if you may?"

Wally points to an empty patch of ground and, with a signal from Lagos, a small elevator arises out of the dirt. It opens up and escorts you to the underground lair/basement. Instead of regular elevator music, Billy Joel plays softly in the background. The lair is mostly unfinished, and seems to be a simple basement sealed off and stocked with excess science equipment. The one piece out of place is a large computer server in the corner, humming away to itself. "I'm sorry for the state of my lab, but I just moved in, and am kinda operating on a shoestring budget here. There's some chairs over there, and I think I can scrounge up a table to share. Do you have glasses?"

[Lord Dave]

Arrogantly I stroll up to the ruins, standing before the charred yet very muchly alive body of Dr. Amino.

Dave: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody got themselves hurt. Does it hurt Doctor? Do you feel the pain you've caused yourself? You know, had you accepted my offer, I could have helped you. But alas, your lair lies in ruins, your Henchwoman gone, and you are helpless before me. But I shall not kill you. I shall simply walk away, leaving you to the shame and humiliation of your defeat. MWAAHAHAHAHAHHA!

And I walk away to post this on my Blog.

[Dr. Amino]

*raises paralyzing gun and swiftly shoots Lord Dave, successfully immobilizing him* "And you called me an idiot. Even the most inexperienced henchman knows, Lord Dave, never to turn your back on your opponent, even if she appears incapacitated." The paralyzer ray I 'borrowed' from his lab works perfectly. He'll still be able to speak and breathe, but not much else for a couple of hours. *stands up* "Ow, ow, ow. That hurts. Thank madness for my fireproof labcoat. I hope my regenerator wasn't damaged...here it is. It's fortunate that the burns were merely superficial." *attaches regenerator machine to wristwatch, effectively speeding up the regenerative process of the burnt skin cells to the point where months of healing takes a matter of minutes* Perfect. Now all that's left of the damage is a really bad sunburn that'll last for a few weeks. "Now, Lord Dave, you should have listened a little more carefully to what I told you. Notice I never said I won't ally with you, I said I can't. I also said that I can't ally with you at this time. I never said that I won't join you later. If all goes well I believe we can expect the Furry Tickle-Me Dave Dolls to be completed sometime next week."
"We?! So you are working with me, then, Amino?"
"But of course, Lord Dave. I haven't killed you yet, have I?"
"Why didn't you tell me that earlier, then? It would have saved us both a great deal of time!"
*in the most vague and mysterious way possible* "I have...associates who would wish to use our alliance against you." Heh. Now, thanks to the Laws of Dramatic Tension, he will be forced to obsess over this critical piece of background information until it is revealed at a pivotal moment...bwahaha. "So, Lord Dave, what do you say? Shall we ally in a week? Or will I have to kill you now?"

[Lord Dave]

Dave: Very well. But know that whatever the reason for this... inability to ally at this time, I shall find it. Google will not let me down!

[chicgeek]

"Glasses? Yes, and a saucer for Lagos." *Clink* "Now,about disabling those bugs..."
"I really can't stay, I need to get back to my lab. But I have a suggestion. I'm sure it won't be long before we hear from the crispy critter-I mean Dr.Amino- and possibly Lord Dave as well. What do you say to extending our alliance a while longer?"

His robotic arm has inspired an idea. At first I though, make two, for symmetry, then it came to me. A partial exoskeleton,as it were. Fitting over each of my arms, giving me extra strenght to lift,throw,carry,ect. Moving with me as fluidly as my own skin. And controls so they can be operated independantly when I need an extra hand. Doesn't one always get an itch right in the middle of ones back when your hands are full? They would stay attached at the shoulders, with joints at shoulder,elbow,and wrist. Brass.Engraved.Elegant. Hmmm....And the things I could add to them!

I'm suddenly anxious to depart. "Is there anything else that needs addressing now? If not, I suggest we touch base later. You may keep the rest of the champage, if you like. I plan on comsuming vast quantities of coffee tonight."

"

[Wallycaine]

"Well, I suppose there aren't any other things that need to be addressed right now. As for the bugs, we can use those as a communications in case of emergency. I'm sure Dr. Amino will be angry at us, so she's sure to strike as soon as she has a plan. In that case, I bid you good luck with your project, and hope to see you again soon."

