Comics by Shaenon II

Mad science has never been so cute!
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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 1:16 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
Another weird night for me! *faceplant*





Should you be concerned when just before the mad doctor puts you under to experiment on you he wonders out loud. Now was the poison in the red or the blue bottle?


"Help! I have fallen into a deathtrap and can't get up!"


To a scientist, 2+2 always equals 4. to a mad scientist 2+2 varies from i and a genetically engineered cow who can cook and talk.


Whoever say mad science isn't fun has obviously never tried it before.


Some renowned artist challenged Lady Drezabel to a draw off. We are still trying to clean up the mess from the poor sap. No one dared asked the lady to help.


"My mom always told me to never fight a girl. If you win, you beat up a girl. If you loose, you just got beat up by a girl. However" *mints* "That is no longer an issue."

"can I use your brain? It is not like you are using it for anything."
___________________________________________________________


Here is my master plan for taking over the world. Thought up actually a long time ago, I wanna say 7 years ago or so. When I was still in high school and had NO interest at all for mad science. Heck I am not even sure I really understood what mad science was (cause if I did, I probably would have liked it sooner)


My plan for world domination


Through careful planning (and by careful I mean was thought up in about 5 seconds and spur of the moment) I have concluded one possible way to take over the world is as follows: First develop a drug that hypnotizes people to your will. But how can you administer this drug? Simple, start your own sandal company and insert the needle intot he heel of the sandal so it will be applied via the foot. But how would you guarantee that people will buy your sandals. Simple, destroy any socks and sock factories and the materials to make socks. Why does this work? Because it is not fashionable to wear shoes without socks. How do you destroy all the socks int he world? We will figure that out when it gets there. In the mean time we need to worry about how to get people in cold places to give up their warm boots and shoes and replace them with sandals, maybe a a very large sale?

_____________________________________________________________________


Ads you might see in Xyon city (possibly)


"Henchmen for sale, used and slightly brain damaged. Come to the hidden lab in the mountains for further details."

Doomsday devices for sale. Guarantee to end the world or your money back! *Not responsible for any failed attempts due to outside forces*"

"Hench-r-Us: One stop for your henching needs."

"Looking for Henchmen. Most be willing to fight heroes and other mads. Flexible hours. Good pay and benefits. Must have no qualms in destroying the city. Inquire at the big laser on Cherrytop hill."

"MadGuard: The only home protection that can stop a mad from breaking in."


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 9:33 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:53 pm
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Location: my own little world
The wind screams across the featurless plain. Visibility is nil. The dogs, however, keep unerringly to the trail. Sure, a rocket sled would be what any other mad would do, but Dr.Ironicus is a traditionalist.
Their clockwork clicks and whirrs, unheard above the wind, as the team approaches the massive gates. A panel slides upward, admitting the team to the courtyard and the manse beyond. It's done up in classic style. The brooding house on the hill, the kind that every deluded lead character thinks is the perfect place to stop for help when their car breaks down. Heh. You'd think at least one of those saps would have taken a course in engine repair...but then where would the story be?
Classic with a twist. The walls are ice, frosted with the ever blowing snow. A peculiarly gleaming ice, that no thermonuke could ever melt.
Assuming our hapless hero made it thus far, he would be priviliged to behold the confluence of the arora borialis and a lightning storm. Whether or not going out under such a spectacular backdrop would give him some small consolation is a point to be debated another day.
The clockwork dogs have been kenneled. A parka-labcoat has been carelessly tossed aside.
Dr. Ironicus makes his way to the lab, whistling.
"Nice trip, Doctor?" The burly assistant hunched over the lab table finishes making a careful adjustment before turning, and pushing up her goggles.
"Indeed. Splendid day for a jaunt." He carelessly drops a bulging mail sack. "The usual. Death threats, catalogs-oh, you got your magazine-and a possibly interesting missive. We'll sort it out after dinner."
"Mrr. You should let me run errands like that for you, Doctor." Her voice is gruff, but she can't quite hide her excitement. Mail!
"What? On a lovely day like today? Don't be ridiculous. Besides, I find the occasional trip to Frostbite Falls invigorating." Dr. Ironicus rubs his hands briskly together, and strolls over to peer at the spectro-veri-scope. Quite the contrast to his burly assistant. Black haired, with a silver streak, piercing eyes, a wirey build. All lean muscle. But tall though he is, she dwarfs him.
".....Sir? Thought it was Gertie's Gusset?"
"I made them change it. I can't have my mail coming to such a ridiculous address, now can I?"
Besides, he's mad. And convinced the townsfolk would be disappointed if he didn't make the occasional outrageous demand. A tiny population of hunters and miners and eccentrics that cling to the area. A place too far away for anyone who hadn't built his own sled dogs to visit casually.

Flashback a few hours.
A burly man in flannel, a gnarled old man, and the labcoat-parka'd Dr.Ironicus are seated on stools at the counter, sipping coffee, while a brassy haired woman of indeterminate age is frying something that smells delishious.
"Mornin', Pete." Burly says.
"Mornin'." Gnarled nods in response, then again to Ironicus. "Sam. Doc."
"Morning." Sips coffee. "I'm changing the name of the town. How's the fish running?"
"Be a few days yet, I reckon. N', sure, Doc. Kin I change the sign after the weather turns? M'reumatiz is actin' up again."
"Sure, Pete. But I gave you pills for that."
"Turns m'skin green."
"....That's a problem?" Ironicus's voice is puzzled.
"Ayep."
"Hmm...maybe if I adjust the doseage..."
Plates of hot, greasy, fried food are plunked down in front of them. Conversation halts.
Later, the burly Sam grumbles. "Of all the derned fool ideas-" And the waitress swats him. "You hush your mouth! He fixed up the teevee for the diner, didn't he? Folks a hundred miles away from here can't get reception."
"Yeah...that's just cause he wanted to watch that Tesla special on PBS that time."
"Makes no nevermind to me why he done it. 'Sides, count yer lucky stars it ain't worse! You know just how lucky we are he usually stays to his lonesome? Have you seen what's been a goin' on in Xyon and the like this past year?"
"....I'll get on that sign soon as the weather clears."
She nods, and gets back to wiping the counter. Besides, he's a good tipper. Even if he did insist on putting in a jacob's ladder, right beside the moosehead.

Back to the lair of Dr. Ironicus-
"Besides, I have to terrorize the town occasionaly. Wouldn't do to get out of practice, Ursula."
"Quite right, Doctor." The polar bear rumbles. "Did you blast them with the Ultra-Ray? Or the Steam Cannon?"
"Neither. I'm still refining them." He makes another minute adjustment to the scope.
"...Isn't that what townsfolk are for, Doctor?" She sighes. So many weapons, so few rampages...
"This isn't Xyon, you know. That one little outpost is all we have. And..." His eyes gleam with madness, his voice crackles. "I aM tHE oNe who dEciDes if wE ramPage. Do I mAke mYself CLeaR?"
"Yes, Dr. Ironicus!" Ursula lowers her head respectfully, her ursine face making her glee hard to read. He's got it, all right.
"Good. What's for dinner?"
"Fish! And vegetables." She beams.
"What kind of vegetables?" Yes, the hydroponic gardens are proving their worth. Ursula has added to her repetoire!
"What...kind? Um...green ones. Cooked."
"You know what? Let's get on that mail." Perhaps one of the death threats will be worth following up on.
As if he could ever destroy the town. The diner isn't Joe's, by any means. But it beats his and Ursula's cooking.
There's an idea. Perhaps it's time to leave the fortress for a while. Drop in on a few of his old friends and rivals at the HEH and LOV. It'll mean hanging out at Joe's Diner for a while, if he wants to make the trip worthwhile and do some catching up.
"...Pack your bags, Ursula-we're hitting the road!"
Mmm, pie....

_________________
.. not how Science works, love. 1st, you build the machine, then it tells you what it's for.
Do you think I had the 1st idea what a squidhole was when I invented it? Certainly not! I was just messing about! That's when the very best & very Maddest Science gets done. I thought,Why, this alabaster octopus looks like it wants a nice transmission inside it,& fairly soon I had a thing that obviously had a Use, though what that Use could be was a total mystery.
(Sameness Engine) I haven't the 1st notion of what it's for! That's not why I made it-I made it for the sheer joy of making something new! It's getting up to tell me what it wants me to do, though, I can just feel it. It's been giggling a lot at night.
The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland
C Valente


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:08 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
And this corner we have the writer for hawkwolf! and in this corner we have the undefeated champ, LATE NIGHT IDEAS! **FIGHT!**


The writer would like to apologize for any bad puns, terrible jokes, non sequitur, off the wall comments and downright distasteful to the average serious reader that will be found in the following lines. The writer would also like to mention that it is not necessary to even read the whole thing for the writer will later on quote a few lines in chat for you to enjoy in a neat little package deal that is way more consumable then the following post. The writer would like to point out a useful feature that will be installed. For the lines that the writer feels to be worthwhile will be in bold to make a scan of this post much more enjoyable. Unfortunately, this feature has been disabled due to time restraint. The writer would like to apologize about this major inconvenient and hope that this post will not scar your memory forever and prevent you from reading any further posts made by said writer.



When I asked you to card the customer, I did NOT mean for you to turn him INTO a card!


If you kick a pun, would it be a punt?


While you CD's I see A's.


The point of a devious DM is to make the PC think they got it easy at first while spinning a web of traps around them. So when you spring the trap, they will flutter around following your will, going from one hot pan to another in amazing and near death escapes and into more dangerous situations that they will literally ask you to kill the character and be done with it. A good devious DM will deny them of that release.


Mad Science inc. has found a direct correlation between the number of times a person perform mad science and the number of times Nature have been violated.


"Now see here Igor, even if this machine somehow say kill you, I can easily bring you back to life. Sure you may not be in one piece or mentally stable and might be a horrifically painful event but think of the knowledge we can gain from testing it!"<-- Don't be on the receiving end of this type of message, go Mad today!


Don't you know? The smart girls are sexy, the mad ones are even sexier.


If this statement is false, I will eat my hat
If the above statement is true, I will eat my hat


You may not be able to devour a person soul by staring at them but does not mean you can't try!
(I am not creepily staring at you, I am just trying to have lunch) ((ok not original but still funny))


"lets see, the foot bone is connected to the ankle bone. The ankle bone is connected to the lower leg bone. The lower leg bone is connected to the upper leg bone. the upper leg bone is connected to the hip bone. DOCTOR! I FOUND YOUR PROBLEM! It goes to the HIP BONE.


"Ah so relaxing, the clouds are flying by, the breeze is cool against my cheek, the sun is setting in the background and the birds are flying by. Oh yeah I guess I better pull the cord for my parachute now."


If money were in the form of cookies, it would add a whole new meaning to when someone asks "You got the dough?"


I swear the English language is trying to kill Shun

Eradicate-Shun
Devastate-Shun
Humiliate-Shun

And strangely enough, it is trying to kill me as well in the same manner (Ha! that is your only hint to my true name! Take that you Ancient hidden Hindu Voodoo priest! (Don't ask cause I might be tempted to tell))


A Rose is a beautiful flower with some sharp thorns. See the resemblance between the two?
(if you have to ask, I mean between the flower and the character Rose. If you have to ask more, I feel sorry for you and you will be shot, hung, burned, quartered and buried and not in that order either)



I never understood the phrase "hung like a horse." Horses don't hang from a rope very well. (HA! Fooled you once, shame on me. Fool you twice, STILL shame on me)


"Can't sleep the marshmallows will eat me. Can't sleep the marshmallows will eat me. Can't sleep the marshmallows will eat me. Can't sleep the marshmallows will eat me. Can't sleep...."


"Look mommy, a llama!"
"Now now dear, it is impolite to stare at the poor test subjects."


If you throw in your two cents, does that mean talk is not really cheap at all?


While most normal students can't get away with the excuse "My dog ate my homework." (Which, once was literally true but I was able to redo it) this is normally accepted at a Mad school provided that you bring the repair bill for when your mutant dog goes on a rampage.


If two men walked into a bar, does that mean the bar left an impression on them?


It would be rude to toss a woman into pudding and comment "How now brown cow." (DON'T HURT ME! *Cowers*)


What is the speed of Mad?
Answer: i
(It is a math joke, get it? Get it? No? *sigh*)

"I just have an idea! But it died from loneliness."


How can you never mind what you never knew?


If you are reading this then I feel sorry for you and wish to offer you a free ice cream cone for reading so much of this post without dumping Clorox on your eyes as you try to cleanse your eyes from this awful sight that is misnamed a post.


"Don't think too hard your brain might explode...................... too late."



Makes you wonder if we are really special if Earth is considered in 3rd place in the solar system.


You say tomato, I say a mutated red vegetable with razor sharp teeth that have a taste for human flesh.


If I wake up now, how would I save the cupcake princess from the flying monkeys with laser beams? (proof of my mental Degradation when writing this post)


This post is wrong to the nth degree!


"Gentlemen you are acting like children, no fighting in the war room please." (riped off and seriously misused and misguided from Dr. Strangeglove)


"The Enigmatic, Problematic, Chocoholic, charismatic, electromatic, gear-o-matic, Jaegerastic, (don't forget hugastic) and a Madomatic Miss Chicgeek!"


"The Distratable, explodable, spazable, confuseable, purrrrable, delectable, boxable, adorable, (Don't forget uncloneable) and henchable Claire!"





The writer once again like to apologize for this late night ramba into the deranged and unknown field of poppable insomiatic ideals that has floated from the mind, through the hand and to the computer. I am sure tomorrow will be no better. and if you managed to read this whole thing instead of skipping (assuming of course you skipped to the end of this post and not the end of the page to navigate away from this), the whole point of this is this: GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Last edited by Hawkwolf on Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:22 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:13 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
Claire said to try something different to get my posting juices flowing again. so lets try this. (in a cowboy bebop mood so there will be an ongoing theme. You don't have to listen to the whole song to get the feel I am trying to portray. The first 30 seconds is long enough. Of course you are welcomed to listen to the whole song. Helps if you listen to the song while reading that part of the post.)


For Claire http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97xfV6yXcrk
I can see Claire walking down the street with this song in mind, I dunno why.

*Claire: Why am I doing this again?
*Writer: Because I bribed you with explosives?
*Claire:Eeeee spody! *throws explosives around*
*Writer: Wait! Not here! ack!
*Claire: *Is clearly not listening as she throws more explosives and destroying the set.*
*Writer: Maybe I should have used Laitu instead.

(One day I would like to try my hand at animation with flash and do a compilation of Claire doing her things to this song. Why? Cause in my mind this song makes me think of her.)

*Claire: *Pokes the song title* There are cats on Mars?
*Writer: *Sighs* No there isn't Claire. There is no oxygen there.
*Claire: *Pokes again and is teleported to Mars* Eep!
*Writer: *Sighs* Dang it, means I got to get her back before her writer notices and kills me!
*Claire: *Is surrounded by flatcats on Mars*




And I dunno why but this is for Jane http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srjBvNbWrTY&feature=related

*Jane: *smirks*
*Writer: Uh oh. What did you do this time? Was my drink poisoned? Am I going to wake up naked and tied up in a broom closet for this?
*Jane: Isn't Paranoia a great tool to use?
*writer: *Frantically checks self.*
*Jane: The best part is, I have not done anything................. yet. *smirks*
*Writer: *More frantic checking!* I swear she did something already.




And this is for David, since he never gets a break. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUNvJ5Plo-0&feature=related

*David: Wait that song is relaxing. What does this have to do with me always playing the hero?
*Writer: Absolutely nothing. But you need to relax sometimes and smell the roses.
*David: Last time I did that the rose was a diabolical plot to take over the lawn.
*Writer: Besides the point. You and Andrew should go out into the country side or something and relax to a song like this.
*David: But what about Dr. Abertrose and his plan to flood the city with indigenous birds?
*Writer:...... Really? You are worried about that? Moving on. Course this song would be more appropriate to his hero-ing, possibly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8wWa3O9cUo&feature=related
*David: How does that even fit me?
*Writer: Ummmm, internet?




And maybe this for Jess for being smooth at what she does. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN7x4DlfuCY&feature=related

*Writer: Now where did Jess get to?
*Jess: *Disguised as a random person comes walking by and steals the writer's wallet.*
*writer: *Scratches head* huh. Maybe she is running late.
*Jess: *Disguised as a different person and comes by to steal the writer's pants with a snicker.*
*writer: Is there a draft in here?
*Jess: *snickers more and motions to the audience* Too easy. I can do this all day.




And for Wally.... well this song might fit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsugYDVsUIY&feature=related

*Wally: Why this song?
*Writer: Because it is sad sounding to me and I think it would fit with your 6 year jaunt through dimensions. Not counting your fears with Chicgeek and Rad.
*Wally:.....
*Writer: Oh that is right, I only paid you for one line.
*Wally: No it is not that at all
*Writer: Well you are only being paid for one line.
*Wally: I'm being paid?
*Writer: Why else would you be here?
*Wally: Because you drugged me and dragged me here against my will.
*Writer: Minor details.




And don't think I forgot about you demo! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vcrb6365GsQ&feature=related

*Demo: Interesting. Does this has to do with my internal conflict between the mad and sane self?
*Writer:.... Maybe?
*Demo: You know I can shoot you.
*Writer:..... Check please.




How cool is Rad? Does this song do him justice? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DbhBKeLKyc&feature=related

*Rad: It feels like a chase scene man.
*Writer: But a cool chase scene!
*Rad: But I am not a chase scene.
*Writer: Well considering a few recent events....
*Rad:....




Andrew, don't think I have forgotten you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V-WGwJJj58&feature=related

*Andrew: You know there are better songs to choose.
*Writer: But, I like this song!
*Andrew: *raises an eyebrow* Merely liking the song does not give you permission to relate it to me.
*writer: But it shows the counterbalance between your inner nerd and mad science along with your desires in contrast to your bright clothes!
*Andrew: You just made that up didn't you.
*Writer:..... Maybe?




And for chickgeek-
*Chickgeek: No way! I saw what you did with the other people.
But-
*Chickgeek: *Glares*
....... Fine, you win.
*Chickgeek: I thought so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkTLSAFrTRI&feature=related
*Chicgeek: Oh you are so dead.
*Flees!*




Dr. Beard! This one is for you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMt--cU6M8E&feature=related

*Dr. Beard: Can I get back to my work, my Cephalopods needs to be tended to.
*Writer: But what about the song?
*Dr. Beard: Don't care much for it.
*Mimic: *pokes the song*
*Dr. Beard: Don't poke Mimic, you don't know where it has been.
*Writer: But, I thought you would like a song called singing sea.
*Dr. Beard: *carries Mimic away in her bucket*
*writer: Can't please everyone.




And for Herr.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9dnK8TjGXU&feature=related

*Herr: And this means?
*Writer: Well it is kinda exotic and you are kind exotic, to me at least.
*Herr: I don't see why you think so.
*Writer: Because that is how I think.
*Greg: I think he likes you.
*Writer: Shut it.




And because I can! For Ivan! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5M3R2WvFQk&feature=related

*Ivan: But I don't have a pumpkin for a head sir.
*Writer: It is not the title, it is the swagger kind of sound to the song.
*Ivan: But sir, I don't swagger when I walk. the good doctor Galvant does.
*Writer: right, but this fits your personality though.
*Ivan: You have a song for how I act?
*Writer: Yes?
*Ivan: Isn't that a little weird sir?
*Writer:.......




And for the PSL Agents... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR4TDBXebWc&feature=related

*Wolf: I don't see how a Japanese song fits our secret organization.
*Writer: Well you can see it as your fight against mads.
*Wolf: How does this song reflect this?
*Writer: Well it kinda have an old west feel to it. Kinda like you are a sheriff of a town and you are going to face down the rampage of a very infamous bandit. The bandit being the mad and you are not sure if you will win or not but you must do your duty.
*Wolf: You have a weird imagination. Also I don't like the idea of loosing.
*Writer: It is just a song. Sheesh some people just have no sense of humor.
*wolf: I am not paid to have a sense of humor.



And strangely enough, Robin... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbGTJbSEheI&feature=related

*Robin: Awww you have a song for me.
*Writer: Well yes. It is kinda fleeting and since you don't really have a body to interact with the members and only Claire and see or hear you, I thought it might fit.
*Robin: If only Claire can see and hear me, how are you talking to me?
*Writer:... Plead the 5th
*Robin: *Giggles*



I can see Rolf cruising with this song for some reason. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6N1_GJAyFw&feature=related

*Rolf: Cruishink?
*Writer: Yep, with Claire of course, checking out the sights and you keeping her out of trouble.
*Rolf: Hy Dink dat vould be lovely.
*Writer: Yep, you should take her strolling through a nice place. Just bring her back before ten ok?
*Rolf: Vas dat a poke at my schkills uf keepink Claire shafe?
*Writer:.... Ummm, LOOK! A HETRODYNE! *flees!*



*Xerox: *Taps the writer on the shoulder* *Ahem* Do you even have have the writers permission to borrow their characters for this?
*Writer:............ LOOK! A DISTRACTION SONG! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2rVnRwW0h8&feature=related *Flees again* That is all folks!
*Xerox: *Is not distracted and chases after the writer with his butterfly net.*



Ending note. I hope I portrayed the characters accurately even if the songs did not fit perfectly. And I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. My apology to those who can't play youtube videos and enjoy the full effect of this post.


Last edited by Hawkwolf on Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 12:44 pm 
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Mad Scientist Unbelievable
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Joined: Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:53 pm
Posts: 3549
Location: my own little world
This was just awesome. Very cool, nice job with all the songs!

And I'm liking the Cowboy Bebop.

_________________
.. not how Science works, love. 1st, you build the machine, then it tells you what it's for.
Do you think I had the 1st idea what a squidhole was when I invented it? Certainly not! I was just messing about! That's when the very best & very Maddest Science gets done. I thought,Why, this alabaster octopus looks like it wants a nice transmission inside it,& fairly soon I had a thing that obviously had a Use, though what that Use could be was a total mystery.
(Sameness Engine) I haven't the 1st notion of what it's for! That's not why I made it-I made it for the sheer joy of making something new! It's getting up to tell me what it wants me to do, though, I can just feel it. It's been giggling a lot at night.
The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland
C Valente


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 2:16 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
(Can I post anything to match the epicness of my last post? Was it even that good? I will leave that answer purposely unanswered.)


The Airport Roulette Special Part 1



How can this be? How can this be true? Do you really want us to answer that? For it is time once again for another misfit adventure of ANOTHER DAY AT THE LAB!! Where we last left our dilapidated heroes, they were due for a long and over due break from all the adventures at the lab.

And you thought we have forgotten about you, didn't you.



Ah the airport Miss Clay. Today we are going to go on a special trip to the Bahamas!...... Oh wait, I mean to Hawaii..... Look I kinda picked a place at random ok. You wanted to go on a vacation and left the spot to me. What else did you expect? Well anyways I did promise to leave all of my lab equipment at home this time ok. Even resisted the DNA enhancer. I hope that makes you happy.... Yes I know I gave you paid vacation time and technically I do too but does not mean I have to take it..... Well if you put it that way I guess I do.

Ok the first security check point.... I know officer, I have placed all of my metal items in the tray. Now to walk through this metal detector. Wait what do you mean by that is not a metal dete- *ZAP!* EEP! How did everything get to be so big! Woah I better not look up, Miss Clay is right behind me.... *swat!* Ack! stop it Miss Clay! I didn't mean anything by it! I just didn't think you wanted me to look up your skirt! *swat swat!* Will you stop it! *ZAP!* Wew Thank you officer. Why airport security have a shrink machine I will never figure out.

Ok so THIS is the metal detector right? Good. I don't want to be shrunk again. *beep beep Beep* Now what? I swear I got no metal on me. Oh wait *ruffle ruffle* Oops I forgot about this. Ack wait it is not a weapon! Don't shoot! IT IS JUST A MINT CONTAINER!.... I am guessing from your expression you know all to well about minting then..... Yeah I think I better leave that here... Can I go now without you shooting me?


Will our intrepid mad scientist be shot down? Will they be able to make their flight? And for the look of science why did he bring the mints! All but 2 of these questions will be answered in the next exciting and nail biting episode of.... ANOTHER DAY AT THE LAB!!!!



(Order now and get the second installment for FREE! Only $19.99 plus slipping and mishandling)



The Airport Roulette Special Part 2



And so I told him that he should get a new one. Wait are we on air? *ahem* Welcome to another courageous and inspirational and exciting (one out of 3 ain't bad..... right?) episode of ANOTHER DAY AT THE LAB! We last left our duel avengers in the caring hands of the airport insecurity. How will they ever get out of this mess?



How about we just calm down and you can put that stun gun down... Oh, that is not a stun gun but a Bona fide deathray? Wow where do you guys get the money to outfit your standard security with deathrays these days? Isn't the failing economy bad enough? No wonder the air travel industry is going under. Ok OK I will stop making jokes now! Just stop pointing that thing at me! Sheeesh that way you act you think I had a bomb or something... *Tackled!* Ack! Where did these guys came from and why did they tackled me! Miss Clay, lend me a hand!..... Hardy har har you can stop your clapping sarcasm and help me!

*Zork!* Wew thanks Miss Clay, that mental lock ray should buy us enough time to make our flight. Quickly now, our flight leaves in 20 minutes! Ok it says here that it is arriving at gate A8.... Now B16... Sigh can't they make up their mind! Pick a gate already! Well it seems to have settled for C32. Quickly Miss Clay! TO GATE C32!.... Now where is from here? The layout of these airports are always confusing. Ah there we go. So it says that we take this left, a right, up 2 stories, another right, down a level, reverse and a right.... Yeah that made as much sense as a behaving Beaver in a Bellville lumberyard.... How about this, I follow you ok.


Alright this looks like it. What? Our flight has been delayed? Why?.... That does not make sense. When does the pilot being out of donuts constitutes as an emergency to delay a flight? Sigh fine. here is our tickets and we will wait on board for our so called pilot grab his donut. Lets see which one is our seat. No.... No.... No... No... Oh great we are all the way int he back. At least we got the row to ourselves since it is only a two seater. Now time to relax... Wait did I hear that right? That man is threatening to hijack the airplane? Seriously? I, an honest traveler got harassed and humiliated and nearly shot at and this guy who is the honest bad guy got on! Oh SOMEBODY WILL PAY!


