Comics by Shaenon II

[Professor_Tinker]

And Andrew will giggle. Oh, the giggling.

[Desius]

I sincerly apologize to Claire, but your character wanted to join in and well I ran with it. Thank god for non-canon.

The fire from the explosion smoldered in the night, casting an orange glow over the smoky crater.
And yet it was as a dim candle before the smoldering in his eyes.
Claire gasped once before his lips crushed hers in a burning passion.
Des held her, as she panted against hischest, his shirt ripped from him in the explosion, arms entwined....
Ok, no. We're not going here.
"Oh come on!' Des shouted, dropping Claire as the set crew extinguished the fire. "If I have to get stuck being cast in these terrible fan fics, you have to say too."
"No offense," Des quickly backpedal, reaching to help Claire up, "It's just I hardly know you, and-"
Claire swated his hand away. "Bah." She snorted, tossing her head, "I finally get my wish to do something and I get stuck doing harlequin romance with the help."
"I'll have you know that I'm one of the most feared and respected Mads-" Des snarled, arms crossed as he looked down on her.
"By whom? Rednecks in an unauthorised side arc?" Claire laughed, pushing herself up only to fall on a knee as her strap broke. "@#$! these high heels, honestly, who always thinks to make henchwomen wears these."
"Woman." Des hissed in chilly tones, " I can destroy your mind in a moment's effort." His eyes burned blue and green a mismatched pyre of smoldering hatred.
"You and what doomsday device." Claire sneered back, "Oh wait you can build one can you, all style and no substance."
Des grabbed her dress and lifted her easily to her feet, locking her eyes with his as he dropped leaden tones of doom. "Try me."
Claire panted, watching the hate burn in his eyes, running her hands through his hair. Des pulled her close letting the burning hate fuel his... what the hell is this dribble, I mean, this reads like a 13 year old wrote it.
Guys?
Umm... you can stop now.
Oh god. someone let me out of this booth.
Oh GOD! My eyes! My eyes!
ARRGH!

[Claire]

Claire grinned. "Thanks, Desius!"

Why are you thanking him?

"That was great! There were explosions, and he even used his mad voice on me!"

Yeah, but it was with Desius.

"So? He's really, really mad and evil. He's awesome. Besides, it's not canon anyway."

Look, I'm just saying that this is going to lead to you hiding under your bed whimpering.

"Pah, it's not canon, so I don't have to worry about that. Let me have my fun. Why did that strap break, anyway?"

Remember that squirrel I put in when you said you were bored? The one you kept throwing rocks at? It decided to take revenge.

"I thought it ran into an exploding fern and blew up."

You left the bit of forest with exploding plants a while ago.

"How am I supposed to tell? The trees all look the same. They are the same. I put a scratch on that one a couple of miles back. I'd say I was going in circles, except you've declared that I'm going in a straight line, so of course I must be."

Look, you had your fun, ok? Just keep walking.

"Fine."

"Can I get a fight scene, too?"

No! Be happy someone wrote a fan fic scene for you! Now, keep walking through those trees.

[Jane Narbon]

ChicGeek, Jane Narbon, and Desius in "Desius the Henchman"
Special thanks to Charlie the Unicorn

One day, Desius was sleeping when it happened. In a bright and bubbly mood, ChicGeek and Jane Narbon came into Desius's room.

"Hey! Desius! Hey, Desius, wake up!" said Chic.

"Yeah, Desius, you silly sleepyhead, wake up!" said Jane in sugary-sweet tones.

"Uhhhhgh..." groaned Desius. "You guys.... this had better be pretty darn important. Is the lab on fire?"

The question seemed to amuse Chic and Jane immensely. Both their faces were flush with wonder and excitement (and a little innocence for good measure.)

"No, Desius," said Chic. "We figured out how to find the portal to MadOz!"

Jane chimed in with "Yeah, Desius, we're going to MadOz! Come with us, Desius!"

Chic added "It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure, Desius!"

Desius groaned. "Yeah... MadOz... right. I'm just going to go back to sleep now."

Chic wasn't to be deterred, as she started to pull the blankets off of him. Desius quickly snatched one edge of them, and the two started an impromptu tug-of-war.

"No! Desius! You have to come with us to MadOz!"

"Yeah, Desius, MadOz! It's a land of machines, and marvels, and mad science," added Jane, almost squeeing in delight.

Desius, however, had more pressing concerns. "WILL YOU PLEASE STOP PULLING MY BED OUT FROM OVER ME?" he growled.

"MadOz, Desius!"
"Yeah, MadOz!" the two chorused. Chic didn't stop with the tug-of-war.

Desius gave up.

"Fine, I'll go with you to MadOz!"

~~~~~~~~~

As the three walked through the nearby local forest, Chic and Jane walking excitedly in front, Desius bringing up the rear, the two front-runners began to slow down.

"Our first stop is over there, Desius," said Chic, pointing.

There, in a clearing, was a statue of some fantastic beast. "Oh god, what is that?" asked Desius.

"It's a Bobonephlion, Desius!"

"A moving Bobonephlion!"

"It's gonna guide our way to MadOz!"

"Uh, you two do know that there's no actual MadOz, right?"

"Shun the non-believer!"
"Shunnnn!"
"Shunnnn!"

"...yeah."

Right after Desius finished speaking, the statue began to move, did a strange dance, appeared to malfunction, collapsed in a heap, and exploded.

"It has spoken!" said Chic.

"It has told us the way!" added Jane, walking on.

After a long pause, Desius followed the two, pointing out "It didn't say anything!!"

~~~~~~~~~

The two Mads, who for some reason seemed to be incessantly bubbly today, had led Desius to a large tower. When the three got on a clear platform at the top of the tower, in began to move. Then it turned invisible.

"It's just past this skyrail line!"

"This wonderful skyrail line, of science and wonder!"

