Comics by Shaenon II

Dixie: *with gritted teeth* Hello, Dixie De'Vil here with MS101 "You'll pay!" The mad-sci news network. Today on 'De'Vil's Advocate,' we again have Claire, because apparently the first time doesn’t count, because she wasn’t “officially” part of the show at that point.
Claire: *pretending to be shocked* Why, Dixie, it sounds like you aren’t happy to see me! I didn’t even bring any blackmail this time!
Dixie: No blackmail?
Claire: Nope.
Dixie: No photos, tape recordings, or videos?
Claire: Nope.
Dixie: Well-
Claire: Just a few holo-cubes.
Dixie: WHAT?!
Claire: Aw, Dixie, you’re so cute when you’re flustered. Relax.
Dixie: Well, you- *turning red* wait, WHAT?!
Claire: *grinning* Adorable as you are when your face is all red like that, you really should calm down. I didn’t bring and blackmail material.
Dixie: That’s not- you-
Claire: Something wrong?
Dixie: *forcibly calming down* Are we to understand that you’re gay?
Claire: Hopeful?
Dixie: You- you-
Claire: Or do I just like messing with you? Or am I messing with the shippers? Or could both of those be true, while simultaneously I find you incredibly attractive?
Dixie: *turning red again, putting her hands over her face* First Jane Narbon, now this. J-just play the clip, please.

*The screen changes, showing Claire and Desius with explosions going off in the background. When it changes back Dixie has regained some of her composition.*

Dixie: What about that?
Claire: Well, there are a few things about that. First of all, it’s not canon; it was written by a shipper, and we filmed it just for laughs. Second, well… *wolfish grin* you have a dirty mind, Dixie. You can probably guess.
Dixie: …I hate you so much.
Claire: Jealous, sweetie?
Dixie: M-moving on, what about that strange story that recently appeared in the Tales of Madness, featuring you being attacked by a recently-Mad boy named Anson and his brother?
Claire: What about it? I thought it was pretty self-explanatory.
Dixie: Who’s Anson? Why does he tell you he’s Mad? How does he even know you? What the #@%& happened to you being optimistic and bubbly all the time?
Claire: Bubbly? Aw, you watch me on the show! That’s so sweet!
Dixie: CAN YOU JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION?!
Claire: Of course, I don’t want to upset you. Well, part of the reason I’m so happy now is that everything is better for me now. Don’t worry though- incidents with Anson weren’t frequent.
Dixie: Incidents? More than one?
Claire: Actually, the story in the Tales was initially just a general idea. Once I got in that argument with Fredric, it was decided that a specific incident should be written down- that was one of the worst ones, though. And I get along with Anson much better now.
Dixie: How do you know him, though?
Claire: Worried I might have had a boyfriend? I’ll take pity on you, Dixie (because you’re so adorable)- Anson’s my cousin. And just for reference- he would have been about 15 when that story took place.
Dixie: Will you stop that?! Oh God- the shippings that will come from this…
Claire: Oh, come one. Everyone knows you started that one rumor because you wanted to see Zobot’s Arm in, well…
Dixie: AAAAAHHHH!!! *puts head on knees and sobs*
Claire: I told you you have a dirty mind.
Dixie: …the pictures…
Claire: Here, this should help. *Hands Dixie a piece of paper * I asked Lady Drezebel for some of her artwork… *Dixie shudders away from the paper*
Dixie: …no more… please… what do you want?
Claire: I just want to be your friend, Dixie. Here, have a nice, platonic hug. *hugs Dixie around the shoulders*
Dixie: So- wait- you aren’t-
Claire: Dixie, Dixie, Dixie. I wouldn’t want to limit the poor shippers, would I? What do you think?
Dixie: I- well… Oh, it looks like that’s all the time we have for today, folks. I'm Dixie De'Vil for MS101 "You'll pay!" The mad-sci news network.

????: Do not adjust your television set! I control the horizontal and the vertical, and soon I will control you!