Will their flight to relaxation be rerouted to more action? Will the security will even notice? And how do you hijack an airplane with a lemon and a table leg? These three questions will be dissected, transplanted, cross checked, triplicated and lost in a bog heap in the next exciting and semi thrilling episode of.... ANOTHER DAY AT THE LAB!!!





(I REGRET NOTHING! If you doubt me, I like to point out this post was done at 3 in the morning.)


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 1:21 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
Round two anyone? If no one minds? EXALTED EDITION! (cause I can?)



Fuzzy wuzzy? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6N1_GJAyFw

Fuzzy: Is chasing down butterflies in bear mode*
Writer: Isn't that cute.
Fuzzy: *chases!*
Writer: It is because she is so inquisitive.
Fuzzy: *Beetle!*
Writer: Was not that hard to lure her here at all either.


And for Dusk? Hmmm lets see..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PneJzBpki-U

Dusk: Why?
Writer: Feels like a social kind of song and I know you got a bunch of social combat stuff going for yea. Or at least more then the the rest of the group.
Dusk: No I mean why am I here?
Writer: Well that answer you must find on your own. Religion is a great way to answer that question.
Dusk: Why am I at this location?
Writer: didn't you get the memo?
Dusk: What's a memo?
Writer: This may take a while



Poor Shun.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR4TDBXebWc

Shun: I don't get it.
Writer: Doesn't it feel like an adventure underscored with sadness? Like the one you are doing right now with the loss of your father?
Shun: You can keep the adventure part.
Writer But..
Shun: I said shove it.
Writer: Who died and made you the boss?
Shun:.... *Attacks!*
Writer: Ack! *flees!*


Baoshi! We love you! (I think) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmIsNpDimQ0

Baoshi: Strange song.
Writer: Yep!
Baoshi: I see. Have to do with my emergency bag?
Writer: Among other things.
Baoshi: I see.




Why do I see Grandpa Jane with this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsLQRfQPSrk

Jane: Going to tell me why this song?
Writer: No
Jane: Don't make me threaten you boy.
Writer: Do your Worst.
Jane: Did I ever tell you about that one abyssal lad wi-
Writer: Ack! don't want to know! TMI! Alright you win. Cause I get the impression that despite your hard training, you are still laid back.
Jane: Of course I am more laid back. Gone soft over the years. Only run for 5 miles.
Writer: Right...




Not to toot my own horn but... Deka! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYRu1E_f6hE

Deka: *Raises an eyebrow* care to explain yourself?
Writer: Cause you are sneaky?
Deka: Right and you expect me to believe that is all that I am? Sneaky?
Writer: Well no but the song is still good.
Deka: riiight *Starts rummaging through a wallet*
Writer:..... That is mine isn't it.
Deka: No comment *rummage rummage* This is my revenge.




I wish I had one for the dragoon blooded our group fought but I could not find a good one except this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuAzPR0ACVw

Kitty Helm: Yey a theme song!
Green Lady: More like false representation.
Writer: Hey not my fault.
Green Lady: I bet I can find one. let me see that music list.
Writer: Gah! Stay away from my playlist! *flees!*




Writer: Oh yeah none for Fang either but don't tell him that. I can't afford to have him on my tail as well. That is all from me. *sneaks out*




EDITED? (Have I seen one too many whose line is it anyways?))

Cause I thought of a funny thing?


Galvant: Want to see my latest invention?
Ivan: What is it?
Galvant:Have you ever heard of the questionator?
Ivan: The one you built in 94?
Galvant: you remembered?
Ivan: You thought I forgot?
Galvant: Did anyone tell you that you have good memory?
Ivan: Would you believe me If I said no?
Galvant: well, are you interested in my invention?
Ivan: Does it work?
Galvant: Was it built by me?
Ivan: Did it without help?
Galvant: Does a mechanical monkey count?
Ivan: Do you mean chimpy?
Galvant: You named him chimpy?
Ivan: have you thought of a better name?
Galvant: Has it been 2 weeks already?
Ivan: have you not been keeping track?
Galvant: Does it look like I have a calendar down here?
Ivan: You counting the ones that is actually the correct year?
Galvant: You kept the outdated ones?
Ivan: Was I supposed to get rid of them?
Galvant: Didn't you get the memo?
Ivan: You uses memos?
Galvant: Didn't you notice the stack of papers on your desk?
Ivan: I have a desk?
Galvant: Isn't yours the one in the corner?
Ivan: The one with a name plaque?
Galvant: So you know of it?
Ivan: have you ever read the name on the plague?
Galvant: Was I supposed to?
Ivan: So you never noticed it was your name on the plague?
Galvant: When did I get a second desk?
Ivan: Are you going to explain your invention?
Galvant: The questionator?
Ivan: Did you accidently turn it on?
Galvant: Was it the green button that activated it?
Ivan: The one you are depressing right now?
Galvant: that is a button?
Ivan: have you tried pressing the red button?
Galvant: You mean this one?
Ivan: Does that look red to you?
Galvant: Didn't you know I am color blind?
Ivan: Do you need help?
Galvant are you willing to help?
Ivan: Want me to press the button?
Galvant: Can you?
Ivan: Can you say please?
Galvant: can you just hurry up?
*Click*


Would you believe anything said here is non canon?


Last edited by Hawkwolf on Sat Jun 26, 2010 1:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 7:20 pm 
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Heh heh heh.
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 11:02 am
Posts: 1324
Location: Behind you
In Session
A Story of High School


When the teacher walked into the room, the students (the male ones, anyway) thought that the year would be looking up. The teacher, blond hair neatly pinned up around her head, was wearing a suit-and-skirt combination that was cut in just such a manner as to inflame passions without actually revealing much. Her long legs were clearly visible as she stepped to the board.

The boys looked excitedly at each other. The girls rolled their eyes.
Once she had written her name, she stepped in front of her desk, sitting down on the corner. With her legs crossed and a subtle grin on her face, she began her spiel.

"Good afternoon, class. I am Ms. Helen Digamma Narbon."

Several had heard the last name. There was some whispering.
Helen waited until the class was silent again before she continued.

"Now then. I have been hired to teach all you budding paragons how to avoid many of the traps, tricks, and subterfuges that will be laid for you by the villains in your respective futures."

She waited for the class to quiet down again.

"I know what you may be thinking, given my name. However, I can assure you that.... unlike many of the other members of my family, I am wholly and completely of Good alignment. I will teach you, as I have promised, how to avoid all the little sneaky ways that villains can use to get at you. And the best way to learn this is, as you may or may not have suspected, experience."

More whispering.

"This brings me to my next point, and one of the most important points to keep in mind while you undergo this class:

I am, and will be for the purposes of this class, completely and totally unfair."

She waved her arms for silence.

"After this moment, I will attempt to cause you setbacks in many ways, some that you may easily foresee, and some that you may hate me for before this school year is over. I repeat: From this moment, I will do my best to cause you to fail. It is up to you to take what you have learned, apply it to the situation at hand— and save your grade, and if necessary, yourselves.

I do promise one thing: That, whatever happens, you may always talk with me about anything you choose. Furthermore, if you believe I have been—" the grin became a smirk, " 'up to no good', you may accuse me, either in private (if you think it'll do any good) or, in public, in full view of the other members of the class. If you can prove what I've been up to, I'll even desist."

She closed her eyes for a second, seeming enraptured. In reality, she was counting the ways at her disposal.

"This class will be challenging. I've made that quite clear. However, if things turn out as I expect, then a good chunk of you will learn something. And, though you (who despite not yet looking it at all will someday be the world's next generation of heroes) may utterly loathe me by the time the year ends, you will someday thank me for the lessons you learn here."

Helen smiled at the class, looking over with the tiniest smidge of a protective smile.

It will be hard. You have no idea just what I'm going to do to you. But, from now, you're mine.... and no one else gets to mess with my students.

"Any questions?"

No one.

_________________
"My conscience is feeling all prickly."
"A bit of absolute power can remedy that."
Kid Radd


Last edited by Jane Narbon on Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 5:06 pm 
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Heh heh heh.
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 11:02 am
Posts: 1324
Location: Behind you
Cinderella
Or, How a Most Unlikely Figure Saved the Kingdom
Or, A Parable on How Everyone May Not Be Quite Who They Say They Are


Once Upon a Time, there was a Kingdom. There was also a King, and a Queen. The King was a relatively good King, as things went— he ensured that prosperity was a fixture of the Kingdom, keeping order, holding secure borders, and balancing the economy as it was necessary. The Queen was also a relatively good Queen, and she maintained a very large library. When her husband found he needed information or advice (which was often— running a country is hard), he would turn to her.
Over the course of time, the two enjoyed each others' company, and after some time, there was born to the royal couple a beautiful baby boy.
Now, when the baby was born, the King invited numerous luminaries, dignitaries, etc. to celebrate the boy's birth. It was well-known that the King disapproved of magic, but he still invited a few prominent wizards from other countries, and even one or two who had settled within the country as well.

Unfortunately, he missed one rather important one. In one of the deep forests outlying his Kingdom, there was a very old and powerful Witch, who mainly kept to herself and did experiments regarding the breeding of intelligent small animals.
When the day of the boy's celebration arrived, the guests came one by one bearing both gifts and good wishes. However, once everyone had been invited in, a furious ringing on the castle doors signaled the Witch's arrival.
By the time the doors had been opened, the Witch was furious, and she marched up to the royals and thusly spoke:

"First you forget to invite me, now you keep me waiting.... I'm half a mind to... ooooh...."
She stopped speaking for a second while she controlled her temper. Then, she passed one hand over the other and produced a lens of rock crystal, which she tossed at the baby.
"I was going to give your kid a quite useful blessing, but he'll have to make do with that. Don't lose it," she said, and stalked out, cane somehow pounding furiously on the floor as she left.

The King and Queen looked at each other, and shrugged, and the celebration continued.

~~~~~~~~~~

Many years later, the King was still a good King, and the Queen was still a good Queen. The Prince had grown to manhood, and was fine and handsome, as well as good-natured. Unfortunately, Time had moved on, and the King and Queen had aged as well. Recently, after a visit to the monarch of a far country, the King had caught a rare tropical disease. His immune system and doctors were every day pitched in battle with it, but his fate was still in doubt. It was becoming quite clear that the Prince would someday (perhaps soon) have to take over as King.
Fortunately, the Prince appeared to be suited for the job. He was well-learned, and often spent long sessions in his mother's library. He had learned about how to manage a country, diplomacy, courtly manners, music, and many other things, all from the best tutors and knowledge sources that could be found. And, he took all these lessons to heart.
Only one thing remained: finding a suitable woman for the Prince, in order that the Kingdom could continue once the Prince became the King. The Prince had been dragging his feet on the matter somewhat, but he would soon come to the realization that it was for the best.

However, our story (despite how it may presently appear) is not about the Prince (at least, not immediately). Our story is about a girl.

7 Years Previously to the Time Just Mentioned

The girl, whose birth name has been lost to history, had a father who was a soldier. A few months before she was born, her father died fighting in the war that came to be known as the War of the Other. She was raised by her mother, until she was about 12 years old.
Then, one night, the girl had a dream.
In the dream, all was bright around her. She— small her, wearing patched clothing— was in a room with many smoky candles, surrounded by laughing people, some dancing, some talking, all wearing silky clothes of different colors. As she watched, three women stepped in front of her: one in front in a brilliant, flame-colored dress, and one behind the first woman, standing to each side.
One was a woman of late middle age, the kind that looked like a kindly grandmother. She stood to the first woman's left.
The second woman was a wrinkled old Witch. She stood to the right of the woman in the bright dress. She was standing slightly bent over, with the help of a cane. She was glaring at the kindly grandmother with an intensity that was almost frightening.

The woman in front was the most beautiful the girl had ever seen. She wore a ball gown all the colors of a flame, with gloves and a choker to match. Shoes of orange-and-yellow glass, somehow made flexible, graced the woman's feet. For all this, however, her face (enchantingly, spellbindingly beautiful) bore a subtle look of uncertainty, as though she felt... out of her depth. Or, perhaps, hunted, as might a chess piece.
The grandmotherly woman smiled. "That's right, dear. Have a lovely time."
The Witch, still glaring, snorted. "You think this'll work... it won't. You're trying to build a castle of thin air. It's unreal."
"It has to work," said the grandmother.
"It's unreal," warned the Witch.
"I will make it work," the grandmother hissed, teeth clenched.
"It isn't real!!" the Witch spat back, just as tense.
"If I have to—" the grandmother said.
The Witch had reached her boiling point. Straightening up, she grabbed her stick with both hands, lifting it high.
"It. Is. Not. REAL!!!" she yelled, swinging her stick in an arc to strike once again on the floor.
The clothes of the beautiful woman standing in front burst into flame.

The girl tried to do something, but it was useless. She stood, unable to move, as she watched the fire burn.
And the fire was spreading to the other dancers and to the woman's hair and to the room and to her face and to the walls and to her eyes and everything was burning———

The girl woke up, and realized. Everything was burning. The room around her was on fire. Wall hangings, floor, all were ablaze. Somehow, the house had caught on fire while she slept.
Knowing what to do, the girl opened the window, pushing aside the screen and diving out. Then, she screamed.

When the fire brigade arrived, the house was already partially consumed. The brigade wasted no time in dousing the flames with water.
However, the girl's mother had never made it out of the house. The fire had started in the main bedroom, and something about the flames had made them accelerate and burn quickly.
She had never had a chance.


The girl was sent to live with her only remaining relatives: a family who ran a prosperous inn. The girl's new stepmother and stepfather welcomed her in with good grace, and tried to accommodate her. Unfortunately, the stepmother and -father had two daughters, who thought of themselves as (and indeed were) quite beautiful. However, they did not take the introduction of the girl to the family very well.

As a result, the two stepdaughters went out of their way to mistreat the girl. They gave her the worst jobs, from cleaning out the privies to the inn's inevitable great piles of dishes. One of the girls even nicknamed her "Cinderella", an insulting name given her after the other sister had set her to cleaning out a fireplace that a drunk had vomited into.
Cinderella did the jobs. She didn't complain greatly. She couldn't. While her stepmother and -father always tried to be fair, they had an unfortunate habit of believing the stories made up by their two daughters, no matter how flagrant the accusation.

So, Cinderella had no choice but to put up with the verbal abuse and the dirty jobs.
This continued for seven long years.

~~~~~~~~~~~

As has already been stated, the King eventually fell ill. It was not a devastating illness per se, but it did sap his energy grievously and keep him confined to bed. However, one day, the King nonetheless came up with a strategy to help find the Prince a suitable bride.
The Royal court would hold a grand ball. Many beautiful ladies of marriageable age, both of rank and from the populace, would be invited (along with the usual run of guests, of course). If the Prince met someone who commanded his attention— well, who could know?
After a three-way argument between the Royal family, the Prince agreed. The date of the ball was set for a fortnight hence, and messengers went out to all points of the Kingdom, to proclaim the ball and its purpose.

When Cinderella's stepsisters heard of the grand ball and the open invitation, they practically SQUEEEEEEE'd with joy. Perhaps, with luck, one or either of them could end up marrying a prince. They promptly retired to their rooms to plan, leaving Cinderella to do the work.

Cinderella, by now a woman of 19 years of age, did not let the ball escape her notice. A few days before the date due, she tried to engage her sisters in conversation about it. They laughed at her and said they'd make sure she had extra work on the critical night.

Downhearted, Cinderella (once she finished her work) walked out of the inn, sitting dejectedly on the bench in the inn's tiny garden.
I've been mistreated ever since I came here, solely because my two stepsiblings feel rivalrous towards me. Or, something. I know they're just... trying to hedge their bets? Do they really think I'd be even able to walk away with the love of the Prince? I just want to have a lovely time, for once in this part of my life.
Is that too much to ask?


No. I will come to you.

The voice was not hers, but it had resounded in her head just the same. Instinctively she drew back, suppressing a gasp.
The girl looked around. No one was there.

"Back here. Behind you."

Cinderella gave a small start in surprise. She stood, turning around.
Standing on the other side of the bench was a woman in later middle age. She had a kindly air, as if she had been newly introduced to the art of being a grandparent, and had taken to it with aplomb.

The woman raised a hand in greeting.
"It's very nice to meet you. You may call me.... Silvara."

The girl stared at Silvara. Finally, she gathered the courage to ask.
".....who are you? Why are you here?"

"It's simple, dear," Silvara replied with a smile. "You wanted to go to the ball. Your wish was so bright that.... I found it."
She nodded. "I am here to help you. Think of me as..... your godmother."

"But.... how can you help?" the girl asked.

"Simple," Silvara answered. "Would you like to go to the ball— and not just attend, but show up in a fancy coach, wearing a beautiful dress, while being one of the most beautiful women in the room?"

Cinderella looked at her 'godmother', open-mouthed.
"You could do all that?" she said. "....that would be..."
Then, her practical side took over, and she asked, "Er... what, exactly, would you expect in return?"

Silvara smiled. "It's no trouble, dear. I'll provide everything— though, if you want a good-fitting dress, I will have to measure you. You will attend the ball. Laugh, dance, talk. Have a lovely time."
Her expression turned serious. "However, you must remember one thing: no matter the circumstances, you must leave before the stroke of midnight. Some of what I will provide is made through the use of magic, and once midnight is come and gone, it will fade, and people will once again see you as Cinderella, the girl who cleans the inn.

Shall we begin?"

After the issue of measurement was complete, Silvara had a set of tasks for the girl to perform.

"I will return on the day of the ball. To complete my work, I will need a gold coin, flowers from the foxglove plant, a ball of clay as big as your fist, ash from the fireplace— make sure it's clean ash, mind you— and a spool of red thread."

Over the course of the next few days, Cinderella gathered the items Silvara had asked of her. The ash and thread proved easiest, as both could be found around the house. The gold coin came from where Cinderella had saved the small allowance given her by her stepmother. A small further amount of the money went to buy the ball of clay.
Finally, on the day of the ball, Cinderella picked the sprig of foxglove, handling it carefully to avoid its poison.

A little later, the stepsisters and their mother left for the ball, praising the outfits they were going to wear. Once they had left, Cinderella went out to the garden. Silvara was there, waiting for her.

"Are you ready?" she asked. When Cinderella nodded, Silvara got up off the bench, moving it to one side. Picking up a stick, she drew a circle in the dirt.
"Stand there," she said, "and give me the items I asked of you."

The girl stood in the circle, watching as Silvara placed the items at the first three points of the circle. Gold coin; foxglove flowers; ash. A portion of the thread was bound around a small card, showing.... was that a crystal?.... then the card was placed at the fourth point.

"Now, hand me the clay," said Silvara. The girl watched as she wrote something on it with the same stick, then tossed the ball out into the road.

"Now.... stand very, very still."

Carefully, the older woman began to chant, walking around the circle first slowly, then speeding up. The items began to shimmer slightly, as the woman chanted (and moved) faster and faster.
Then, things began to change.

Cinderella looked down at her hands, in time to notice them slowly changing from rough, and callused from doing more than her fair share of work, to smooth of skin, with manicured fingernails. Her clothing was changing, too. Her dress, worn and patched, was becoming one of fine satin, its color a mix of orange, yellow, and shining red. All the colors of a flame. In the driveway, the lump of clay was morphing, gaining fine trimmings as it became the size and shape of a fine coach with four magnificent horses (two pairs, one night black and one pure white).
Silvara chanted faster and faster, until it seemed she flew around the circle than merely ran. Her words blocked out the sound of the city, the sound of the universe, the sounds of Cinderella's own heart. There was only the words, shaping, changing, remaking the girl for this one night.

Then, as quick as you might blink, it was over. The magnificent coach, with a driver and two footmen riding on its outside, stood in the driveway. Cinderella's dress fit perfectly, and was of the most flattering cut imaginable. Looking down at her shoes, the girl suppressed a gasp. She was walking in flats made of pliable, flame-colored glass.

Silvara held up a mirror. "Look at you, now," she said, smiling her most grandmotherly smile.
Cinderella was not prepared for what she saw. The face in the mirror was... her own, yes.... but it had been somehow augmented into features of unearthly beauty.
Silvara handed the girl a pair of matching gloves.
"Cinderella," said her 'godmother', obviously pleased with herself. "And now, you'll start a fire in the hearts of more than a few young men, I don't expect."

Silvara stepped aside, motioning for Cinderella to make her way to the coach. "Off you go," she said.
As the coach pulled down the road, she yelled after, "But don't forget to be gone by midnight!!"

Then, nodding to herself, Silvara closed her eyes, touched her forehead, and disappeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Cinderella, as promised, received looks from the moment her handsome coach pulled up in front of the castle. Her face and figure gained many looks and appraisals, especially from the young men who were in attendance.
When her stepsisters saw her, they did not recognize her.

As Silvara had promised, Cinderella had a wonderful time, trying her hand at dancing and flirting with the men at the ball. Then, a few hours into the evening, Cinderella caught sight of the Prince.
She hadn't realized how handsome he was. He stood tall and straight in his Princely outfit, an energetic smile on his face as he looked around the room.

He saw Cinderella. Their eyes locked.

Smoothly, the Prince walked over to Cinderella, kissing her hand as they traded compliments. The two talked for a short while.
"Would you care to dance?" he soon asked.
Cinderella smiled. "I'd love to."

Dancing with the Prince was like floating, in the grip of a warm, caring cloud. Though she didn't know how to dance, the movements somehow came naturally to Cinderella. For his part, the Prince was extremely interested in the beautiful mystery woman who had shown up at his grand ball. One dance turned into several, and for each dance in which the two took a break and danced with others, they looked at each other when they could.
Soon, the Prince and Cinderella, by joint agreement, went out onto a castle terrace to take a breath of the fresh night air.

"Cinderella, Cinderella, Cinderella," the prince said, once the two were outside. "I don't know who you are, or what your name stands for, but.... I feel as if I've known you all my life, somehow."
"It's.... strange. I never expected to catch your eye," Cinderella responded. "I feel sort of the same. Not as if I've known you forever, but as though.... being with you feels so right."
"I know," said the Prince, as each gazed into each other's eyes in the dim light from the moon in stars. Then, suddenly, the two found themselves moving closer.... closer....
Cinderella opened her mouth, ready to lock with the Prince in a deep kiss—

BONG.

At the sound of the midnight bell, Cinderella remembered what Silvara had said to her. Pulling away from the prince, she murmured, "I... I have to go."

Then, she ran, back into the ballroom, through the dancers, through the corridors, and out into the grounds, her appearance slowly fraying. She didn't even notice when one of her glass shoes came off, on the front exterior staircase of the castle. At panic speed, she ran through the grounds and out the great gate, passing the lump of clay that had been her fancy coach.
Slowly, she lost speed until she was at a dead walk, some distance away from the castle, and once more dressed in her work dress. The remaining glass shoe had solidified; Cinderella took it off, putting it in the pocket of her dress, then walked back to the inn.
When her sisters returned, several hours later, they found her asleep by the fire.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Cinderella ran, the Prince had frozen in place for a few seconds, not quite realizing what happened. When it hit him, he chased after Cinderella, shouting "Wait!"
It was too late. Everyone had seen the mysterious woman run away in a panic. The guards had seen her run out the great gate, but had no idea where she went.
The only clue that had been left behind was a single glass shoe, already hardened by lack of her presence.

For the next few days, the Prince moped around the house, idly rubbing the shoe. The Queen, concerned, had asked him about what had happened that night. He had told her, despite being completely puzzled himself. The Queen had thought about the matter for some time. Finally, she came up with an idea.
"Look," she said to the Prince, "there's only one way you're ever going to see this woman again, and is by finding her."
The Queen indicated the shoe in the Prince's hand. "Look. You're holding half of a quite extraordinary pair of shoes. From what you said, she was walking just fine in those— so, you just find the person who can make the shoes regain plasticity, and you've got your mystery woman."

The Prince looked at the shoe, then at his mother, the Queen. "Why didn't I think of that?" he asked himself.

More messengers were sent out, saying that the Prince was trying to find out the identity of the mysterious woman who visited his ball and left at midnight, leaving behind a single shoe; furthermore, he would be searching the Kingdom and that anyone who was interested (and had visited the ball, obviously) could attempt to see if the shoe fit them.

As you might expect, many people turned out to answer his offer; some had feet that fit the shoe, and some did not. A few of the less scrupulous girls had even made mockups of the opposing shoe. However, no one could make the rigid glass shoe flexible enough to do any more than clomp about in.

This continued for a period of time. Then, one day, the Prince turned up at the inn of Cinderella's stepsisters, holding the shoe. After bidding his "good afternoon"s, the Prince asked the two stepsisters if they would like to try the shoe on. Both agreed whole-heartedly.

The first stepsister daintily took the shoe from the Prince. With great care, she pulled off her ordinary, everyday shoe, trying to push on the glass slipper. Alas, her foot was too big, and the orange-and yellow shoe would not fit. The first stepsister shrugged good-naturedly, though on the inside she was fuming.

The second stepsister promptly took the shoe, trying to make it fit on her foot. It fit with little to no resistance. Almost a perfect fit. The Prince watched carefully, but the shoe never became any more flexible than the glass of its composition. With a wistful smile, the Prince informed the second stepsister that while it was a good fit, she wasn't the person.

Thinking, the Prince asked, "Is there anyone else here who might fit the description....?"

The two stepsisters laughed. "No, I don't think so."
"There's our stepsister..." the other said.
The first one glared at her. "But she didn't go to the ball. She was here, working."
The second one nodded. "And how would she get shoes like that?"

At this point, the girls' mother intervened. "Girls, I don't want to see you being mean, or I'll hire a magician to send you to a high school," she said. "If my stepdaughter wants to try on the shoe— well, why not?"
Raising her voice, she yelled for Cinderella.

At that moment, Cinderella was talking to Silvara, who had appeared (behind her, again) while she was in the broom cupboard.
"The Prince is out there, you know," Silvara said. "He's come to see who matches the shoe you left behind."
"But... what can I do?" Cinderella asked.
"You know, if he sees you as you were that night, he'll probably end up marrying you," Silvara continued. "I'm here to ask you a question."
She paused, as if she were a saleswoman delivering a pitch.
"Would you like your dreams to come true?"

Cinderella tried to give the matter some thought, but another yell for her broke her concentration. She made a snap decision. Turning to Silvara, she said, "Yes."

