Comics by Shaenon II

[Professor_Tinker]

Have a story of your Brilliance? Tales from your Back-story? Haiku, Poems, limericks, or songs?
Than by all means, post them here where they can be viewed and appreciated by your fellow Mads.

A place where you may post your short stories and other writings about your character, his/her/it's exploits, or other subjects of Madness.

War is such Madness
For those who see the Abyss
A place of respite

[chicgeek]

They're arguing. Again.

"But dear, she's so smart, It would be a waste to keep her from going."
"It'd be a waste to send her! College is wasted on girls, she'll just get married and have babies anyway."
"She was the youngest winner the science fair has ever had! And this scholarship-"
"SHE'S NOT GOING! Quit arguing with me,woman!"
"How can you say that? That patent of hers would've paid for it-if you hadn't 'invested' it for her! You owe her this chance! She-"
SMACK! "Shut up, woman!" Her sobs make the usual conterpoint to his yells."She's fourteen! And as long as she's under my roof, she'd better mind! If she's so smart, let her get a job. She ought to be able to run a register at StuffMart."

I just need one of them to give permission. Maybe, if I can get mom feeling guilty enough...

* * * * *
"You son of a bitch!" I yell. "This is MY research-with your name on it! I'll-"
"Do nothing. Come,come now, you're supposed to be somewhat intelligent.You should know how the game is played."
"Game?! Why you-"
"The last I checked, I was still head of this department. Besides, who would believe you?" There's that arrogant laugh I'm come to loathe."Barely 20-and you think because you've bamboozled them into giving you a degree or two,you know everything.Pretty little thing like you-it can't have been your brains that got you this far.Perhaps if you'd had the sense to be more...friendly.... Now, I have an awards ceremony to attend. And I believe you have some filing to do."
Speechless with rage, I watch him stroll out the door.

* * * * *
That night-

I've locked myself in my lab. The special brew of coffee I've developed is burbbling merrily on the bunsen burner, tossing out the occasional spark. I've lost count of how many pots I've made. Filing? Yes, but you haven't seen these files, Doctor. Too old and dusty to interest an "important" man like yourself. And hidden within, the code I've been trying to crack. The code you never even had the wit to notice. The lost notebooks of Nikola Tesla.

Her eyes gleam with madness as she feverishly starts to build.

[Professor_Tinker]

".. . . you're lying."

"I'm sorry, Andrew. I wish I was lying."

It was almost funny how small the boy looked, how normal.
Andrew tinker was fourteen, a skinny, girlish youth in a purple t-shirt and a pair of blue slacks with wire-frame glasses and hair (rather long for a boy) pulled back in a ponytail.
Just another kid.

He had been called out of school. Something had happened to his Dad. He had- he had assumed that it was nothing, just like before. All the other times. Turning purple, suddenly speaking german, having a fight with Mom and ending up with a petunia growing out of his ear.

Not this. Not coming home to his mother crying, and Dad's friend from work looking . . . grim.

His father, the kindest person he'd ever known, who always smiled, who just wanted to save the world, just wanted to help people. . .
He was dead. He was dead and he was never coming back. Nothing to resurrect-- the body was gone.
All that was left was a pile of dust and a pair of horn-rimmed glasses.

----------------------
A few weeks later, after the funeral, Andrew could walk around again.
His mom was. . . well, he could tell she was still sad, but she was carrying on. Just last week, she sent a rose-monster after the head of the CIA.

He had taken to wearing the glasses his dad had left behind. They were the same prescription as his, anyways.

He had spent a lot of time crying, and he still felt oddly. . . fragile. Sort of like there was a string inside of him being pulled taut.
Later, he would wish he had paid attention to that.

Andrew was sitting in the library, reading a copy of A Midsummer Night's dream and taking notes when the bullies from school walked up. Lord knows what they were doing in the *Library*.

Andrew ignored them as they began to taunt him, the jibes to his intelligence, gender, looks, and hobbies being nothing new, if aggravating.

Until...

"So I heard your Daddy died, huh? One less nerd in the world," taunted the lead bully, his cohorts laughing.

Andrew dropped his book, feeling pressure build inside of him. How dare they. How DARE they?!
"Don't talk about my Father like that." he hissed, standing up.

"I'll talk about him however the damn hell I want to. It's not like YOU can do anything to stop me, queer," sneered the bully, unaware of the danger that he faced as his cronies laughed again.

And laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed-
Something snapped, almost audibly, inside of Andrew Tinker's mind.
Every time he tried to think rationally, to calm down, during the thousand years within the three seconds the laughter came back filling his mind until--
It was suddenly so simple. All he had to do was say the right words, write the proper phrases down, remove the laughing dolts MOUTHS send them to someplace awful erase them from REALITY


He could see the stars but was lost in his head and everything was so simple words governed our minds governed or reality so if you shifted them then the butterflies could make candy and awful people could be consumed by the jabberwocky oh no but the tea was getting medusa he could change everything everything make it all so much BETTER!!!



It was twelve hours after he had been carried out of the twisted, warped remains of the Public Library before he woke up.
He wasn't terribly surprised to see Artie there. He had worked with his dad a lot and had talked to him a few times about the possibility of him going Mad.
He was really nice.
The last time he'd seen him was at the funeral.

". . . . . I did something bad, didn't I?" he asked softly.

"Well, not too bad. Not many people got hurt, and there's only a few people missing. Mostly just a lot of property damage." Artie said simply, trying to smile comfortingly.

There was a long silence.

"I don't want to be a bad person. . ."

"You don't have to be. You can do good, Andrew, I know you can."

Andrew shifted, picking up his Dad's glasses from beside the hospital bed and putting them on.
He would try. He would have to try.

[chicgeek]

Now, for something a bit lighter-


here lie the bones,
of henry jones
now he is no more.
what henry thought was H2O,
was H2SO4!

This version was from a book called Science Makes Sense, 1968-and I think that bit of doggerel was old then!
Thanks for starting this thread,Tinker. Great idea.