'Today certainly was an interesting day. If I was worried about not being recognized, those worries died today. I blew up a lab and made an alliance with a wonderful mad scientist, who I'd love to continue to work with. I don't know what I'm doing, and it's wonderful.' Wally leans back in his chair, sipping his glass of champagne and thinking about his day.

[chicgeek]

Oh, I love it,I love it. I'm on my third pot of coffee, which is a lot even for me. My fingers fly over the components as I build. I've been gleefully working nonstop for hours. I try on my lovely arm attachments. From shoulders to fingertips, the exoskeleton armor fits perfectly.Strech. Flex. It moves as smoothly as my own skin. Now to test it in independant mode. With a thought, the structure lifts free of my left arm, from the shoulder down. It delicately reaches out, and scratches my nose. Aahhh. You can't even hear the moters humming. It's more like wearing long elegant gloves than armor. Now, to test strenght. Yes! That pesky lab table I've been putting off moving-it lifts so easily. The exoskeleton is protecting me admirably; there's no sense of strain at all. And if something did disable my power source? Well, that's inconciveable. Only in some alternate world with different natural laws. Even then, I could run it manually off the clockwork backup system. Not as smoothly,perhaps, but sufficient.
And the little suprises recessed into the arm greaves? Heh.Heh.Heh.
I believe I'll redesign my leather labcoat.

Drat. I so want to show this off. I won't pester Dr.Animo;it's only polite to let her to make the next move.
I have a lair,an alliance, a nemesis. I'm searching for a henchman. All well and good, but not enough.
I need to put some serious work into a mad plan.Hmmm.....

[chicgeek]

[quote="Wallycaine"]"
'Today certainly was an interesting day. If I was worried about not being recognized, those worries died today. I blew up a lab and made an alliance with a wonderful mad scientist, who I'd love to continue to work with. I don't know what I'm doing, and it's wonderful.'

Yes,it was a wonderful day. Sighes happily. Your lair is bugged too,dear ally.
*giggles madly*
I've removd the sleeves,and added a caplet. Thus style and freedom of movement are maintained. I'd better spend today fine tuning my defenses, and reinforcing the lab. Good way to work off that caffine buzz.

Hmm, do I want to work the death ray into the arms? It's actually Wardenclyffe Tower,modified into a handgun.
"Lucky for Dr.Amino I didn't use the highest setting. Although she may not feel lucky at the moment." Giggle. "Hmm. the earthquake gun will have to stay separate. Pity, but at least I've rigged it so it can't be used against me. and when I've taken over the radio station-" I catch myself. That's the problem with being a solitary mad.With no audience for one's mad soliliquies, it's easy to fall into the habit of declaiming one's thoughts aloud. I understand it's quite common among mads.
.
I speak deliberately now. "It's probably not your cup of tea. But if you've heard enough to interest you, you may give me a call."
In the meanwhile, I begin a serious search for those bugs. If they're all deaticvated, he'll be suspicious, or simply sneak in more. But if I can selectively choose what's transmitted, and still call for assistance-not that I'll need it-all the better.

I finally have a plan. It's a first step, but an important one. And one that calls for stealth, not explosions. How...novel. I believe Wallycaine will at least stay out of my way-he owes me one. But if he does want to deal himself in, I could certainly make it worth his while. Not that I need his assistance! But...having a partner...I find the idea growing on me. With all the usual precautions in place in case of betrayal.

I hum softly to myself as I get to work.

[Wallycaine]

"Hmmm, Lagos, what do you think? I'll admit I'm intrigued as to what she has planned with the tower, and the chance to work with her again is quite rewarding, but it's not really up my alley."

"Yes, but you don't really have another plan waiting to be preformed. Unless you manage to find something interesting in the next..."

*Small alarm*

"What's that, Beetlebrox?"

>CONTAMINANTS DETECTED IN WATER SUPPLY. UNUSUAL COMPOSITION AND UNIQUE NATURE POINT TO NEW MAD SCIENTIST IN AREA<

"Ahh, would that be the something interesting you were talking about? Beetlebrox, please get started on a more comprehensive scan. And please talk normally. I know you like the ambiance of synthesizing your voice, but I installed the better program for a reason."