Silvara nodded, smiling in her most grandmotherly way.
Time stopped.

Silvara looked at Cinderella, and touched her finger to the girl's forehead. It hurt a little, surprisingly; it felt as though ice was trickling down inside her from the touch, freezing her heart.
After a few seconds, the feeling passed. Cinderella touched her forehead, but it didn't feel any different. Everything about her felt normal once again.

The 'godmother' looked at the girl. "Your wish is granted, dear," she said.
"Now, go get 'em."
With that, Time resumed its course and the woman disappeared.

When Cinderella stepped out, the Prince did not expect her to be the mystery woman who he had met the other night. She looked... different in her patched work dress, without the assistance provided by Silvara's magic. Nonetheless, the Prince proffered her the shoe.

Without another moment's thought, Cinderella took the matching shoe out of her pocket, fitting both onto her feet.

A whirlwind transformation took place. The girl stood taller, and straighter. Her features morphed, once again providing that air of perfect beauty. (Though no one noticed it, her ears even gained slight points.) Her dress turned from one of rough fabric, to the brilliant dress she had worn on the night of the ball. The shoes became pliable once again. Cinderella's stepsisters stood, aghast.

And her stepmother turned pale.
She knew the signs. She'd seen things like this before, when she kept an inn in Shaftrock, the little town that was on what would become the front line of the War of the Other.

It wasn't a war as most people would think of one. Not at first. There was no invading army, with ballistae and rams. There had only been the (new, handsome, and unmarried) Lord of the Shaftrock area, who showed up out of nowhere with a great document to prove his claim.
A time after his arrival, things began to get.... strange. Great black dogs had been seen prowling the streets at night, and a number of the people of the town began to change, becoming gradually more beautiful. Their natures changed, as well. They began to act... as if they had no conception of human caring. Or common sense. Or reasonable behavior.
These few who had transformed were feared by the rest of the town's residents. Some of them had been turned into trees, or gusts of wind, or had stranger things happen to them, when they had had a run-in with the transformed ones. It was almost as if it was something out of a fairy tale.
It was at this time that a man borrowed a fast horse, riding to the King to ask him for help. The King listened carefully, then sent a team of Royal Inspectors to discover what was going on.
They never returned, save one. The remaining one made it back to the King, managing to gasp something about, "....invasion..." Immediately thereafter, his body turned to a company of spiders, who scuttled out the castle by way of the drains.

This unnerved the King quite substantially. He promptly summoned the Army, telling them to march to Shaftrock.
When they got there, they found chaos and destruction.
The townspeople were gone. In their places was an army of creatures from nightmares. Forests that came alive, trapping their victims with sweet scents, then enwrapping them in vines as the seeds that were planted inside their bodies matured; great beasts that came from underground, with fangs as large as a man, utterly undetectable until the moment where a man would be sucked down to his doom; creatures that had only been seen in legend, and which would scar one's mind with sheer wrongness, no matter how hard you tried to forget.
And, commanding this army were a handful of people, now no longer men and women. They were beautiful beyond compare, but they no longer had command of what it meant to be human. They saw all, commanded all, and they, with the 'Lord' instructing them, laughed as the soldiers died—

The King may not have approved of magic, but he knew that he would need it to save his Kingdom. Messages went out, summoning the greatest magicians of this country and others, to forgive a King who was unreasonable about magic, and help him in his hour of need.
Somehow, his messages were heard, and the Fair Ones (or, as the popular name for them became, the Other) and their nightmare army were only defeated when the great company of assembled mages rained oblivion upon the town and region.
Only a few people had survived, mainly by hiding in cellars and not looking at what was outside.

The King was significantly more tolerant of magicians after that.

But still, people did not forget. Pictures of the beasts had made it across the Kingdom, and even to other countries. The Shaftrock region had never recovered. It was now, still, and would most likely forever be, scorched ground.
And, the few survivors told their stories, too. About the people who somehow gained an unearthly beauty.....


Cinderella's stepmother recognized the signs. The girl was wearing a glamour, granting her the beauty she had gained. Somehow, she had been in contact with a member of the Other, and.... what had happened?

The stepmother ran forwards, saying, "Wait!—" but it was too late. The Prince and his servants were staring at Cinderella. They were already entranced. The Prince offered Cinderella his hand, and the two of them walked out of the Inn, staring at each other.
Leaving the girl's stepmother pale and gaping, her stepsisters cross and envious, and her stepfather merely confused.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The search was ended. The Prince had obviously fallen in love, and a royal wedding was planned for the end of the month. Cinderella seemed to have caught the hearts of everyone at court, with her great beauty, perfect manners, and charming personality. Just as the glamour surrounding her intended.


Meanwhile, in a forest in the far reaches of the Kingdom, the old Witch worked on her experiments. So far, the procedure for breeding winged small animals conflicted with the procedure for breeding intelligent ones. Carefully, she did her research, with the help of a hunchback, named E'vad.
The message of the royal marriage reached her only a few days before the ceremony was due to begin.
She opened the scroll that had been dropped on her doorstep. And looked at the accompanying picture.
And froze, her face as pale as the stepmother's.

Turning back to her experiments, she addressed E'vad. "I'm going to be away for a few days. Keep the breeding experiments going, and check the symbiote tanks every so often."

"And? Where are you off to?" E'vad asked.

"I'm going to go save the Kingdom."

~~~~~~~~~~

On the day of the wedding, the crowd filed into the great church, waiting for the ceremony and celebration to begin. Soon, the Prince and Cinderella arrived, she looking resplendent in a shiny white wedding gown. Her stepmother's protestations about 'glamour' had been ignored; in fact, she had been all but forced to give her stepdaughter away for the ceremony. On the Royal side, the Queen stood ready behind the Prince (the King was too ill to attend). The ceremony began at noon, with the tolling of the church's great bell.

Meanwhile, the Witch had landed in the city surrounding the great castle. She lost no time in making her way to the church, moving faster than her bent back and stick might suggest. By the time the giant bells tolled noon, she had almost made it across the city, filled as it was with revelers.
She had reached the square in sight of the church. She just had to cross in. Lifting her stick, she broke into a run—
—and ran into a barrier in the air, bouncing off and falling. In front of her was Silvara, the 'godmother', dressed in an extravagant, frilly partygoer's outfit.

The Witch got up, glaring at Silvara. "You," she almost spat, looking at the figure opposite her.
"Me," said Silvara, smiling a smile more self-assured than grandmotherly.
"I might have known you were behind it. There were always rumors, back then.... the One they never found..." the Witch said.
"You're astute," Silvara said. "When the fire rained down...." she said. "I swore. We would be back. And now we are."
The Witch glared at her. "It's not going to work. It's not real."
Silvara smiled, a suddenly wicked smile. "It doesn't need to be. My magic is latched around the girl. Once she and the Prince share each other's bodies—"
The Witch's eyes went wide. She had seen, standing on air those years ago, what horror the Fair Ones had brought to that corner of the Kingdom. And that was a far region.
"Let— me— through!" she said, trying to muscle her way past the 'Fairy Godmother'. Silvara blocked her with a simple outstretched hand.
"It's too late, you know. Whatever you think you can do—"
Sivara gestured, and two metal hooks appeared, held in each of her hands.
"—you'll need to get past me first!!"

The Witch straightened up, grasping her cane as if it was a two-handed staff. Moving it faster than the eye could follow, she whirled it around in a spellbinding pattern, then swung at the 'godmother'.
The Fair One lived up to her reputation. Dodging the staff, she caught it with the two hooks she was carrying, pulling the Witch off balance and sending her hurtling to the ground.
The Witch managed to catch herself, but the pace of the battle only increased. The Witch swung at Silvara's leg, but the godmother flipped backwards, trying to catch the staff with her hooks again. The Witch dodged the attempt, but Silvara now had the upper hand. Moving at an impossible speed, she circled the witch, fending off a strike, then moved her hooks in a pattern... what was it...?
The Witch only realized too late. The Fair One was casting. Swinging her staff, she tried to interrupt it, but it was too late. The final gesture— clashing the hooks together— happened to be the exact way Silvara blocked the Witch's swing. The circle the godmother had drawn around the Witch glowed, and with a flash, the Witch disappeared.

Once she was satisfied that her enemy had disappeared, Silvara removed her exquisite hat, passing it around the crowd. She made quite a lot of money.


In the church, the priest asked the time-honored question that was the single failsafe for the wedding ceremony.
"Is there anyone who has any objection, or reason why this ceremony should not continue?"

Silence. The stepmother tried to speak, but found her throat couldn't move. A woman who had edged next to her, wearing a remarkably frilly dress and a smirk, put her finger to her lips as the stepmother tried.

"I now pronounce you married, in the words of the Law, in the eyes of the Kingdom, and in the thoughts from Above. You may kiss."

Cinderella and the Prince kissed, and the crowd exploded with applause.

~~~~~~~~~~

Halfway across the city, the Witch picked herself up out of a gutter. She noticed the most obvious change. Her form had shifted. She was now a tiny quadruped. A gerbil; much like one of the ones she bred herself. Grumbling, she hoofed it over to the nearest Mage's sanctuary. If nothing else, the mage in charge would no doubt recognize her as one of her messenger gerbils, and the problem could be fixed in short order.

It took longer. While the mage on duty realized the problem, Silvara had done something to the transformation that made it almost impossible to undo. The sun was setting by the time the Witch strode out, human again. Obviously, the wedding had taken place, and by the customs of the Kingdom, Silvara's magic would soon perform its intended purpose.
She had to get to the castle— NOW!

With no further ado, the Witch started running. She hoped she was up to the task.

~~~~~~~~~~

That night, the Prince and Cinderella had retired to the Royal Bedchamber. Cinderella, acting on orders from the glamour, told the prince, "Now, close your eyes, and don't peek."
When the Prince opened his eyes, the girl he had married was wearing some sort of leather lingerie, and carrying a riding crop.
"Let's begin, shall we?" she said, grin wide.
Nothing in the Royal Library had prepared the Prince for this.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Witch showed up at the gates, glaring at the guards.
"Let me in! It's urgent!" she demanded.
The guards shook their heads. "Madam, you can't—"
The Witch had had enough, and there wasn't time to argue. Whirling her stick in a blurred arc, she gave both guards a wallop on the side, sending them falling into the moat. With no delay, she strode into the hall, her stick sending any guards that got in her way flying.
The guards who had been tossed into the moat climbed back out, and wasted no time sounding the alarm. Guards began closing in on the old woman, but her stick made sure that anyone who got close would soon be very far away. It seemed she couldn't be stopped, as the Witch made her way unerringly, moving towards— the Prince's bedchamber!
By the time she got into the narrow hallway outside the bedchamber, the number of guards meant that any guard sent flying would be caught by his fellows. The Witch was running out of room to maneuver, but she still managed to burst the door's latch with one hit from her stick. That was as far as she got before the guards surrounded her and started dragging.

The view inside the Bedchamber was an expected sight. Whatever foreplay the couple had engaged in was almost complete, and now Cinderella was advancing on the Prince in the manner a cat advances on a mouse, lips open wide in... was that a smirk?!.... as she bent in for the kiss—

"Prince!!" the Witch yelled as the two lovers got closer, "Use the damn lens!!!"

And, as the prince fumbled for the crystal, on the chain around his neck, the Witch sent a bolt of golden light at it, erasing what appeared to be red thread (?) that had been wound around it. Pulling back for a fraction of a second as Cinderella tried to kiss him, the Prince put the lens to his eye, and gazed.


Time seemed to slow down as the Prince looked through the lens. Seen through the lens, Cinderella seemed to have a double image.
The first image was of the girl, as all knew her: not bearing unearthly beauty. Not of perfect manners. Just... a girl.
The other image, however, was much more chilling. Around the girl he had married, the Prince saw the layers and coils of Silvara's magic, infecting Cinderella. Giving her beauty. Poise. Charm. But there was... something else about the magic. As the prince watched, it coiled in... wait, concentrating in the girl's body, just waiting. Like a snake ready to strike. At him. The Prince.

The Prince gave a start and leaped back as though a bear were coming at him. Gesturing at the guards to release the Witch, he yelled for any and all to hear.
"WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!?!"

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, the Witch sat, in conversation with the Royal Family. Cinderella was there too, under a spell of sleep.

"...if the two of them had successfully consummated their marriage," the Witch explained, "the magic in the girl would have infected the Prince. There's no telling what it might have done to their child, when the time came. One thing is for sure, though— if this had happened, the Prince would have become part Fair, like the girl is now. Then, when the time came for him to rule (I'm sure you, O King, would have succumbed to your illness quite quickly, too) it would have been Shaftrock all over again."

The King, Queen, and Prince stared.
"What is to be done now?" the King finally asked.

"Three things," the Witch explained.
"First, you'll need me to get the Otherness out of the new Princess there. It's only been in a short time, so I should be able to remove it without trouble.
Second, a lot of what the Prince was in love with was the glamour, unfortunately. Once she's been de-Other'd, the Prince and the girl will need to spend some time together, to see if a marriage can work out. If it can... great! If not, you may need to secure an annulment in short order."

"And the third thing is," said a voice from the corner of the room, "if you do any of those things, your beloved King will be dead in days."
Everyone— Witch, Queen, Prince— jumped. Standing in the corner of the room, unearthly in her true form, was Silvara.
She looked.... different. No longer was she the grandmother who had befriended Cinderella. Now, she stood tall and arrogant, a true scion of the Fair Ones.

"*tch-tch-tch*" she said, waving her finger at the Witch. "Don't you know that I'm not that stupid? I've planned all this out for a long time, as revenge for Shaftrock. And all this has been so simple, you would not believe. So, the King's making a little visit, hm? Well, that's no trouble. I merely had to become a member of the local royal staff for a single day. And then... why, the King's got a rare tropical disease! How dreadful."
She grinned, wickedly.
"A rare disease which, by the way, I control. I've got your beloved ruler on a string— and unless you give in...."

The King had turned pale. "You.... you...."

Silvara kept smiling. "But that's not all. I'm sure your doctors have told you that what you have isn't contagious. Unfortunately, that little decision is up to me...."
She nodded at the Queen and the Prince. "I have a backup plan, you know. If you still persist in opposing me, then, oh, imagine the tragedy!"
Silvara faked a sigh. "Imagine. The King, Queen, and Prince, all dead of the same illness.... and the only one remaining who can rule...."
"No," the Royal Family breathed in unison, as they realized. They had been outplayed.
The Witch groaned. She knew that in the time it would take to free Cinderella of the hostile magic, the Royal Family would be dead— and Silvara would most likely have swatted her to Kingdom come before she could finish the job.

Then, something strange happened.
The King, who had long lacked the strength to do much more than lay in bed, slowly rose. With a fierce expression on his face, he walked towards Silvara, suppressing a cough every so often. The occasional grimace made it clear he was in great pain.

"I— *cough* —learned a few things," he said, his voice weak, "from the war— 20 years ago. *cough* I understood— what the Fair Ones— are capable of." He stopped, a few feet away from the Fair One. "When Shaftrock was destroyed— *cough* —I forwent my distrust of magic. I understood— *cough* —about balance, and how to protect my Kingdom. I even understood— *cough* —what you Fair Ones are."
Now, his finger was idly gesturing in the air, transcribing loops and curlicues.
"And, I knew. *cough* And, I took steps."
He paused for a second, wincing.
"To make sure—"
His finger had finished its motion, and the Witch had noticed.
"Is that....?" she said under her breath. Then, her eyes widened as she realized. Slowly, she moved her hand until it was resting on her staff.
"—that it would never—"
Silvara had noticed the motion. She looked at the King, and the Witch, and her eyes went wide too. But, it was too late.
"ever— —happen— —again!!"

The King completed his gesture, and half of a magical sign glowed into life before him. The Witch, who had realized what he was doing, stepped forwards, brandishing her staff. Silvara tried to break the casting, but she couldn't move fast enough. With the end of her cane glowing, the Witch had drawn a circle around the sign in lines of iridescent fire. The binding took effect, and stuck to the Fair Lady, holding her in place; the Witch lost no time in drawing a circle around her, and, together, she and the King drew one of the magical signs for the spell they needed around it. Then another. And another.

As they drew the last gesture, the Witch let out a triumphant shout. (The King only managed a cough.)
And, the lines of light grew brighter. And brighter still. Then, slowly, the lines collapsed in upon themselves, cutting through Silvara's flesh, and leaving no trace behind. The 'godmother' screamed as her flesh began to dissolve, but the spell did not relent. Soon, there was only a core of some metallic substance left.
The spell ate into that too, slowly wearing away, until with a bright flash, the last of Silvara's form was consumed.
Then, the spell died.

The Witch looked at the King in a funny way.
"I didn't know you had learned magic."

"I just remembered that girl I met when I was a youth. She kept gerbils, and wanted to be a witch when she grew up," said the King, smiling a little. Then, the exertion proved a bit much for him, and he broke out in a fit of coughing and sat down.

The Witch looked at the King, even more oddly.
"That was you? The little kid who used to hang around me—?"

The King crawled back into bed, looking up at the Witch.
"Yes, my dear. Now, in regards to Ms. Cinderella... I suppose you had better be getting on with it?"

~~~~~~~~~~

There isn't much else to tell. With Silvara destroyed, the King's health gradually improved. The Queen and Prince did not catch anything in the way of disease.

The Witch promptly removed the essence of Other from Cinderella's body, and disposed of it safely. At first, the Prince was surprised at the difference in the girl's appearance; however, as it turned out, the glamour had not modified her personality, and (as the Queen said), "That's all you really need, anyway."

The Prince fell in love all over again. This time, for real.
(Incidentally, reports from the palace staff say that Cinderella took the idea involving the lingerie that the glamour had provided for her, and ran with it. The tabloids never were able to find out for certain, but there were rumors.)

The Witch returned to her cottage in the forest. She finally managed to breed winged, superintelligent gerbils.

The Prince and Princess soon developed quite an attachment to each other, and the celebrations of their marriage continued. When the time came and the King's body deteriorated over the course of Time, the Prince and his new bride promptly stepped up to rule the Kingdom. They ruled wisely and well.

When in the course of their rule, the Royal couple had a child, the Witch was the first one on the list of invitations.
When she arrived, she smiled and said, "Glad to see the current generation learns from what's come before."
Then, she blessed the new baby (a girl, this time). Then, she left. Her cane didn't sound quite as furious on the way out this time.

And, with the blessing of the Witch, the good sense of the Prince (now King), and the advice and support of Cinderella, the girl turned Princess turned Queen, the Kingdom stood the test of time, the Royal line continued undisturbed down the ages...
and all lived happily ever after.

The End

_________________
"My conscience is feeling all prickly."
"A bit of absolute power can remedy that."
Kid Radd


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:59 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
WEEEEEEEEE weird night post! *runs through the thread*



Two question you cannot answer yes to unless you are mad.
Are you asleep?
Are you dead?



"You are about as useless as a jpeg to Helen Keller." (One of the funniest and sad insult I have ever heard)


A: If a rooster stood on top of slanted roof. which side would the egg roll off of?
B: Well if you include the crosswinds from the nearby fan in the neig-
A: No no no. You got it all wrong. it is a simple question.
B: And I thought I was giving you a simple answer.
A: Idiot! Roosters don't lay eggs!
B: Mines do.
A: ....


"Frank? death is at the door again. He is wondering when you actually going to let him take that hero you captured that you keep bringing back to life."

(Which reminds me...)


Mad science- While provide death many amusing ways for people to die, it is getting frustrated by all the resurrections. Starting a petition against the practice and passing it around.


(Inspired from a song................ BECAUSE I CAN!)
There was once a medicinal compound which was most efficacious in every case. There was a man who was very small. The shortest man in town. He rubbed some of the medicinal compound on his chest. He is now 6 feet! ......... underground.


Honey I missed you a lot, but my aim is improving!


In Soviet Russia, mad science experiments with you!
In Soviet Russia, time travels through you!
in Soviet Russia, the experiments pick you!
(I can go on forever and a half but cutting it here.)


And now for something completely different, a post with two writers (He wrote himself off!)


If an idea just hit you, does that still make you friends?


Why do say "it will only take a second" when it takes longer then a minute?
Alternatively how can you give someone a minute or a second when time is immaterial?


"A few fries short of a happy meal" (Not all there in the head)


I think the term "restroom" is misleading. People get mad if you take a rest in there.


The saying "Where the sun don't shine" would probably have a completely different meaning to a nudist.


You know if you have terrible aim if you can't hit a barn from the inside.


WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Runs through the thread again*


When viewing the half empty/half full glass thing:
Surrealist: Is the water in the cup or is the cup surrounding the water
Good Samaritan: Who's cup is this so I can give it back.
Physicist: The glass is full. 1 part water and 1 part air.
Opportunist: What water? all I see is an empty cup *burp*


I am not a racist, I hate every race equally. (Plus I don't race cars)


Best job in the world is begging. Pay no taxes, flexible hours, no bosses AND no bills!


If the only person Claire could poke was herself, would she still continue to poke?


Do you realize how hard it is to see right under your nose?


Why do people call short naps "catnaps" when cats nap most of the day away?


How much could a woodchuck chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much as a woodchuck could chuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood.


The more important something is to society, the more nicknames or terms it will have. Just think about all the terms for money. Among other things which won't be mentioned here.


Arguing with an animate object is fine, as long as it doesn't win.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Any grammar errors is due to tiredness. I loose coherency faster then anyone else here it seems.)


thus concluding this post. BUT WAIT! THERE'S! MORE! For the mysterious EGRESS is right after this message!


Last edited by Hawkwolf on Tue Jul 20, 2010 1:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2010 1:49 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
I guess I like posting here. And despite how late this is, I don't consider this a weird night post.

Company

Health to the company, who play and fight.
The companions of life and shame and delights.
Through thick and thin, short or tall.
They stay together and support who falls.

Health to the company, this may be their last.
For tomorrow one may die and be gone too fast.
Drink to their health and well being.
Never knowing who you won't be seeing.

Health to the company, time to be gay. (the "merry" definition if you have to wonder)
Drink and sing until the light of a new day.
Depart on good terms and happy thoughts.
With many memories to avoid a mind drought.


Be glad of the companions you meet.
Brief or long, formal or informal, face to face or not.
Health to the company, strangers in life.
Health to the company, for we may not meet here again.

------------------------------------------------

(can't remember if I posted this here or not but this in an old poem I wrote and you know, it still have meaning to me and not in the way you may think, still untitled as of yet)


As I danced with flames
I ask myself, how can I,
Fly with one less wing

--------------------------------


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 1:56 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
Guess what came to mind just now?



Hallowed Voices of the Dammed.
or how Kenny Banks became an interviewer for NAR



"Kenny, Erick Johnson has just fallen ill and we need someone to replace him and interview Dr. Anglerson, the bio mad that caused that Jock Rash that hit the local football team." Kenny gave a puff on his cigar and sighed at the bossman.

"Dude, I have never interviewed anyone before, And you expect me to make small talk with a mad. Man that is like crazy. Surfing in a tsunami would be more sane then that man. Just wack." Kenny was mostly a part time reporter and was fine with that. it allowed him to spend time at the beach, surf some waves and check out the babes. Never tried to bag one but very content in just looking.

The bossman stared at him. "either you go out and interview him or you loose you job." He pointed at the door for extra emphasis about the sudden separation of Kenny from his comfy paycheck from NAR.

Kenny slipped his sandals back on, straightened his hawaiian shirt, checked his curly afro and made his way to the interview booth. Dr. Anglerson was already there. He wore black. Black jacket, black pants, black sunglasses, black gloves, black shoes and black socks. Even his hair and mustache was black. Who is sane enough to wear sunglasses indoors?

At least He himself had a reason to wear sunglasses indoors. Nothing to do with an eye condition and more along the lines of being different. Kenny was all about appearance. The Sandals, the hair (well the hair is naturally that way), the shirt, the shorts. It was an image he was going for and wanted to show.

Kenny grinned at the mad across from him and sat down, put his feet on the tables and puffed on his cigar. "Well well well. I bet you are that one Dr. Anglerson dude I was asked to interview." He took out a tape recorder and placed it down. Despite the looks, the tape recorder was of high quality, all thanks to a mad that NAR bought the rights to use.

Dr. Anglerson nodded. "yes I am the infamous Dr. Anglerson." He voice was on the squeaky side that made Kenny grin. The voice did fit the mad's body frame but not the clothing.

"I am Kenny Banks and I am here to interview you. First thing I want to say dude is that you look like a hitman or something dressed in all that black." He chuckles and puffed again.

Dr. Anglerson frowned a bit. "You find something funny in the way I dress? Do I make you laugh? Am I some big JOKE to you?! I could have all of you waste away into nothingness in a slow and agonizing death!"

"Woah woah woah slow down there tiger. I meant no disrespect man. It was a jest. You know, to break the ice. I didn't know you would go all wipeout on me." He puffed on his cigar. "How about we all calm down and talk like bros. We cool?"

Anglerson didn't know all of what Kenny said and meant. "Wipeout? bros? Cool? Your words confuse me." His confusion overwhelming his anger.

Kenny grinned again and puffed. "Sorry man. I will try to cut the lingo and be more direct. Now," Kenny looked at the notes about the man in front of him, "I understand that you picked the name of Dr. Anglerson, care to share to our listeners why?"

Anglerson nodded. "It was the last name of my dog."

Kenny raised an eyebrow. "Your dog had a last name? I find that amusing."

"Well he used to be our neighbor until my mother got tired of him coming over and asking for favors and changed him into a dog and kept him for the rest of his life."

"Ah so Maddness runs in the family. That is cool." he puffed. "Does this mean you never got your doctorate degree?"

"The fools. They couldn't understand my brilliance. they said my work was too unorthodox and it would never work. Well I showed them when I turned them inside out."

"Riiiiiiiiight. You are not the only one to surf that wave."

------------------------------------------

The interview went smoothly from there. Kenny kept his tone light and relaxed and Dr. Anglerson's anger kept being diverted into confusion by the words and how they were used by Kenny. Afterwards he turned in the tape to the bossman and grinned. "Done."

The bossman grabbed the tape and looked it over. "I am guessing by thte fact that you are still intact and yourself that it went well?"