[Professor_Tinker]

No problem, Madame Chicgeek.
Everyone spent so much time on their backstorys, I thought it'd be neat to have a place to write about them!
I'll probably write something lighter later.. . . yeesh, NO Mad has a happy backstory for Madness, I suppose.

Oh, and
''There once was a Mad who had hired,
an Henchman, but soon he expired
Although he was dead,
they did save the head
So Paid Death Leave wasn't required."

[chicgeek]

Chic stands, hands on her hips, looking proudly around the old pasta factory she's aquired. Remodeling is going splendidly! Oh, she hasn't slept since,...frowns, doesn't quite remember. Dismisses it as unimportant-sleep is for people suffering from caffine deprevation.
The maze of pipes across the high ceiling have been left in place. The industrial feel they give has a certain appeal. Not to mention making lovely secret passageways, with just a little work.
It's a bizarre mix of styles-a behemoth of an old stove, straight from the 50's. Bright fiesta ware shares cabinet space with delicate china. The lovely bedroom suite from the 30's. She fell in love with the vanity, with the mirror like a giant full moon. Test tubes and crystal perfume bottles jumbled together on a delicate piece of lace, the glass sparkling in the light from a miniature Tesla coil.
But it somehow comes together nicely. The last books have been carefully arranged on their shelves, except for the odd one or two that's always in her lab coat. She frowns briefly at the thought of the inevitable destruction of her lair, then shrugs. She'll just find new treasures.
And the lab-she's lavished more care on it than all the rest combined. Dr.Frankenstein meets Buck Rogers, at a party hosted by Q's whole department. The unscientific mind gives up on processing the images.

When asked to describe later, the weasly little man shrugs, "Stuff..."

"Stuff? The only chance we had, before she finds that old service hatch, and all you can say is STUFF!?"

The weasel starts perspiring. "There were glowing things, lots of glowing things! Uh, stuff was shooting out funny blue sparks, uh...tables covered with stu-"
He sees the wild anger rising in his employer's eyes, and rephrases."-Uh, covered with a miscellaneous array of objects? Wires, cable..."He frantically racks his brain-"Lots of gears, my gosh boss, you'd think she's cornered the market or somethan! Is there money in gears, boss?" Blanches at the taller man's expression. "That's all I can think off...."his voice trails off miserably.

"Did you remember to plant the bomb, while you were taking such careful notes?" he hisses. "That WAS the whole point of this affair, after all."

"Sure,sure boss! First thing I did-she'll never find it,honest!" comes the frantic reply.

"Good." He smile unplesantly."Then I won't be requiring your services anymore. You're dismissed."

"Hey!" squawks the little man, finding some backbone."Not until I get paid! I'm not going nowhere until I get what's coming to me!"

Smiling-oh, with a setup like that, how else can he respond?-he pulls the trigger. Repeatedly.


* * * *

Chic makes a careful circle around the old industrial pasta machine. It'd be so much trouble to dismantle. But dammit, the thing ought to at least LOOK like it belongs in a scientist's home! Hmm...why not, just for fun? Add all the usual props. With a merry giggle, she starts tinkering.
Dials, need more dials, some of those big jack knife levers, ooh, a row of switches,yes! Set up two terminals, with electricity sparking between them...The wiring is practically antique. She tisks disapprovingly. The vintage has it place, true, but not in the works of a machine! Immediately getting to work building a fresh power source, Chic is drawn into the challenge, along the way forgetting her original purpose of just having fun. Making....well, she's not sure. It's not finished yet.

Something's ticking.
It's not the soothing sound of clockwork. She picks up the difference, jarring to her ears.

"Well, well," she murmurs. "The welcome wagon allready."

She casually pulls out a wire. Insulting, really. She didn't even need her pocketknife to disable this.She has her suspicions, but if this is the level of threat they offer, they're not worth her attention.

She could be wrong....


Everone needs a secret nemesis.

[chicgeek]

Tinker, I appear to be taking over your thread.

[Professor_Tinker]

Hee hee, no worries. I'll probably post something today. . . hmm, likely the story of Fredric's creation.

[Professor_Tinker]

"HALT, EVILDOER!! You face the force of DOCTOR ERIC TINKER, Gentleman Scientist!!
She whirled, raven hair fanning around her as she turned to face the smug hero framed in the doorway.

"Fool! You are far, FAR too late! My plan is set in motion, and there is NOTHING your pathetic do-gooding can do to stop me!" She cried, striking a dramatic pose.

The woman was somewhat tall, a buxom figure clad in a suspiciously well-fitting black lab coat spotted with white acid spills, thick gloves covering petite hands.. Her long, black hair fell unbound to her waist, wire-rimmed glasses accenting eyes as green as poison set in a pale, heart-shaped face.

The man was. . . well,for a Hero he wasn't much taller than the arguably petite (if menacing) figure in front of him. But he more than made up for stature with force of personality, grinning widely at the world with his hands set on his hips. He wore a horrific lemon-yellow lab coat, which clashed with everything else he was wearing (purple shirt and green pants- you can be shot for that in some places)
He was blond, hair cut short so as to spike slightly as Mad hair is wont to do. His horn-rimmed-glasses magnified his blue eyes, which sparkled intensly.

As this dramatic moment of good-versus-evil stretched, a small figure toddled between them to get to the fridge, the tiny black-haired toddler yawning softly.

"Hi daddy, Mummy, get off the chair." he said softly, pouring himself a glass of milk and dropping a pellet of concentrated chocolate into it, where it quickly dissolved.

The two figures looked at each other at dissolved into laughter, Kathleen Tinker hopping down off of the chair she had been sitting in to hug her husband.

He grinned, giggling slightly.
"Just like old times, huh?" he said happily, swooping her into a dramatic dip-kiss before picking up his son.

"Mmm, more or less. Except this time you knew better than to stare like a love struck idiot, giving me a chance to knock you out."

"Hee! Could you really blame me? Besides, You never really hurt me."

"Not for lack of trying. I think your skull is made of teflon."

Andrew giggled, hugging his Daddy as his parents began to banter, glad that he was home safe.

"Andrew, tell your mother to stop being mean to me.." Eric said mildly, putting his arm around his wifes waist and walking his son, up to bed.