"Sorry"

"It's okay. I think you got that chic, so you know that I should be predisposed for a bit. Oh, and check the back of one of the bugs you probably found by now. It should have an on off switch, so if you need to call from somewhere else, use one of those. I've got a few things that the AI here can send to your aid if we are otherwise occupied. Best of luck on your radio antics."

[Lord Dave]

*Still paralyzed Dr. Amino walks away, leaving the ruins of her lab for her created minions to fix. While waiting for the paralysis to wear off, Dave is teleported to an unknown location... Oh and his paralysis is gone.*



[The Circle of 5]

*Staring down at 5 black silhouettes, Dave knows instantly where he is: the fabled chamber of 5, the all mighty rulers of the Dave conspiracy.*

Dave1: Welcome to the circle of 5 Doss.

Lord Dave: The circle of 5... I am honored to be in your presence.

Dave2: As well you should. We have a great task for you.

Dave4: Yes. Should you suceed, you will be granted greatness among all Daves.

Lord Dave: What is this task?

Dave1: We have learned that you have been in contact with a Dr. Dana Amino have you not?

LD: Err... yes.

Dave1: What you do not know is that she is a former Dan.

LD: What?! Dan? But they are one of our mortal enemies!

Dave3: Correct. Though they have little power compared to us, their isolated cells make them hard to completely destroy. We have also learned that they will be attempting to form an alliance with the Steves.

LD: My god... our two greatest enemies together? I can stop that. If I put several YouTube videos, mixed with blog entries and a wikipedia battle, I can keep them from serving together forever!

Dave1: *sighing, whispering to his fellow peers*Why do we always deal with the mad Daves?

Dave2: Because they always turn up thats why.

Dave3: Enough Dave! We did not call you here to break up the alliance, we called you here because of your connection to Dr. Amino.

LD: Hu?

Dave5: Her father is Dan Amino, the leader of the Dan Cell in your area and arguably the most influential man in the Dan conspiracy. If we were to kill him, not only would the Dan conspiracy be tarnished and the alliance prevented, but it would cripple the main Dan leadership and allow us the time we need to finalize our Dan Conspiracy finding scanner.

Dave2: Dr. Amino is going to be attending a family reunion shortly. You are to find out where, infultrate it, and terminate her father Dan Amino.

LD: But how? They'll know I'm a Dave.

Dave3: Our mad scientist Liason, Davenport, has had his wife create a blend of Dan in spray form. One spray and you'll be cleared as a Dan.

Dave1: But know that we can not help you. If you are caught, they will likely torture for years until-

LD: Ok, I'm in.

Dave1: Good. Take the pheromones and go. *I take the bottle and find myself teleported back to Dr. Amino's lair.*

[chicgeek]

I load up, secure the lab, and put Zephyr in stealth mode. The local radio station's signal is powerful, but laughably simple. But if I control it... I can broadcast subliminal messages, easily give ultimatums to the cowering populace, hook up anything radio controled I design to it, and, in the event of my own lab's destruction, carry on without interruption. Not to mention always be caller number five!
Heh. Sneaking in is almost no challenge at all. So much of what passes for radio programming these days is simply canned, nationally syndicated shows, with local weather and traffic spliced in. The DJ has become an endangered species. Enginering room,control booth, studio-check,check,and check.
Now for the roof. It's deserted, perfect. Shame Wallycaine was busy, but I suppose it would have been demeaning to ask a fellow madsci to act as a mere lookout. My electronic eyes will have to do.
Every little sound makes me nervous, but I can't look up. Carefully...there! The last circuit is in place.And not a moment too soon. I take a critical look at my work. Completely camouflaged, from even the most exacting inspection.
Time to fly.