"Yep." He puffed. "Say what really happened to poor ol Pete? The original interviewer." At the end of the interview Anglerson hinted that Kenny was lucky not to have ended up like his previous interviewer.

"He is sick, that is all I know. I think you are a real natural at interviewing, especially the special cases."

"You mean the madboys and girls like that dude Anglerson?"

The bossman nodded. "How you feel about a promotion and a pay raise? Dealing with mads in any line of work is hazardous and thus we make sure to pay our employers well."

"Man that is out of the blue. a Rogue wave. I dunno man, I have to think about."

"Flexible hours let you continue to keep your already extravagant free time."

Those were the magic words. Kenny grinned and puffed "Bossdude, we got ourselves a deal."


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:00 pm 
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Mad Scientist Unbelievable
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Location: my own little world
Sunday Dinner

The Bright Idea veterinary clinic is on the outskirts of Xyon, the last stop on the road. It's an untidy sprawl of buildings-house and clinic, pens and cages, the latest addition being a small building converted into a makeshift lab.
The surrounding woods give it a deceptively peaceful air. The clinic's closed for the day, and arrangements have been made for a fellow vet to take any emergency calls. There's still plenty of animals in residence-pets boarded, or being treated. The usual hodgepodge of wildlife, since they're also the local wildlife rehabilitation center. The family pets...
Rex lopes after Penny, grousing. "The sun's barely up. Why are you making the rounds so early?" And his basket was comfortable! Right by the heat grate-grrr!.
"Because company's coming today! And I want to have all this done first." Penny fearlessly changes the bandage on the cougar's leg, moves on to feed the peregrine, and give a skunk a skritch behind the ears. Animals seem to know instinctively not to attack this particular human. Or they learn quickly enough.

Dr. Irene Marie Bright, nee Fine, doesn't even look up as a shadow falls across the door. "And where are you going?"
Dr. Russell Ulysses Bright, II. stops with a sigh. He's wearing a fisherman's vest, and an old hat covered in fishing lures. "Well, it's early enough, I thought-"
"You can take Neffie fishing with you later, I need you here now." She shakes her head a little, and hands him a cup of coffee. Wirey and dark, her cherokee heritage is plain to see.
"Last time your sister threw in a stick of dynamite!" Russell sips, complaining.
"All you asked her was just fishing, with no death rays. She was showing restraint. And did I complain when your grandfather took my best hen? " She smiles as he musses her sensibly short hair.
"Yep. But Papa Gray needed that black hen. And you didn't mind when he fixed us dinner that night." Mmm, no one makes better chicken and dumplings.
"He put a curse on the zoning board!" Irene facepalms.
"Worked, didn't it? So, is Neffie bringing her fella with her? That Dr. Might E. Day?" He pokes at the bacon, testing.
"Not just her fella, they ran off to Edisonville and eloped. I've got the address to their evil fortress. Oh, they're combining their names." Irene waits for it. Sure enough, a broad grin spreads on Russell's face.
"So, he's a Mighty Fine-Day? And she's Nefarious Fine-Day?"
"Like we have room to talk?" She grins back. "No, he's not coming. But....my uncle is!"
"What? Ironicus? Ursula, too?" Looks like he will get some fishing in!
"Of course!"

Dinner is noisy, and crowded. Papa Gray is seated at the head of the table. Still tall despite his age, almost as dark as his old fashioned suit. Chairs were cleared away on one side to make room for Dr.Ironicus and his mutated polar bear. Nefarious smiles brightly, and pats her niece's hand.
"So, what's this I hear about you having a young man?"
"Aunt Neffie! He's not my young man, we...we just went out for coffee! a few times..." Penny turns red despite herself.
Dr.Ironicus doesn't glance up from his plate. After months of Ursula's cooking, he's shoving it in with a will. "Oh, let her alone, Neffie. For a hero, he's not a bad sort."
"Mad hero?" Ursula rumbles, hopefully.
Papa Gray smiles, his eyes wicked in his lined face, but his voice is mild. "No, but neither are Russell and Irene. Penny, bring him over sometime to meet your great grandfather, before an old man passes on."
"Papa Gray! He's not my young man!" Penny writhes. Why must family be so embarassing?
"I'll make etoufee...."
"The heck with him, Papa, Ursula and I will make a special trip for that!"
"Heh. Even all the way from that inhospitable arctic lair?"
"I'd turn around from Mechaniscburg for that. Oh, Penny-it's barely possible our visits may overlap."
"Roberts!" The raccoon has stealthily crept across the room, and shot a web strand at the counter.
"You get out of those beignets RIGHT NOW!"
"So, Russell, we going fishing?" Nefarious butters a roll while Irene chases the spider raccoon in vain.
"Well, Neffie, um...." Russell hesitates.
Nefarious beams. "I've got a piscine mind control ray I'm dying to try out! And if your grandfather will cook them..."
Dr. R. Bright gets to his feet, and lopes over to snatch the couple of beignets Robert's missed.
"What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Penny thinks about inviting Sir Honor over someday....but shakes her head. He'd probably find a family dinner like this boring. Maybe later....

_________________
.. not how Science works, love. 1st, you build the machine, then it tells you what it's for.
Do you think I had the 1st idea what a squidhole was when I invented it? Certainly not! I was just messing about! That's when the very best & very Maddest Science gets done. I thought,Why, this alabaster octopus looks like it wants a nice transmission inside it,& fairly soon I had a thing that obviously had a Use, though what that Use could be was a total mystery.
(Sameness Engine) I haven't the 1st notion of what it's for! That's not why I made it-I made it for the sheer joy of making something new! It's getting up to tell me what it wants me to do, though, I can just feel it. It's been giggling a lot at night.
The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland
C Valente


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 12:24 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

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Posts: 473
(Random night turned story. Fun little twist in there IF you can catch it.)


Brigitte sat in class with her sister taking a math test. She bounced her pencil in her hand in sync with her sister's, Brigid, own pencil bouncing. Not that the test was hard. It was only Algebra after all. But Brigitte's mind was on something else, along with Brigid. Some reason neither could concentrate on their work. Brigitte looked up at the time and noticed that the class was almost over and she still had 10 more questions to do. Quickly she scribbled in some random numbers just in time for the bell to ring. Brigid turned in her test, not caring if she got the last 10 questions wrong or not, just glad she finished it.

After class Brigitte and Brigid met up near the playing field for the school's football team. Both waved over their friend/partner in crime/fall girl/Engineer Elizabeth with some delight. Once Liz got close enough Both Brigitte and Brigid said at the same time (strangely with the same facial expression) "We got an idea on how to get back at the jocks for defacing our lockers yesterday."

Liz couldn't help but grin "Oh? Do tell."



Hours later the Football team was doing their practice when strangely enough, their uniform does not fit in certain places like they usually do. A quick inspection revealed the reason why and the team cried out in surprise, in a girlish voice.

Team Bee was at the local ice cream shop, wisely a bit out of the way as a group of the team burst into the shop looking for them. The jocks and team Bee has been at war since they first laid eyes. Even if Team Bee did not do it, any pranks done to the jocks are pinned on them.Keeping low, the girls stayed out of sight until the jocks moved on. All three burst into laughter.

"That should keep them on their toes for a while." Brigid said raising her spoon. Liz Tapped the upraised spoon with her own. "Here here." Brigitte Excused herself for the restroom leaving only Brigid and Liz. "You got to admit, they look cute as females anyways." Liz snickered. Brigid nodded. "Now if only we could convince Cameron the fact. Which gives me another idea." She grinned evilly and started telling Liz her plan.

Moments later Brigid got back from the restroom and recognized the planning look. She sat down. "Ok what did you two thinking now." Brigitte grinned. "Oh just a prank to pull on our little sister." Liz Nodded in agreement. "Turning her hair pink and making it long. We know how much she would love that."

Both Brigid and Brigitte Grinned. "lets do it. To Team Bee!" Both raised their spoons the same way. "To Team Bee." Liz joined in.


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 11:59 pm 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist

Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
Until I can get my tablet working again, can only do my creative outlet through stories. (if only I can do songs as well, or a movie/animation)


Wreck of the Fairchild (Title stolen from a song)



The waves beat at the side of the ship as the storm's high winds swirled around. It is a expedition ship that was caught in a storm bigger then it could really handle. At least they are near the shore, a rocky and treacherous shore. The captain had over 30 years of seamanship under his name and he piloted the ship the best he can round rocks as he desperately tried to keep the ship afloat. The Fairchild was an old vessel herself. The captain was unable to find out when she was made but the lack of electricity made it a really old ship.

A recent surge sent the ship dangerously close to a rock outcropping as the captain fought the controls and steered the ship away. But in doing so sent the ship deeper into the forest of jagged rocks. The captain patted the side of the wheel. "Keep us afloat and I will promise I will try to get us both out of here." He took care of her as best as he could. treated her with the up most respect. After all, she helped put the food on his table and kept him alive. He never admitted to anyone but he has fallen in love with this ship along the way.

"The storm is getting bad Fairchild. I don't know if we can make it port in this. Sorry about getting us into this mess." He said to the ship, which did not answer back but he could almost feel like the ship was trying to comfort him. He turned the ship to port hard to avoid a rock when a rogue wave hit the ship in the side, pushing it against another rock. He was thrown to once side but kept his footing, wincing as he heard and felt part of the ship shudder from the impact.

The Fairchild was stuck on the rock. The Captain gave a loud curse and then apologized to the ship for his language and went out to inspect the damage. Looking over the railing, he could see the rock had not penetrated the wooden sides. "Don't worry girl, I will get you free." He turned around to see another wave slamming into the side of the ship. The wave smashed the ship into the rock, sending the protrusion deep into the hull of The Fairchild. The captain was flung overboard. He did not remember hitting the water.



Sunlight burned through his eyelids and he fluttered them open. Clear skies greeted him along with the soothing sounds of small crashing waves. He sat up to take in his surroundings. He found himself on a small sandy beach up against a cliff. All around was the wreckage of The Fairchild. ~She didn't deserve this kind of fate.~ He thought sadly. He heard a moan nearby.

The captain looked over and noticed a woman laying in some wreckage. Stiffly he got up and made his way over. He had no idea where she came from but she was still alive and needed help. When he got closer, he got a good look at the woman. Her hair is a rich brown color and long. Her skin was fair and he noted with embarrassment, completely naked.

He took off his shirt and gently wrapped it around the woman and tried to sit her up. The woman's eyes opened slowly and at the sight of the captain she smiled sadly. "I am sorry Captain, I tried to stay together for us."

The captain was confused. "What do you mean? Who are you? How did you get out here?"

"Piloted me out here. I am Fairchild. When that second wave hit and you went overboard, you did something that...tugged me. I became aware. And as my old body broke against the rocks, I became this form."

The captain frowned. Poor girl must have hit her head or something. "I should get you to the doctors."

"Remember that promise you made me years ago?" The woman interrupted. "How you always see me safe? How you would always inspect each board inside and out before we set sail. How often you turn down business deals to sell me even though it was enough to get a better ship? I remember."

The captain stared. Not sure if this is a dream or not. "I remember."

The woman, leaned against him. "I do not blame you for my wrecked body out there. Fate was against us yesterday. We both did our best and in the end, it was not enough. I am sorry we can't go out again anymore."

The Captain nodded. "I don't think there is another ship like you anywhere."

"Just promise me one thing Captain. Keep me in your thoughts, and don't give up what you love."

"What do you mean?" The captain looked over and is met with nothing. His shirt was lying on the ground next to him. He picked up his shirt and looked over at the wreckage of his once proud ship. Nothing but broken pieces left."I promise, my sweet Fairchild."


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Mon Oct 04, 2010 11:32 pm 
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Mad Scientist Unbelievable
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Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:30 am
Posts: 4538
Location: Burnsville
-A story of the negative universe-

Many years ago the city of old New York was lifted into the sky to become a prison.

There were no wardens or guards posted there, for there was no need. The prison's single occupant policed herself. As well as any other creatures that entered her grasp...

In time, men grew to fear the prison, for those who had the misfortune to set foot upon it never survived. The prison's single occupant, spoken in hushed words only as "The Artist", wouldn't let them leave. Ever.

Let me tell you a story. Of the one man who returned from old New York.

He fled, wide eyed, to a bar in the middle of Xyon city, where he would babble at any who would listen about something he saw there, on the floating island of the Artist.

A picture.

At the center of the decaying city, within an impossible maze of rotting apartments, a single picture exists, somehow unharmed by wind and rain.

A picture of a man. A perfect man. A figure of beauty and grace and strength unparallelled.

Or so the man said.

Over time his story has been passed down. Facts have changed. Details grown vague. But what everyone agrees on is that the picture is Flawless. Perfect. Not priceless, yet beyond the context of price. To look at it is to see something so immaculate that it does not belong in this world.


How terrible it would be... to have no way to better oneself.

No one else has ever seen the picture. Some versions of the story say that it is surrounded by traps, entombed in a nightmarish catacomb of traps and puzzles crafted by the Artist's diseased mind. Some say she kills anyone who looks upon her treasue. Some say IT kills them.

Some say in another world a virtuous man destroyed another copy of the picture, freeing The Artist of that world from a spiral of nhilism and madness.

The man who survived did not stay free for long. Agents of a certain Important Man came and took him away, for the Important Man was endlessly curious about the Artist, and wished to learn her secrets.

Even so, he learned little more, for in the center of the Important Man's power the man who lived was found the next day, a paintbrush through his skull. He died before he ever told anyone the last bit of his story.

That when he saw the picture, he heard it whisper into his mind.

This is likely just a myth, a story people repeat to romanticise the Artist in her prison. Certainly only the foolish would dare to go up and look.

But you never know. It could be true...

_________________
We've learned a lot, but this still isn't going to be easy. But I don't think the elder star's confidence in us was misplaced. I know we can do this! We'll set things right! ...somehow.

"There is a fine line between a good King and a Despot. A King is best when His subjects barely realize that He exists. When His work is done and His will is fulfilled, they will say, 'We did it ourselves.'"
-Xin Yun


Last edited by Zobot257 on Tue Oct 05, 2010 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 12:15 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
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Posts: 473
(Me being weird I guess, Ignore if you don't want to read about Fairchild Feelings. Nothing of significance here.)


Fairchild: *comes dancing in lightly* I was once a simple wooden ship but now I am a mere memory. While I may not be able to feel the pleasure of cutting through the waters, I can still be one with the mistress of the seas through the dear Captain. It pains me he has to use another vessel besides me. Maybe one day that can be fixed. If you think I am on too much about being with the sea then you don't understand what it means to go out to sea. Especially when you are a ship. Life out at sea is so much different then on land. Out there, life feels more.... real. I can't explain in words why. I am connected to the sea as tightly as my Captain is.

*smiles* I will find a way to keep the captain out at sea as long and as much as I can. He already married the Mistress of the Sea as I am. I don't see why I should keep us away from her. *starts to fade away, like smoke* I hear her calling, I am going to join her without remorse. She is tough but fair and beautiful. Not for the weak of heart. My captain never refused the call and faced the dangers unflinchingly. I love that in a man..... *disappears*


*a whisper* To go to sea once more...


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:52 am 
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Brilliant (but still Mad) Scientist
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Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:40 pm
Posts: 473
Something different?



Death of a Salesman (I know it is a title of a movie)

30 men have tried.
30 minds have been broken.
The unsold Queen stands



Lighting God (cause, just like chicgeek, I find electricity fascinating.)

A flash and a boom.
Jagged tears through the dark sky.
Unbridled power.


The Universal question.

The Eloquent search
Skipping across memory.
Where are the car keys?


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 Post subject: The Perfects Return!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:59 pm 
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Hyperkeeper
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Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 1301
Location: Xyon City
One minute to midnight, it's none other than....

The Perfects!

This multi-part story will be updated serially every Monday. Or Tuesday, depending on your time zone. For those who do not remember what came before, the first and second stories await. Finally, if you have comments or questions, please post them over in the lounge. Thank you, and enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Story 3: Heist
Or, "We're Evil. Do We Need Another Reason?"


When Amber entered the Perfects' lair that afternoon, Helen noticed the change almost immediately. Waving to Amber, she motioned her over and gave her a high five.

"Congratulations," she said. "Now you know what it feels like to really be evil." She grinned.

Amber grinned as well, but it was a nervous one. "You could tell that fast? I was trying to hide it..."

"Ehhh, don't worry about it. My mother is a villain, her mother was a Mad, and her mother was both. I've had lots of practice. You did a pretty good job on the hiding-it, actually."

"Good," said Amber, relieved. "So... what's next?"

"Well, congratulations. You're in the Perfects. The thing is, before the whole thing with the *snicker* Angles, we never got to mention a few things."

"She means, a lot of things. Be warned: your head may burst," said Samantha.

"Thanks, Sammy. Anyway, I know V already gave you the tour, but here's a few things she didn't mention.
For one thing, not all of us are overtly members of the Perfects."

"...huh?"

"Some of us are— well, appear to be unaffiliated with our little group... it's our secret to success," said Vanessa. "No one expects it... no one ever sees it coming."

"Uh... who's visible and who's not?" Amber asked, ideas beginning to flow. This explained why Kimberly had said that a total of five girls would outnumber the Perfects... and a few other things.

"Me, Nicole, Erica, and Samantha are covert members," Vanessa answered. "The rest... not so much."

"So," said Helen. "Which sounds better to you?"

Amber's imagination had already caught up with her. She could see it both ways: 'out there', smirking, commanding ultimate respect and fear... or, hidden, just another student, mingling with the rest of 'them', learning their secrets.

Your choice. I'm loving it!
For God's sake, Amber, PULL OUT! This is your last opportunity!
Quiet, both of you— I'm trying to decide!

"I choose... well, Kimberly said she'd outnumber us."
She smiled, her new smirk framing her face. "And we can't have that, can we?
Overt. And I think I'm going to like it here..."

"Great!" Helen said. "Now comes the best part."

Marie giggled. "Ooh, I love this part!"

"I took a look in your closet when we trapped Kimberly, and girl, you need some serious help."

"Hey! What's wrong with—?"

"Come on. It's time for a makeover."

"An evil makeover!" chimed in Marie.
Helen sighed. "Do you always have to say that?" she asked.
"Yes."
Laughter and eye-rolls from the group. Helen continued, a little bit deflated.

"Anyway.... come on. We're going shopping!!"

~~~~~~
The MegaMall

warped!teen

"No. Just no. I feel silly in this."

Amber stood in front of the fitting room door, wearing a shirt with a cartoon skull and crossbones. It, along with a matching belt and ripped jeans, completed the ensemble.

"No, I think it looks good on you!" said Nicole.

"It would look good on you, Nicole," Amber retorted, "if you went public. But... seriously? Purple glitter skulls? No."

~

"Mmh. Getting there, but it seems a little too... nice. I think we went too far the other way."

This outfit had her in a light thigh-length skirt and a t-shirt (plain). She continued, "I mean, it's a bit... something. I don't know what. Dull, I guess. Still..."

"I know!" said Marie, holding up another set of clothes. "How about these?"

~

"Now we're cooking," said Amber, seeing herself in the mirror. "Way formal, though."
Now Amber was wearing the jacket (and blouse) of a business suit, and a shorter skirt.
"Maybe I could use this if I wanted to convince someone I was from the school newspaper or something... yeah, let's get it, but I don't think it's quite 'me'. The skirt's good, though."

"Okay," Samantha said, handing more clothes to Amber. "How about this?"

~

"No, no, and NO. Oh, and Sammy doesn't get to pick the clothes from now on."

Amber stood, fuming in a stiff black dress with a rather incongruous red heart logo on the front. Helen couldn't help snickering.
"Reminds me of something my mom used to wear, back when she pretended to be a superhero..."

"Your mom pretended to be a super?" Evelyn asked, taken aback. "When was that?"

"A while back, assuming I heard the story correctly. She'd pretend to be a hero, and when the time was right..."

"Hello? Annoyed dress-wearer over here!"

"Here you go," said Evelyn, handing over a few tops. "Try these. Oh, and if you're doing the blue long-sleeved one, try it with that belt you had on the first time."

"Are you sure...?"

"Trust me."

~

Finally, Amber came out of the fitting room, grinning.
"We've got it," she said.
Amber was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt with the slogan, If You Can Read This, It's Too Late on the front. Standing tall in long, straight blue jeans, a smirk on her face, she projected a new image: a sassy one.

She explained, "I figured I'll wear heels if I'm wearing a skirt, but anything'll go with the jeans. Add the tops in, and... oh, you were right BTW. The belt does go with the blue one."

"Very nice," said Evelyn. "Now, we just have to find more stuff that goes with that!"


InterGlamour Salon

"Very nice."

"I like it."

"Congratulations— no one will be able to recognize you now!"

"Quiet, Samantha."

The stylists had gone all out. Amber's hair, formerly straight and flat brown, appeared in waves, any shade from brown so deep it was almost black, all the way to (well) amber, depending on how the light caught them. They'd done a nice job on her eyes, too— before, they'd been the same color as her hair; now, they'd brightened to a golden, honey-brown color, and somehow appeared to have hidden depths.
Amber looked in the mirror, a little apprehensively. Then, she brightened.

"Ooooh! This is so cool!"

Out of earshot, Evelyn whispered to V, "Has she ever had her eyes colored before?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh... she has been missing out."

In the mirror, Amber practiced a few facial expressions, seeing how they'd look with her new appearance. Sweet. Smart-aleck. Nice. Evil.
This was just getting better and better.

~

Eventually, it all started to blur.

See Me Not
[Accessories For Today's Villain]


"You have to be careful, shopping for purses. Some of them, they make them really cheap and you can see the secret pockets and everything."

"How do you tell?"

"Well, Understand is a good brand, but I'd stay away from Link's Bags if I were you. Ideally, no one should be able to see it, and you should be able to get at it easily."

"....sounds complicated."

"Don't worry. I'll tell you if you've got something bad. Oh, and you should try to get scan-proof, too."

"O-kay... I guess I'll just try and get the hang of it."


Zappos [Xyon Branch]

"So do you think...?"

"Those, definitely."

"Heels like that? Won't that get kinda uncomfortable?"

A grin. "We have... ways around that."


BRIGHT

"Check out this bracelet!"

"Hmm... I don't know. What about these two?"

"Remember, you're a Perfect now. What you wear, people are going to imitate— a lot. Choose wisely."

"Oh. Hmmmmmm...."



At the end of it, Amber (newly outfitted) strolled along the mallways and open spaces, the other Perfects beside her. Erica, Vanessa, Nicole, and Sammy tagged along behind, projecting the appearance of followers.

"There's one more stop," said Marie, flipping a wayward curl of blue hair behind her ear.

"Ooh? What is it?"

"A surprise. You'll find out in a— oh, there it is!"

Super Sweet Sugar Smoothies

"mmmmmmmfffmmmmmfffmmmmmiiiI could get used to this!"

"I know— great, aren't they? We hang out here a lot."
Evelyn leaned closer, whispering, "We've even got a little deal with the owner. 10% off."

"Wow," Amber whispered back, "how'd you manage that?"

"You just have to say the right thing," Evelyn whispered, indicating the middle-aged woman manning the counter. "In here, we are officially a study group, by the way— and the owner's such a romantic, she's ever-so-keen to eject anyone who impedes our... 'studying'."

Amber felt the smirk coming of its own accord.
"Brilliant."

~

At the end of it all, Amber's grin wouldn't leave her face. She was feeling happy, well-liked, stylish...


As she walked along, Amber caught sight of Kimberly and Michelle a short distance away. Catching their gazes, she smirked and gave a little wave at the two.

Michelle would have charged at Amber, if Kimberly hadn't held her back.


...and there were other bonuses, as well. "So, where to now?" she asked, grinning without looking behind her.

"Back to the lair. There's a few things to do— and then Helen had a wonderful idea for what we're going to do next!"

~~~

"...NO!" said V, after looking at the plan drawn out on the table. "This is... crazy! Helen...?"

"Don't worry," said Helen Gamma, grinning. "I checked everything, and planned everything out. It'll work."

V glared through her shades. "I'm not... it's not that. We're a group! We're teenagers! We're not... Oceans' Nine or something!"

Samantha spoke up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're supposed to argue like this with your boyfriends. Now, what's the big fuss?"

V pointed wordlessly to the table. Samantha looked at it, and grinned. "Now that sounds like a plan— count me in!"

V groaned. "Vanessa? Surely you can't be for this...?"
Vanessa looked. "....maybe." She moved until she was directly between Samantha (who was standing by Helen) and V (who had migrated to a position 180 degrees around the table.) "Let's just see what happens."

"Nicole? Erica? Don't just stand— oh, come on!"
Erica, without speaking, had moved to stand in the middle. Undecided.
Nicole peered at the plan for a few seconds, then looked at V and Helen. "I'm usually for this sort of thing..." she said, "but I'm just a little unsure."

Evelyn, after looking over the way the groups were divided, went to stand with V. That left Marie and Amber, and they were both busy.

"So, you wear a heart pin, or ring, or whatever, all the time. Marks you out as a Perfect— and, no one else can wear one. If you see someone wearing a heart pin, then let us know about it."

"I see."

"Just one more thing..."
Marie prodded Amber on the wrist with an odd device. Her skin burned for a second.

"OW! What-?"

"I forgot about this one before— normally, the door we took you in leads to a garden shed. This'll let you in. It keeps our lair... our little secret."

She smiled. Amber was about to say something, but was interrupted by screeches of "Get over here!"

Marie went first. At Helen and V's prompting, she examined the plan— then, looking at how everyone was grouped, realized what was going on. She moved over to stand with Helen. V groaned.

That left Helen, Marie, and Samantha on one side of the table, V, Evelyn, and Nicole on the other side, and Vanessa and Erica in the middle.

Amber was the (impromptu) tiebreaker.

~

Amber, wrist still smarting from the dimensional key, looked at the clumps of people around the table. She'd only been listening with half an ear, but it seemed there was some sort of 'Plan'— now what could it be?

On the table lay a blueprint of a large building. The blueprint was annotated with small notes describing the building's security features. A few photos lay off to the side, photos of a pendant with a large red stone in a glass case.

It wasn't until she saw the words DEAN MEMORIAL MUSEUM on the blueprint that everything clicked. She looked up at Helen. "You're planning to...?!"

Helen nodded.

"to... rob a museum?!"

Helen nodded. She was beginning to grin.