"Oh, no you don;t. First thing you *said* to me was 'will you marry me', idiot! I get to make fun of you for *life*, boy." she said smugly, crossing her arms.

"I meant it."

"My plants had you held over the edge of the empire state building, by your *ankle*."

"Still meant it. Besides, I think it's obvious I won *that* argument."

"Only because I let you, scarecrow-boy."

"You said said yes. It just took a while."

The rest of the banter faded away as Andrew fell asleep, drifting of as his Mummy and Daddy tucked him in, giving him his stuffed Jagermonster plushie and putting his tiny glasses aside.
Their finest creation.
_--------------------------------_
Andrews parents.
His mom is, indeed, *hot*. She was a bit of a Femme Fatal, back in the day. She was also The Mad Scientists Beautiful Daughter, to boot. She'd pretend to help 'em escape, and lead them to the gator pits.
A lot of Andrews mannerisms are from his dad, but he mostly looks like his Mummy.

edit- If anyone is interested, His Mummy is still an Active Mad, but she hasn't done much for a while. Mostly just putters around with her coffee hybrids, her monstrosities, and her memories.
Every now and then, she calls Tinker up and bugs him to procure her grandchildren already.[/i]

[Desius]

This is a 'What If' tale.
What if Des had not met David Toboz in Tinkers lab?

Five Years Later
Dave Zobot kicked the door in, the well polished wood splintering under the weight of his mighty robotic boots.
He stepped through, his new hand helding the plasma charge steady, an incandesent orb held by metal fingers.
"Come now David, is that any way to greet your old friend," Des smirked, lounging in his throne, chin resting in the cup of his hand as he leaned on his elbow. His voice was tinny, as his second skin, the living metal seemed to ripple with his every word.
"Not today, villian," Zobot said confidently, his orb of plasma hurdling at the God-Emperor. Des looked bored, calm and still, the plasma splatterimg in front of him, the smell of ozone flooding the air as the lightning flickered and danced.
"Hrmph," Zobot sniffed, his hand venting the extra heat as he watched warily for Des's response.
Des sat with a dreamy smile, his eyebrows rising slightly. "Is.. is that all Professor?"
"I'm not a professor anymore, Desiu-"
"God-Emperor," Des warned a note of steel in his voice.
"God-Emperor then, "Zobot spat as Tinker followed timidly into the room behind Zobot, a sad tired frown on his face as his arms pressed against himself, holding what was left of his ragged natty coat, more a brown than its original red. "I'm the last hero this poor planet has left."
"We know," sighed Des, shifting his weight on his throne, the crowd of lesser Mads holding his throne moaning as the monstrous stainless steel abomination, padded with baby seal fur, shifted in turn. "Did you think a little hacking could break my defenses? Clever to try and hide it in the plasma stream." he watched as Zobot's face blanched. "We know you are the last, which is why we toler-" Des explained watching his fingernails as Tinker interupted him.
"Wh-where are my ch-children, Monster." Tinker spat.
"Why, We are right here, Father," Chicgeek remarked, echoing Desius's tone, stepping out of the shadows behind Des. "We have..." she started.
"... been waiting here," Wally finished, climbing through the hole in the massive throne doors behind them. Zobot watched warily, as Tinker, sobbed. "We've been here so long father," he smiled, matching Des's smile, adjusting the Vorpal rabbit pelt he wore as a mantle. "ever since..." he started.
"you left us here...," Chic smiled.
"Father," Des finished leaning forward, "We had to put Fredrich down unfortantly, he couldn't access..."
"...the Network//Salvation//Elysium." Chic smiled stepping forward to give the shattered man a hug. Tinker pushed by, moving to the throne. "I w-want you to to r-release my ch-children." Tinker sniffed, wiping away tears.
"They don't wish to leave," said Des sadly.
"Liar!" Tinker screamed pulling his notebook from his coat, flipping to an empty page. Zobot slammed wally, knocking him aside, his Armor of Rightousness flickering as he tried to distract Des, firing his mini-missiles froim his hand.
"Dammit Tinker!" He shouted, as the missles cause donlt he shield to flicker again, barreling into Chic. "This isn't the plan!"
Des watched, a flicker of interest as Tinker brought his pen to the page.
"The problem with the written word," Lord Dave said, grabbing Tinkers wrist as Des stood, "is how it fades in the light of television. Who reads a tale when they can watch it?" He laughed, as all the mads laughed together, an artificial sound, jarring to the ears, as screens flickered to life around them, mindless sitcoms and reality tv blaring into life.
Tinker slumped to the floor sobbing into his hands as So it Begins moved awkwardly to pat him on the shoulder. Everyone took on a face of pity, Des descending his throne, as Zobot screamed out.
"Tinker, watch out! Don't let him-" he tried to finish as, Jane Narbon grabbed him, Chic moving to grab his legs, as Wally tried to bear hug him.
Zobot, focused, his hand pulsing, throwing the others away, as he ran towards Tinker.
"You're not a god," whispered Tinker in his grief.
"God?" Des said, stepping off his throne a nameless mad throwing himself under his feet so they wouldn't have to be sullied by the floor, and lifting Tinkers chin with his fingers. We are..."
"...more than..." whispered Narbon Chic and Wally as they grabbed towards Zobot.
...a God." said So It Begins, Lord dave and Dr. Amino.
"We are..." Des smiled.
"...Legion," said Tinker with a hollow voice, standing up and facing Zobot.

To be continued whenever the mood strikes me.
Whee! And I even managed to work in Zobot's alternate future. Apologies to everyone, I know you'd all whoop Des before he got half as far, but hey its my What If, so ha!

[Professor Zobot]

First of all:

A) Don't sell your own Madness short, Des. It's entirely possible you would have burned through the entire world and conquored everyone with your plots.