"Is anyone else getting vertigo? Seriously, you two, we shouldn't be on this thing."

"Desius... Deeesius.... Deeeeesius... Deeesi--"

"I'm right here, what do you want?!"

"We're on a skyrail, Desius! Isn't it wonderful?"

~~~~~~~~~

"We're here!" said Jane, stopping in front of a tall brass archway. A sign over the archway read "Welcome to MadOz", and the blue glow of a portal came from between the brass girders that made up its frame.

"Well, whaddayaknow, there actually is a MadOz."

Chic squeeed. "MadOz, MadOz, fill me with mechanical, steam-driven goodness..."

"Go inside the MadOz portal, Desius," urged Jane.

"Yeah, Desius, go inside the portal," implored ChicGeek. "Mechanical wonders are to behold when you enter!"

"Uh... thanks but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here."

"But you have to enter the MadOz Portal, Desius!" Jane squealed.

At this point, a strange thing started happening. The letters "MadOz" began to jump of their spots on the sign and dance around. The Z began to sing.

"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up,
just go head right on down to the MadOz Portal here.
When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land,
such a happy and joyful and perky merry land.
They've got clockwork goats and thinking stoats and steam-power'd things,
oh so many things, that will brighten up your day.
It's impossible to wear a frown in Munchkin Town,
it's the Mecca of the lovely Yellow Way."

At this point, flashy light and fog effects started to appear, and Chic and Jane began to rise in the air and swoop around the portal, seemingly by magic. The song continued.

"They've got gear machines and watches all with little wings,
clockwork rings, shiny things, it's a wonderland of steam.
Ride the walking train to town and hear the metal band,
brassy sounds, it's a treat, as they march across the land.
Swarm-made ribbons snake across the sky into the ground,
turn around, it astounds! It's a dancing clockwork tree.
In MadOz the imagination runs so free,
So please Desius go into the Portal you will see!"

Then all the letters exploded, Chic and Jane back in their former positions. Desius didn't appear any less grumpy.

"All right! Fine! I'll go into the freaking Portal. This had better be good."

"Yeaaaa!" squealed Chic and Jane together. "Goodbye, Desius!"
"Yeah, goodbye, Desius!", chorused the two, the innocent grins on their faces spreading into a much more familiar configuration.

"Goodbye?!" said Desius. "What--"

Suddenly, the portal vanished and went out, leaving Desius in complete darkness.

"Hey! What's going on here?"

"Hello?"

"Hello?"

Footsteps.

"Who is that?!"

*THUD*

~~~~~~~~~~

Back in Chic's lab, Desius awoke, very sore, and with a searing pain in his abdomen.

"Owww... gaaah... what happened?"

Desius looked at his shirt, then lifted it to look at his chest.

"Awwwh, they took my freakin' kidney!"

[Professor_Tinker]

... that was great. Now I need to go scrub it from my brain. The original CtU did this to me too....

[Professor Zobot]

...the scary thing is that I'd actually PAY to watch an animated version of that.

Which probably says more about me than I want most of you to know.

[chicgeek]

"Hi, It's Dixie DeVil! Today we have a special treat for all our faithful fans. The first annual Mad Science Wars blooper reels special!"
(Cut to the studio audiance cheering wildly)
"Yes, that's right-flubbed lines, deleted scenes, your favorite actors hamming it up even more than usual-( So It Begins shouts "Hey!" but is ignored by Dixie)-so let's roll the first clip!"

The first set of clips are from the first episode of the Redneck Wars.
Wallace is standing grimly over the captured Timmy, three rail guns aimed at the prone hillbilly mad. Tinker strides over to join him, ready to start their 'good cop, bad cop' routine. Suddenly-the theme from Deliverance starts playing. Wallace and Tinker crack up, while the guy in the sound booth looks innocent.
Decorum finally restored-"Take two!"
They get in place to try again. This time the actor portryaing Timmy looks up at the two mads, and-in a cultured british accent-says, "Pardon me, sir-but do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Next-
It's the episode introducing ChicGeek. First they play the straight clip.
Wally knocks on the door of the old pasta factory, with his bag of tomatos.
Chic opens the door."Yes?"
"Hello, I'm Wally C., Genetics Specialist. I have some tomatos if you want them."
Dixie-"Simple enough, right? But look at all the takes it took!"

Wally-"Hello, I'm Wally C., Avon representative. May I show you our new fall colors?"
Wally-Deepens his voice-"Hello, I'm Wally C. I'm from the First Reformed Church of John Coltrane. Sister, have you seen the light?"
Wally-Squeaky voice-"Would you like some Girl Scout tomatos? I'm all out of cookies."
Wally-"Hello, I'm Wally C.-" At this point Chic interrupts him, doing a Chevy Chase-"And you're not!"
The director is heard yelling-"You're wasting tape! Quit clowning around!"
Wally, trying to play it straight-"Hello, I'm Wally C., and..." Zobot is behind Chic, pulling faces at Wally. Wally cracks up. "CUT!"
Next take-Chic starts giggling as soon as she opens the door.
Next-"Hello, I'm Wally C., Genetics Specialist. I have some tomatos if you want them."
Director-"Finally!"
Then the goofball in the sound booth starts playing the song from "Attack of the Killer Tomatos."
As one, Wally and Chic start grabbing tomatos from the bag and lobbing them at the technician.

The audiance is rolling with laughter.

(Insert several more scenes here)

The credits start to roll.
Chic, at a bar. She lifts her wineglass and clinks it with her date's glass.
"To us," she says dreamily. Camara expands view to show her companion-Zobot's arm.

Desius, smoking a cigarette. He leans over to light one for his companion-pan to show Zobot's arm.

Dr. Animo, fashioning a tinfoil hat. She reaches out to tenderly place it on her companion-Zobot's arm.