Michael: Just kidding! For now, anyway... Hello, Michael "I'm not really a" Toboz here with MS101 "You'll pay!" I've been asked to host the modesty popular show 'De'Vil's Advocate,' that appears on this timeslot, replacing its former host, Dixie De'Vil, whom I drugged into a coma, although none of you will be able to prove it. Anyway, for today our guest happens to be... Hmm, apparently it's "Michael Toboz!" Huh, I suppose I could deign to interview myself. So, me, tell the viewers at home: How did you get to be so devilishly handsome?
Michael: Well me, I'd like to think that I was just lucky enough to be decanted this way. Of course, not all of us can be born beautiful... I understand that the actor who plays Andrew Tinker, Eddie Valent, actually spends somewhere between 2 to 4 hours in front of a mirror every day before he's allowed to walk on camera. It's a pity that some people actually have to work so hard to look good.
Michael: Heh. So, now that your character on "The Mad Science Wars" has been formally killed off, got any other behind-the-scenes gossip you'd like to share with the viewers?
Michael: I'd love to. Alright... you know the actress that plays Dr. Dana Amino? Well, at the end of the Mad Sci Awards storyarc, there was this accident on a set, right? And she totally lit her hair on fire! She's been wearing a wig for the past few episodes just because her hair won't grow back!
Michael: Fascinating if true. You know, I hear that the Zobot Arm and Calyps-

*From the left Sarcastic Female NPC storms into view.*

Sarcastic: Hey! You can't just rehash old disturbing shippings and interview yourself! This is supposed to be an interesting interview show, not the Michael hour!
Michael: Well well well... if it isn't Miss Samantha Walters, the actress who plays Sarcastic Female NPC on the hit show "Mad Sci Wars." What exactly are you doing here?
Sarcastic: (Actually Samantha) I came here to stop you from turning "De'Vil's Advocate" into your own personal soapbox to badmouth cast members and try to make yourself look good!
Michael: No, I meant: "What exactly are you doing here?" in the sense that I had you dragged off and thrown into the cougar pit when you tried to interfere before.
Samantha: Aww... those little fuzzballs just needed to be loved. They're kittens, really. Plus, the female one loved it when I rubbed her tummy.
Michael: ...serves me right for purchasing from a traveling discount wild beast salesman. Oh sure... it seemed like an excellent price for viscous beasts, but he neglected to tell me that the mountain lions I was buying were still cubs! *He sighs* Well, since you're here and I haven't found a way to get you to go away, tell me... how do you like working with the established cast of Mad Sci Wars?
Samantha: It's a pretty good break for a rookie actress like me, and the people I'm working with are really nice. That cute guy who plays Wallycaine isn't nearly as Hollywood as you might expect, and some of the writers and I have started playing some pretty mean scrabble games after we're done shooting.
Michael: Disgustingly wholesome. So how did you join the cast, anyway?
Samantha: It was really just a matter of being in the wrong place at the right time. The writers had decided David had gotten a little dry without a companion, so they had decided to write a new sidekick for him into the latest storyline. They held a few auditions, but no one was really who they were looking for. Eventually, after a lot of hard work crushing aspiring fans dreams, they finally settled down on someone perfect for the role.
Michael: So they picked you over everyone else that applied?
Samantha: No, the actress they picked had severe emotional problems and was admitted to a mental institution during her first week after kidnapping two male members of the cast and attempting to take pictures of them in disturbing situations. Real "it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" stuff, or so I heard.
Michael: Ah yes... I think I remember Katrina. She was that quiet girl who kept staring at Luc for creepily long amounts of time, wasn't she?
Samantha: I wouldn't know! Anyways, when the director heard they had to re-shoot an entire week of footage, as well as go through yet another long audition process to find a replacement, he sorta snapped. My family and I were taking a tour of the studio, and he just up and grabbed my shoulders and shouted "this one. We'll just pick this girl. There! Problem solved!" while cackling madly.
Michael: So you got the job because a creepy old man decided to use you in lieu of another actress with more experience based completely on how you look?
Samantha: Pretty much, yeah.
Michael: Anyway, moving on: Recent events concerning the Wars have turned a lot of things on their ear. Among the larger revelations that have been revealed, there was a brief one where you mentioned the name "Michael", implying that your character and my, now deceased, extraordinarily attractive alter ego knew each other. Care to comment on that?
Samantha: Really, the answer's not that complicated. I've read some of the fan speculation out there and I can say that most of you are going to be disappointed. Sarcastic isn't a member of some deep dark conspiracy, she is, and always has been, more or less the most normal member of the cast. Competing with Richard Toboz, anyway.
Michael: But you're not giving out any spoilers, are you?
Samantha: Nope!
Michael: Aw, not even a little spoiler?
Samantha: Alright, fine! Future events concerning Sarcastic Female NPC involve a Tiger, a Finch, and a Wardrobe. As well as a survey.
Michael: That's barely anything at all! Come on, tell the audience a little more!
Samantha: Well...