B) This was actually pretty close to what I originally envisioned the alternate future being like. I figured that Des, Chic, and Wally (Who are already pretty close as far as Mads go, with Des being Chic's henchman, and Chic and Wally seemingly having something going on) would team up and bring the world under their heels. And would have pulled it off, too, until the emergence of Lagos, reborn as a cyborg-zombie rabbit escaped from the grips of "The Corporation" used it's zombie hordes to sweep across the world. The only known three survivors are the three ruling Mads, who transmit themselves into metallic bodies to preserve themselves and memory of the human race.

Then, for lack of humans to eat, the Zombie race dies out by literally rotting away, except for Zombie Lagos, who finds a way to preserve himself. In the ruins if civilization, the gerbils rise up and become intelligent, huge, and build their own world. Des, Chic, and Wally as living robots become "The prophets", manipulating any gerbils that encounter them so as to try and reshape the world to their whims, but they aren't very good at it.

I don't know what would have happened to Professor Zobot or Prof. Tinker in this future. I figured that at some point during the gerbil era Nega-Tinker would appear in this dimension, (assumably after ordinary Tinker died) but I never thought about what Prof. Zobot would have gone on to do. His younger, time-traveling self eventually obtained the Armor Of Righteousness, created by the three Mad God-Emperors of Earth during the Second Zombie war but never used (Due to difficulties in development time) and the Space-Ferrari (A vintage model converted into a space machine, never used due to the eventual depletion of fossil fuels) and proceeded to fight against the oppressive Gerbils, Nega-Tinker, and the evil legions of Zombie Lagos reborn before they all started destroying themselves. I also don't know what would have happened to Dr. Amino or SiB, although the latter eventually made giant nanites (yes, I'm aware that the purpose is defeated) that younger Zobot used as allies in his struggle.

And then there's Maria Narbon, who I refuse to comment upon under any circumstances, except to say that the Narbon Legacy of evil lived on even into the broken future. Except that none of it ever happened, due to the unfortunate ramifications of unintentional time travel, which is an excuse that can be used to cover ANYTHING, I swear.

[SoItBegins]

It's entirely possible you would have burned through the entire world and conquered everyone with your plots.

I would have had to use the Hyperkeeper's Choice first. And that is something you do not want to see.

[SoItBegins]

She'd pretend to help 'em escape, and lead them to the gator pits.

You just sparked a verrry interesting idea.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on!" the girl said, as the two ran down one of the back corridors of the Mad Scientist's laboratory. Jim was considering himself extremely lucky. After being captured by the nefarious Professor Linus Risk, he was expecting a slow, lingering death in some dastardly device. Or, if he was lucky enough to avoid that fate, all he could look forward to was being a mindbound slave for the rest of his life. However, things had taken a turn for the better when the girl, the Professor's only child, appeared and sprung him from the cell he was held in.

Kathleen, the Professor's daughter, was quite beautiful, and also sympathetic. Not holding with the draconian policies of her father, she was determined to become a hero some day. Maybe, just maybe, she could make up for the damage her parent had caused.

Right now, of course, Jim was more thankful that she knew a secret back way out. The way was quite long and complex, but it bypassed all of the cameras, microphones, and other security sensing devices her father had built into the place.

Jim turned a corner, to see Kathleen waving to him from a nearby door. In he went. Inside was a mostly-empty storage room, a few boxes pushed to the side walls, with a hallway going out the other end. Jim's thoughts pushed themselves back into his mental spotlight.

What a nice girl. Beautiful. Stunning, in fact. Maybe I could bring her back to my parents. They could get her started on the Heroics track. For the good of mankind, and all that. Who knows, maybe we could even start dating...

Some ways ahead of him, Kathleen had stopped running, and now her features were arranged in a small, satisfied grin. She reached out, and pushed a button on the wall...

As the floor disappeared out from under him, Jim's thoughts went the same way as the rest of him: down. The thoughts didn't have too much time to react, however, as Jim slid headfirst down a hidden slide and landed in a strong net, right over a pit of hungry alligators. The net was far enough away for Jim to be safe, but juuust close enough that the alligators lunged at it anyway.

Seated behind the safety railing of a viewing gallery at the edge of the room, Professor Linus Risk looked up, with a grin as wide as the sunrise.

"Ah, James," he said, folding his fingers together, "I see you've met my daughter."

TO BE CONTINUED!

[Professor_Tinker]

* collapsed on the floor, laughing. *
Oh, dear *god*, that was *brilliant*!
Hee hee hee. . . . that poor, poor man. I bet that trick even worked more than once on the *same* guy.

Until a stubborn blond-headed dofus showed up, I suppose.[/i]

[SoItBegins]

Wait for the second installment! I'm not done!

[Professor_Tinker]

A moment stretched in time as Eric Tinker, Mad Undergrad stared blankly at the beautiful visage before him.

His cheeks flamed red, but he wasn't sure if that was the sudden surge of his heartbeat, rush of emotions, and angelic choir, or just the fact that he was being hung upside-down by his ankles.

"So, Mr. Tinker. I have you here at my mercy, you who dared step upon the toes of my glorious ascent to power. What shall it be then? The quick death, or the slow death," crowed Kathleen Risk, clenching her garden-gloved hands into fists. Fists of *triumph*.
As the wind billowed her coat and hair dramatically, Eric stared for a second longer before grinning widely.

"Marry me," he declared, managing to put his hands on his hips while upside-down.

". . . . you're kidding," she said flatly, crossing her arms.

"No, I'm not! Really I'm not. You're a captivating vision of vivacious villainy," he said cheerfully.

For a moment Miss Risk's lips twitched into a small little smile. It was the most beautiful thing Eric had ever seen.
She gestured, and her Spikey Viney Monster(TM) swung him so that he was hanging face-to-face with her, perhaps a scant foot away.

He held his breath.

"Slow death it is," she chirped sweetly, and promptly bashed his head with a nearby lead pipe.

After getting out of the cage, recovering from the experiments Miss Risk subjected him to, and finally making it back to his humble Stronghold of Adventure (AKA his college apartment) Eric went shopping.
Next time, he would make sure to bring an engagement ring.[/b]

[chicgeek]

# I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Just looked it up-
Number 19 on the evil overlord list.

[Professor_Tinker]

# I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Just looked it up-
Number 19 on the evil overlord list.

Well, she fits the first part, but she never betrayed her Dad, really. And certainly not for *Eric*. She just went to collage, after a while.
. . . . and Eric is the Anti-rugged. Or the Anti-Othar, as it were.