[Dr. Amino]

*turns around and begins to walk away, then, after a few minutes of surveying the damage done to the lair, stops and turns back around* "And, Lord Dave--Lord Dave?" *looks around, but cannot see Lord Dave anywhere*
"Yes?" *Dave suddenly reappears behind Dr. Amino*
"Ah!" *jumps in surprise* "How did you--you were just--Never mind! The thing I wanted to say is, I have this...business meeting in a few days, and I would appreciate it if you keep Wally and ChicGeek busy until I get back. It would be highly beneficial to our future alliance."
"Very well, then. I will return to my lair, now, unless there is anything more you would like to say."
"No, I'm good." *Dave walks away* Wait...how can Dave move again? He was paralyzed...Whatever. I'll worry about that later. For now, I'm really glad I keep all my important devices in the bomb shelter. *calls Ingrid* "Ingrid? While you're in town, I need you to claim that earthquake insurance on the building. Thanks." *puts phone away and sighs* Things are finally beginning to work out in my favor. All I need to do survive a family reunion full of Dan's, and I'll be able to destroy my enemies and take over the world. I can handle that. I hope.

*meanwhile, back at Lord Dave's time share lair*
"I'm quite certain that 'business meeting' of Amino's is a meeting of the Dan Alliance...I think I shall have to follow her there when she leaves...I do hope nothing troublesome happens while we're gone."
(duh-duh-duh!!!!)
*sound of blaster fire vaporizing the man playing the dramatic tune on the organ*
"I do despise those organ-players and their ignorant dramatic tension."

[Wallycaine]

"Beetlebrox, is the scan finished yet? Have you figured out who dumped the chemicals yet?"

"Master, I had not the last six times you asked me. What makes you think it'll happen this time?"

"It would be ironic."

"You also said that at least eight previous times you asked. You also said 'Because it would be funny' twelve times, 'Because I'm asking you' seven times, and 'Because the flying monkeys tell me this' three times. You've been asking me every five minutes for the past two and a half hours. Why the freaking hell would it just happen to finish this time?"

"Ummm, because I have a feeling that it might be this time?"

"Alright, I'll check the stupid scan, but if nothing comes up, you can't ask for another half an hour. Deal?"

*sigh* "Fine, deal. I sure about it this time, though."

"God, humans and their freaking hunches... what the heck? It just finished up thirty seconds ago. If I hadn't been arguing, I would have noticed the alert and... ARGGH. Here, have your stupid results."

"All right, lets see. It looks like the chemicals emanated from a small reservoir on the edge of town. It's owned by... a private owner who works for a chemical company. But he's well known and in his late fifties? People just don't go mad that late, and if he had, it'd be more than a little contamination. What's this thing do, anyways? Turns people into insects, but only for a bit? That's not the sort of thing that a first time mad goes for. In fact... I think I know this chemical signature. I've seen it's type before, but the signature is stronger. Where?"

*Wally's eyes fall on the name of the company employing the owner*

"Of course! I've seen it in some of their products, the ones marketed to Mads. They must have a budding Mad on their staff. I don't know if I like another Mad with those sorts of resources. Maybe I can get him fired without a confrontation. That'll keep him mostly out of trouble, and get me a new nemesis. Bwahahahahahaha!"

*Dials* "Hello, The Corporation? I'm John Davids, a journalist with the local newspaper. *whispered off to side* Beetlebrox, make it so. *back into phone* I'd like to set up an interview with the lead research scientist about your latest Mad products... I think that it's important to get the information about them out into the public, without raising a panic or outrage... Well, I'd just be trying to let people know that if, for example, they were turned into a newt, that they'll get better and not to sell their house and move into the swamp... Yes, I'm willing to hold... Ooooh, Bob Seger hold music. I like this place already."

*Wally dances stupidly about his lair, waiting to be taken off hold*

[Zaks]

"God, I hate it when he's like that..." Jenkins looked back at his superior, as he drooled on himself and bounced around the trunk of the van, singing a song which amounted to non-words that rhymed with "Monkey." "You know, with his general disdain for mad scientists in general, you'd think he'd have already purged his own madness by now..."

As they drove back to the Corporation's research lab, Zaks stepped out of the back of the car, straightening out his lab coat and wiping off the drool. Jenkins looked up at him. "Feeling better?"