Andrew Tinker-standing nervously before his mom. "Mom-remeber how you said it didn't matter if it was a villian or hero, as long as we loved each other?" Pan to show him holding hands with Zobot's arm. Katty Risk is heard having hysterics. "Mom-I know we're young-but we're in love! I'll just work while he finishes his degree, and...'

Insert clips with the arm and every cast member-major and minor.

Okay, who's next?

[Professor Zobot]

And now it's time for a...

Deleted Scene!

-In An Alternate Reality-

Shortly after David Toboz ceased to be, a strange incident occurred elsewhere.

Two people lay within a bed. Suddenly, one of them twitched and clutched at his stomach, sitting up abruptly.

The other, known by some as Nega-Tinker, stirred and awoke. "Is something the matter?"

Anti-Zobot turned and snapped at him. "Of course something's the matter, you fool!" His body trembled as he stood up next to the bed, moving towards a dresser. "I sense...a disturbance in the Me. As if millions of mysterious universal forces man cannot even fathom, much less understand were forcing me to reprise a role I had previously abandoned..." he paused, fighting down a sudden urge to donate to charity.

He stared into the mirror of the dresser. His eyes, normally a faded reddish hue, had suddenly and abruptly shifted to a bright, exuberant blue color. This wasn't good.

Or rather, it was.

For some reason the words Love and Peace kept springing into his head. "D-dam...err...darn it...what's going on with me?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thus, the first scene of Tanglebox "left on the cutting room floor" so to speak.

This scene is essentially based on the idea of alternates actually being alternate. Essentially, when David is erased by the Zobot arm, the Zobot arm takes up David's role in this universe, playing his part as a suddenly villainous role.

Since David's role in one universe suddenly shifted, that meant that his role in the alternate universe had to shift as well. And since it was a sudden and abrupt change, that meant that Anti-Zobot had to suddenly and abruptly shift as well, so that balance could be maintained.

This scene was cut because I found it extremely amusing, and as such, it didn't quite fit the ominous motif that I had going for the first two posts of chapter 11.

[Professor_Tinker]

Bloopers

The scene where we see Fredric resting in Bed after going Mad begins, starting with te camera moving through the door.
Fredric, laying on the bed, is munching a carrot
"Nyaaaaa, what;s up, Doc?" Most of the crew breaks up laughing.

Next: Shot of Andrew Reading while Mad!Desius leeps, back in the Redneck wars.
Andrew turns the page.
"Oh, Doyle, you're not fooling *anyone*. They've been banging since the second book."
-Same Scene
Andrew reads quietly, but suddenly turns the book sideways and pulls down a fold-out.
-Again
Andrew looks to the left, the right, pulls out a pen and starts drawing on Desius' Face.
-Again
Andrew, for once, is playing the scene straight, but when Chic and Wally burst into the room, Desius leaps up, wearing a Snydly Whiplash Mustache, cackling and wringing his hands.

-Next Clip
A shot of Xerox sitting in his office from one of the Shorts, reading a newspaper in between takes. Andrew comes in and sits down, looking Pensive.
"Excuse me, but I would like to make a complain."
Without skipping a beat, Xerox sets the paper down.
"Sorry, we're closing."
"Never mind that, my lad! It;s bout the parrot I bought now half an hour ago AT this very boutique."
"Ah, yes, the Norwegian Blue. What ah..what seems t be the problem?"
"The problem? It's *dead*, that;s the bleedin' problem."
The cameraman cracks up, as they proceed to re-create the sketch.[/img]

[Professor Zobot]

And now it's time for a...

Deleted Scene!

-Somewhere, beyond Man and Mad-

The boy stirred. Fabric he didn't remember pressed against his head. He felt cold. He licked his lips. The word "failed" escaped his mouth, only a bit louder than a whisper.

The man rolled onto his back and took a deep breath, then opened his eyes. The sky was gray. Not the gray of clouds, although clouds existed above him, but the literal color of the sky itself was a light, disinterested gray. He sat up, and felt a band of cloth tugging against his neck. He looked down and reached up with right hand, feeling two drawstrings, tied together around his flesh. They led back to a deep gray cloak draped around his frame that had not been there last he remembered. "W-where did I get this... last I remember, I was strapped to that table, facing that stupid arm..."

Arm. Arms. He blinked, and looked down at the palms of his left and right hands. "Wait... TWO arms? that can't be right, can it? I'm pretty sure I only had one..." Not willing to investigate the matter of his good fortune too deeply, David pushed himself to his feet and looked around. The world around him was the same dull gray of the sky, only a few shades brighter than that of his new found cloak. But the trees (what few remained) the buildings (or more accurately, the rubble of buildings) and the landscape itself (scarred and cracked) were all a drab, dull gray. He shivered. It was slightly cold out here.

"Where exactly am I? Is this where people go when they die? I thought there'd be a heaven or a hell. But wait... the arm said it didn't think I had a soul. And this certainly isn't what I'd call not existing..." he tilted his head. "Hmm... maybe it was wrong and I do have a soul?" He grinned.

"Incorrect, and you exist only for a time interval before you face oblivion. First you must stand judgment."

David jumped and whirled around. Two men stood behind him, on either side of him, each clutching a scythe in opposing arms. The faces of both men were obscured by the cloaks they wore: the one on the right by a white cloak of unmarred quality, the one on the left by a black cloak that was tattered and frayed in patches. David scratched his back with his restored arm and frowned. "Ah... who are you two? Where exactly are we? I don't understand..."

The man in white spoke. "You are not unfamiliar to us, yet you stand in the ashes of a world unmade, before us. We, who have been charged with the judgment of those beings made, not born, must now oversee your trial."

The man in black spoke. "Were you to continue to exist in the world you vanished from, the path of history would be altered by your presence. You who do not possess a soul are still capable of acts of good or evil. You would not be here if you had been planned for. By your hand tens, or even tens of thousands of innocents could be slaughtered. So then... you must convince us of the answer to this question..."