[Professor Zobot]

(A quick note regarding the following snippit: I liked Desius' "what-if" story a lot. It was really cool, and after reading it, I kept getting ideas for a continuation of it, and how such a thing might go. Although I feel my version kinda seems a bit like a confrontational response to his piece, and I don't mean it that way, I wanted to write it because I thought it was cool. I hope you guys enjoy it. Des, I know I was waiting for you to revise it, since I asked you to, and if you've already started, finish and send it to me, and I'll replace this version with the new one. Or if you'd rather, write up another continuation/afterword of this, you mentioned that you might want to. Anyways, it continues where Desius' story left off...)

"Tinker..." David gasped, then gritted his teeth and punched the former man to the floor. Desius winced. "We both already know that trick won't work on me." Shoving down with his robotic arm, he pushed himself skyward, grabbing one of the cables hanging overhead. "Someone once said that Mad scientist was just a broken person. Well, I'm not even that: I'm like a broken mad scientist." He pointed down and fired a mini-missile at Desius, who raised a palm, and the missile shifted directions and flew into a wall. "Except I'm missing a few of the pieces, too. It kinda feels like you're scanning a corrupted file when you try to access my mind, doesn't it?"

Desius frowned, thronged by Mads. "A mistake we made once. Enjoy the only victory you ever had."

"Oh, I will." David grinned. "You know, I used to love it when bad guys told me how to beat them. God-Emperor? Legion?" He chuckled and let go of the cable, the jets in his armor of Righteousness propelling him towards the throng. "That's hubris, Des. If I trash one of them, you feel it too." He hit the ground and propelled himself forward. "Maybe not like actual pain, but you definitely feel it. I saw that little flinch when I smacked Tinker."

"You'd hurt them? Even kill them?"

David looked up. Desius was smiling. He hated that smile. It was time to play a game of chicken. "Collateral damage, Desius. Besides, it's not like they weren't mad already." He charged forward, aiming at Chicgeek...and stopped. He couldn't do it. Then his armor locked up.

"You are right, Zobot... we cannot access your mind." The God-Emperor brushed some dust off his primary form. "But the computerized mind of your armor does not have that... problem." Every one of his Mads smiled as they stepped forward and encircled David. "We would have killed you before, but we enjoyed the faux conflict. And we do so hate to waste things. So when we decided to allow you to come, we developed a special form of control, just for you." The primary part of Desius reached into a pocket and removed a computer chip, holding it in his palm.

There was a tone of fear in David's voice. "Desius...you don't WANT to do this. You have Tinker's mind, you KNOW how the stories work. I'm the hero here... the more adversity you put me up against, the worse it'll be for you when I overcome it."

Desius ignored the last attempts of a broken man. "We know how much you've always relied on cybernetic augmentation, so we felt this would be fitting..." He stepped forward, holding his hand towards David's head.

David closed his eyes. "A real god would have seen this coming." His voice came not from the man encircled by the Legion, but from above. All parts of Desius' legion of minds stepped back a moment too late. The body of the Zobot flashed red, then exploded, shrapnel flying everywhere. Blood pooled on the floor as multiple injured bodies collapsed to the ground in a circle.

David Toboz dropped down from above, a different man from his Zobot double. He only had one arm, the robotic prosthetic had been mounted to his double. Whereas the exploded Zobot had been young and angry, this man just looked tired. Dark rings surrounded his eyes, and wrinkles covered his face. His shriveled body didn't look threatening in the slightest. "In Ender's Game the humans shouldn't have won. The hive mind of the buggers was stronger than them and out-maneuvered them at every turn. The only reason humanity survived in the story is because they did the one thing that the bugs couldn't consider: They attacked the queens, without any regard for their own survival. They only won because they cheated. Not very heroic, is it?"

Desius spat out a tooth and pushed himself up with his one uninjured arm. David stepped forward towards him, unarmed. "Neither am I. Not anymore." He looked over at Tinker. "A hero wouldn't have tricked his own ally into helping a robot built to convince everything, including itself, that it was human. A few weeks ago, at the eve of my last failure, I took a long look at things the way they are...and how they were. You know what conclusion I came to? That heroes...and villians... are unnecessary." From the doorway to the room, several guards started to pour in. "You said once, a long time ago, that you wanted to cure the world. Whatever happened to that? The atmosphere's nothing but smog, people nothing more than drones, and most cities smoking ruins, which only adds to the smog. You controlled all the Mads and latents you could find, and killed anyone else that opposed you. Granted, it wasn't all your fault. Mads, and the people that oppose them, have been racking up the collateral damage for centuries now. We are obsolete."

The guards encircled him, ready to defend their Emperor. David reached down into his lab coat and withdrew a small, white orb. "I'm not going to kill you, Desius, because there isn't a mad scientist worth their salt that cant cheat death a dozen times." David looked over at the fallen body of Tinker. "But I can do better, and the only reason I can is because of what you did. They don't even WORK without you anymore, do they?" The soldiers aimed, careful not to shoot themselves. "Pack your bags, you bugger queen, because I'm sending us both someplace we cannot return from, even if we tried." With an impish grin, David Toboz shattered the milky white sphere, and the air in a circle around him and Desius tore. The sound of gunshots echoed in through the halls, but neither Desius or David remained. From this existence, they were gone.

[chicgeek]

Wow. Will everyone please take a bow?

[Professor_Tinker]

I concur.
*sigh* The Stories always end.
One way or another. . . plus, nice Enders game riff.

[Professor Zobot]

Weeeeeellll... it MIGHT not be fully over. I can't say anything yet, but there might be one more bit of that particular story.

[That Guy]

Thad was so happy. Today he got to go to work with Daddy. Daddy worked at an office full of people. Really nice people. He knew so, cause Daddy told him.

Daddy got him out of bed and dressed and they both got into the car. Once they got past the school Daddy told him to settle down so he could tell him something.