"Immensely. Now then, since the mutagen has been released into the experiment zone, it's time to gather data. Jenkins, tell the others: They're to fan out over the area and acquire specimens infected, and bring them to the lab for study as the Mutagen passes through their systems. Don't be afraid to resort to force if necessary, and be on the lookout for any possible unforeseen reactions with with the chemicals. You never know if the compound we cooked up might turn someone into something else, for instance. Like a bird, or perhaps... a rabbit. As for me, I'm going to go inside and begin recording our work."

Nerdy scientists spread out through the neighborhood as Zaks entered into the lab, passing through the seven layers of security and walking into the receptionist's office. The lady at the desk looked up to him. "Oh, Mr. Smithson! Word from Receptions is that we've got another person asking about information about our Mad Scientist product lines. " Zaks sighed and walked towards the door to his private lab. "Hmmph. You've worked here three weeks by now, Clara, you should know the drill by now. Leave them on hold until they either die or go insane, and then if the press tries to call you on it later, claim we never received a phone call in the first place. I've got products to develop." He stepped forward into his lab and let Clara deal with it.

[chicgeek]

That went well enough. But darnit, it would've been nice to have someone to act as a lookout. Someone to do all the grunt work around here. It's ridiculous to spend my precious time loading the dishwasher,for example, when I could be tinkering with my zeppelin. Someone to try out inventions on, someone I can train to brew coffee...wait a minute, where's that flyer from Mad Sci 'R Us? Aha! Free henchman with every purchase!

Later that day-
"I'll take a gross of assorted gears, vacuum tubes, oooh, what's this?" Moves boxes out of the way to unearth dust-covered floor model radio. A real antique, wood cabinet, about 3-4 feet high, a classic model, but somewhat shabby looking.
"Clean the dust off of it, and add it to the rest. It'll look nice in the living area."

Smarmy clerk-"Ah, maddam does have a discerning eye. That's quite the rarity, why we couldn't let it go for less than-"

"Bupkis." I reach out with my enhanced arm, and gently lift him a few inches off the ground. In a very calm,soft voice, I say-"It needs a lot of attention even to get it to look good, let alone function. If it was valuable, it wouldn't be covered in filth, buried in the corner, now would it? Tell you what-add that top of the line set of tool chests and wrenches to my order,and I'll take the radio off your hands. Deal?"

"D-D-Done, Maddam!" he gasps out. I ever so gently lower him back to the floor, and flash a winsome smile. "Splendid! Oh, and I'll take that henchman over there." I casually point to the most promising of the lot.

"Let's settle the bill, and arrange delivery."

[Lord Dave]

Dave: Now to use google earth's satellite linkup to trail Dr. Amino.... Ah, there she is. Oh thank you google. Its mad scientists like you that make evil geniuses like me happy.

*A bang on the door*

The Brain: Open up Dave, your time on the lair is up!

Dave: I just got here!

The Brain: According to the schedule I have the lair for the next two weeks.

*In comes two mice, one with a very large head and the other with a large, red nose.*

Dave: Look uhhh... who are you again?

Brain: I am The Brain! And this is my associate Pinky.

Pinky: Halllo!

Dave: Well I'm busy plotting the destruction of the Dans.

Brain: The Dans? I have more pressing concerns. World domination is within my grasp!

Dave: Look, let me just type up a blog entry and setup this chat bot and then I'll be out of your hair.

Brain: Fine. But I'm charging you for this.

Dave: Yeah yeah.

*Dave writes on Wally's Blog...

'Wow, me and Largos met so many nice people. So easily duped too. Especially that Chickgeek. Man what an easy to toy with sap. I tell ya, she's got more screws loose then the average mad scientists. I mean, what does she use? An Earthquake gun and a giant bug zapper. I mean really? And its not even deadly. lol. Heck, she'll probably never see this.'