They spoke in unison. "Are you worth it? Should you be allowed to exist?"

The voices sounded familiar to him. The man in black... he couldn't quite place. But the man in white... David took a step forward. "You... you're me, aren't you?"

The man in the white cloak sighed and pulled back his hood. He looked older... and much more haggard. "In a sense. Now then, you must focus on your trail. You have seven minutes to convince both of us that you should be allowed to persist in your home world. Witnesses from anywhere and anywhen you may call, but only so long as they do not exceed the time limit. They will not ever remember being here. Fail to convince us, and you, now a mere figment, will vanish entirely. Succeed, and..."

David interrupted him. "Anyone? From anywhere? To explain why I should exist? Has anyone ever convinced you before?"

The other David looked over at the man in the black cloak, who spoke once more. "Some. Others must embrace oblivion. I believe the last who was judged worthy was that sheath demon... wasn't it? The other David nodded.

David paused, considering his options. He didn't have any tools, so fighting these guys wasn't probably a good a idea. But at the same time... this was lunacy, and more lunacy than what he was used to. Still... he had to try, if what they said was true. But who could he call to defend his existence? Sayasuke won his own, so maybe he'd know what to say to sway them... and Tinker could be counted on to give a glowing recommendation he was sure. But who else? Richard or Chicgeek or Wally, maybe, but Desius or anyone else would probably be a gamble. he felt frustrated and more nervous than he had ever been before. "Arrgh... I need time to think!" he took a step forward. "Ok, the first person I choose to speak on my behalf is..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaaand scene. This bit was cut for a few reasons, the most obvious of which was length. It's very, VERY friggin long, and probably is more suited as a Tales of Madness bit than part of a Main Game post.

Another reason I cut this was because it puts more focus on David than I wanted to have in Tanglebox. David was a causality, nothing really more in the Arm's plan. The drama of this bit risks shifting the focus away from all the OTHER mads, which is really more what this chapter is supposed to be about.

The third reason is that it's too mystical, and I've already muddied the waters enough with Elleb and the other elements of the supernatural I've introduced. This is the MAD SCI WARS, darn it, not some Elfquest. I'm sorry, I have a tendency to turn anything I get involved in into some sort of fantasy romp. I do it subconsciously, and I have to keep it in check. I like this piece, and I may write/allow others to write more of it if there's any interest, but as far as I'm concerned it's not canon. The general gist of what happens next is that David calls various characters from the game in to speak on his behalf, and then gives a speech himself.

That being said, it was pretty fun to check up on Old Zobot and Old Des and see what they've been up to since vanishing...

[Professor_Tinker]

I like it! I might be interested in writing how Sayasuke passed- neat to think that he might not have made it. Especially with how connected they are.

[That Guy]

It is an interesting concept. But it brings up the question of what you define as a created being. I mean did Frederic have a soul before Tinker changed him.

It also might conflict the idea of cloning. A clone is created.

[chicgeek]

Chic would testify. I kind of like this. And the fantasy element? Bring it on-we're all geeks of one stripe or another here.

[Professor_Tinker]

It is an interesting concept. But it brings up the question of what you define as a created being. I mean did Frederic have a soul before Tinker changed him.

It also might conflict the idea of cloning. A clone is created.

I think he means created artificially- Fredric was a baby bunny, and thus had a little baby bunny soul- cute 'n fluffy. Saysuke was written out of wholecloth, and David was the dredges of a soul.

[Professor Zobot]

It is an interesting concept. But it brings up the question of what you define as a created being. I mean did Frederic have a soul before Tinker changed him.

It also might conflict the idea of cloning. A clone is created.

I think he means created artificially- Fredric was a baby bunny, and thus had a little baby bunny soul- cute 'n fluffy. Saysuke was written out of wholecloth, and David was the dredges of a soul.

Yup! At least, that's how I saw it. The innate idea is that creatures born would have souls and those that were made might not necessarily not. So while Lagos and Frederic would have spirits, something like War wouldn't necessarily. However, since they're still capable of free will, and thus capable of moral action, it poses a problem for the powers that be.

I like to think that Old Des and Old Zobot would be recruited to judge made beings, not because they're qualified to do it, but because they honestly have nothing better to do.

As for clones? I think in that case it would depend... A clone is a made thing, but at the same time a typical clone follows all the traditional steps of human birth while being created, so I think they might also qualify as a born thing, and thus merit a soul. At least, that's how I think that it would work in this universe, considering how Helen Narbon had a soul. But I'm not going to get into a ethical/spiritual debate about this.

Wow... I'm kinda surprised that people liked this bit as much as they did. If anyone wants to expand on the concept (like Tinker writing about how Sayasuke won his existence, or writing what their character might say in testimony) feel free to do so.

[chicgeek]

Chic widens her eyes at the two scythe bearing figures before her. One in pure white, one in ragged black. Both grim and forboding.
David nervously tries to explain. "Chic, you're here because-"
"She knows." The one in black roughly intones. Both cowled figures, faces hidden, turn toward her.
"Begin."
She takes a deep breath. "The David I know is kind and brave. A good man."
David smiles nervously, encouraged.
"But my arguement would be the same if he was viscious and cowardly."
What?
"Continue."
Chic speaks rapidly.
"My father was a made thing, created in a lab. Was that in the plan? Does he have a soul? He did not choose his method of creation any more than I did. I was born normaly, and supposedly have one-did the unsouled create the souled?
He, I, David-yes. We do. It isn't intelliegence. Or how you were brought to be. Sentience or self awareness-maybe, but I won't get into that.
We are all capable of moral actions, choices. He's a good person-but you want more than a testimonial. I believe any being capable of such has a soul. I believe any being who can wonder as to the state of his soul has one.
And perhaps-you, yourselves-whatever power set you here has more purpose here than you know. Is it David that you judge? Or, unknowingly, yourselves?"
Whatever David was expecting her to say, it wasn't that.
She steps back, falls silent.
Vanishes into the gray.
The two judges speak impassively, giving no sign of the effects of her words.
"Do you wish to call another?"