"Thaddeus, now is the best time to tell you. We're not like other people. We see things others don't. I have a confession to make. I work at a science lab."

"Oh, oh, are you a Top Secret Scientist, huh are you Daddy?"

"No Thaddeus, I don't."

They pulled up to a house. Daddy made a special knock on the door and it whooshed open. They walked down a big flight of metal stairs until they reached an elevator. They rode it for what felt like forever.

At the bottom a man dressed in a big white lab coat greeted them. "Hello Sebastian, and this must be young Thaddeus."

"Yes. Thaddeus, this is Professor Vercutchen, Daddy's boss."

"Well, Sebastian, tell Thaddeus here all the rules and get settled. I'll have some work for you in no time."

After a long speech Daddy set little Thad at his desk. Then some loud sounds from another room. "Sebastian," called Prof. Vercutchen, "a little help in here."

Daddy told Thad to sit still until he got back. However, Thad got bored really quick. So he wandered off until he found some toys.

When Daddy found Thad he was really scared. Thad couldn't figure out why though. The kitty was really nice. Once he got Thad away from it though, he was angry. He was telling him that he shouldn't have done that.

All little Thad could say was, "B-b-b-but the kitty wanted to play too."

Later Thad overheard Daddy and Prof. Vercutchen talking:

"You have to admit, Sebastian, this is quite an interesting development."

"No, I will not. He's just a child. Our family hasn't produced a Mad in over two centuries."

"Ah, but what of Emeline's family."

"She was orphaned and you know it. I'll thank you to keep her out of this."

"I know her loss was hard for you, but she may well have been of a highly Mad family. Sebastian, we have to look at this as an opportunity. You know I'm well versed in psychology."

"No. I won't let you make my son into a test subject. You'll drive him Mad and then what."

"Sebastian, keeping him away from all of this would only make his transition more difficult. If we let him slip into it from a young age he won't even have trouble unless there is an extreme event."

"It won't be safe for him growing up around this."

"Safer than it would be if he were suddenly thrust into the lifestyle. Take him home Sebastian. We'll talk more tomorrow."

Ten years later.

"Thaddeus grab that quickly now."

Thad grabbed the pipe and wrestled it into position. "There, Professor."

"Good job, Thaddeus. My weather machine is almost complete. Your father can help me get the rest of it. Why don't you go feed Paul."

Thad enjoyed feeding Paul. He felt very connected to the big monster cat.

"How are you, Paul?" he asked throwing the cat a large steak. "My week's been lousy. All the guys make fun of me cause I don’t like sports, and Amanda Spencer said she wouldn’t go out with me. Apparently, I’m ‘just too spacey’ for her."

He gave Paul another steak.

Later that day, Thad was tidying around in the Professor’s Lab. He looked at a vial. "Hmm, what’s that. ‘Metabolic Converter Prototype 401.’ Well if he really wants to convert metabolism…"

He added a few things. "That’s better."

After Thaddeus had gone home for the day Prof. Vercutchen cornered Sebastian, "He fixed my Metabolic Converter today. He’s managed to add a critical element to it. I couldn’t even figure it out before he changed it."

"We should probably give up now then."

"No, you don’t see Sebastian. I’ve exposed him to extreme stimulus. He won’t go mad unless…well."

"What?"

"Well, unless we tell him what we did."

[chicgeek]

Okay, time for a silliness break. Anybody remember the old Super Chicken cartoon? Done by the same people as George of the Jungle, and Rocky and Bullwinkle. The hapless David Toboz, ordering the intelligent chicken special at the food booth, inspired me.

The original version-for all the mewling infants out there-

When you find yourself in danger,
when you're threatened by a stranger,
when you feel that you will take a lickin'
bukbukbukbuk
When theres no one else to turn to
when theres no one else to turn to-
call out, for super chicken!
And if you're afraid you'll have to overlook it,
besides you knew the job was dangerous when you took it
buk kaw!
He will drink his super sauce and throw the bad guys for a loss
and he will bring them in alive and kickin'
bukbukbukbuk
when there's no one else to turn to, when there's no one else to turn to-
Call out for super chicken!
bukbukbukbuk
call out for super chicken
BUk KAW!

the parody-
When you find yourself in danger
nothing to feed a hungry stranger
and you feel that you will take a lickin'
bukbukbukbuk
when there's no one else to turn to,
when there's no one else to turn to-
Call out for Super Chicken!
And if you're afraid that we will overcook it,
well, he knew the job was dangerous when he took it
Buk kaw!
Dunk in him our Super Sauce
and serve him with a salad tossed
and you will say that he is finger lickin'
bukbukbukbuk
When there's no one else to turn to,
when there's no one else to turn to-
Call out for Super Chicken!
bukbukbukbuk
Call out-for Super Chicken!
BUK KAW!

We now return to our regulary scheduled dramatic storylines.

I can't wait for the next chapters from all of you. Very exciting, fun, dramatic,ect ect. Thanks again, Tinker, for starting this thread!

[Desius]

Edit!
I'm redoing some bits be back in a bit

[Professor_Tinker]

Agent Xerox sighed, taking off his sunglasses to rub his eyes.
This was *not* what he had signed up for. He had signed up to work in the government, to help people, to sit in a little room doing paperwork so that the world could keep running a little smoother.

And he was good at paperwork!
Too good as it turned out. Good enough to be the first person to complete Form 40.11-X, an article of such complication and difficulty that it had driven men Mad.

And apparently, made him a perfect target to be dragged kicking and screaming into recruitment for the mysterious section M, a peculiar branch of the government devoted to attempting to minimize the damage of mad Scientists and their creations.

While technically it had been a promotion, with good benefits and a pay hike, Primary 'Prim' Xerox had not been happy about it at the time.
Since then he had dealt with countless mads, stood face to face with note one but TWO Narbons, had his hair turned permanently lime-green, and slowly become something he had never wanted to be.. . . a Hero.