Amber sighed. "This Perfects stuff is about a lot more than just messing with the other girls at the high school, isn't it?"

V nodded. Amber thought she saw her roll her eyes.

"Well...." It would be risky... but fun... and there were other possibilities (and dangers) associated with it. Finally, Amber's judgment reached a decision.
Moving to stand next to Helen, she said, "It's crazy... but count me in!"

V looked slightly hurt, but saw she was outnumbered. She, Evelyn, and Nicole moved over to stand by Helen.
Helen closed her eyes, letting ideas flow.
"All right," she said, only the crowded space keeping her from twirling in delight, "let's get started."

~~~~~~
Some Time Later

"For a museum," said Helen, pointing at the plan, "this place is pretty middling in terms of security."

She gestured at various marks on the map with a pencil.

"There is a camera system. It's the old lens-and-CCD kind— more importantly, it's networked to a central security room. I visited the place the other day, and saw one of the guards playing Infinity Quest on his lunch break— so the computers there are connected to the Internet. The guards are not there at night— the cameras are left to go by themselves.

There's an alarm system and door locks, each tied into keypads conveniently placed around the building. It's networked as well— to the police station."

Erica piped up with, "I'm pretty sure that it's computer-controlled, though."

"There may be some minor other security features to deal with, but those are the primary ones. Now then, let me see... oh, right!"

Helen looked at the others. "With only that to contend with, I think I've got a handle on what everyone should do.

Samantha, V, you two get to lurk around the outside of the museum, and let us know if anyone's coming or anything. Also, once we're done, you'll be the ones to let us know if it's safe to come out.

Marie, Erica, one of you gets to stay here and monitor everything, and the other comes and helps get past anything tech. Now, pick."

She held out her hand, with two straws in it. Marie drew the short one.

"OK. Erica, you're coming along. Marie... sorry. Next time, maybe."

Helen looked over at Vanessa.

"Evelyn, you're also staying here. Again, I'm sorry, but we'll need more than one person back here keeping an eye on things."

"Vanessa. You're contingency. If you're lucky, you won't have to do anything. If not, well... let's just hope you don't."

Helen cast her gaze over the few who were left.

"And Nicole, Amber...? You're coming with me."

~

After the chatter had died down, Helen pointed at the plan again. There had been a little dissatisfaction about the job assignments, and she'd ended up swapping Vanessa and Evelyn's positions.

"Okay. We'll probably want to head over there waaaay late at night, maybe around 1 or 2 AM. Too late, and we'd probably be seen by a garbage man, or someone leaving a bar. Too early... common sense: not a good idea.
Oh, and it should probably be a week night— people stay out later on weekends.

Now, we just need to figure out how to get everyone out of bed and over there, at that time, without our parents figuring out..."

"How about a sleepover?" Nicole suggested. "That knocks out most of the problems— for one thing, we're all together to begin with, and we can sneak out as a group."

Helen smiled, looking approvingly at Nicole. "You know, I never thought of that... that would be perfect! It would probably have to be my house, though."

"Your house?" asked Amber. "Your mom's a villain. Wouldn't she be... a little more aware than most parents?"

Helen grinned, the wide smirk she saved for when she was about to put something over on someone.
"You would be surprised."

V, despite her earlier reluctance, was beginning to get into it. "So, we've got an idea of what we're up against, and we know how to actually get there and get... whatever-it-is— but you never actually said what we're going to take!"

Helen's grin slipped, replaced by an embarrassed expression.

"She gets like this sometimes," Marie whispered to Amber. "Comes of being a Mad. Of course, I'm not immune from it either... the point is, if there's ever something you think Helen forgot to mention, ask."

Amber looked up in time to see Helen produce a brochure for the museum and place it one the table. It had an image of a pendant— gold, with a bright red stone in the center— in a glass case.

"The Amulet of Yendor!!"

Everyone leaned in closer.

"Ooooooohhh...."

"So that's why!"

"I heard they had to dig it out of an ancient ruin— 50 stories deep!"

"I heard that one of the archaeologists went Mad trying to find it."

"Myself, I heard it's magic."

"Mystical, anyway."

"Coooolll!!"


Erica was the first to extricate herself from the (impromptu) gossip circle.

"Well," she said. "We have a plan, a target, and the skills needed to pull all of this off."
She looked confidently at the others.

"What could possibly go wrong?"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 11:59 pm 
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Hyperkeeper
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Posts: 1301
Location: Xyon City
The Perfects - Story 3: Heist {part 2}

With surprising speed, the call went out. The drums sounded. And the parental incarnation of the grapevine buzzed with... some rather innocuous news. For 9 particular sets of parents, anyway.

Jane Narbon

"....hmmm...... all right. You may have your friends here for a sleepover, provided you adhere to some ground rules."

Helen looked up at Jane, soulfully. Jane smiled a little, happy to see her daughter was picking up some of the tricks of manipulation.

"After a certain hour, all of you will have to be in bed. Stay out of the labs— I really don't want anything unusual to happen... at least, anything you don't set up on purpose. You also have to..."

Helen was already tuning out. This is going to be so awesome! Nobody's going to suspect a thing...

She tuned back in to hear, "...and sweetie, if you're trying to convince someone by staring at them like that, it works better if your eyes glisten slightly. As if you've been crying, or are about to. You'd be amazed."


ChicGeek

"At Jane's lair? Sure!"


Jess

"All right— and tell Helen's mom that Dad wants to see her at M as soon as possible."


Nicole's Parents

"I'm proud to announce that my homework is complete and my room is spotless. Furthermore, I'm done with my daily community service, have finished writing my letter to Grandma, and my schedule is clear."

"Oh... you're such a perfect daughter! So sweet and committed..."

"Incidentally, there is one thing. I was wondering..."


Evelyn's Mom

"A sleepover? Yes, very good... have a good time!"
Yes, enjoy yourself... it'll give me more time to work on my sinister plans! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!


V's Parents

"If only you wouldn't try to run my life, woman—"

"Try to run your life?! I'd pretty much have to if you weren't so d*mn obstructive all the time—"

V sighed. Her parents were arguing. Again.
She knew from experience that there was no sense in approaching them while they were at it— she'd merely be invited to take sides, and that never ended well.
V had learned about growing a thick skin early on.

On the bright side, if both her parents were busy, that technically meant she had full approval from everyone who was available...


Vanessa's Dad

"All right, sweetheart— but if they offer you any Mad-crafted stimulants, remind them you're underage, OK?"


Erica's Mom

"Certainly— it's nice to see you're making plenty of new friends, dear."

"MOOOOOOM!!!!"


and...

Amber's Mom

"Well, I don't know, honey... you said this one girl Helen is a Mad?"

"MOM!! It's not like that. She's nice. And she's my friend."

"I'm just a little worried, that's all. What if something happens... or you turn into a frog?"

"Look, Mom, even if I do turn into something odd, Helen's mom will be on hand to undo anything that happens." She grinned a little. "Besides, I heard that getting transformed into a frog is great for your skin."

Amber's mother's worried expression softened a bit. "Well... okay. As long as you carry your cell phone..."

Amber nodded, knowing she'd be taking the battery out at the earliest opportunity.

"Great!"
Amber's mother smiled. "Oh, I know— you could wear that silver bracelet I gave you. I'm sure your friends would love to see it!"

~~~~~~
Saturday
6:00 PM


"Hi!" said Helen, as she let Vanessa and Erica into her mom's lair. "C'mon in! I got a bunch of movies, and wait until I show you my room! It's all high up and you've got a great view. Oh, good, you've got sleeping bags."

Gesturing, Helen led the girls up the stairs, so that they could drop the sleeping bags and other items. She kept up the chatter until the three were in her bedroom, with the door closed. Then, the conversation changed a little.

"OK. Did you get everything?"

"Yep. Plans check out," said Vanessa.
"I checked. The network's the same as it was," added Erica. "They haven't changed anything."

"Good. Come on, we'll go wait for the others. Too bad we couldn't get a weeknight... oh well. School, yadda yadda yadda..."

As she opened the door and headed back down the stairs, the conversation was back to normal information. "...oh, and if you see any doors with a big red X on them, do NOT open them. My mom's lair is huge, and it's easy to get lost... well, it's better if you just stay in this part."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. This time, it was V and Amber.

"We're heeeere!" the two chimed in unison. Then, Amber spoke first. "I brought the new Dorians CD... oh, and check this out!"

She showed off a nice-looking ring, with a plastic flower on top. "I found this at QuickTech! It's, like, got a holoprojector in it."

"Ooooh. What does it show?"

"Well, you're supposed to buy these card things, and that sets it to one thing or another... but I figured we could set it ourselves!"

V chimed in, "And I brought a toothbrush..."
She didn't appear to have any other baggage. It took her a second to notice Helen staring at her funny.

"........what?"

When she finally figured it out, she gestured towards inside her long coat. To mask it, she asked, "Oh, you have extra sleeping bags, right?"

Helen rolled her eyes— at both the gesture and the question— and headed for the closet.

~~~~~

By the time everyone had arrived, the Perfects had begun an impromptu gossip circle. The stuff the girls had brought— magazines and cosmetics, but also MadTech accessories and gadget parts, were mostly upstairs, along with the items the group needed for their 'covert operation'.

The circle (or oval, or rhombus, at times) lasted through dinner (bioengineered giant guinea pig haunch, with mashed potatoes and a tropical fruit salad) and all the way to dessert. Then, the entire group headed upstairs, laughing and joking among themselves.

8:53

"....I liked their last CD better. More catchy. I heard there's this new band called 'Knight of the Directory', though... and the lead singer is soooo cute!"

9:22

"So, let's go over this again. The main room is here, the main security room's over here, then you go back, then sort of turn left and go up the stairs. There's a security panel at the top and bottom— don't use the elevators, they're off for the night anyway— but once you've passed that, the Special Exhibition room is straight ahead."

10:02

"Hey, anyone want to watch a movie?"

12:13

"That was scary!" Nicole exclaimed, as Helen removed the TDDVD from the player and stashed it in its case. The words Attack of the Super-Intelligent Lawyers From Mars gleamed menacingly on the jacket.

"That's true— I've never been bored and freaked out at the same time."

"Sammy!!!" chorused the others.

Vanessa changed the subject.
"So, Amber, what exactly is the thing between Mike and you, anyway?" she asked.

Amber looked at the others. "Oh man, I can't believe I forgot to tell you about that— I mean, I think I told... who was it... or did I....? Aw, forget it. Well, OK. Here's what the thing is...."

12:39

"........so you can read minds?!"

"Pretty much. Wait until you hear what comes next!"

12:51

"...WHOA," said Helen, finally.

"I know— there's limits and everything, but I figured it could be really useful."

"You have no idea. With that— I know we have control now, but with that, we could own the school!"

Ideas started to form in Amber's mind. New possibilities emerged, most of them highly nefarious (and illegal, if the laws against braintapping— and extortion— were anything to go by.)

"Well," she said, grinning in her own little evil way, "I'm glad to be of help."

1:25

By now, lights glowed in only one room of the lair. The high room where Helen (and Marie, and the others) sprawled out on sleeping bags, talking. By now, all were in their pajamas (except for V, who had a second all-black outfit, complete with coat, for sleeping in). They'd also brought out the cosmetics.

"Seriously? I think lighter hair suits you better."

"Aww, lay OFF!" V squealed, trying to avoid Marie, who was holding a cloth of golden blond Activated Hair Dye™. She wasn't able to.
After seeing herself in the mirror, V glared at Marie. "Most definitely NOT. Who had the remover bottle?"

Over in the corner, Erica had whipped out her pocket computer and was reprogramming Amber's ring. Currently, it was active, projecting a cute, fuzzy little ball of fur nestling in Amber's hand. The 'creature' was making little cooing noises. Then, Amber nodded, and Erica clicked something.

The projection looked up, its little eyes red with fury. Then, opening its mouth to show teeth seemingly too big to fit, it leaped.

"OK. It works! I've got toggling the state changes in the ring's minicomputer down, and it's got several different programming slots, too, so you can have it so it can display one of 4 or 5 different things, each with several different states. No solid light, but... oh well. Anything you want it to have in particular?"

The girls talked, mostly about normal things. Boyfriends came up, as did school power politics, bugging etiquette, and the latest fashions. However, the conversation would occasionally turn back to the job they planned to do.

And they talked, late into the night...

2:00

Jane climbed the stairs up to Helen's room and hammered on the door.
"OK— lights out."

She waited until the crack under the door was completely dark, then carefully opened it. Helen and her friends were lying down in their sleeping bags, peacefully waiting to drift off. Bidding them a good night, Jane walked back down the stairs, heading for her own bedroom. Time to catch some Zs...

Once Jane was gone, Helen sat up.

"OK. Lights out is... out, I guess, but we might as well start getting ready."

Within minutes, the group were dressed in dark clothing, whatever they'd need in belt pouches or backpacks.

"OK. Is everybody ready?"

Whispers of agreement.

"OK. I know everybody knows this by now, but we might as well go over it again, just to be on the safe side.

Vanessa and Marie. You head straight to the Lair, and latch on to the headsets we linked up the other day. Everybody else, we head to the museum.

Samantha and V. You're lookouts, so you don't have to actually enter. Ditto Evelyn. You three just have to make sure that nothing fouls up because someone comes along or something. At least, I hope that's all. If things go bad, you might have to come running.

Everybody else goes in. It should be easy."

She looked around in the darkness.

"Now, we just have to sneak out of here..."


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 9:21 pm 
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Mad Scientist Unbelievable
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Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:30 am
Posts: 4538
Location: Burnsville
And now for something completely different...

This is a Homestuck fan-thingy that sorta grew out of something Tinker and I were doing today. I figured someone might find it amusing to read. Or maybe not. Either way, here's part 1, with chat text colors mostly added for flavor. Enjoy? Maybe?

Roomsealed?

[21:40] Zobot: Your name is Adam Toboz. It is rather far from your BIRTHDAY, although you has a tendency to have a lot of GIFTS in your room that you are giving to your friends at any given time. You has an interest in BIOLOGY, specifically in ZOOLOGY, and as such, keep a large number of EXOTIC ANIMALS as pets in your parent's private vet's office. You also have a fondness for ONLINE GAMES, specifically ones with an air of exploration and questing, such as a game with a similar acronym to "BoB". You also have a passing interest in MYTHOLOGY and RELIGION. Your chumhandle is edensReject and you are highly confused!
[21:42] InsanityLuc: Adam: Relate Confusion.
[21:43] Zobot: Adam starts writing down in his JOURNAL about his latest in a series of recurring dreams about a golden city, which he has no idea of the significance of. Sometimes he sees odd things in the CLOUDS of the city, but has failed to be able to make any sense of them, as they usually pretain to people he has not yet met.
[21:46] InsanityLuc: Adam: Draw pictures?
[21:47] Zobot: You briefly sketch some doodles in your journal, which seems rather uncharacteristic of you, since you're rather TERRIBLE at art.
[21:50] Zobot: Eventually it turns inot a sketch of a snake, just like most of your drawings do. Which is why you don't draw much. You friggin' hate snakes
[21:50] InsanityLuc: Adam: Exmine surroundings.
[21:55] Zobot: You are in your ROOM. There are a variety of BIRDCAGES here, all of them unoccupied at the moment, as you've been cleaning them for new occupants. Your BOOKSHELVES contain many textbooks on zoology and biology in general. You are seated at your COMPUTER DESK, where you have just recently SLEPT ON YOUR COMPUTER for about the 100TH TIME. Your bed is in the corner of the room, with your old stuffed lion toy on it. And just next to your computer desk is a endtable with gaming peripherals on it
[21:56] InsanityLuc: Adam: Check face for keyboard marks.
[21:58] Zobot: Your face is covered with keyboard marks! Unfortuantely! You have GOT to start trying that fivehourenergy drink people keep raving about. You have a terrible time keeping awake, despite your best efforts
[22:01] InsanityLuc: Adam: Take picture of todays keyboard prints.
[22:01] Zobot: ...ok, apparently Homestuck's IRC thingy is just as crazy as MSW
[22:02] InsanityLuc: Yes. yes it is.
[22:03] Zobot: Adam considers taking a picture, but discards the notion as exceedingly ridiculous! Besides, you lack a CAMERA
[22:04] InsanityLuc: Adam: At least eat something.
[22:05] Zobot: All that's available in your room are a variety of PET TREATS! You wouldn't eat those if your life depended on it! ...mostly because it does. If you don't feed your variety of PETS soon, they'll likely maul you. You aren't quite sure where this box of "Grue Snax" came from, though. You are quite sure you've never heard of an animal called a GRUE.
[22:05] Zobot: If you want food, you'll have to voyage into your family's Kitchen.
[22:07] InsanityLuc: Adam: Chance the kitchen.
[22:13] Zobot: You go out of your room, running down your hall in a haphazard fashion, as you usually do. However, you narrowly avoid tripping over one of the Doc's Chemistry Sets. Ugh. Why does he leave all these dangerous chemicals laying around on the floor? So irresponsible.
[22:14] InsanityLuc: Clean up chemichals?
[22:15] Zobot: You pick up the variety of chemistry sets for about the 15th time. If it weren't for the fact that you'd be terrified of one of your poor beasties drinking or spilling something, you honestly wouldn't bother. He never learns and is basically a slob
[22:16] Zobot: Bah, I'll post tomorrow. I don't feel it tonight
[22:17] InsanityLuc: Fair enough. ^^
[22:17] InsanityLuc: Get some food.
[22:17] Zobot: Adam enters his family's Kitchen, and quickly seizes some cereal, which he eats, gaining ENERGY
[22:18] InsanityLuc: Check on your Gaurdian?
[22:19] Zobot: WHAT guardian? Your parents are both out of town at a convention. All that's around is you, your pets, and the Doc, a boarder your family took in who is studying the variety of animals the world contains
[22:19] InsanityLuc: Check in on Doc, then.
[22:21] Zobot: Not really that hard to do. His room is just down the hall from yours, and your parents, in their trust of you, left you the MASTER KEY. There's nowhere you can't go with this baby. You unlock the door...
[22:22] Zobot: ...except that the door isn't locked. Huh. The DOC is out, and his room, which resembles an odd cross between an English Teacher's office and a Mad Chemists Lab, is unoccupied. His FRENZIED NOTES and his THESIS are on his desk and scattered haphazardly along the floor, and there's a variety of DNA schematics pinned to the walls. Truely the marks of a madman. Or a genius. But you're betting on madman. There's an odd CD laying on his desk as well.
[22:23] InsanityLuc: Read Thesis.
[22:23] Zobot: You try, but you can't find a good starting place! His notes are all scattered all over and you can't make heads or tails of this garglemesh without starting from the beginning.
[22:25] InsanityLuc: Save for later.
[22:26] Zobot: You capchalogue his THESIS PAGES, which get locked away in a CAPCHACAGE like any other inventory objects you pick up, a Key gets attached to your Keyring. The advantages of your sylladex are an infinate inventory and the ability to access any item at any time... the downside is navigating the potentially unlimited number of different but somewhat similar KEYS that you gain every time you pick up an item.
[22:28] InsanityLuc: Check the KEY for the THESIS.
[22:30] Zobot: The KEY is fairly ordinary: A plain plasteel key, the only difference of which is the variance of the teeth, which is determined by the code on the back of the card containing the THESIS. The more items you add to your inventory, the more similar-looking KEYS you get, making it take longer to figure out which KEY goes to which item. You'd mark them each to make it easier, but you're not really sure you can DO that to a Fetch Modus
[22:30] InsanityLuc: Look at WIERD DISC
[22:32] Zobot: It looks to be some game called SBURB... you don't know why the Doc would have this, as he tends not to be very interested in computer games at all. That's more your baliwick. Actually, the design on this CD looks pretty intriguing... you're pretty sure he wouldn't miss this game. He's always berating you for wasting your time on computer and video games anyway. You're doing him a favor by capchaloging this for him.
[22:33] Zobot: You CAPCHALOG the SBURB PLAYER DISK. Whatever that means.
[22:34] InsanityLuc: Tell a friend about this?
[22:35] Zobot: Well, you ARE pretty excited about this. A new game!!! You rush out of Doc's room and scurry into yours, looking to see if any of your CHUMS are online to pester.
[22:36] InsanityLuc: ((May I...?))
[22:37] Zobot: ((By all means! I hope you're having fun... sorry if I was boring you))
[22:40] Zobot: ?
[22:41] InsanityLuc: ((nono! I just got distracted by a thing for my group paper. Sorry. ^^ This is fun, actualy.))
[22:41] InsanityLuc: DistressingMeidia is online- he;s kind of a big weirdo, but he likes games...
[22:43] Zobot: *eR began pestering DM at 10:43 central standard time!* eR: o hai!
[22:44] Zobot: (...ok, I'm redoing that. I don't think I can keep up a Lolcat quirk)
[22:44] InsanityLuc: ((hee hee hee hee)))
[22:44] InsanityLuc: ((have at it. XD))
[22:45] Zobot: eR: *Sneaks up behind DM and puts a set of wolf ears on his head!* What's up, dude?
[22:47] InsanityLuc: DM: Wolfman? So long as my palms don;t randomly extend. I'm doing one of my papers- I think I have a connection between internet creepypasta and early folk horror...
[22:47] Zobot: (...I may post a chat log of this on MSW if you don't mind. I kinda had an idea for the tales of Madness thread of doing something like this)
[22:48] InsanityLuc: ((Please, go ahead. ^^))
[22:49] Zobot: eR: Anothgrr of your papgrrs? Do you evgrr finish one of those?
[22:50] InsanityLuc: DM: No reasarch is ever quite finished... but usualy I publish them to the internet. For all it cares, I;m sure. but someday, some other soul will wonder the connection between Slenderman and gargoyles, and my work will be there!
[22:51] Zobot: eR: Well, I can't really say I get it, but if it's what you think is important, than go for it!
[22:51] InsanityLuc: DM: So what has occurred of note?
[22:52] Zobot: eR: Oh, wait! I forgot! I just grrrabed a hot new game I found on the Doc's crazy Mad Sciency Labtable thing! Some SBURBy thing. Maybe a building sim?
[22:52] Zobot: eR: Have you heagrrd of it?
[22:52] InsanityLuc: DM: Allow me to check my notes...
[22:53] Zobot: eR: *Settles down and dons a Tigerskin cloak*
[22:53] InsanityLuc: DM: ...a little known game being developed, with a potential for Beta testing is all I have...
[22:54] Zobot: eR: Well, I figrred I'd install it and give it a play, but apparently it requires at least two playgrrs....
[22:54] Zobot: eR: Are you interested?
[22:55] InsanityLuc: DM: Sure. It sounds amusing. And I like to be in the know on obscure games...
[22:55] Zobot: eR: Well... I only have the one CD, but maybe I could make a .rawr file to send you...
[22:56] InsanityLuc: DM: I find that agreeable.
[22:57] Zobot: eR: Purr! Ok, I'll start making a copy of the grreat new game now!
[22:57] InsanityLuc: DM: You and your purring.
[22:57] Zobot: (edensReject is now transferring SBURBPlyr.Rawr to DistressingMeidia)
[22:58] Zobot: eR: I'm cawfused as to what you keep talking about. I do a lot of animal sounds!
[22:58] Zobot: eR: But...
[22:58] Zobot: eR: Since I have a lot of big cats, I grress they just sorta come out the most!
[22:59] InsanityLuc: DM: You do purrs, barks, caws for a week, and spent a few months amusingly trying to trascribe wombat and hedgehog noises.
[23:01] Zobot: eR: Would you pregrr that I glub like a fish? *Sticks out his tongue* Err... um... I cawn't seem to connect to you? It says that some sort of "Sergrr playgrr" is needed...
[23:02] Zobot: eR: Err..."Server Player"! Sorry. That one just slipped out
[23:03] InsanityLuc: DM: So long as you don;t reffer to my hands as paws, I am, as ever, fine. And I suppose that means I need to install on my end... maybe I need to be the server player.
[23:04] Zobot: eR: Why would you have paws? You'grr a human, unless I'm wrong. And I guess so! We need to find out how someone becomes a Servgrr playgrr...
[23:05] InsanityLuc: DM: No, not on my copy eiher... maybe the instal is spread over two discs?
[23:06] Zobot: eR: That cawld be right! So we need to find a copy of the Servgrr disc if it exists, right?
[23:07] Zobot: eR: The Doc might have one... you should see if you can find one too... maybe we both need one?
[23:09] Zobot: eR: Uh, I hear some growling... I think some of my friends must be hungrry! I had bettgrr go feed them. See if you can't find a Servgrr CD, ok?
[23:10] InsanityLuc: DM: Um? Alright, I;ll search my grapevines.
[23:10] InsanityLuc: DM: And no mere pleblian red.
[23:10] InsanityLuc: DM: For this, I shall have to break out some heirloom strains, or barrels hidden deep within cellars.
[23:10] InsanityLuc: DM: A pity most fo them turn acidic once they hit oxygen. Ahh, obscure wine jokes. Have fn with the BEASTS.
[23:11] Zobot: eR: Groooowl! Enjoy your fancy liqugrrs... or whatever! (edensReject has ceasted pestering DistressingMeidia at 11:11 PM, central standard time)
[23:12] InsanityLuc: Be the other Guy?
[23:13] Zobot: Adam: Be the other guy.

_________________
We've learned a lot, but this still isn't going to be easy. But I don't think the elder star's confidence in us was misplaced. I know we can do this! We'll set things right! ...somehow.

"There is a fine line between a good King and a Despot. A King is best when His subjects barely realize that He exists. When His work is done and His will is fulfilled, they will say, 'We did it ourselves.'"
-Xin Yun


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:08 am 
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Hyperkeeper
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Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 1301
Location: Xyon City
The Perfects - Story 3: Heist {part 3}

The Narbon lair at 2 AM was a very dark place. No lights remained, save the standby lights of devices and the glows emanating from the experiments in the labs. Had anyone been watching the 'house' areas of the lair at that time, they would have seen something very strange.

One by one, 9 dark figures, each clutching a bag or carrying a backpack, tiptoed down the stairs leading to the main floor. Not one made a sound. When the nine got to the ground floor, the one in the lead motioned for them to stop.

"Hold on," Helen whispered. "I'm going to have to turn off the security system before we can leave."

With that, she walked cautiously over to a device stuck to a nearby wall, about the size and shape of a thermostat. A blue infinity symbol was glowing on the device. Helen touched one finger to the device.
There was a bright flash, then the symbol started to glow white.

"OK. Come on!"

Helen looked back at her lair as the group exited.
"Huh. 's been pretty easy so far..." V murmured to herself.

Then, they were off, running down the dimly lit street.


The Perfects didn't have far to go. The park at the end of the street contained one of the doors to the group's hideout. Vanessa and Marie peeled off, entering the shed's door and vanishing with a slight ripple.

"OK. Headsets on, everyone."
Amber asked, "Wait... can't we use those earpiece things you showed me before?"
"Not powerful enough— the museum has some stuff that's set up to dampen communications technologies. Now get your headsets on."
Everyone followed Helen's commands. Erica spoke into her headset.

"You can hear us now, right?"

A crackly reply came back through the earpieces.
"Nice and clear. You?"

"Just fine," said Evelyn. "Nice night for a stroll, isn't it?"

"Ha, ha. Let us know when you get there. Out."

Helen looked over the remaining six. Everyone looked ready enough. Before she could say anything, Erica spoke up.

"Hey, I completely forgot!"
She took out what looked like... handles?... from her backpack and passed them around.

"These are hoverdisc generators. If you haven't ridden one before: just lean in the direction opposite the way you want to go— the AI'll do the rest."

Amber had seen some of her classmates riding hoverdiscs at the local skate park, but had never ridden one herself. Pushing the button on the handle, she stepped on the disc with some trepidation. It felt as solid as concrete.

Once she was on, she tried tentatively leaning backwards. Cautiously, the disc moved forwards. This would be easy.

Now Helen spoke.
"OK. You all know where we're going, and how to get there. Come on!"

As a group, the seven girls on hoverdiscs skimmed off, towards the portion of the city that housed the museum.