*From behind a woman holding a baseball bat advances towards the two. She's glaring at them with pure malice in her eyes.*

Dixie: Hello children... Mistah Aluminum and I would like to have a few words with you about usurping shows that don't belong to you... *venom drips from her voice*

Samantha: RUN FOR IT!
Michael: I REGRET NOTHING!

*The two of them run off camera. Dixie De'Vil catches a microphone that Michael tossed into the air in his retreat.*

Dixie: Thats all for today folks! I'm Dixie De'Vil for MS101 "You'll pay!" The mad-sci news network. Join us next time for our exclusive guest, JaneTor! And now a word from our sponsors...

De'Vil's Advocate is Sponsored By:

MutaPuffs

The Fun Tasting Cereal That'll Change Your Day.

*Small child eating box labeled "Sereal"*

"Hey There! Why So Glum?" said a man jumping into the camera's view.

"Who are you? How'd you get in here?"

"Wouldn't You Rather Be Eating MutaPuffs?"

*Through camera editing the box of "Sereal" is changed into a box of MutaPuffs*

*Cut to the child with MutaPuffs in his mouth*

"Mmmm," said the Child with a grimace of pure terror on his face.

"And Watch How MutaPuffs Make You Change," said the strange man.

"Wha?!?!" said the child as he suddenly turned into a ferret.

"There You Have It Folks! MutaPuffs-Cereal That Makes Ya Change!"

*The ferret has scratched the word HELP into the table*

Dixie: Hello, Dixie De'Vil here with MS101 "You'll pay!" The mad-sci news network. Today on 'De'Vil's Advocate,' I don't have to interview squat! That's right, I'm going on Sabbatical, you weirdos, and the show title dosn;t work without me... all threats pertaining to clones aside. So for the next few weeks, we'll be trying out something new: A Guest Host. Because let's be honest here- we could just rename this show 'Mad Sci Wars, Behind the Battle' and be done with it.