And how happy was he now? ...well, it varied from day to day. Today was *not* one of the *good* days. He had been stalling on getting a new Mad Scientist Liaison for the past year after the last two had fallen through, and the 'Boss' was getting a bit tetchy about it.
Nothing good came of the Boss getting Tetchy.
So now he had to interview prospective Mad Scientist Liaisons, a process much like getting a root canal, with no anesthesia, using a screwdriver that occasionally turned into an octopus for a second, while driving a clown car.
...MAN that had been one rough ComiCon.

He sighed as the intercom came on, resisting the urge to slam his head into his desk.
"Hey, Color-copy! Look alive, we have one last interview." crackled the voice of his so called 'secretary' Mr.Callipso.

"My name is XEROX, dammit. And I don't care.I have thirteen 45-88 'Godzilla' Permits to fill out and this is useless. I'll just tell the boss that we couldn't find anyone." he said flatly, pulling a Raspberry Nico-Lolly out o f his pocket and popping it into his mouth with a tired grunt.

"Look, Lime-Cat, there's one applicant left and you *need* to see him, so pack up the pity part and let me send him in." snapped Calypso, making Agent Xerox flinch in annoyance.

"What is his name?" he said tiredly, giving in.

"Andrew Tinker." Calypso said smugly.

". . . Tinker?" He asked hopefully, blinking slightly.

"Okay, send him in." he said finally, sitting up and putting his sunglasses on.

Andrew Tinker walked into the office of the man who would be interviewing him. He remembered this office from when he was little, even if the man who sat at the desk was different that the one that had been there then.
This is a younger Tinker than the on we know, one with only a Bachelors in Literature, a very new baby Fredric, shorter hair, and a bit less confidence.

But he had the Coat already, bright red and already the survivor of a near death experience. Between that and the familiarity of the building, a place that still meant 'dad' to a part of him, he managed to walk into Agent Xerox's office with confidence.

Andrew strode into the room, sitting gracefully in the seat in front of the Agents desk.
He was ready for this. Maybe he wasn't a Dr. yet, but he knew he was ready for M. As soon as he heard that the position was open, he had jumped at it. He was ready to try and be a hero.
...plus he needed the job. Madness and retail didn't go over well, as it turned out.

He cleared his throat, and as an after thought pulled out a tiny palm-sized bundle of fluff and feathers from his pocket- Fredric (as he had come to name him) probably needed some air.

"Alright, Mr. Tinker... are you related to Eric Tinker?" Asked Xerox, raising an eyebrow at the tiny little- was that a baby bunny?! Good god, that couldn't be good.

Andrew blinked, petting baby Fredric behind his ears, causing the rabbit to make little 'meep' noises- something that Andrew was very fond of. Hee hee!

"Yes, he was my father. Erm, you knew him?" he asked awkwardly, petting Fredric ("Meep!") some more. It was always so awkward. . .

"Yes, he was still here when I got shanghai- um, promoted to M. He was a good man." Xerox said, a little sadly. Poor kid. It was obvious he was still a little raw about it, and he couldn't blame him.
At least it seemed like he didn't blame them, if he was applying for the same job.

"Meep!" said Fredric, breaking the silence and making them both chuckle. Andrew smiled at the little ball of fluff, who was opening his eyes blearily, little wings fluttering.

"Okay, what is with the bunny?" Said Xerox, taking off his sunglasses and setting them aside. He had a good feel about this kid, even aside from being a Tinker.

"He's not a bunny, he's a Vorpal rabbit. With wings. He was a bunny a few weeks ago, but I had had an Idea after a Monty Python marathon so I got him from a pet shop and modified him. His name is Fredric." Andrew explained fondly, bouncing Fredric up in the air so that he could practice flapping his wings.

Xerox tilted his head at the sight, chuckling.

"Fredric? As in Fredric the White Rabbit, from 'Alice in Wonderland'?" He asked, standing up to get a better look.

"Mmm-hmm." "Meep! Meep!"

". . . . a *Vorpal* rabbit? An indestructible killing rabbit?"

"Yep!" "Meep!"

". .. Can he talk?"

"A little. Say Hello, Fredric," " 'Allo, Fredric!"

Xerox blinked, staring at the little Vorpal rabbit, before reaching out to shake his hand.
"Andrew Tinker, You're hired. You;re going through school, right? Can you come by monday morning?"

Andrew stood up and shook his hand, holding Fredric carefully and grinning cheerfully.

"Sure! I'm sure you have work to do, so I'll see myself out." he said happily.

"Sure, sure. Oh, and by the way?"

"Yes?"

"...Bring Fredric."

"Meep!"

[chicgeek]

Okay, Wallycaine and I realized Chic and Wally should have gone out to dinner a couple of weeks ago, the next day after the mad rednecks. And he had the idea of putting their date in the Tales of Madness.His idea, I wrote, he edited and added a couple of scenes.
So, without further ado-

The Next Day-Dinner at Eight

Chicgeek paces the floor.Desius collapsed shortly after entering the lair, but sleep continues to elude her. Just that morning she asked Wallycaine to dinner, in apology for tearing him a new one. Gnashing her teeth, she remembers how Lord Dave tricked her with that false post on Wally's livejournal. Oh, revenge will be sweet! "bug zapper,lol", indeed.
"Hmpf, wait'll I inject him with some of that mutagen water I saved, and he turns into a giant cockroach. I'll show him "bug zapper!"
Thoughts of glorious revenge are set aside with difficulty. She has a more pressing problem.
"When Wally said how about tomorrow at eight, why did I agree so fast? Where am I going to take him? What am I going to wear? And I won't have enough time to rebuild the zeppelin, even with Tinker's help! Grrrr!"
"Hmm," she ponders. "Nowhere too fancy-I don't want to scare him off. But nice enough for a peace offering. Let's see-he's a college student. Probably living on ramen noodles. Maybe...someplace that does a good steak? Perfect."
Satisfied to have that much of her nefarious plan decided, she allows herself to crash.