[Professor_Tinker]

Sayasuke smilled slowly, glancing at the two figures.
"I did not expect to be here again." he said mild, nodding at David.

"Indeed. State your case." said the Dark-robed figure, crossing his arms.

Sayasuke nodded, thinking a second.
"He has learned. I was not even truly alive when he fought me, but even in that short time he was able to adapt, to change. he has continued to do so since. A difficult task for even those lucky enough to be born through a disgusting, bloody, life-threatening organic process."

"We could do without the sarcasm." remarked the White cloaked figure, grimacing slightly- the Demon had been just as offended last time. Rude little being.

"Right. Besides the fact that he has learned: he has made friends, myself among them. We will be saddened if he is lost, as we are happy to have him around- even if he is an idiot. To me, that is enough to call him Real." said sayasuke, giving David a smile as he was vanished.

[Jane Narbon]

Well, the Jane Narbon story Prof Zobot cooked up for me is finally here.

Here it is:

Jane hummed to herself as she drew up the plan. For too long she had been forced to do things the usual way, and she was tired of it. With a grin, she finished drawing up her designs with a flourish. With luck everything would go according to plan and she'd pull it off without lifting a finger, but she wasn't stupid enough to assume that there wouldn't be any problems. Turning, she walked out of her planning room and walked into her laboratory. Uncorking and raising a test tube, she poured a layer of unsafe chemicals onto a base sheet. Once they dried, they'd function as serviceable slap patches. Ideally, she wouldn't have to use them, but it always paid off to have a backup plan.

There wasn't much left to do: A few phone calls needed to be made, and some computer business, and she could begin. With a chuckle, she walked to her phone to begin.


The door slammed open and he stormed in. “This ends here, Narbon!” David's robotic arm pointed up at her, as he posed in the doorway. “I won't let you do this thing that you're planning to do!”

Jane sat at the front of a table, her hands folded on the varnished wood. “Why David, what ever do you mean?”

David frowned. “You're not fooling anyone!”

Jane Narbon stood up. “Sorry, gentlemen, give me a moment to deal with this rude interruption.” She walked over and faced David. “Whose doing anything evil? I was just having a nice talk with this board of directors, who have graciously decided to put me in charge of the company.” She sighed and looked at him condescendingly. “We just got it all resolved before you rudely barged into our meeting. So, why shouldn't I have security drag you out of here?

David looked around and gasped. “Those three look drugged! And that man's in a body cast! What exactly did you do here?”

Jane turned and looked over at them. “Well, Mr. McKensington had a skiing accident recently, and those three have always overdone it with cough medicine. But neither of those things exactly keep them from voting, does it?” She shrugged. “I certainly didn't do anything to anyone here... at least, nothing that can be proven.” She gave him an impossibly large smile.

“I... I... You're lying! I'll stop you!” David pointed his arm at her, ready to unleash a mini-missile.

“David, David, David...” Jane Narbon sighed. “Attack me here, and you're the bad guy. I thought you were a hero? Or was all that just talk?”

David balked and lowered his arm. “Urgh... I can't believe you. Alright. I guess there's nothing I can really do.”

Jane gave him a pouting smile. “Aw, and you were so excited for a bit heroic fight, weren't you? Aw, well at least I can give you a 'nice try' handshake.” She held out her hand.

David reached out with his soft, fleshy hand, and started shaking hers. Then he blinked. “Wait...don't you still have those slap pat-” the chemical slap patch Narbon had imprinted onto his palm took effect, and he fell over, sprawled on the floor, unconscious.

Jane laughed, then buzzed for security. “Leave him outside in the dumpster, OK?” She made sure to watch as two burly men lifted the sleeping body of David Toboz and carried him out the door. Then she walked back up to the head of the board room table and smiled.

“Well gentlemen, now that I own my own printing company, and as a result, my own newspaper, I believe we're going to be making a few changes around here. I want to enjoy the benefits of my little acquisition...”

There was a sinister grin on her face. “Yes...”

“Finally, I can run ads in the classified section without having to pay for them. Haha. Ahahaha. Hahahahahahahaha. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!”

The End?

[Jane Narbon]

The audience's laughter was mixed with applause as the next collection of clips started to appear.

First, there's the eipsode where Tinker talks to Narbon as they're dueling. First, the finalized clip is played.

"Miss Narbon- Jane, do you know why I asked for this duel?" Tinker asked suddenly, as if they were sitting down to tea. Casually.
Jane shrugged slightly, blinking at him. He was perplexing, at best.
"Because you 'had quarrel with me', right?"

Then...

"Miss Narbon- Jane, do you know why I asked for this duel?"
"It can't have anything to do with the radioactive tadpoles I slipped into your underwear drawer, can it?"

Tinker stops, perplexed. "What radioactive--"

At this point, Tinker's eyes go wide, and he yells "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!", running off to his dressing room as JN laughs evilly.

The audience responds with gales of laughter. The next clip is of me, with Maria Narbon sitting next to me.



Next to me, MN whispers in my ear, "Those superheroes you're having trouble with-- why don't you just kill them?"
I'm a bit taken aback at that. I whisper back, "I try to avoid murder as much as possible. Surely you don't--"
"It's only the matter of one chemical over another," whispers my double. "I've had to do it to several particularly recalcitrant villains," she continues. She sounds like she's discussing a picnic.
I balk a little. "Uhhh..... isn't it, say, hard to... uh..."
The response is not at all to my taste.
MN laughs, that merry all-a-game chuckle starting to sound creepy in my ears. "Hard? Of course not! They're just villains, after all. I'm sure you know-- you're a villain yourself. If anything, I expect it's easier for you."