*A man who looks suspiciously like Seth Green wanders onto the set with a clip board*
Producer: Hey, that's a great Idea!
Dixie: Hey! I was joking, dammit!
Producer: Enjoy your vacation, Dixie. Don;t worry! We'll give you the time slot back when you're done... depending on the ratings.
Dixie: You can't do this to me! You're jumping the shark! I'll sue! You'll never get awa-
*Test Signal shows, before suddenly crackling back into place*
New Interviewer: Good Afternoon, and welcome to MS101 "You'll Pay", the Mad science Network. We are pleased to announce the debut of "Mad Science Wars: Behind The Battlefield". I'm your host, Dr. Mallory (Look, baby clothes don't pay for themselves). Today we have with us one of the Co-founders and head writers of the Show, Luc-
Luc: Look, how many times do I have to tell people! No full names! Do you know h=ow often I've been kidnapped? L, just L.
Dr. Mallory: As you like, then. So, rumor has it you're taking charge of the next 'Chapter', any information about that.
L: Well, It;s called 'Dangerous Minds', and I'm hoping to take the chance to do some character examination... and try and steer the plot a little lighter. I understand that drama is important, but... this started as straight comedy. And I like it having depth, but every time it gets really dark it kinda stops being fun for me. I just want to try and strike a balance.
Dr. Mallory: I see. So this will be a more lighthearted chapter?
L: Well yes... but no. It;s not as simple as dialing things back to where they were- I can't, and I wouldn't want to do that. More humor, a return to slapstick... and for gods sake, can we go *one* chapter where Jane Narbon just gets to have some fun with everyone else? No Murder? Even her *Mom* got to do karaoke and eventiually get laid in the original series.
Dr. Mallory: ... I'm sorry, but did you just say that you're going to get Jane Narbon laid?
L: Har de har har. You know what I'm saying. But it's still going to have some depth. This is a chance for me to let people see whats going on in my characters, and I'm not passing that opportunity by.
Dr. Mallory: Sounds fascinating. What about the current 'Nega Verse' miniline?
L: Heh. I have to admit- I love working with the Negaverse. What started out as a sort of joke at old sci-fi conventions became a full set of fleshed out, interesting characters in heir own right. I love that sort of thing. And we needed something for the characters not involved in the Chic and Jane miniarc to do.
Dr. Mallory: Clever.... and the most recent development?
L: Ah... the marriage proposal. Well, I always wanted to show the Tinker empire slowly growing in the Nega Verse- I love that an evil version of Andrew can really pull off world takeover... and he doesn't even have to rule the lot of it himself.
Dr. Mallory: You're avoiding the topic, mein Fuhrer.
L: Don't call me that off set! And I was getting to that. Look, I love the Pure Evil ship. I mean, they make almost no sense- they should have killed each other by now. Where Andrew and David shyly edge towards a very sweet relationship, N-Tinker and 'Zobot' are in a very scary, but apparently full fledged, relationship. But there's a feeling that there's something there... that behind closed doors, there's some real affection there.
Dr. Mallory: Or something behind closed doors, at any rate.
L: Hush, you. Anyways, the knee jerk assumption is that nZobot is just in it for nTinkers power- a question we may never knw the answer to. and nTinker is almost *sadly* aware of the possibility. For whatever reason, we know he genuinely loves nZobot...
Dr. Mallory: So what better time to propose than after he;'s gained ultimate power.
L: Right. But that's only one facet of it... after all, nZobot does genuinely care for him, too. we just never get to see it becuase he's a massive jerk. Besides, there *has* to be something there, or why would he waste his time... especially considering how much nTinker's arrested him.
Dr. Mallory: What?!
L: Well, sure. he *does* rule a huge United Nations. He can't let some one run around causing havoc unpunished, boyfriend or not.
Dr. Mallory: But... he's *evil*!
L: Lawful Evil. There's a difference. He upholds the laws of his empire very tightly. His evil is retained for side projects and negotiations with other countries.
Dr. Mallory: Wait, so he's basically Baron Wulfenbach?
L: What?! No! he *wants* to rule, and is *evil*. the Baron isn't evil, dammit. Besides, I think Zobot might work for him, so I'd be drawing some very weird pictures about Bangladesh Dupree here.
Dr. Mallory: Oh, I've seen *those* fansites... I really don;t think it's plausible to maintain that level of flexibility at that age...
L: ANYway, I'm very fond of those two as a couple, and the script kind of wrote it's self there. Besides, It's a nice outlet so that the regular Andrew/David (akaHeroship, or the SS Hand in Hand) relationship doesn't get rushed.
Dr. Mallory: Well, that just about wraps it up. Any foreshadowing for Chapter Thirteen: Deadly Minds?
L: Sure! When Older Brother tells you not to open a door, don't open it.
Dr. Mallory: Well, I'm Dr. Mallory and this had been Mad Science Ward: Behind the Battle. Until next time, or until I'm finally given some damn lines, stay Mad.
L: Quiet, you.

The problem is, if she tried practicing her definition of fun on everybody else, Chic would... actually, come to think of it, Chic might join in. Seriously, the stuff about Jane's dark past is over, done with, and doesn't look to be coming back any time soon, so yes, quite possibly.

Now, who should I have Jane 'have fun with' first?

*Wally jumps up and down, waving his hand*

Pick me, pick me! Wait, these aren't things I should volunteer for.

*Chic whispers something in his ear*

Pick me, pick me, for the love of something or other, pick me!