The next day-The phone rings at Wallycaine's abandoned barn. He pulls the pillow over his head, groaning."Lagos! Get that, will you? Lagos!"
Beetlebrox -"Lagos is investigating that mystery corporation, remember? Aren't you a little young to be getting so absentminded,Wally?"
"Oh, funny. Not. For's god's sake, just take a message, willya?"
"As you wish. Miss Chicgeek? I regret Wallace cannot-"
"Gimme that! Hey, Chic, I wasn't expecting to hear from you this early. What? No, I'm not a vegetarian. Sure, we can use my car. Okay, I'll see you tonight.Bye."

Wall hung up the phone and paced back and forth. She'd called back fairly early. Did that mean that she couldn't wait or that she wanted to get it over with? Was it really an apology dinner, or something more? Should he dress up... no, that'd just scare her off. Just go with the lab coat. Lab coat works for a steakhouse, right? Better get a tie to be sure. Man, it's getting close to lunchtime. Better fix some ramen...

Wally rings the bell, then nervously runs a hand through his hair. Should he have used the Old Spice after all? Too late now-the door swings open. "Oh, hey, Des'."
Desius is in full butler mode. "This way, sir. Madam is expecting you." As he turns, Wally can glimpse a singed patch in his hair.(Desius should've know better than to tease Chic.)
Chic touches up her lipstick one last time, takes a deep breath, and enters the room. "Wally! Just let me get my purse."
Oh, god. I'm wearing a summer dress and wedges. He's wearing his lab coat.His hair's gone spiky. And is that a clip on tie...
Smiles bravely. "I'd better grab my coat, too. I think it's supposed to rain later. And thanks for driving, Wally. I've just got the motorcycle now, until I rebuild the Zephyr."
"No..no problem,Chic." Wally has a brief but vivid mental image of riding a motorcycle with her, holding on close..."Maybe we could take the cycle next time?"
Chic gives him a dazzling smile, as they walk out."There's this steak place that's just had a grand reopening-Bob's Steakhouse?"

* * *
The hostess on duty stiffens upon seeing two lab coated figures approach her, and frantically waves the manager over. "Not again!" He mutters." It took us weeks to rebuild after the last ones!"
She pastes on a smile, and in an artificially perky voice-"Gosh! I'm sorry, there's a two hour wait tonight."
Wally voice goes deceptivly calm."What a shame. Oh, well, it'll give us a chance to finish up the new death ray. Say, you *are* insured, right?"
"Uh..." gulps."Why, there's a table just opened up! How did I miss that? Right this way,please."
A very nervous waiter hustles over with water glassses and menus.
"Hmm," Chic ponders."I think I'll start with the farmer's market salad, with raspberry vinegrette. Wally, what would you like for an appetizer?"
"I'll have the cheese sticks."
The waiter pauses, and starts to say-"But cheese sticks aren't on the-" Chic glares at him icily-"uh, that is, very good,sir, it's the chef's speciality." As he runs to the kitchen, Wally gives Chic a deadpan glance-then winks, cracking her up.
The ice has been effectively broken. They chat about henchmen,school experiences, other mads-the dinner flies past. There's an unfortunate moment when he taps the bottle of steak sauce too hard, but Chic assures him it'll wash right out of her dress.
"How about dessert?" Chic smiles." I see they have bananas foster on the menu." "Sure, why not?" Wally wonders if that's anything like a banana split.
The waiter has relaxed somewhat by this point. He proudly sets the platter of fruit and rum before them. As Wally turns to pick up a dropped napkin, the waiter sets the treat aflame.
"Holy crap!" Wally shouts. It must have gotten too close to the candle! Thinking fast, he douses it with the flame retardent gel from his third arm."I can't believe how careless you are!" he scolds the hapless waiter. Chic stares at him strangely for a moment."Um, yes, it was a good thing you were prepared. Waiter, check,please!"
Wally decides to drive the long way back. Chic doesn't seem in a hurry to get home, and he's found a good 80's station. He hums along, enjoying the drive."Running with the devil....running with the devil..."
And the car coasts to a stop. And won't start back up.
"Damn! I'm sorry Chic, I meant to fill this up earlier. I-" She's convulsed with giggles. "Oh, Wally! That's one of the classics-car running out of gas on a lonely road!"
"But..it wasn't on purpose!"
"Sure, Wally, sure." She obviously doesn't believe him. The last song on the radio is going through his mind. 'only the good die young'.
All right then, if I'm getting blamed for it anyway...he reaches out and holds her face in his hand. She leans closer...
"Hold it right there!" A bright light shines in the window. Sheriff Dan continues. "You kids think you can-oh,crap.onoonoonooo!"
This was just a routine patrol of the back roads-and it's THEM! ohgodohgod...
* * *
The patrol car resembles an accordian. What's left of his hair is scorched and standing on end. Sheriff Dan has promised to wait right by Wally's car, have it filled up, new battery,washed,waxed, and delivered.
Wally starts super leaping.
"at least it's not" KRAKOOM! "uh, raining...crap."
Arriving at her lair, they stand in silence for a moment. Chic thinks-'I'm covered in A1, flame retardant, and now I must look like a drowned rat.'
Wally thinks-'I've ruined her outfit, oh man, she lost a shoe on the way, and I doused her dessert in chemicals. Smooth, Wally,smooth'
"Wally?" she says quietly.
"Yes, Chic?" This is where she sends me packing.
"I had a good time tonight."
"....."
Looks at her. "Oh, what the hell." *SMACK*
A few breathless minutes later-" Goodnight, Chic. I owe you dessert, okay?"
" 'kay, Wally. Goodnight."
She hobbles inside, smiling.
Desius is wisely laying low.

[chicgeek]

We now return you to your regularly scheduled angst and anguish.

Seriously, I can't wait for more of the Desius/Zobot saga. And That Guy's story, and all the katty Risk and various Tinkers, and...gee, this is a fun thread.

[Professor_Tinker]

We now return you to your regularly scheduled angst and anguish.

Seriously, I can't wait for more of the Desius/Zobot saga. And That Guy's story, and all the katty Risk and various Tinkers, and...gee, this is a fun thread.

I;m glad I thought of it.
Between the two of us, we might even be able to strike a balance! Baby!Fredric is especially cheering. 'Meep' indeed.

[chicgeek]

Yeah, the 'meep!' cracks me up. Nice touch!