Then:

"Those superheroes you're having trouble with-- why don't you just kill them?"
"I try to avoid murder as much as possible. Surely you don't--"
"No, but I thought you could use a happy thought to cheer you up."
"...CUT!"

And:

"Those superheroes you're having trouble with... why not try SUPER-OFF!"
(the camera pulls back to show Maria Narbon holding a spray can, waving it around.)
"With this handy formula, you can be sure to keep even the toughest hero in line--"
There's no more, as both she and JN dissolve in giggling.

"...CUT!!"

And:

"Did you remember to buy the fish?"
"...CUT!!!"

And, to cap it all:

"Those superheroes you're having trouble with-- why don't you just kill them?"
"I try to avoid murder as much as possible. Surely you don't--"
"I mean, if you had a gallon of mayonnaise, 12 naked wombats,"

This time it is not the director but JN herself who yells "CUUUUT!!!"

The next clip is of Chic and Jane capturing Mr. Awesome. First, the final clip is played.



I grin evily. Now for Awesome...
"Okay, let's cut ahead of him and get to the beach."
So predictible. The Xyon City Women's Vollyball team will be starting practice soon. And Awesome always manages to work flying overhead into their patrols. Especially without Elementum along to cramp his style.
Jane and I are in our best beachwear. We jump, wave, giggle-oh, we've gotten his attention, all right. Then-I collapse, and Jane shrieks. That does it.
Awesome lands. We're on a deserted stretch of beach-thanks to our shark alert signs. But a streach of beach he had to fly over on his way to volleyball.
"Oh my god, oh my god! Please, tell me you know CPR!" Jane wrings her hands anxiously over my prone form.
His lips touch mine.
He staggers.
We each get under one arm, supporting him. Giggling for the benefit of any passerby, as we steer him into our vehicle.
Once he's secured, I carefully remove Jane's special lipstick.
"Okay, Jane-do I need to be careful smooching Wally for a while?"
"Heh. Depends what you have in mind..."

Now, the outtakes:

Mr. Awesome lands, Jane turning to him. She sports a singularly curly Snidely Whiplash mustache, twirling it and cackling. When Chic sees, she can't help laughing.

Also:

Jane and I are in our best beachwear. We jump, wave, giggle-oh, we've gotten his attention, all right. Then-I collapse, and Jane shrieks. That does it.
Awesome lands. We're on a deserted stretch of beach-thanks to our shark alert signs. But a streach of beach he had to fly over on his way to volleyball.
"Oh my god, oh my god! Please, tell me you know CPR!" Jane wrings her hands anxiously over my prone form.
His lips touch mine.

At this point, 'Mr. Awesome' deepened the touch, turning it into a kiss, until Chic reached up and tweaked a nerve point. He fell like a sack of potatoes.

"Um. Someone get this idiot off me?"

And:

In this one, Awesome is wearing an earlier revision of his costume.

Jane and I are in our best beachwear. We jump, wave, giggle-oh, we've gotten his attention, all right. Then-I collapse, and Jane shrieks. That does it.
Awesome lands. We're on a deserted stretch of beach-thanks to our shark alert signs. But a streach of beach he had to fly over on his way to volleyball.
Jane wrings her hands anxiously over my prone form. "Never wear a kilt while flying! You just knocked her out!"

Actors, crew, and cameraman all crack up.

The next clip is a deleted scene. The audience is well entertained, as they've been having trouble stopping laughing.


Jane was shopping, trawling the mall for new looks to add to her collection. Then she saw them.

On a shelf in a medium-sized shoe store, a pair of high-heeled leather boots was standing. The boots seemed to be all curve, and looked exceptionally elegant. Jane knew. Those were her new boots.

Then, another shopper picked up the pair and idly began to walk to the checkout with them. There were no other pairs left. Jane knew she had to act fast.

Running into the store, Jane Narbon ducked behind some shelving and stashed her purse in a corner. There was nothing to do but brazen it out.

"Excuse me, miss, but would you like to take a marketing survey? If you complete the survey, you'll be given a chance to win a $50 gift card to the mall."

The woman looked up, seeing JN smiling at her. "$50? ...Sure, I'd like to take a survey."

"To begin with, I'd like for you to write your opinion of the current selection of this store," said JN, holding out a pen and a pad of paper. The woman took the pen, beginning to write. Then stopped, as JN grinned and said "That's enough."

JN continued. "You will give me that pair of boots. You won't remember this conversation. You'll think that I had you take a survey, then you got an instant-win ticket, but you didn't win anything so you threw it out. Once I'm out of the store, you'll go about your normal business once more. Understand?"

The woman appeared a bit dazed. Maybe it was the mind-control formula. "...okay," she said, and handed over the boots.

Jane Narbon collected her purse, sliding the 'pen' back into its secret compartment. Murmuring to herself "That little gadget's proved itself so many times..." she quickly went to the checkout, buying her new prize. She'd have to install the dampener mechanism when she got back to her lab, but that was later. Now, she headed off once more, in search of new perfection.

Heh. Heh. Heh.


Dixie comes back up to the microphone to explain the final clip.



"As you know, many of you who watched the trailer for Chapter 12 may have seen something... unexpected."

A few voices in the audience shout "Y-EAH!"

"Well, here tonight is the story of how we managed to film it at all."

In the audience, Chic turns to Jane. "I thought you told them to destroy that footage!"

Jane whispers back "I thought they did."

The screen shows Chic and Jane, each standing in front of two equally hunky-looking guys. The woman bringing them in explains that this is going to be part of a commercial for lip balm that will show in the same slot as the show. The woman then explains that each man is wearing a different brand of lip balm, and that they'll test by kissing each man in turn. The only hitch is that so that they're not distracted by the men's looks, they have to wear blindfolds.

Once both Chic and Jane have blindfolds on, the woman motions to the guys, who silently leave the room. The 'administrator' turns Chic around so she's facing Jane. The two walk into another.

They kiss.