~~~~~

The museum was massive. Any movie director would have used its ornate (marble!) facade in an establishing shot. The Perfects merely gazed up in awe.

"...this is where we're going to break into?"

"Um, yes. You saw the plans, right?"

"Well, yeah... it just looked a lot less impressive when it was on paper."

"All right. First up: everyone brought gloves, right?"
Nods, and yeses.
"Good. Put them on now. Fingerprint analysis may be an old identification technology, but it still works just as well as it did 100 years ago."
Sammy repressed her fingerprints, flashing the blank tips at everybody. "Show-off," muttered Nicole.

Now then... Samantha, V, Evelyn... you're up. If you're lucky, you got the quiet job."

Blending into the shadows, Samantha slid away to cover the back door. V and Evelyn hid themselves in a piece of darkness near the front.

Without another word, Helen stepped aside and let Erica examine the door.



"OK... let me see. They've put in an outside access port... what on earth for? In case someone forgets their keys?"

Erica plugged a cable into the tiny slot in the wall. The other end went into the laptop she dug out of her bag.

"Hmm. Password... link, bypass that, OK, OK, —hold on."

A light blinked on a panel just inside the door.

"No password change... blah blah blah... link to/for/eight, three, five... match it out..."

Another light. A *click* came from the doors.

"OK! We're in. Alarm's off. For the cameras, we have about 5 minutes to get to the security room and deactivate them. Let's go!"

Pushing open the doors, the four strode into the museum. Flashlights were switched on. Helen led the way, running through the dark lobby.

Amber couldn't help gawking at the giant statue in the center. The massive, polished granite structure, seemingly too large for anything but a state building or palace, depicted a man, in stately robes, sitting in an elaborate chariot. The chariot was pulled by four stone wolves.

"We can rubberneck later!" hissed Nicole. "We've got to get going!"

The four ran across the varnished floor, stopping by a door labeled SECURITY - NO ADMITTANCE. From a pocket, Nicole took a set of metal rods, and began to do something to the keyhole. After about a minute, the lock turned.

Inside the room was a bank of monitors, which was placed above a large, arc-shaped desk, with computer workstations around. Most of the monitors were off, but the few that were active showed a progress bar. It was half-full.

"Good," said Erica. Waking one of the computers, she connected her laptop, giving a flurry of commands.
The museum computer switched from the login screen (where it had been) to the desktop. It got its own flurry.

"...All right. Cameras off. Alarm is in 'Maintenance Mode', so it'll be down for a while. We'll still have to use the door panels for some of the locks, but those'll be a piece of cake to crack."

Disconnecting her laptop, Erica got up, following Helen back out to the lobby.

"Now you can rubberneck," whispered Nicole to Amber. "That statue... well, about 15 years ago, some Mad decided to travel back in time and become Emperor of Ancient China. Didn't work, but history got the statue out of it."

Helen glared at the two. "Come on," she hissed. "It's not getting any earlier while we stand here."

"Everything OK out there?" she asked over her earpiece.

"Nothing. A few cars have driven by, but it looks to just be late night traffic," answered V.

"It's really quiet back here," replied Sammy. "Is this when the mummy's supposed to appear or something?"

Marie and Vanessa chimed in over their connection.
"We can see the view from your headpiece cams... and that is one impressive statue."

"Sure. Anything we should be careful of?" Helen asked, a little miffed.

"Beware of the Dog? Sorry, sorry. No... just keep your wits about you. That place looks like it could be pretty spooky at night."

"OK. Thanks. Out."
Helen looked around, gazing at the grand staircase that led to Floor 2 (History).

"Well," she whispered. "What are we waiting for?"


~~~

The second floor was devoted to a massive permanent exhibit on the history of the world. An open slot by the front of the exhibit held a 'Featured Display', more or less a life-size diorama depicting one event, or time period, in history. The diorama changed every few weeks. Right now it was showing a scene from the imperial court of Heian-era Japan.

After taking a second or two to look at the diorama, Amber followed the others up the staircase. Passing the 3rd floor galleries (Madness and the World: A Retrospective Look at Mad Technology), she climbed further, stopping at the entrance to the floor.... and the solid iron grate that blocked anyone from entering. Nicole and Helen were looking at the lock with expressions of dismay.

"What do you mean, you can't?" asked Helen.

Nicole explained, "This is a disc lock. No one can pick one of these— at least, no one without the right tools and a whole lot of time, anyway. I haven't got those, and I kinda didn't think to bring a blowtorch, so..."

"Is there a back door or something?" Amber heard herself say. Her new personality was already providing its own answers.

"Uh, hold on...." replied Marie through the link.
There was a pause of about 30 seconds, then Vanessa's voice came on.

"OK. We've got the plan up... there is a secondary staircase that leads to the fourth floor. It's got access on every floor, but the third floor's exit is blocked by a big stack of parts. We saw it last week. Anyway, the closest you could get into it is from the History gallery, two floors down."

Nicole, Erica and Amber all sighed, or grumbled slightly. More stairs...

"Hey, if nothing else— we know it's all downhill from here!"

"Quiet, Sammy."

~~~

There were regular kiosks in the History galleries, most of which were emblazoned with holographic replicas of the layout of the museum (along with small YOU ARE HERE signs.) The museum had put them in two years ago, after it had gotten enough complaints about its second floor being 'like a maze'.

The kiosks were off for the night, but the History section was still a maze. Without Marie and Vanessa's guidance, the four would have most likely gotten lost.
As it was, there were several navigational mishaps.

Helen and the group shone their flashlights in various directions, looking around them. "OK, we've got a display of Vikings on our right," said Erica, turning to let Marie and Vanessa see it through her headpiece cam.

"Uh-oh. You're way off course. You did turn left at the Oregon Trail migration, right?"

"Well, there wasn't any hallway directly to the left, so we went down this passage that went sort of obliquely..." asked Helen.

"Uh-huh. All right, the first thing you need to do is turn around."

~

The door was in a segment dealing with the European feudal system. "It's right next to a suit of ornately carved armor," was the advice coming over the link. "No, not that one, the other one."

It took a few seconds. The door blended seamlessly into the background walls, and was only recognizable by the keyplate. When they finally found it, Nicole worked her special brand of magic.
Behind the door was an unlit concrete staircase heading in both directions. Perhaps a little faster than was a good idea in the dark, all four girls headed up it.

"You have to go past two doors. One's the 3rd floor exit, and the other's marked with a Pi symbol. Don't go in the Pi one, or someone has to go running for a dimensional rescue team."

"What's behind there?" Amber couldn't help thinking out loud.

"You really don't want to know. Let's just say that the reason the Museum is bigger inside than out is... complicated."

Forewarned, the group skirted the first two doors, before stopping at one marked '4'. The lock toggle was on this side of the door, and the handle turned easily. The door let out in the first room of the Amulet's special exhibit, on the other side of the grate.

They were in.

~~~

By now, all four peered at the walls around them. Relics, bodies of monsters preserved in crystals, and a strange system of writing; all had come from the excavated ruin. However, the focal point of the exhibit came last.

In a room of its own, inside a glass case, with the walls covered with strange writing, lay the Amulet of Yendor.

The Amulet seemed to sparkle in the flashlight beams. It was one of those things that gets its own license to look classy.
The strange designs on it shimmered as the four moved closer. A faint whispering seemed almost audible.

Helen and Amber gazed on their prize while Erica and Nicole went to work. First, Nicole unlocked the panel of the case's pedestal, revealing several pieces of electronic equipment, replete with glowing lights. Then, Erica went to work. After a few seconds, there was a soft chime.
"OK," she said. "It's open."

Amber looked at Helen and the others, then asked, "May I?"

"Go right ahead," said Helen.
With great care, Amber opened the hinged door of the case and lifted the Amulet out. The whispering swelled, growing to a crescendo barely audible as Amber held the Amulet up for all to see.

Erica touched something else in the pedestal, and the whispering died abruptly.
"Sorry about that," she said. "They've got it set up so it gets more atmospheric the closer you get." No one saw in the darkness, but she rolled her eyes.
"Okay, close the case."

Helen held the case closed as Erica re-engaged the machinery. Then Nicole reversed whatever she had done to the pedestal door.

As Amber settled the Amulet gently in place around her neck, Helen said (for the benefit of those listening),
"OK! We've got it. Now, let's get out of here."

As the girls headed for the stairway, one of the crystallized monsters, a bat caught Amber's eye. She was sure it had been at rest. Now, its wings were spread.

"Um... that bat. There," Amber said, pointing. "Wasn't it perched when we came in?"

Helen looked at Amber in a funny way.


The stairs down seemed to take much longer than the stairs up. Helen may not have been convinced by Amber's concern, but Erica and Nicole suddenly seemed skittish.
Then, as the group passed the Pi door, a thump made everybody jump.

~

All four girls turned to stare at the door. Another thump shook the frame, and the Pi symbol on the front began slowly to glow.

"Uh, museum team? Hello? I don't know exactly what's going on over there, but we're losing your video signal."

"It's the door..." murmured Helen, her eyes locked on the symbol.

"The door? What—- holy. Helen, everyone else, listen. Now I really don't know what's going on, but you had better move on past that door— quick! The plan has some very... strange things to say about it, and..."

Her words had no effect. All four found that they couldn't break their gaze. The Amulet began to glow slightly.
All, except Amber, suddenly felt of one mind. They needed to open the door.

"Hold on— I've got an image— d%$m it what are you doing?!"

A pause.

"You're being controlled! You have to look away! Fight it! Block it out!"

Too late. Helen had reached out and touched the door handle.
There was a blast of boiling soundlessness. Then, the unbearable keening of feedback came through everyone's earphones.
It was enough to break the control. Helen pulled her hand back and looked around, being sure to keep her gaze off the door. The others followed.

"Ugh... what happened?" asked Amber over the link. "Does anyone know?"

Silence, with a light undercurrent of static that hadn't been there before. Amber looked at Erica quizzically.

Helen tried calling.
"Is there anyone out there? Can anyone hear this?"

The voices of V and Samantha came through, almost in unison.

"V? Sammy? Can you reach the lair?"

"We heard the same thing you did," replied V. "I don't think so..."

"OK. Has anything unusual happened outside?"

"No."

"Nope!"

"Nothing, so far as I've seen."

"Good. Evelyn— you're contingency, and now we've got a problem. Head to the base, and tell Marie and Vanessa that they've gone out of contact."

"Understood. Watching was starting to get boring, anyway."

Without saying anything more, the (now slightly shaken) group headed for the 2nd Floor door. Nicole relocked it, but it took longer than usual.

In the middle of it, Evelyn called back.

"I found Marie and Vanessa. They're out of the Lair. Something happened— something weird— when that big squeal came through, and the two barely had time to hit the red button. We can't get back in, either. What now?"

"Did you manage to save the plans for the museum?"

"Still in there," came Marie's voice, muffled from clustering around Evelyn's headset mike. "Sorry. You're where, in History?
.... sorry, you're just going to have to figure it out on your own."


"Hey, wait! I remember you said..." Vanessa added. "You said that... oh, right. A lot of the paths are meant to be walked in chronological order, so you might be able to use that to find your way out. Good luck."

The four Perfects looked around, at the hallways, with their intersections branching off into multiple choices, how everything twisted and turned into a maze of the highest caliber.
Helen had her own worries. Without the power stream from the lair, the group's headsets would stay active for only so long. Soon, they really would be on their own.

Helen took a deep breath, concentrating in the way her Mom had taught her.


"Well. Then," she said. "Here goes everything..."


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 Post subject: Re: The Perfects Return!
PostPosted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 11:59 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 1301
Location: Xyon City
The Perfects - Story 3: Heist {part 4}

Helen looked around at the maze of passageways.

"All right. If the maze was meant to be walked in chronological order, then... OK. Ignore the cross-referencing passages. We're at... where are we?"

"Uh... Cambrian Explosion. We've got a ways," said Nicole, looking around.

"Good. This way," Helen said.

Amber looked at the side walls of what they were walking through. The walls, along with a lot of text explaining the events of the geological period, showed a surfeit of strange, impossible-looking marine creatures. The museum's history exhibit covered everything, from the formation of the Earth to the history of Xyon City. As a result, it wasn't entirely Euclidian... but it was a nigh-ultimate resource for anyone wanting to know about history.

Unfortunately, it was a nigh-tmare for anyone trying to find the exit. Fortunately, walking forwards would (usually) move visitors forward in time, so...

Amber hadn't noticed the others stop. Fascinated with the details on the walls, she nearly backed into a map kiosk. The others were looking ahead of her, staring at a sign.

The way forwards was completely blocked off. A massive barricade displayed the notice "CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT AND UPDATES". Erica looked at Helen.
"So what do we do now?" she asked. Helen shrugged.
"Your guess is as good as mine," she answered. "Let's see where these other passageways go to."

A few of the other archways had signs, but not most. The ones that did were marked things like "Cross-reference: Devonian period". One narrow walkway, though, was labeled, in a multi-colored sign. It said, "CHOOSE ANOTHER SECTION".

Nicole looked at the rest of the group. "Uh.... anyone here know what the Devonian is?"
A chorus of 'no's.

"Or the Cenozoic?"
Another chorus of 'no's.

Helen led the other three down the 'SECTION' hallway. "Once we get out of this, I'm personally going to stop conniving and actually pay attention in History class. I never thought I'd need it, but..."

~

"Well," said Amber, "I think we hit the jackpot."

The Section Hub was a massive room, shaped like a pentagon with a bulge at each corner. Each of the five sections had a differently-colored floor, with words on it indicating where the many doorways in it would go. The four had just come out of a doorway marked 'Cambrian', in the 'Geologic' section. The other sections were labeled "Ancient World", "Civilizations", "Countries", and "Local History."
Each door held the possibility of a deep, unforgettable learning experience. Or a path to the way out.

No one said anything, but all four girls knew they were of one mind.
Uhh... now what?


After a painfully long pause, Helen took charge.

"OK. We know there's doors back here from all over. Though they didn't think to include an exit... Mads! OK, that's not really fair, seeing as... Anyway. We'll split into teams, and try a door. If we find a way out, we can use the headsets. If anyone gets lost, all they have to do is find the nearest hallway back here. Got that?"

"Yep."

"OK!"

"All right."

Helen spoke into her headset. "Hey, out there. Anything happen?"

"Nothing. Though, given your conversation, we've decided that it's a lucky nothing."

"Yeah, yeah..." said Helen, then pointed out Erica.

"OK. You come with me. Let's try...." (she flicked her gaze, picking a door at random) "...that one!"

'That one' proved to be one marked 'England - Industrial Revolution'. Soon, the two were gone without trace.
Amber shrugged and turned to Nicole.
"Hoooo... let's go."
"Where?"
"Anywhere," said Amber, walking towards the doorway with the floor legend, 'Scandinavia - Viking Expansion'. "Let's just hope we can get out of here quickly."

~

Amber flashed her light on the dioramas around them.
"You have to admit, the musem really went all out."

The tableau she was looking at was only separated from the halls by a tiny railing. It depicted a number of Scandinavian warriors — vikingr— in poses with replicas of traditional weapons. A sign nearby explained why "helmets with horns" were a myth.

"I mean, this many exhibits..."

No response. Nicole was nowhere to be seen. A little more tentatively, Amber looked around the room.
"Hello? Nicole?"

Aiming her flashlight to the right showed only dioramas. To the left, a wall of text loomed, but no partner. Nicole wasn't down the passageway, and when Amber turned around, she couldn't see anyone either. Nicole seemed to have vanished.

Amber looked again at the posed figures. Had one of them shifted slightly?
Keeping the tone of her voice neutral, Amber called out, "Nicole? Are you—"
A hand laid itself on Amber's shoulder.

"—DAAAH!!" yelled Amber, jumping and twisting 180 degrees in one movement. Nicole stood behind her, smiling sweetly.
Amber slowly lowered her flashlight, glaring at Nicole. "It is not funny. Come on."

After reassuring the others (over the headset) that nothing bad had happened, Amber hauled Nicole down the passageway.


~

Helen and Erica, meanwhile, had just come face-to-face with a brand new obstacle. Somehow, they had found their way into—

"It says, 'See How It Could Have Been: Alternate History Walkthrough'. And we've got about five or ten doors in front of us again," Erica complained over the headset.

"Hmm," came the reply from outside. "OK, has anyone actually ever been to the museum? This part of it?"

A chorus of interconnected no's.

"Oh-kaaaaaaay," said Helen, "...how about we just pick a door at random? We can't get any more lost than we already are."

Erica muttered something under her breath, then followed Helen into the nearest door. The two passed through a short, dark tunnel, then out, into a bombed cityscape... or, rather, a holographic replica of the same. There were no other passages besides the one they had just come through. A display floated in the air in front of them.

"Let me see..." said Helen, moving forward to look. "Blah blah blah... growing international tensions... led to ... yadda yadda yadda..."
Then, her eye fell on a sentence at the very bottom of the display.
"So on, so on— resulted in global thermonuclear war."
A whine made itself apparent among the piped-in background noise. Erica looked at Helen.

"You know," the computer expert said, "I'm getting a feeling this room might not be very sa—"

Everything went white.

The two girls came to outside the room archway, seemingly having been tossed. Their most recent memory was one of blinding light, impossible noise, overwhelming heat.
The display had followed them out.

"Sorry! (heart)" it now read. "In the path of history you chose, you are now dead. Care to try again?"

Helen and Erica got up, both glaring at the display. Crackling came over their earpieces, then V's voice made itself heard.

"What was that?" she asked.

"You don't want to know."

"Uh... huh. Anyway, Vanessa had an idea."

There was a short buzz of static.

"Okay," said Vanessa's voice, "I just remembered! I was taken here... once... after they just opened that section. I think there's a backspace access door in the 'Steampunk' path."

Marie interjected, her voice a bit muffled. "There's actually a path that...?!"

"Yup! They plot out a whole bunch of timelines. Including that one. Actually, considering the kind of work your mom does, I'm surprised you haven't been there before."

Helen called the group. "Uh, okay... where is this door exactly?"

"Okay. Go... middle path, then left..."

Helen and Erica followed the directions. Only Erica stopped to take note of the legends on the doorways. Preferred Industrial Path: Mechanism-Electricity-//Antique\Driven flashed past on one.

"...then left, then right, then center."

Then, they were out, emerging into a scene of a cobblestone square, with the individual stones crushed flat as if by some gigantic press. The street was lit by gaslamps. Off to the side, an elegantly dressed man and woman rode by, in the seat of a carriage mounted on eight spiderlike legs. Automatons in the shape of police patrolled the streets, carrying elaborately worked black rods that buzzed with electricity.

"Whoa," the two girls commented to no one in particular. After a few seconds, Vanessa ruined the mood, clearing her throat over her borrowed headset.

"All right... now there should be a door knob on the backside of the nearest lamp post. Do you see it?"

Helen looked around for a moment, then waved Erica over. "Uh oh," the latter said to herself.
"It's not there!" Helen reported. "There's just a sticker that says, 'Discontinued - Please use Access Passage 2B'..."

"Uh-oh. I think you better backtrack. We'll try to see if we can come up with any further ideas."

Helen and Erica turned around... only to find that the doorway was nowhere to be seen.

Then, one of the clockwork policemen moved towards them.

~~~

Amber and Nicole were lost. There really wasn't any point in denying it. What was weirder was the way they were lost. No matter what paths they took, which ways they tried, they always seemed to wind back up in...

"I'd swear these &$%* pathways are alive," commented Amber, drily. She and Nicole had re-emerged— for the seventh time— in the room with the beginning of the Scandinavian History path. The two of them knew it well by now. One room ahead was Roman times. Two rooms, the Vikings. Three...

"You know, we could just choose paths at random," Nicole pointed out. Amber sighed. "If we had anything better to do, I'd say no. As it is..."
Turning round in place, she bounced off a wall, neatly missed the diorama, and skidded into a new tunnel, with Nicole running after her.

A few minutes later, Nicole and Amber re-emerged in the room (of the Scandinavian History set) with the Romans and Germanic tribes. The two grimaced, groaned, and (in Amber's case) growled at the images of trade in front of them.

"UuuuuHHHH! We're never going to get out of this!"

"Calm down," Nicole said. "This is the first time we've appeared in this room, instead of the beginning. Maybe, if we manage it right, we can jump the queue... so to speak. I think I saw a set of paths..."

The two walked into the 'Vikings' room, readying themselves for another trip through their giant history-book-made-maze gone Mad.

~~~

Erica and Helen stifled a gasp. Had something gone wrong with the machines? Were, even now, malevolent automatons tracking down the other girls?

Then the 'policeman' jerkily tipped his hat to the two and continued on his way. Erica finally said the obligatory sentiment: "Oh."
Helen shook her head. "Geez, this museum..." she said to no one in particular. "It gets so darn creepy at night..."

On a close inspection, the doorway they had come in by was still there. It was, however, covered with a display that made it look like just another part of the background. Helen and Erica walked back out of it, retracing their path out of the "Alternate Futures" side-exhibit. Erica looked around at the subhub they had wandered into. One path looked particularly fruitful.

"If these paths are supposed to be walked in chronological order," she said, pointing at the arch she had spotted, "that one— see it? Marked 'Parallels - Madness Schism'? I remember reading about that. For what we've walked through, it's pretty recent history. Perhaps..."
Helen was getting tired. "It's as good as anything else. Let's go."

The scene where they came out depicted many people going Mad, all at once. Many had created random flights of destruction and were in the business of attacking each other. Few paths branched off here, and one could be clearly seen to head forwards in time. The duo walked down it, their feet making no sound on the carpeted floor.

"I remember time-traveling to see this," said Helen, in response to another diorama. "I think we're close. Keep going!"

The two advanced quickly after that, as the history became more recent and the datemarks more familiar. Erica took snapshots the routing information, so they could tell Amber and Nicole how to escape. Otherwise, there was only the sound of running.

Around the 30-years-ago mark, Helen stopped. A dim light was visible from the arch that (hopefully) led forwards. Both girls looked at each other, weary, uncertain, and a little excited. Then, they began to run, the years (and displays) moving faster. The light grew brighter as they moved. 25 years till now. Then 20. 15 years. 10. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1...

The girls flew into a great domed room. In one half of the room, many archways converged on this spot. The room was all about the Present Day. One door, alone on the other side, glowed brilliant white. Helen and Erica looked at the room, captivated, for a few seconds... then ran across the diameter of the spheroid room and hurled themselves into the light.

There was a blink of white light, then Helen and Erica found themselves standing outside the entrance to the History gallery. The figures of the Japanese Imperial court glinted in the display slot, forever locked in their poses.

Helen called the others (the batteries on the transmitters were getting low, but they still had some time left.)
"Everyone! Listen up! I've found the way out!"

Then, over their headsets, they heard the scream.

~~~

Amber and Nicole had tried again and again, but the paths seemed against them. "Maybe the builder of this was Scandinavian," Nicole suggested after a while, as the two returned to the room with the Vikings yet again.

Amber took a few steps back, aiming her light at the legends above the archways. "Let's see... are there any of these we haven't tried?" She scanned the row of doorways (all of which seemed to be compressed into too little space for more than one.)
"Let's see. Cross-reference to Medieval... blah blah blah... South America— I think that one's new... yeah... OK... I see."

Just then, over her headset came, "Everyone! Listen up! I've found the way out!"

Amber lowered her flashlight, then turned, looking for Nicole again... and spun completely around, before screaming and jumping back several feet in surprise and terror. A Viking was standing behind her— within inches— his axe raised for the deathblow. When she was a safe distance away, she froze, gasping with shock.

Nicole looked at Amber. Amber looked at the Viking. The dummy didn't move.

"Could you have shouted any louder?" came Sammy's voice over the intercom. "I think we heard that all the way out here."

"Sorry... just almost ran into a dummy," Amber explained. Looking down, she could see what had happened. While scanning the doorways, she had stepped into the diorama by mistake. Nicole spoke up.
"You know, we are going to have to train you in resistance to surprise when all this is over."

The two stared at the Viking, frozen in time, for a long moment, then Amber shook her head. Nicole was right. First that bat, now this... she had to get out of this museum— it was messing with her head. She could feel the Amulet, gradually becoming warm against her shirt. The thing was exuding its own internal heat, glowing in time to her heartbeat. Strange.

Amber shook her head one final time, then moved with Nicole to turn to one of the doorways the duo hadn't yet entered. Or tried to.