*How Dave got wally's password... well... lets just say he knows some hackers. To add a final touch, he sends an e-mail to ChicGeek inviting her to wally's MySpace cause "its cool, fun, and he's totally sexy". Before spraying himself with the Dan pheromones and trails Dr. Amino.*

[Wallycaine]

Wally connected the phone to the speakers and got to work on other things. After quite a bit of time, he figured it'd be faster to go visit in person. Not that he hadn't enjoyed the music, but when Free Bird comes on for the third time, it's time to move on. Lagos had wandered outside a while ago, saying that she needed to get a little hopping exercise in anyways. A quick search on the computer revealed the location of the company and primary research center. Now all he had to do was sneak onto the grounds and find out who was the Mad on the staff. How he was going to do that was uncertain, but he would find out eventually. Now, to let chic know what's going on.

"Umm, well, I think I may have found the guy who placed the chemicals, so I'm going over to the Corporation to see if I can find him. Till I get back, Beetlebrox will be able to keep you in touch with me. He'll answer any questions you have, so please be careful and don't ask paradoxes."

With that, Wally set off towards the Corporation's labs.

[Desius]

Desius sat waiting in his chair. The hours of terror at being kidnapped and bound into eventually slavery working for madmen gave way to boredom and a sort of Zen like acceptance of his fate. If nothing else, he really, really had to use the restroom.
So some uppity young airhead walked in, Des thought watching the madwoman move through the store ordering about the oily bastard calling himself a salesman. There was a line, Des knew. You work hard, live right, and try to be good and good things happen. But if he ever got out of here that bastard was going to pay. No that was wrong, he thought, vengeance is wrong, and its not if, but when he got out. This is a setback, nothing more, its not like their actually giving you away, he chanted in his mind, It's all a joke, you'll see.
Nothing but a joke.

"Splendid! Oh, and I'll take that henchman over there." the airhead quipped casually pointing at the man next to him. Thank God! thought Des, at least I don't have to go with THAT empty-headed peabrain.
The service men, impeccable in there red uniforms, untied the man next to him.
"Load my things in my zeppelin, henchman," the airhead giggled.
"No," spat the fool, rubbing his wrists.
"Excuse me?," the airhead remarked in a quiet tone.
Something about it sent chills up Des's spine. The quiet malice there...
Des shivered in his binds.
"Look, doll," snapped the fool. Des winced, counting in his head. Two
"Take your pretty little head, and go back into the kitch-" the fool managed to squeeze out before being knocked into the air with one backhand from the madwomen.
Three Des finished in his head.
"You pompous, misogynistic... man!" the madwoman screamed voice rising in octaves. The fool lay unmoving, and a doctor didn't have to tell Des that necks don't bend that way.
The oily clerk moved quickly trying to smooth ruffled feathers. "Maddam! That henchman was obviously defective, please let us make this up to you!"
The madwoman turned on him breathing hard, eyes glaring, spitting one word.
"How."
The salesman snapped his fingers, and Des felt himself being picked up.
"No! No! No!" he chanted into his gag.
Rough fingers untied his bonds as a cold metal collar was snapped around his neck.
"See we give you a new henchman, maddam! This one with a loyalty plan, free of charge! Here!" the salesman said, placing a little dialpad into the madwomen's hands. " He give trouble, any at all, press button here!"
Electricity pulsed through him, a cry strangled by the gag, as he spasmed.
"Best of all," the salesman assured, rough hands lifting Des to his feet, "The remote, fully upgradable, you customize all you want, Grand bargain! No?"
"Hrmmph" snorted the woman, looking him in the eye.
"You will work hard, fulfilling my every demand as I create. And destroy. No livestock on the premises, and I will graciously exempt you from drinking hyper-coffee. And I can assure you that any robotic replacement parts you ever may need will be most elegant. Break room with soda,fridge,microwave and,sigh, ordinary coffee maker. I make this offer only once. As for any partners or nemesi I may have-No one else is ever allowed to mess with MY henchman. Ever. Do you understand?"
Des nodded numbly, removing the gag.
"Good, now load my zeppelin," she giggled.
"Oh! and what's your name?"
"Desius......ma'm."
"Chicgeek."