Then, the blindfolds come off. Both Chic and Jane yell "AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" simultaneously, then as one, pull out some nasty-looking weapons and start chasing the director, who's been standing off to the side. A stray bolt hits the camera and everything goes black.

"That took an age of retouching to turn into the trailer footage you see today."

The finalized trailer has the two running into each other's arms and kissing passionately. It's the final straw. From their seats in the front row, Chic and Jane arise once more, pulling out some nastier-looking weapons and advancing on Dixie, who says "Wehopeit'sbeenfunwatchingtheMadScientistWarsBlooperSpecial. Gottagobye!" and runs.

(roll credits)

[Professor Zobot]

Hahahah! I love this! Jane, you are great at writing comedy!

Anyways, my next story project should be up within the week...watch this space...

[Professor_Tinker]

Ten years ago, in a nice restaurant with very good Alfredo uptown.
Agent Xerox was sitting at a table, waiting for his Boss, the current Commander of M, to show up. Bastard was late- as usual.

Xerox was pretty different. His hair was still sandy blond- if just as scruffy as today. His eyes were dull blue, rather than the syrupy purple they would be in four years.
He was only a little less scarred, a quarter less jaded, and about 40% more impatient. He'd just been shanghaied out of his nice, relaxing desk job half a year ago. He was still sore about it, but not as much as he acted. He would never admit it, but it was an okay job- no one gave him @#$! for being an uppity little brat, he got to help people, and if he didn't want to use a gun, he didn't have to.
Plus, the pay just wasn't bad, and the R+D guys would make whatever the hell you asked for. He'd asked for a 'Big butterfly net like in the cartoons' as a joke.

He'd just gotten his drink order (Lime Italian soda), when his boss sat down.
"Hey, sorry I'm late- held up at the office."

Commander Smithsonian was probably over Sixty, but you wouldn't know it. He was one of those silver-haired newscaster types, the sort that radiated a certain blend of trustworthiness, experience, and roguish charm.
Naturally, he bugged the living hell out of Xerox. he could care less about how much a smile sparkled- the guy was never on time, and he was too goddamn nosy about his personal life.

"Yeah, sure you were Boss. Look, can we cut to the chase already? I've got a headache." he said,sipping his soda- he self-medicated with sugar. Only thing that took the edge off, he'd found.

"Hah! Kid, you always have a headache- those meds of yours might keep the Mad in the cage, but they can't relieve the syndromes." said the Commander, signaling the waitress with a charming smile.

"Miss, If I could see the wine list? And I think the Kid here is going to need another sody- leave the bottle." he asked, making Xerox roll his eyes.

"You're a jerk, you know that?" snapped Xerox, adjusting his sunglasses.

"And you're a grumpy brat, what's your point? Okay, okay, put the goddamn fork down, I'll cut to the chase." said the Commander, taking the wine list from the waitress , who actually did bring the a bottle of soda water and a bottle of lime Italian syrup.

"Look, Kid, I know you didn't want this job. Whatever it is you found out in that year you went missing made you decide to get a nice, quiet desk job in the Government. You could have had it, too. But instead, we grabbed ya, and now you're hip-deep in the nuthouse."

"... as much as I appreciate they sympathy, you're only half-right. I lived in the nuthouse before, thank you very much. Rent is cheap here."

"Oh?"

"My best friend Tessy in high school blew up the gym with a pencil and a pack of Orange 'Jell-O'. Things could really only go down from there."

"Ha! That's a new one. What I was gonna say is, I know you might not have wanted this job, but this job wants you. You're good. Just crazy enough to see what's going on, sane enough to be able to get through, and pragmatic enough to take most things at face value. Good with most weapons, trained at hand to hand, and a crack ace at Banter *and* paperwork. You're lucky my daughter already has a fiance, let me tell you."

Xerox raised an eyebrow, pouring himself another Italian Soda- heavy on the syrup.
"Thanks and all, but unless this is ending with a ten percent raise like I think it is, you;re still dancing around the topic."

"A Raise? Heh. That too. I'm retiring, Kid. I've spent most of my life in this job, and it's time to sit back and spend my last years doting on my grand kids." said the Commander, setting the wine list aside.

Xerox blinked, sipping his soda.
"So... what? You want me to find you a replacement? I guess I'll start in the Feild Agents- jeeze, that'll be tough, I mean, those guys hate desk jobs..." he was cut off by the commander whacking him on the head with the menu.

"Not that, you idiot! You!! I was talking about you being commander! How many hints do i have to drop here?"

Xerox grabbed the menu from him.
"The hell?! How the @#$! was I supposed to get THAT?! I'm barely twenty, and I've only been working here six months you schmuck! And I TOLD you to get to the point! Holy Mary Mother of God, if I start talking in @#$! riddles after forty years in this job I am going to swallow a @#$! bullet."

"Listen, Kid, a little goddamn subtlety isn't going to kill you- wait, forty years- you;re taking the job?!"

"YA THINK?! Saint Micheal, you just told me you're making me commander! What am I supposed to do, bitch and whine about being handed a fat paycheck and some responsibility?"

"....That was what I did. What happened to 'boo-hoo, I just want to do paperwork'?"

"Screw you- you're the one who bitches about how Commander is 'just a glorified Desk job'. That's what I wanted. I know I'll have to go on a few missions now and then- I'll live."

They were both quiet for a few minutes.

"... sorry, Kid. I guess I'll drop trying to get you to talk about you're missing year, too."

"Considering you already know what i did, what I found, who I met, and likely more about my 'childhood' than I do, no. See, this is exactly what I'm not going to do. No manipulating, no fake buddy talk, no jerking people around. Speaking of which, is this official, or are you yanking my chain?"

"I'm not that bad, brat. The paperwork's on your desk."

"Good. Now, go enjoy your retirement, and say hi to the grand kids. I've got some work to do. Mazel tov, Boss." said Xerox, getting up and walking out.