You know what I mean. A chance to go with everyone else, instead of on a weird tangent or being made evil, or suchlike.
...besides, there will be Cake.

THE CAKE IS A LIE

"And for gods sake, can we go *one* chapter where Jane Narbon just gets to have some fun with everyone else? No Murder? Even her *Mom* got to do karaoke and eventiually get laid in the original series.
Dr. Mallory: ... I'm sorry, but did you just say that you're going to get Jane Narbon laid?"

Great-now I have this mental image of Jane and Andrew....wait, my brain just imploded. At least no one's mentioning shipping with Zobot's arm anymore...wait...AAARGH!!!

Hmm, we've already done kareoke...

I'm joking! Just joking! Put down that death ray, guys! Please?

You deserved that. XD
And Andrew..... no. Well, if she was James Narbon instead? ...still no. I hope. gah. The Baron and Dupree is suddenly *less* painful...

Dixie: Hello, Dixie De'Vil here with MS101 "You'll pay!" - the mad-sci news network. That’s right, I’m back! On this episode of 'Mad Scientist Wars: Behind Every Battlefield is a Great De'Vil's Advocate,' we have Chris Dreyes, the actress playing Janet Torvalds, newcomer to the hit TV show ‘Mad Scientist Wars’.
Janitor: Heya! Great to be here.
Dixie: Janet Torvalds is a pretty late addition to the show. Why add a new character to an already successful venture?
Janitor: Well, it all started with the new writer…
Dixie: Ash?
Janitor: Yes. There are rumors that she was brought on pretty quickly. Something about pictures of half-naked SiB. Trouble was, with all that controversy none of the other writers trusted her with their characters.
Dixie: So Janet Torvalds was born.
Janitor: Actually, Janitor was. Torvalds and the homeless identity were added as slap-dash backstory.
Dixie: Why not Janet?
Janitor: Ash had apparently tried ‘National Novel Writing Month’ twice before joining the show. And she just happened to remember someone daring her to include an old man sweeping in every scene – only he’s the villain, and his evil plot has to do with what he swept up.
Dixie: (laughs) I see that idea went through some revision! How were you brought on?
Janitor: I was sweeping in Thad’s dressing room like usual, and this crazy woman jumped out of the walk-in closet and started gushing about how I’d be perfect for this role. Next thing I knew – well, look at me now!
Dixie: So you really were a janitor before you were discovered.
Janitor: Yep. Whoo boy, I could tell you stories about some of the other cast members…!
Dixie: (eagerly) Why don’t you?
Janitor: Well, when I officially met them at my welcoming party -
Dixie: You realized that they were all really nice people you just happened to clean up after?
Janitor: Er, no. They made it very clear what would happen to me if I should ever let anything slip. And they made it clear that they’ve got the firepower to actually follow through.
Dixie: Is there anything you can tell us?
Janitor: They were very persuasive. On an unrelated note, did you know that more than half of all human transformations result in busty young women?
Dixie: (blanches) You’re not saying that you’re actually an old man…
Janitor: (dreamily) I have to commend them on that tasty punch, though. Never really found anything that tastes exactly like it…
Dixie: From what we’ve seen of Janet Torvalds, she’s been startled and has fallen for Mads’ tricks a surprising amount for someone who’s been Janitor-ing for years. Are you blaming your character’s tendency to naivete on senility, then?
Janitor: Of course not! I’m just as mentally spry as I was fifty years ago. Remember the Halloween Party special?
*A clip plays of a scared-looking Janitor with Jane and Maria Narbon on either arm.*
Janitor: A pair of fine ladies to escort me around, and all I had to do was feign fear and wash some glitter out of my hair? I’d say I played that one right. (winks extravagantly)
Dixie: …You’re messing with me.
(Claire emerges from off-stage, massive grin on her face. Janitor sighs and digs a twenty out of her pocket, which Claire happily skips off with.)
Janitor: Motherfudge it. I bet you wouldn’t figure it out until after the show.
Dixie: What?!
Janitor: (quickly) To answer your questions: yes I was a janitor for MSW; no I didn’t drink any punch at the welcoming party; yes I am actually this age and gender. As for being naïve, I think it just shows how much Janet’s retained of her pre-Mad self. She pretends she’s different, stronger, but she really wants to trust people, you know?
Dixie: Hmph. Speaking of Janet’s past, how much will that come into play in what’s to come?
Janitor: Her actions when she first went Mad will come up. She won’t be able to avoid Professor Tinker forever. Derek Gluon and Trebaruna Quark will be back to search for Janitor as well, though it’ll be some time before they actually show up in the Wars proper.
Dixie: Now hold on, something doesn’t mesh here. The ongoing Prix special shows Dr. Gluon’s recovering from the ‘neural chaff’ already. Considering the time placement of the Prix, why doesn’t he go after Janitor right away in the Wars?
Janitor: Derek’s an interesting character, and there is a reason for that, but you’ll just have to wait and see what happens.
Dixie: Okay, but what about his backstory? He seems comparatively harmless in the Prix right now. Will he show his eviler side in the events to come?
Janitor: We’ve been doing our best to stress that Janet does not betray her customers, because it’s bad for business and gives her a bad name with the dust mites. She only does that when it’s unavoidable, or when she feels her actions are justified. So when she stole Dr. Gluon’s work and used the neural chaff on him, it was most definitely for a reason. Like I said, he’s an interesting character.
Dixie: And that reason?
Janitor: Is classified information.
Dixie: I think I liked it better when you were lying to me.
Janitor: (grins) Aw, Claire was right, you do enjoy it when we mess with you!
Dixie: And that’s all for today, folks. I’m Dixie De’Vil, with MS101 "You'll pay!" - the mad-sci news network, wondering if it’s too early to take another sabbatical.