[chicgeek]

I hum happily to myself during the short trip home. Things are coming together spendidly.
The first thing I have my henchman tote in is the radio."Careful with that!" I snap. My, he's a fidgity one. "I suppose the first thing is a tour of the complex.Now-"
"Um,excuse me? Ma'am?" he breaks in. I lift one eyebrow at his effrontery."I"m reallysorrytointerruptbutI'vebeentiedalongtimeand, well,mayipleasegotothefacilities? Ma'am?" he begs.
*Sigh* "First door on the right."
.........
Everything is put away to my satisfaction. My henchman (I love saying that!) is carefully cleaning and polishing the old radio. Such a classic piece!
"Desius, you are responsible for keeping the lair neat and tidy. Cooking, unless I'm in the mood for it. You do not let anyone into the lair without my say-so, however innocent...or threatening....they appear. Supplies and tools are to properly maintained and stored. I will have you working with me quite a bit in the lab. You will be expected to learn about its contents-- so if I ask for a 3/16-inch wrench, or a ammonium-P38 modulator, you will have it to hand. Much of what you need to learn I've set up on this handy computer file. "
I raise my tone slightly, and make sure I have eye contact for the next bit."MOST Important-- here are pictures and descriptions of all the local mads I'm aware of. I currently have an alliance with Wallycaine. Now what do you do if he comes knocking on my door?"
He gulps nervously. "Let you know he's here, Ma'am."
"And..."
"Don't let him in unless you've cleared it."
"And..."
"Um..." (Hee, this is fun!) Be polite, don't give out any information, never say if you're in residence or not, act like a proper butler?"
"Very good, Desius. One never knows if an ally will turn. These are Dr. Amino, and Lord Dave. She is nemesis to myself and Wally, and Lord Dave is rumored to be her ally. Since her lab was turned to rubble, and I believe she's suffering some nasty burns, I believe we'll be hearing from her in the near future."
He blanches slightly, but that's all. Good. "And just so you're not entertaining any silly ideas about hitting me over the head while I'm asleep and taking the remote-"
Sweat breaks out on his forehead. "Never, ma'am! The thought never crossed my mind!"
"I've added the remote to my arm exoskeleton. And I've ...modified it a bit. You can't sneak up on me. But cheer up! You won't have that nasty old electric shock if you try."
"I won't?" The relief on his face is palpable. I cherish the expression, then blithely add,"No. You see, there would have to be something THERE to be shocked. And you wouldn't be, anymore. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, DESIUS?"
'YES MA'AM!" he cried out, coming to attention.
"Good." I smile at him. "Being a henchman means alternating times of boredom and terror. I'll sure you'll adjust nicely. I will allow you to use the computer in your free time-you will occasionally have some-- oh, and I've set it up so you cannot call for help, contact either the authorities or my enemies, so don't bother. You are also allowed use of the library-- but if I find a book carelessly treated, I will be MOST upset. I have a nice copy of Nikola Tesla, Man Out of Time you might peruse."
"Very good, ma'am. It's getting rather late, would you like me to prepare something for you?"
"It's been a long day for both of us, Desius." I smile at him. Tools last longer when they are taken care of properly. "What would you like on your pizza?"

[Lord Dave]

(Had to edit my last post here as it mistakenly said Dr. Amino got the e-mail instead of ChicGeek)

[Desius]

Des whistles as he sweeps up the dust.

"What? You're still here? Everyone has moved into the main story. Only tiding up the joint before we shut 'er down for a bit. Any of you new types, wanting to join the fun, feel free to start your own story."

"Now, move along."

"Nothing to see here."

"Now Git!"

[Death]

*Sneaks up behind Desius and pokes him*

Oh, don't mind me. I'm just waiting until this thread is completely over. I'll just be over there in the corner, reading one of the magazines someone left behind.

[SoItBegins]

Don't forget-- for any new people who wish to join, the Practice Wars is always open. Or, you can post in the Signup Queue if the Practice Wars is empty at the current moment.