And, with no warning (and to the girls' combined horror), the figures in the diorama began to move, speaking in Norse and wielding their ancient weapons.
The statue of the Viking in front turned to look at them as he lowered his axe, a glow of intelligence in his blank eyes.
Then, he lifted it again, stepped forwards and attacked...


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 Post subject: Re: The Perfects Return!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 2:09 am 
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The Perfects - Story 3: Heist {part 5}

Nicole and Amber's first reaction was not to scream. First, they ran. Then, they screamed. Loud.

"What is it?" came the question over their headsets. Amber answered.

"Everything just went sour, that's what! One of the museum exhibits just attacked us!"

"What? You can't be serious."

"We are serious! A Viking just up and attacked us! If you know that route out, better get ready to say it."
The two looked around. They had run out of the Viking exhibit, into the feudalism exhibit with the suits of armor. Whatever had animated the Viking didn't appear to have struck here. Nicole turned to the suits of armor, prying out a large sword.

"What are you doing?" asked Amber.
"I get the feeling that that whatever-it-was isn't going to be alone the next time we see him... and I'd rather not get killed, thanks," Nicole replied.

Amber looked around and concluded Nicole had a point. There were strange sounds coming from the next room... maybe it was just a good idea to be armed right now.

Choosing a suit of armor holding a heavy-looking spiked mace, Amber grabbed it, trying to pry it free. As she did, though, the armor began to move, lifting its mace and throwing it around with Amber still hanging on to it. It had come alive, too.

"Whatever it is, it's spreading!" yelled Nicole over the link as she came to Amber's aid, battering the suit of armor with her borrowed sword. "We're going to need some help, or a quick way out— and fast!!"

The armor's swing radius was obstructed by the teenager hanging onto the mace head. As it flailed around, trying to dislodge her, Amber was able to use the head as a lever, pulling the mace out of the armor's hand. It was heavy. The weight nearly knocked her over. She dropped the great club, ready to pick it up by the handle— but the knight lunged at it, ignoring a kick from Nicole.

Just before the knight reached the mace, Amber grabbed the handle and swung the weapon around, smacking into the armor with a CLANG! The force of the swing sent her whirling around, smashing into another suit of armor that had been creeping up behind the two. It went flying.

After a second, both armors got back up, shook themselves, and started to come after the two again.
Weapons in tow, the two ran once more.

"OK," said Helen over the intercom, "here's the route out. You have to go—-"

There was the sound of a scuffle in the background.

"—uh, hold on a minute."


Out where Helen was standing, she and Erica had very nearly found themselves taken by surprise. One moment, everything was quiet, and the next... a soft sound behind them. Erica had turned, to see the figures of two of the guards from the Imperial Japanese Court display. Right behind them. With swords.
Big swords.

"Man, w/ sword... OK," Helen muttered to herself, as the combat training she'd had finally became useful. Moving forwards extra-quickly, Helen Gamma swept her arm up in a predetermined movement as she passed the first guard, knocking the sword out of his hand. Next came a leg sweep, knocking the guard to the ground.

That was the idea, anyway. The sword did fly out of the guard's hand, but the leg sweep merely bounced off. The museum's dummies were made of resilient stuff.
Helen didn't pause. She was pretty sure what was going on. The main control circuitry for these things was most likely in the body, and if something had taken them over, there'd be one simple way of disabling it...

Running over to and hefting the sword (perfectly balanced— the real thing. The museum had spared no expense) Helen slashed at the body of the first guard. The movement took her towards the back of the second guard, who was moving towards Erica, an electronic glow in its eyes.
Helen accelerated, lifting the sword—-

—and the guard turned around and blocked it with his. But Helen had more experience, feinting in one direction, then driving the sharp metal blade into the second guard's chest. Sparks fell from both guards. One froze, and the other toppled over.

Then, the impossible happened.

With little prewarning, a red glow appeared around the guards. Both got up, the skewered one pulling the sword out of his body and tossing it back to his partner. Helen stared, mouthing "uh-oh," as Erica yelled, "Oh, come on!"

After a fractional second, Helen had analyzed the situation.

Not good. We need to find Amber+Nicole and get out of here. For that, we'll need somewhere safe to direct them from... or just meet them....
D*mn. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.


Calling "Time to go," to Erica, Helen sprinted down one of the doors at random... heading back into the History maze.


As the two ran, Helen called the watchers outside.

"This is Gamma. Big trouble. Museum exhibits are coming alive. Sammy, V, get in here, up to the second floor— and be ready for anything!"