Ex-Commander codename "Smithsonian" smirked slightly, as the microphone in his ear crackled to life.

"... wipe that smirk off your face, Smith."

"You underestimated him, and you owe me 50 bucks now. What's not to smirk about?"

"He could still snap."

"Sure. Bet he will, too. And when he does, he's gonna stand back up, put himself back together, and get back to work like the good soldier that he is. Now, I did what you wanted, so I'm taking the kid's advice." he said, taking the microphone out of his ear and tossing it over his shoulder.

It'd be a waste to waste the reservation- he'd call his chauffeur to pick up his little granddaughter from school. She was going to be nine in a week, and he wanted to know what she'd like for her birthday.

[chicgeek]

Nice, Tinker. But I'm wondering, how old is Xerox?

[Professor_Tinker]

Nice, Tinker. But I'm wondering, how old is Xerox?

Well, let;s see... this was eleven years ago, and he was almost twenty.... mid-thirtyish? Hard to say- time travel incident added a few years, sort of.

...yea, that's my cop out. He's at least 6-7 years older than Andrew is, he knew Claire when he was a senior and she was a freshman, and he was promoted super young.
... so he's not half the jaded old man he acts like.

[Claire]

I think there was a discrepancy of about 2 years between the time Claire finished high school and when she entered college, if that helps ages match up. I'll probably post part of that story here at some point. It explains a lot about why Claire dislikes Heroics.

[Professor_Tinker]

Eh, that works. Let's just call him 34 or so and leave it at that. Any discrepancies may be blamed firmly on time-travel, the Spackle of jarred continuity.

[chicgeek]

Another Ordinary Day

Desdemona sighed as she pinned on her name tag and prepped the counter. Six a.m. was far too early for her tastes. It would also appear to be too early for the students dragging themselves in for a pick me up of caffine, judging by the yawns.
Some dash in, rattle off their order, and glare at her to hurry. Heh. They're the ones late for class before they even stepped inside, but unwilling to forgo their fix. She used to smile and point to her button-'a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergeny on my part'-but the manager made her stop. Humorless jerk.
There's a giggly couple in the corner, who've been up all night. A hapless student scribbling for all he's worth, finishing, or perhaps starting an already overdue assignment.
Seven a.m. There he is, like clockwork, in his funny red coat. Always smiles, never forgets a name. Good tipper.
"Here you go, Professor. Extra cream and sugar. What's good? I'd stay away from the danish today, but there's a chocolate muffin left." It's left because she saved it for him. They say he's mad. Eh-they should all be so mad. He asks about her family, and makes it more than a polite formality.
Picking up now. People on the way to work, on the way to eight o'clock class.
There's that secretary type. Nonfat caramel venti mocchiaoto, no cream, no sugar. Huh, got the boss with her today. "No, Ma'am, I haven't seen any giant chinchillas today. Yes, ma'am, I'm sure." I fix them a to go bag of danish, and she grabs the penny cup.
"Put that back, Dana!"
"But Ingrid! It clearly says, take a penny!"
She's straightening her tinfoil hat as her secretary hustles her out the door. Good thing I saw them come in and had a chance to hide the tip jar.
Nine o'clock. Here's that bubbly little mad in the leather labcoat and clockwork. Since she's staying here for a bit, I bring a pot to her table. Don't normally do that, but boy, can she put it away! She pours something from a little vial into each cup. Thought it was booze first time I saw it-until the cup started sparking and crackling. Eh, whatever floats her boat.
Sometimes she gets distracted and takes apart whatever's laying about-napkin dispenser, ect.-but she usually notices, and pays for it.
I kept the salt and pepper shakers for my apartment-it's fun watching them walk around the tabletop.
Lunchtime rush. Oh, god, it's that tall woman with the purple eyes. Gotta be contacts. Good, just a to go order today. Oh, she's polite. Nothing I can put my finger on, exactly-she just gives me the shivers for some reason.
Hmm, there's some commotion going on outside-think I'll take a look.
Son of a gun, there really is a giant chinchilla. Whaddaya know.
And there's grumpy gus. Works for little bit, I think. I've seen him sass her, mess up her hair, and she scolds him. Which he ignores. Reminds me of my oldest brother, Jared the Pest. Good tipper, though.
Ah, the english professor's back,three armed guy in tow. I bring them a couple of spiral notebooks with their order. Paper's cheap enough. And after that time they got carried away and scribbled all over the tablecloth, I'm prepared. No rabbit today? It'll probably be in later. We run a tab for it. The whole not having opposable thumbs thing has got to be frustrating.
Another hour-surely I can make it one more hour...
"Hey, beautiful."
"hey, yourself. Lemme grab my purse, okay?"
"Take your time."
Finally-free!
"So, how was your day?"
"Eh, it's a coffee shop. Not a lot of excitement there. Where's the car?"
"Oh, I'm rebuilding it. The shocks need work, and the rockets haven't been firing quite right."
"So, how we getting home?"
"Jetpack okay? Thought we'd grab a bite first, maybe catch a movie?"
"If we can hit the early show, sure. I've got first shift again tomorrow."
Just another ordinary day.

[Jane Narbon]

I like it! Can we see some more of her in the future?

[chicgeek]

Uh...okay! I think Andrew's restaurant post got me in the mood for this piece. I'll have to make up her Mad boyfriend.
Thanks!

[Professor_Tinker]

Awwwwww, that was *cute*. It;s nice to see the Cast from someone else's perspective- and Wally and Andrew scribbling on a tablecloth is weirdly adorable.
Andrew, like myself, appreciates those in the service industry and is beloved in turn. besides, saved his hide with his hand and all...

[chicgeek]

Hee-my DH's mantra is "always be nice to the people who feed you."
And I can see a blase, jaded barista as a mad's girlfriend. Seems to fit, somehow.
Somebody'll post something angst-y soon enough, I'm sure.