[Desius]

*Des here. Seeing a new face makes me wonder if he's bored waiting to jump in, so I decided to post another little charcter here for people to ineract with and practice on. So to blazerflarey and anyone else, feel free to do some crazy zany events here before you get an invite to the main. Lead off and I'll respond. Till then, meet Leggie Gamsey, Mad Chef to the best in the buisness. Catered the Narbon-Davenport wedding, and his clam chowder ate the CEO's at that one christmas event last year, you must have read about it in the paper.*

"Oh... Leggie!" Regina called, waving at the chef through the window.
"My dear sweet Regina! How long has it been!" Gamsey gushed, grabing her hand and and with a flourish, brough it to his lips. "What brings such a stunning delcious woman into my poor excuse of a kitchen?"
"Oh you," blushed Regina waving him away, "Poor Dr. Madhousen simply craves one of your specials, he already deposited the usual."
"Your gracious self won't be waiting long, my sweet, I shall prepare it right away," Gamsey bowed, moving deeper into the kitchen and out of view.
"Ne'er understood why he's named Leggie," mumbled Bob, one of the regulars.
"Well," tittered Regina, "it's a nickname, for..." She paused pondering, "Legitimate, I think."
"See!" said Bob.
"Hmmrph." grunted Joe, an regular drinking some of Gamsey's finest home brew. "Can't blame a mother for being proud."

"Now, Now." Muttered Gamsey, holding his knife. "Where did I put that flour...."
"Oh it's no use" said the Chef to the man struggling and bound on his chopping block. "I'd hate to disappoint dear sweet Regina if it wasn't anything but the freshest." He brought the knife down with a final heavy thud.

[SoItBegins]

Aping Terry Pratchett, are we?

[Desius]

Of course! Good catch on the reference!

[blazerflarey]

blazerflarey is just trying to make the blasted anti-gravity machine\raygun work properly at his home at the moment.

[Desius]

"Ohhhh Mister Jo-wii!" chimed Gamsey, leaning his head out of the backroom, blood dripping across his forehead.
"Hrrmph" grunted Joe, downing the rest of his beer and standing up.
"Such eloquence! You should speak more often!" Gamesy beamed, "Unfortantly I have a bit of a bleeder here, for dear sweet Regina's order. The meat these days, oh how I wish we were back in the days of yore, such fine tender meat we could have then. And they cut so fine... so cleanly... So... Fine...." Gamsey fingered his knife, enjoying the feel as the edge scraped along his calloused fingers.
Joe grunted, interrupting the chef from his dreamy smile. "Oh yes, please excuse me for my lapse in concentration, I seem to have lost my head for a moment there. Oh dear, we have a bit of a bleeder here, tsk, tsk. My the meat these days, not like what they were. Oh well, I remember the good old-"
"Hrmmph!"
"Oh yes, why I called you. Hmm.... what was it again... Oh!" Giggled Gamsey, clapping his hands together, "Yes I have a take-out order for a new customer, an as I said we have a bleeder here, so I simply MUST finish perparing dear luscious, tender Regina's order. Could you be a dear and deliver it for me. I shall excuse this week's tab, a phenominal deal for you I must say."
"Hrrmph." Agreed Joe and he walked past Bob, "You're coming too."
"But, Joe!" whined Bob, "I just finished my meal, I wanna digest it."
"Hrrmph?"
Bob pulled Joe close and whispered harshly "I thought we agreed not to bring that up in front of Miss Regina."
"Fine, I'll come." he said leaning back, 'Gamsey? are we collecting?"
"Oh no!' called out the chef, waving his bloodstained knife out the door at them waving them away. "Paid in full, merely delivering."

Later.
"Hrrmph."
"Hush you," muttered Bob, pressing the door bell. "Let me do the talking."
"Oh Mister Blazerflarey? Delivery for you!"
He turned to his stoic companion, and whispered, "Blazerflarey, huh. Sounds like he's a bit of a 'Fairy' himself."

[blazerflarey]

{The door bell is not actually connected right now} Now lets see if I try this... a few seconds later the ray-gun that is supposed to be an anti-gravity gun fires. Turning every thing in its path into dust. And the ray's path includes the front door and where bob, and maybe his companion were. However blazerflarey is not a very observant person in the conscious realm of thought. Meaning he did not know anybody was there. blazerflarey went back to work after noticing the anti-gravity ray-gun still is not working properly.

(ooc: you can say that my character can focus on something to an extreme extent; meaning my character is trying to make a working anti-gravity ray-gun, so he will keep on trying to make a working anti-gravity ray-gun no matter what other possible results he may get.