Samantha and V replied that they understood.

~~~~

Nicole and Amber were having a bad time. Every set of displays they met had risen, and were now chasing after them. And now they had taken a wrong turn into—-

The signs on the walls were hidden in this display. Instead, the area looked like the world before man, with lightly wooded hills on two sides. A massive dragonfly buzzed past.

"Funny..." Nicole said to herself, in between heavy breaths, "But I think I recognize this from somewhere."

"Hey," said Amber, "At least there's nothing bad here. I mean... Nicole?"

Nicole was staring behind Amber, eyes wide, face draining rapidly. A slight hint of a growl was all Amber needed. She spun, bringing the mace around, which bounced off the jaw of the velociraptor behind her.

....velociraptor?

"Oh. Holy...." Nicole breathed.
There was a pause.

Then, both girls took off, the predator dinosaurs only the first in a long line of things trying to kill them.



Erica was only a few rooms away when she heard Amber yelling something about the raptors. She had acquired a large e-crossbow from the Madness Schism exhibit. Helen had opted to stick with her combat skills.

The yelling, though, had been enough to let Erica figure out where the other two were. Speaking over her headset, she said, "Amber! Once you get to the bit with the asteroid, take the Parallels path into Recent! After that, take the Alternate Worlds pathgame. We'll try to catch you up."

Signaling to Helen, Erica spun and hit two 19th-century British Prime Ministers with bolts from her crossbow. She and Helen Gamma hadn't been mobbed half as heavily as the other two. "Come on! I know how to stop all this!"


All four girls ran into the pathgame lobby at almost the same moment. Recognizing each other, they moved to form a group.
"Okay!" Erica said. "I know just how to get rid of—— come on!" she said, running to a specific pathdoor as the mob of dinosaurs, presidents, soldiers, and dummies chasing them surged though a nearby archway.

"Left... right... Oh. OK. Now, hard turn... got it!"

Passing through the same tunnel as before, all four girls emerged to stare at the bombed-out cityscape.
"This is.... a dead end?" asked Nicole.

"Wait for it. If I'm right—" Erica said.

"—and what if you're wrong?" Nicole retorted, as the crowd of figures burst through the door.
Then, a siren sounded in the distance, and a whine appeared once more among the background noise.

"Wait."

"What are you—-"

Everything went white once more.

When the four came to (outside the archway), Nicole and Amber's first question was "What WAS that?"

"Thermonuclear war," Erica explained. "It was just a sim, but I figured since it was part of the same 'historical space' as the rest of the museum (sort of), it could affect the others."

Amber looked around. No one was chasing them.

"Now, come on. I think I can get us out of here before anything much else comes to life."

Under Erica's direction, the four moved through the passages to the exit. There was little resistance, and what there was quickly met with a mace, a sword, and the glowing bolts of an e-crossbow. The years flashed by once more. Soon, the four were outside the gallery.

"Is everyone OK?" Helen asked.
Three nods.

"Good. Now let's get out of here."

As the girls headed down the great staircase, they were met by Samantha and V, climbing up.
"Are you OK?" V asked.
"We got here as fast as we could," explained Samantha. "This place is HUGE!"

"Good news," said Helen. "We've got it. We're done. Now, let's bail before something else decides to chase us."

With all speed, the six headed back down the many steps of the staircase. Samantha grew an eye in her hand so she could examine the Amulet.

"Wow... pretty," she said, after a little while.

The others were too relieved to say anything.

As the group left the stairs and headed into the museum lobby, Amber found herself trying to recall something. There was something left... or something ahead... or... forget it.

All was quiet in the lobby, with the statue of the would-be warlord and his wolf-drawn chariot reflecting off of some residual moonlight.

"...and then the guards got back up, with this creepy red glow—" she heard Helen saying to Nicole. Then it hit her.

Red glow. Red.
Like the color of the Amulet around her neck.

Then, as the girls passed the statue of the warlord, the Amulet gave one bright pulse; and the warlord's statue got up, stepping off his chariot to attack.

~

The girls stared for one whole second. Then they scattered. To make matters worse, the statue was unexpectedly fast (despite being made of stone.)

The 'emperor', risen after its perpetual stillness, seemed confused. It turned around, as if trying to locate something, then headed straight for Samantha. She gasped and dodged out of the way, neatly leaping over the great spear as it swung. It advanced, each single step shaking the museum slightly.

The other girls, seeing Sammy was in trouble, tried to attack. Helen took one look at it, then another, then shrugged. Erica's e-crossbow bolts bounced off. Nicole tried testing the sword on the chariot; no effect.

"Sammy! The wall!" V yelled, realizing the only solution. Samantha took a deep breath, before executing a backflip, and using her momentum to bounce to a side wall. She stuck there, working her way up out of range.
Everyone else wasn't so lucky. When the statue realized it had been cheated of its target, it turned around, as if looking for something again.

This time, it found it.

With accurate gaze, the statue turned to look at the Amulet. Ignoring the other girls, it started to move, slowly but unstoppably, towards Amber. Realizing what was going on, Helen signaled to the others.
"C'mon! You want to lose now? Everyone: stop this thing. Amber: run for it!!"

Nicole turned to Amber. "Give me the mace!" she said, positioning herself between the stone warlord and the girl. Amber gave it her, then began to run.

The Perfects put up a spirited defense, but to the statue, it was nothing more than as if they had been flies. V, muttering something about "brave / foolhardy", tried jumping on the statue from behind. Her hands failed to find a grip on the smooth stone. She fell in a heap.
Meanwhile, Helen was at a loss. She'd thrown four different kinds of acid at the thing. None had taken; the stone (whatever it was) was harder than granite. Erica's continued bolts had done nothing. Samantha was still stuck to the wall. Now, only Nicole stood in the way.

As the statue advanced (taking no notice of the girl), Nicole swung the mace at the statue in one major effort. The heavy club's spikes sheared into the stone, splitting pieces from the warlord's left thigh.

For the first time, the statue looked down. With speed beyond its already fast motion, the statue grabbed Nicole in one hand, then jumped, landing on the other side of the room, directly in front of the exit doors— and Amber. Amber cursed, turning around and running for it, the statue coming closer with every giant step.

Seeing that the mace thing had worked, the rest of the Perfects took action. Helen hefted the great club, tossing it at the emperor, while Samantha reformed her hands to have the same effect. More chips flew, and the statue started to become unstable.
The statue noticed too. With another bound, it leaped, landing in its chariot. Needing both hands to steer, the warlord threw Nicole at the other girls.


The Perfects tried to catch Nicole, but the statue's aim was poor. Falling short of the Perfects, Nicole hit the ground legs first. Then, there was an almighty *CRACK*.

Nicole began to scream.


Ignoring the noise, the statue lashed out with the reins of his chariot, sending the wolves into unliving motion. Moving at a sudden fast clip, the chariot sped through the great museum lobby— straight at Amber! It was all she could do to dodge. The statue was fast enough, but the chariot took the speed up to levels of 'uncanny'. The wheels skidded along the tile floor as the driver strained to turn around.

Nicole wouldn't stop screaming. Helen had given her some sort of sedative, but she was still gasping her head off.
"Broken leg," Helen Gamma explained. "This isn't good. We need to get out of here, and get back to Mom's lair... but..."
Everyone looked over at Amber.

Amber had been dodging for her life, ducking the statue's huge arms as it tried to grab her head. This couldn't last, unless she could get away somehow.
The chariot came at her again. Amber began to jump out of the way, then tripped over something. She got up as quickly as she could. It was the mace. There was just enough time to pick the club up before the chariot came around again. Amber was feeling desperate. If this didn't work...
As the vehicle passed by, Amber swung the mace around while jumping back, hoping it would connect. It did. With a powerful shock, the weapon left her hand, stuck in the vehicle's stone wheel.

Helen and the others scattered as the chariot spun out of control. Running over the mace, it jammed, sending the cart spinning towards the far wall (by a display of children's paintings) and crashed, smashing one of the stone wolves that pulled it.
The warlord's statue wasn't so lucky. Inertia carried it out of its seat, and into a back corridor, where it finally collided with a support pillar. The pillar didn't even suffer a dent.



The girls let out breaths, as they collected themselves. Helen had finally quieted Nicole, and V and Samantha carried her out of the museum, propping the door open as they left.
"OK," Helen said, looking at Erica and Amber. "That is it. It's pretty obvious that Amber (and the Amulet) was what all those figures were after. Whatever you call it, though, we've blown it. Let's get out of here, before..."

Over in the corner, the stone wolves quietly righted themselves, creeping towards the three Perfects with no sound.

"...something else happens," finished Helen. "Amber? Head back to the base. If you can't get in, look behind the rhododendron bush on the back right corner. There's a handle. Pull it open, and put the Amulet in it. We'll figure it out after that.
Erica and I will lock up here, and make sure we didn't leave any clues behind."

Erica pulled out a hoverdisc generator and gave it to Amber. The new Perfect put it in her pocket, trying to remember the way back.
"I lean in the direction away from the way I want to go, right?"
"Good," Erica said, "You've gotten the hang of it. Once you're done, come back to Helen's house. We'll let you in. Now—"

Silently, the three wolves jumped at the Perfects. One each tackled Helen and Erica, and the remaining one charged at Amber (only missing as she dodged.)

Erica, pressed on the floor, yelled to Amber, "Don'tgotobase— losethemfirst— keepitwithyou— RUN!!!"

Amber followed her instruction. The two remaining wolves leaped off the girls and after Amber when they saw that she was heading outside. Off they went, a chase in near-perfect silence.


After a minute, Helen and Erica got up. Erica undid her modifications to the security system, setting it to come on ten minutes after they left.
The two left the 'scene of the crime' as it was. There was no way they'd be able to do anything about most of it. All they had energy left for was to make sure they had covered their traces. Erica remotely re-locked the door once the two were outside, then both headed for Jane's lab, trying to outrun the severe botch of a heist they had made.


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 2:29 pm 
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Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Today I start giving gifts to all of you! Gifts of Exalted SSXP and gifts of story!

All the haaaaaaaard work you guys have done for SSXP is finally paying off! Each day until I run out, I'll be posting stories up here, a story a day.

The first story is written by Wally! A tale of his character, Wei, who is telling a story about his First Age incarnation, set alongside an actual story about his First Age incarnation.... enjoy!

Wallycaine wrote:
There is a Knight between sun and moon
Not too many know about
Named the silence between whisper and shout
The space between glory and death


“Knight, Knight!” The Eclipse Knight sighed, turning towards the interruption, even as he continued cleaning the blood, or ichor, or whatever it was that came off those hobgoblins from his sword. That title was getting damned annoying, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. And, he supposed, it was slightly better than not being able to speak, or see. But only slightly, especially since he couldn’t even think of his title as a Name, lest it get ripped away again.

A young boy skidded to a stop in front of the tent flap, gingerly raising it enough to be seen by the Knight. The Knight searched his face, but couldn’t pick him out… probably one of the many pages and runners they’d recruited from the local towns. “Well? You must have news of some sort, if you’re going to all this trouble.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I was just out of breath, and needed a moment, and I’m so very sorry Mister Exalted sir, I was just-” Cutting him off with a hand gesture, the Knight tried to give a sympathetic look. “Just… continue.”

Drawing himself up, the boy related his message. By the time he was done, the Knight had a frown, and had already risen, and started donning his armor. “And they were certain of this?” He sighed again, and shook his head. “Of course they were… they wouldn’t have sent a runner otherwise. I just wish I’d left them with one of those devices Kabuto was working on… then we could have reacted faster.” Grabbing some papers off his portable desk, he handed them to the boy. “Give these to one of the three men in that tent over there. They’ll know who to get them too, and you can get a good meal there.” Stepping outside, he finished strapping on his armor, and stretched a few times.

“Thank you so much sir, but… what are you going to do?”

He turned back, and smiled. “I’m going to go help.” Pushing off the ground with his essence, he leapt into the air, soaring off in the direction of the coming battle.

He was a fine sight
Shining face to face
A bonfire that lights up the sun and moon
The space between glory and change


The Knight landed, and took in the battlefield in a glance. The forces of the Raksha had surrounded them here, and were practically playing with his forces. The army of hobgoblins was twenty times the size of anything they’d fielded before this, and the men at the watchtower were severally outnumbered. Even as he started to formulate a plan, there was an explosion. An icy chill came over him. They were breaking into the tower, to slaughter his troops. And he could not let that happen.

With a wordless howl, the Eclipse Knight charged into the side of the army, the golden hawk he was projecting mantling and wordlessly screaming its own outrage.

Some need to pray to the sun at high noon
Need to howl at the midwinter moon
Reborn and baptized in a moment of grace
We just need a break
From the headlong race


Spinning around, the Knight threw another arc of golden fire from his sword, burning through the Fae poised to stab one of his men. Even as he turned back to clash swords with a group of three Cataphracts, his mind wandered back to the choice of words there. He called them his men… despite the fact that he probably couldn’t name the Commanders of this place, much less the soldier he’d just saved. What a strange thing this duty was.

Hours later, he sat down into the mud that had formed, watching as the remnants of the army he’d just fought flee back into the forest. Corpses littered the field, and unfortunately, not all of them were of hobgoblins and Fae. Sighing, the Knight rubbed his eyes, hoping against hope that the numbers lost would somehow go down. Unfortunately, the number of bodies remained the same. Raising his eyes, however, he also caught sight of the survivors. Some were hurling insults at the forest, while others had simply collapsed where they were, happy to have lived through yet another fight. Shaking his head, he stood up. There was work to be done, to make sure something like this couldn’t happen again… or at least wouldn’t catch him off guard. They had to make sure that the Raksha learned their lesson from this, or they’d be emboldened to attack again. But before all that happened, he did allow himself a slight smile as he watched the survivors celebrating. He’d gotten them through another day. That would have to be enough.

He was a fine sight
Shining face to face
A bonfire that lights up the sun and moon
The space between glory and change

_________________
We've learned a lot, but this still isn't going to be easy. But I don't think the elder star's confidence in us was misplaced. I know we can do this! We'll set things right! ...somehow.

"There is a fine line between a good King and a Despot. A King is best when His subjects barely realize that He exists. When His work is done and His will is fulfilled, they will say, 'We did it ourselves.'"
-Xin Yun


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 12:48 pm 
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Oh, I like. Very much.

_________________
.. not how Science works, love. 1st, you build the machine, then it tells you what it's for.
Do you think I had the 1st idea what a squidhole was when I invented it? Certainly not! I was just messing about! That's when the very best & very Maddest Science gets done. I thought,Why, this alabaster octopus looks like it wants a nice transmission inside it,& fairly soon I had a thing that obviously had a Use, though what that Use could be was a total mystery.
(Sameness Engine) I haven't the 1st notion of what it's for! That's not why I made it-I made it for the sheer joy of making something new! It's getting up to tell me what it wants me to do, though, I can just feel it. It's been giggling a lot at night.
The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland
C Valente


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:39 pm 
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Story #2!

This is a tale written by Chic, who commented...
chicgeek wrote:
I like this idea. Funny, I've always drawn a blank on what character I'd create if Dusk bites it. But now I've come up with Rivka the horse girl...
Anyway, I'll try to do one.
Anyway, we'll see if the muse sticks around long enough for me to get something done. I have one request-if no one else does the Sarcastic story, I'd like to see you write that. It's too funny a concept not to use, and it's not one I can write.
Looking forward to the eventual posting of everyone's stuff!


In case that didn't make it evident, she's written a story about another character she might play. I've taken the liberty of adding a title, just to add flair.

Everyone, meet...

Rivka

chicgeek wrote:
I just changed a few lines. Still not quite right, but go ahead with it.

Stories-specifically the more romantic type of fairy tales-eventually have the brave princess, or the beautiful child, fast asleep on a warm, soft pile of hay sometime during their plucky adventures. Safe in the barn, surrounded by friendly animals, as they hide from the heartless huntsmen of the evil vizier.
Hay isn't soft. It prickles. It rustles. It's musty, and mice scurry through it. Bits and pieces will cling to your clothes. But it's a darn sight softer than the hard ground. Drier, too. And burrow down into a big pile of the stuff, it will do a decent job of keeping out the chill.
Barns stink. Big hairy mammals that pee and poop wherever they feel like it-and no, I'm not talking about the farmhands. The aforementioned musty hay, dust and dirt-what? You don't think the maids come by to sweep and dust, do you? Barns are usually dark. You don't want nice big windows to let in the cold in the unheated building. Enough to see by to do the chores, nails hammered into beams to hang the occasional lantern on.
Pigs aren't cute. Dirty, smelly-oh, smart enough. Raised as a pet, they'll be friendly. Usually they're mean. Every farm child has heard the horror stories of a reckless showoff balancing on the rail of the pen where the sow and piglets are, falling in, and said unfortunate being recovered in pieces.
Cows? Big, lumbering, usually placid. Flies buzz around them. And the hungry traveler who has the bright idea of beating the farmer to the morning milking will find it not as easy as it is in the story. Even if you've lucked into the good tempered cow that won't kick.
Oh, and you'll just leap upon the horse and gallop off if the vizier's men discover your pastoral hiding place? Good luck with that. Try-just try-leaping upon an unsaddled horse. It's higher off the ground than you expected, isn't it?
The cats are mostly feral. The wise farmer spares just enough from the milking to encourage them to stay, but leaving them hungry enough to hunt the rats and mice.
And the most democratic of all barn inhabitants. The fleas. They don't care if their host is cow or cowhand-they'll magnanimously deign to dine upon either.
But that's neither here nor there. Look. No, over there, curled up in the hay. Definitely not a brave princess. Not a storybook beautiful child, either. The curly brown hair is matted. The face is thin and sharp, the limbs spindly, scabs and scrapes and dirt. And...not as odoriferous as the livestock, but not the sweet smell of new mown hay, either.
And in no danger from the vizier, or the wicked witch, or even the more prosaic evil stepmother.
Just life itself.

Rivka shovels out the stall with the ease of long practice. Still thin, but the formerly spindly arms have wiry muscles. Curly brown hair is kept too short to become matted. Hardly sweet smelling, but it's the honest stink of hard work, not the reek of neglect.
The cows never kick, the cats are tolerant, and the rest of the livestock is handled with a careless finesse. But the horses....
Ah, the horses. They run harder, work more willingly, nuzzle affectionately whether treats are forthcoming or not. Even the ill tempered bay is careful to just barely miss when he kicks and snaps.
"It's a gift," the overseer shrugs. "Every once in a while you see it. The horse god leaves his mark. Random, capriciously-I've know wise men and idiots both to have it."
"And which is he, Mizu?" His master asks, dryly. "The boy seems ordinary as dirt."
"Lord Ryoma, it is as you've said. But he has the way of horses. If he were apprenticed to a horse doctor, or I know the cousin to the trainer at the Royal stables-"
He's cut off impatiently.
"Then we'd never get him back. What he learns here will be good enough. Now that we've settled the important matter of the stable boy, perhaps we can move on to more inconsequential subjects-like the monthly accounting?" An eyebrow is ever so slightly raised.
"My Lord." The overseer bows respectfully, careful not to sigh. A pity.

Said stable lad is interrupted in forking clean straw into the stall, by a beautiful, sloe eyed female intent of ear nibbling. Grinning, Rivka ducks, and fondles her ears. "Stop that, Mist of Dawn. You aren't the only one who needs fresh straw, you know."
The gray filly snorts, and tosses her head as if to say, 'and why does that concern me?'
A slight movement on her part gives warning, and the thrown bridle is caught easily instead of hitting them.
"Stable Boy! I'm going riding. Saddle her up, and be quick about it!"
A lovely girl with a petulant voice.
"Precious Peony-"
"How dare you address me so familiarly!" Lord Ryoma's daughter. Spoiled, arrogant, and the apple of her father's eye.
Teeth are gritted. "My Lady, it is near the hour of sunset. It will be dark soon, and Mist of Dawn is newly trained to the saddle-allow me to prepare a safer horse for you. Now, Star of the Evening-"
"Mist of Dawn is my horse, given to me by my father! And if you quit dawdling, I'll be at the landing well before dark."
So that's it. Rivka's heard the gossip. A dragon blooded noble is arriving tonight. He'll be staying with Lord Tezuka, not them-but Precious Peony obviously wants to catch his eye before any other maiden has a chance to.
Her horse. Bah! Who was there when she was foaled? Who's bonded with her, sees her as more than a pretty plaything?
Precious Peony isn't finished. "Do you want me to tell Father to have you whipped? He will, if I say so. I'll say you threatened me. First, they tie you to the post. Then, they strip off your shirt, so everyone can see the blood. You hear the lash cracking, behind you and-"
Peony smirks triumphantly as Mist of Dawn is saddled by a tight lipped Rivka. It's delightful what fear of the lash can do.
The horse is skittish, but when Precious Peony jerks on the reins she obeys.
Rivka paces until they are long out of sight.

"-and he's so handsome! And charming. He said, when he saw me sillouetted against the sunset, I was like a beautiful milkweed fairy come to enchant him, and we're going riding later and-"
Rivka seethes. The stupid girl's passed herself off as a better horsewoman than she is, to please some stuffy noble. Mist of Dawn came back with her mouth bruised from the bit, lathered and trembling. She'll end up injured...or Peony will. And if that happens-
Rivka searches for the overseer.
This time of day, he's pausing for a cup of strong tea. He grumbles at being interrupted by Rivka, but hears him out. He's shaking his head before the stable boy is finished.
"But, Mizu-" Rivka pleads.
"Nine Hells, boy, what do you think I can do? Keep our lord's daughter from riding her own horse?" The overseer sighs, exasperated.
"But if you told Lord Ryoma that she needed more training, he'd listen to you!" Rivka is desperate.
"And make his daughter appear a fool? After she's caught the eye of such a man? That girl's his only child, and if I wrecked his chance for a powerful alliance I'd be lucky not to be horsewhipped myself!"
Mizu scowls, and allows Rivka to dash off. Maybe he should try again to get approval for apprenticing the lad out. A few years away, he'd come back steadier. Let someone else sort out a rebellious teenager. Sighing, he dumps out the cold dregs of his tea, and firmly tamps down a twinge of unease.

Rivka's mind is made up. Stay, and be at the whim of Precious Peony. She was always a brat, but she's not a child anymore. She has the authority to indulge her spite, or soon will.
Or leave. The decision's simple.
Grab a burlap sack, stuff in a little food, a knife-there's no shortage of sharp tools around a barn-and a dress stolen from the servant's quarters, in case a disguise is needed.
More care is taken with the saddlebags. Anything needful for Mist of Dawn that can be crammed in, is.
Rivka waits patiently that night, until all should be abed. With a soft pat, begins to lead Mist of Dawn away from the stables
Quietly.....the horse moves daintily as a cat.....quietly...almost...
It doesn't stay quiet for long. Rivka didn't allow for someone suggesting a romantic moonlit ride.
Precious Peony is screaming at him, and the noble has knocked him sprawling. Lights are being kindled as the alarm spreads. Mist of Dawn rears, and Peony lunges for her bridle.
"STEALING MY HORSE! I'LL HAVE YOU WHIPPED UNTIL THE BONE SHOWS! I'LL-"
She doesn't have the strength, or the touch, and her shrill screaming only makes it worse. The horse bucks widely, and Precious Peony is knocked on her aristocratic fanny, in the dirt. A hoof barely misses her, and she yelps in terror.
"He's turned her against me! She attacked me! I want it DEAD!"
Rivak screams. "NO! I won't let you!"
Her companion has drawn back for another vicious kick at the prone stable boy, but pauses at that.
"Darling, that horse is too high strung for a lady." He's practically purring. "Perhaps it should be put down."
Peony is managing to sob and glare triumphantly at the same time. "Yes, and whip him, too!"
The dragon blooded easily seizes the reins, pulling the horse to a halt. Various charms are considered-well, one doesn't go heavily armed to an assignation, after all.
The daughter is breathing heavily, admiring, taking the cruelty in his eyes for strength.
The overseer, arriving belatedly, is frozen into immobility. Various inventive curses are going through Mizu's head. But they don't drown out the sorrow.
And the stable boy-The beggar's child, who mother left her a name and a warning to hide her sex, and nothing else. Who can calm any animal, but bonds with horses.
Rivka feels the world spinning under her. The fragments of night and the faces, horse and wall and clouds are distorted into a dark kaleidoscope. Suddenly the night is lit by more than a few feeble lanterns and the moon. She glows with coruscating fire, and through it all a strange symbol shines brightly on her forehead.
"Anathema..." The word repeats, a sussurrus, shouted in rage, hissed in fear, whispered in shock, and muttered in something like prayer.
The echos spin away, return.
The dragon blood is unprepared. A young man. He's never faced a Solar before.
He's never ended up face down in a dung pile before, either, but there's a first time for everything.
Mist of Dawn rushes into the night, Rivka laughing as she rides. Tonight, she feels she could handle anything. Bring on the evil vizier!


EDIT: Just a running tally of SSXP bonuses accrued:

Dusk: 4 SSXP
Wei: 4 SSXP

_________________
We've learned a lot, but this still isn't going to be easy. But I don't think the elder star's confidence in us was misplaced. I know we can do this! We'll set things right! ...somehow.

"There is a fine line between a good King and a Despot. A King is best when His subjects barely realize that He exists. When His work is done and His will is fulfilled, they will say, 'We did it ourselves.'"
-Xin Yun


Last edited by Zobot257 on Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 9:58 pm 
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Ok, another day, another story!

Today's submission, which I'm putting up in the last 3 minutes of the "day", is from Demothesis. As he said:
Demothesis wrote:
Here's my story about a possible new character if shun bites the dust. Not too detailed, but I was going more for a specific tone than anything else.
And it's pretty cool! A fun read, if a bit short. 4 SSXP for Shun!

Anyways, enjoy!
Demothesis wrote:
Izanagi awoke.

He sat with a catlike fluid grace before practically bounding from his small bed to the workbench set up nearby. With a grin he looked over his equipment. “Success!” He gloated happily and set to work. There was so much to do! The tall lanky man, set to work with vigor, soon a strange aura of golden light building up around him. On his brow, below his naturally golden blond hair a symbol appeared, looking like a circle with a half moon at the top. He worked for days, never resting, never seeming to need rest. Until at last he had a device something like a coffin set on the table in front of himself.

When the army of dragon blooded arrived and stormed his laboratory they found their passage unblocked and Izangi standing at the center of the vast complex. He stared the general of the hundreds of soldiers in the eye, a calm, arrogant, knowing smile on his face.

“General Baktosh. It took you long enough to track me down.” He stated chidingly. “I heard what happened at the feast. Lucky I was here working on my latest masterpiece.”

The dragon blooded general glared back, his fiery hair, almost literally, and rosy complexion giving note to his purity of blood. He was dressed in armor brightly aflame, a sword almost as large as himself, wreathed in flame, gripped tightly in hand.

“Not lucky enough to escape judgment though.” The General retorted as his troops surrounded the Twilight exalt. They moved cautiously as they surrounded him, weapons trained firmly on him.

“Judgment?” Izanagi started quietly, deadly quiet. “I, am not the one in need of judgment. But worry not, I have judged each of you already, and your sentence has been decided. You shall all die. It is a rather lenient sentence I must say, compared to what I may have passed on you.”

The general opened his mouth to retort and the entire complex exploded.



Izanagi Aratha awoke.

She stood in the middle of a field, a scythe in hand, standing in front of the dissipating form of a minor god. She had exalted trying to protect her crop from the famine god that had struck year after year. She had succeeded in her plan! She hadn’t died with her body! Izanagi laughed triumphantly to herself. And not a single hitch in the effects! Her soul had gone with the exaltation, now forever bound together and when the next person to receive it had exalted, their soul had been pushed out in favor of the new host.

Her celebration was cut short by a scything sound rushing through the air and everything went dark.

Izanagi Aratha Masato awoke.

He stood in a library, the awed librarian standing stock still across from him. He had exalted defending a point that should have been beyond his comprehension. Izanagi considered for a moment a flaw. He would likely be hopping about for some time before he was finally safe from the dragon blooded now hunting the Solars.

A crash and the wall of the library was ripped asunder. A large dragon blooded charged at the thin man, crashing into him with a thunderous crash.

Izanagi Aratha Masato Daragon awoke.

He lay weakly on a pallet of straw, looking to his side and seeing dead bodies littering the small cottage. Something was wrong, he should be purified by his exaltation, this sickness… it couldn’t be natural. He spent days trying to cure it to growing frustration. The dragon blooded never came to try and kill him, so they must be affected by this disease too. After a week of attempts with limited supplies he succumbs to the disease and…

Izanagi Aratha Masato Daragon Dawn of the long day awoke.

He stood in a tent in front of a table. A map lay across the table, outlining troop locations and the enemy, the sound of sword clashing and strange inhuman screeches coming from nearby. Several military aids are running from the room yelling orders. Soon the attacking raksha find themselves routed by the brilliant mind of the lowly page that had devised the brilliant strategy. But a few days later the dragon blooded arrive and put the Anathema down.

Izanagi Aratha Masato Daragon Dawn of the long day Fercalia Snow flake in the storm Velacia Cathak Delus awoke.

Something was wrong. He wasn’t supposed to remember all these other people so long after their death, he shouldn’t feel all these conflicting emotions. He made… a mistake…

Lost in the crush of conflicting souls, Izanagi finally looses the tentative control he held over the amalgamation of souls.

Nameless awakes.

_________________
We've learned a lot, but this still isn't going to be easy. But I don't think the elder star's confidence in us was misplaced. I know we can do this! We'll set things right! ...somehow.

"There is a fine line between a good King and a Despot. A King is best when His subjects barely realize that He exists. When His work is done and His will is fulfilled, they will say, 'We did it ourselves.'"
-Xin Yun


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 Post subject: Re: The Perfects Return!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 4:04 am 
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Location: Xyon City
The Perfects - Story 3: Heist {part 6}

Amber ran as fast as she could, the Amulet bouncing heavily around her neck. Had she lost them?
She looked around the corner of the alley she had just run through. No one was there, but that didn't mean much.
Pulling the hoverdisc generator out of her pocket, Amber held it in her hand. She actuated the generator and tossed it, forming a disc of blue light that hovered off the ground.

A growl came from behind her, and the sound of running feet. They hadn't lost her, after all. Jumping on the disc, Amber leaned backwards, just like Erica and Marie had shown her, just as the three stone wolves skidded round the corner, growled, and sprang.

The disc came to life just as the creatures touched down, carrying Amber away from what would have been her end. Concentrating, Amber leaned back as far as she could, cranking up the speed as the disc's inertial recovery systems kept her from falling off. She focused on steering through the alleyways and side streets: left, right, left....

...and hit a dead end about 30 seconds later. Amber cursed. The things skidded around the corner and leaped towards her. Oh well, no time to think about this now...

Closing her eyes, Amber leaned even farther back, aiming for the wall, hoping the disc's AI would understand. It did. With a jerk, the disc slid up the wall, rocketing up towards the top of the building she had hit.

When she reached the top, Amber stopped the disc and breathed again. She wasn't aware she'd been holding her breath. Now she was safe. She just had to get back to the Perfects' lair...

Down in the alley, the wolves looked at each other. A drop of stone drool fell from the mouth of one. After a second, another of the wolves gave a doglike shrug. Then, as one, all three bent their knees, tensed, and jumped.
Amber was still on top of the building when the three wolves flew up the stories, their jump carrying them high in the air to land on the building's roof.

Uh-oh.


Both chasers and chased moved at the same time. Amber kicked the hoverdisc into high gear, jumping over gaps between roofs as she came to them. The wolves moved into their fastest run, their stone legs carrying them over streets and alleys. Worse, they were gaining on her. It looked like this was not going to end well.

Then, a crazy idea entered Amber's head. It would be risky, but right now she really didn't have much to lose. Just my life, the more sarcastic part of her brain commented.

Leaning, sending the disc in an arc, Amber headed for the tallest skyscraper of them all: the Xyon City Building. The thing was almost one and a half times as tall as the Petronas Towers, despite multiple architect's assurances that it couldn't be done. The city had finally hired a Mad architect that told them it could. As a result, the building stayed up by a few unusual methods in addition to steel and cement. Gravity manipulation, for instance.

Responding to Amber's intentions, the disc turned, flipped, and started flying up the wall of the skyscraper, just as it had done with the other building before. If I get out of this, I am going to learn to skateboard, thought Amber. There's not always going to be an AI ready to save me.

The wolves, just as she had expected, followed, jumping after her. When they got close, the building's gravity field caught them, and they began to run up the colossus, following after Amber.
Perfect.

Amber leaned as far as she could. She'd need speed for this bit. The top was approaching.
The roof of the Xyon City Building was a maze of crenelated spires. Amber selected the nearest, driving the board up it in a suicidal-looking escape attempt. The wolves followed. They were getting closer. They were right behind her...

Then, when she reached the very top of the pinnacle, Amber pushed away, sending her flying off into thin air. The board righted itself, trying to find some solid ground to hover off of. It found none. Lightning flickered around the disc's edges as the disc's antigravity generator reacted to the strain. Now, everything was dependent on if it would pull this off.



It was almost relaxing, Amber had to admit. The wind through your face as your momentum propelled you through the air... it was nice to wonder if this was what true flight was like.
The disc flickered for a second, and lurched as it dropped a few feet.
Then again, maybe it was best not to wonder.
It looked as if she would pull it off— the roofs of the industrial district were getting closer, and closer...

A fraction of a second before she was about to touch down, the disc died, vanishing from under Amber's feet. She fell towards the roof (it was flat, fortunately) in a clumsy roll, twisting her body around into a ball to try and survive. Her movement finally came to an end as she collided with a pile of rubble.

Slowly, Amber got up, wincing. Nothing seemed to be broken, but her entire body was a ball of fire. She would have a hard time explaining the bruises and scrapes to her mother. Her first concern, though, was the wolves.

Looking up, Amber jumped to one side, or tried to. It became a fall as her body pointed out the beating it had already taken. Still, she was pleased to see her plan had worked.
The wolves had followed her, jumping off the spire the same way Amber had. However, they had no way of slowing themselves down, nor any way of hovering. Now, the three statues flew through the air, shooting towards the roof of the warehouse Amber was standing on— and falling through.

After a second, a tremendous CRASH came from inside the warehouse, as the leap proved too much for magic and stone to take. The wolves had shattered on the hard concrete floor.

Amber untensed in relief, groaned, and picked up the burnt-out hoverdisc generator, which had landed nearby. She had escaped.
Now, she just needed to find a way off of this roof, and—-


The sky lit up. There was a bright flash, and Amber was surrounded with angry-looking glowing figures on all sides. She turned. There was no escape. Now what? she thought. Out of the frying pan, into the fire...

The person in front of Amber looked at her, then down at the Amulet. Then, he said,

"Gotcha."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The figures looked down at Amber, glowing in silence. Finally, the lead one said, "Do you know who I am?"

"Uh, no... sir?" Was it a good idea to call him 'sir'? Better do so.

The other figures faded out and vanished, leaving only the glowing leader. He stopped hovering, and dimmed to leave only enough light to see by.

"You may call me SoItBegins," SiB said. "And first, before we go through anything else, I just want to say that that was a quite reasonable job of improvisation and adaptation— both your escape, and what... happened before."

He knows, realized Amber. Then SiB dropped the real bombshell.

"Now then: I am the father of Helen Gamma Narbon."

Oh crap oh crap oh crap! What do I do now? thought Amber.

"Don't worry," said SoItBegins, in reply. "I am not here to interfere. Not now, anyway. I merely wish to give you a message."

He paused for a second, nodding.

"Recently, the directors of the Dean Memorial Museum hired me to provide security for the museum. The contract starts approximately 100 hours from now. As it would really be rather embarrassing for the museum to be broken into right before I begin (where I would then have to track down those responsible), I am going to set an assignment for your little group.

Within the next three days, the Perfects must break into the museum once again, and replace the Amulet. I should warn you: the second time is not going to be as easy. Some of the security systems will have no doubt been upgraded. Also, please try not to make so much of a mess this time. Cleanup's going to take ages as it is.

Remember, you have exactly three days. Return the Amulet of Yendor.
Or else."

The shade of SoItBegins smiled, and began to wave cheerily.
"That said, have a nice night! The nine of you really are learning things."

Then, he disappeared.

Once he was gone, Amber slowly climbed off the roof, doing her best to move stealthily back to the Narbon lair (though, with her sore muscles, she was only partially successful.)

Hooooo boy, she thought to herself. It is going to be tough to explain all of this...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, the newspaper said it all.
Helen had handled Nicole's leg quite well, explaining that she had fallen down the stairs from her room. She was now in the hospital (with her parents), but all the other girls were clustered around the dining room table, having breakfast.

"Does anyone want waffles?" Helen asked, but nobody listened. Everyone else was staring at the paper.
THIEF TRASHES DEAN MUSEUM read the headline.

"On the bright side, a good deal of this is inaccurate," said Erica. "And it says that nobody left traces."
"They had better not have," groaned V.
"If you ask me, the real bright side is that the museum messed itself up enough, no one'll be able to find anything that says we were there," said Evelyn.

"Wait until you hear the worst of it," said Amber. She'd been too tired to tell the others about what had happened last night. Maybe that was a good thing.

"I ran into your dad," she said at Helen, waving her arm to ward off the inevitable swarm of "WHAT?!"s. It didn't work.
"Um. He knows, but I get the impression he was going to cover for us. But there's a bit of a condition."
No response. Everyone stayed silent, waiting for the explosion.

"We have to break in and put it back. Through upgraded security," said Amber. She winced at the memory (or the soreness).
"Within three days."

General consternation. Helen waited until the uproar had died down a bit, then grinned.
"Now does anyone want waffles?"


Everyone agreed. The girls moved in a little closer while Helen was making the food.
"OK. So what should we do?" asked Marie, energy levels masking her disappointment.
"It's rather logical. Re-break into the museum. Preferably after hours," said Erica.
"Why after hours? I saw this movie once—" said Samantha.

"What movie?" said V, speaking up for the first time.

"Well, I don't remember the name, but this businessman steals a priceless painting in broad daylight and gets away with it and all..." answered Samantha.

At this point, Helen arrived with the waffles.

"Mmmfmfmfffffmfmmmfmfmfmmfmmfmmffffmf," said Evelyn.

"What?"

"Omfh," Evelyn said, swallowing. "I was saying, wouldn't it be a good idea to chart out the risks, and pick the safer one?"

"Good idea," Amber said. "I don't really fancy the idea of being chased by velociraptors again."

"You know," said Helen, "Mom's got this big canister of velociraptor spray and—"

"That wasn't the point," said Amber, a bit miffed. "What if the museum comes alive again?"

"You have to admit, it's less of a problem than facing real, live security guards!" Marie shot back.

"I believe Marie has a point," said Erica. "What we went through last night wasn't bad, but who's to say it wouldn't stop if the Amulet was replaced? We could walk out."

Samantha said, "What if it doesn't? Or worse happens? We—-"

Vanessa, who had been silent all morning, spoke, grimacing as she waved her hands to silence the argument. "Will you all cool it! Without a good idea of what we're up against, we're going nowhere. We've got to scope out the museum, and then decide what to do."

"And how do you expect us to do that?" Evelyn accused. "I saw that statue. If there's anything worse than one of those wolves..."

Helen stepped in to restore order. "Listen. Evelyn, you're up for base duty when we actually do the thing, so don't complain about what you're not going to encounter. As for scoping out the museum— look."

She pointed at a paragraph of the newspaper. The paragraph read, "The museum is expected to reopen Monday."

"So, it's simple," Helen said. "Today's Sunday. You get back to your parents' houses. Marie and anyone else who wants to show up can come to the park and help fix the Perfects' lair.

Now, Monday. Three people go in as reporters from the school newspaper, asking about the break-in. One of them has to be you, Amber, so you can read the guards and find out what's new. While that's going on, me, Marie, and Erica— you don't need to flinch, I don't think the museum will come alive when everyone's watching— will tour the place and check the security for ourselves.

Then, on Tuesday, we get ready and do it. Exactly what we're doing depends on what we discover. Maybe day's better, maybe not. Still, we get in, replace the Amulet, and get out. And that's it.
Sound OK?"

Everyone nodded.

Later, as the group applied themselves to finishing their waffles, Amber's cell phone rang. Wiping her hands on a napkin, Amber picked it up.

"Hello? Oh, hi Mom!

What?

No, nothing happened... what?

....... You... really... there's a WHAT in my...?!?!?

That can't be right.

No, I wasn't kidnapped...

No!! I had nothing to do with it.

It's probably glitching out. Or maybe one of my friends decided to experiment on it, or something. There's gotta be something.

Uh....huh.

OK. I'll be home soon. Bye."

She closed the phone. Amber's face had become the color of volcanic ash.

"That was my Mom," she said. "I think we have a new problem..."


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 Post subject: Re: Tales of Madness
PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 10:12 pm 
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The latest story submission, written up by Claire! This one is only loosely related to Exalted, but it's fun nonetheless! As Claire says...

Claire wrote:
I have no idea how good this is, or why I stayed up so late, or anything like that that would make sense. Anyway, I'd been thinking of the general idea for a few days, so hopefully it's not completely incoherent.


Well, it made ME smile, anyway...enjoy this story, I've titled Game Night!

Claire wrote:
“Ok, as long as you’re wearing this on your wrist, I guarantee that absolutely NO tigers, lions, pumas, or other large felines will fall on top of you. Now, about my payment…”
David ran his fingers through his hair, looking at the other man. “Are you sure I can’t just give you gold or free ice cream or something? This seems kind of weird… I don’t even understand it.”
“You understand it enough to know that it’s not going to cause anything bad to happen to you or Andrew. And if you don’t do it, you didn’t pay for that, so you stole it. I trust you aren’t the kind of person to steal things.”
“Alright… if you say so…” David walked off, holding the device.
As soon as he was out of sight, Edgar folded his arms, scowling. Hopefully this would work… the whole situation was rather annoying. He was NOT ‘cute’.

“So I just have ONE more thing I need to take care of…” David smiled. Sure, it was hard to have a date with Andrew go well, but this time he felt like he’d thought of everything.
“Sarcastic? Can you do me a BIG favor? Well, it’s kind of sidekick work…”
Sarcastic looked up from her book and notes. “Is it fast? I’m kind of busy, and I still need to find someone to test out this new campaign.”
“Well… sort of… maybe? I need you to make sure Claire and other Claire don’t disturb my date with Andrew… preferably by making sure they don’t blow up the restaurant we’re in or something…”
“Uh-huh… I don’t think this really falls under my sidekick duties.”
“Please, Sarcastic? I really really really want this date with Andrew to go well and I got him his favorite flowers and I even figured out how to have the restaurant people save me a table… Just this once?”
Sarcastic thought for a minute. “…ugh, fine. I think I can keep them distracted for an evening.”

“Claire? Laitu? Can you two help me out with an experiment?”
Claire looked up from the squeaky mouse she’d been poking. “Experiment? I dunno… I should probably ask Master…”
“Errr… I’m not Mad, so it doesn’t matter.”
“Oh. Ok.”
“Can I help, too? I like experiments!” Laitu was sitting at the table, feeding Teal bits of cookie.
“Yeah, I need both of you.”
“Peep!”
“Can Teal help, too?”
“Uhh… sure. Now, I need you both to sit at the table… I guess Teal can stand on it.” Sarcastic opened her bag and took out a bunch of dice, and the Exalted manual. “The experiment is going to take the form of a game, and we’re going to see what happens if certain characters are in a particular situation, ok?”
“I like games!” Claire poked one of the dice, as Teal picked up another one and shook a random number out of it. She offered the number to Sarcastic.
“Errr.. I don’t even know how she did that… anyway, Claire, I think you should play a lunar, and Laitu can play a Solar… Teal can be a Sidreal, I guess.”
“Peep!”

“People there don’t like catgirls?” Claire looked upset.
“Umm… it’s not the catgirls specifically… it’s just that most catgirls there have magic powers, and they don’t like people with that sort of magic power.” Sarcastic looked over Claire’s character sheet. “And I think this is ok, but you can’t have hammerspace unless you have the charm that goes with it.”
“Why? It’s just hammerspace…”
“Uhh… it’s another dimension with different rules.”
“Ooooooh…”
Laitu held up a sheet. “Can you look over Teal’s character sheet?” Teal, holding a crayon, peeped proudly as Sarcastic took the sheet.
“This looks… wait- she- and- …I didn’t even know you could MAKE a Sidereal minmaxed tank. I didn’t even know she could read, actually.”
Teal hopped slightly. “Ah-pow! Peep!” Laitu just looked confused.
“Nevermind. Laitu, did you finish your sheet?”
“I think so…” She showed Sarcastic her character sheet.
“…you’re going to play a noncombat character?”
“Well, Teal said she would do the fighting, but since it was a game it was ok because she wouldn’t get hurt-“
“Alright, alright, let’s just start.”

“Ah-POW!” Teal picked up a die and threw it across the table, then ran over to the next one and repeated the action. Claire chewed on her squeaky mouse, bored.
Sarcastic rested her hand in her face. “Ok, Laitu, from now on you’re rolling for Teal. This time she got- wait… 24 successes?!”
“Peep!” Teal held up a small jar with a four leaf clover drawn on the label. “Yaaay!”
Sarcastic stared at her. “I’ll just take that as an answer, but please don’t mess with the dice anymore, if that’s what you did.”
“Awwww…”
“I will accept this result, though… so you get 24 damage dice… my poor antagonists…”

“Alright, Claire, you’ve got three Dragon-Blooded heading toward you. You’d better act fast-“
Claire pulled out a small nuclear warhead. “Can I use this?”
Sarcastic jumped back. “Gah! NO! Where did you even get that!? Agh- I don’t- put it away. Your character doesn’t have one. And if you set it off… um, you’ll mess up the experiment and I’ll be very cross with you.”
“Eep!” Claire put the warhead back in her coat. “Umm… I guess I’ll try to bap them with my mallet?”

Teal sommersaulted across the table, leapt over Sarcastic’s hand hurled a die she was holding at a nearby glass, and landed gracefully, drawing her spear and pointing it at a doll they had set up. She looked at Sarcastic. “Peep?”
“…you can have two stunt dice for that. But it’s high difficulty. Laitu, can you roll for her?”

“There’s ten of them, and three of us?” Laitu poked a die. “This would be much easier if it were us fighting, instead of these weird things you had us make up…”
“It’s just the rules- er, of the experiment. And I had to do SOMETHING about Teal keeping beating up all my villains.”
“Peep meep!” Teal held her spear over her head triumphantly.
“Wait, I wanna be the villain.” Claire took another cookie from the snack plate, pouting.
“Antagonists, then. As the evil DM, I have to at least TRY to make this difficult for you.”
Laitu was suddenly holding her wiffle bat. “Evil DM?”
“Gah! What is it with you guys and pulling weapons out of nowhere?!” All three catgirls stared at Sarcastic. “…never mind. Just do your join battle rolls.”

“I didn’t MEAN to catch the table on fire…” Claire shuffled her feet, looking guilty.
“Well, you can explain to your dad when he gets home. In the meantime, I think I’ve spent long enough on this. I’m going home.” It was late enough that the date should’ve been over anyway. Although on the plus side, next time she DM’d it would be so much easier…
Teal sat on Laitu’s head and waved goodbye. “Peep peep meep peep meep! Meep peep!”
“…I have no idea what you said. Thanks? I think?”
“Peep!”

~Elsewhere~
“And… I’m supposed to ask you to ask someone called ‘Bossman’ to stop turning Edgar Umbra into a chibi? Except Bossman isn’t Xerox, so I don’t know what he was talking about… you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, though.” Changing the subject, David hugged Andrew. “I’m glad this went pretty well, though. He blushed, and kissed Andrew on the cheek. “Ihadagreattimetonight…”

_________________
We've learned a lot, but this still isn't going to be easy. But I don't think the elder star's confidence in us was misplaced. I know we can do this! We'll set things right! ...somehow.

"There is a fine line between a good King and a Despot. A King is best when His subjects barely realize that He exists. When His work is done and His will is fulfilled, they will say, 'We did it ourselves.'"
-Xin Yun


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