Nice one!

Dixie: Hi, I'm Dixie Deville with MS101 “you'll pay!” The mad-sci news network. Here with *sighs* another episode of “Mad Science Wars: Behind the Battlefield.” Because, unfortunately, it wasn't canceled.
Jennifer: Aren't you going to introduce me?
Dixie: I'm getting there. I'm still on the part where I complain about how much I hate my job. Anyway, today we have Jennifer Umbra. To get us started, Jennifer, why don't you tell us a bit about the Prix, where you were first introduced?
Jennifer: Thanks, Dixie! Well, the Prix was originally just an excuse for me to show up. The writer wanted someone besides Claire to enter, and I was chosen as the one most likely to try to publicly enter a competition.
Dixie: Why you? And can you tell us any more about the rest of your family?
Jennifer: Well, we don't talk about our parents much, but Claire was originally slated to have just one cousin, Arthur, and just one uncle, Uncle Thomas. Then the writer decided that having more characters would open up the possibilities for things like teleporter tag. As far as why I was picked to go to the Prix, the only reason I'm allowed to tell you is that, having two older brothers who tend to protect me, I'm generally not worried about being in danger.
Dixie: Ah, yes, the Umbras seem very secretive. Is there a reason for that?
Jennifer: Yes.
Dixie: ...I should have seen that coming. Let's move on. Why do you seem much more influential than the rest of Claire's family? Arthur's mentioned, but doesn't appear much, and Anson seems like he would be rather important as well.
Jennifer: Well, a lot of that was coincidence- when Character Chat came around, the writer needed someone to converse with Claire, and I was the only one who had really been introduced. So the rest of the cast got to know me better, so I got more screen time- you get the idea.
Dixie: And why are you so mean to Claire? Play the clip.

*the clip of Claire crying at the Prix plays in the background*

Dixie: Do you have an explanation?
Jennifer: *rolls eyes* Well, someone needed to reign her in. She had enough problems almost getting herself and her boss disqualified later, let alone if she went and tried to bring down the main computer and security systems like she was planning to do then.
Dixie: What?!
Jennifer: I guess a lot of people didn't realize that. But she probably would have gotten her boss disqualified. And before you say anything, just *telling* her that would probably have been pretty useless. I do have *some* idea of what I'm doing, in addition to just being mean.
Dixie: As far as the just being mean goes-
Jennifer: She drove me Mad, made fun of me for not being as strong as her, mocked my creations- I don't see the need to discuss it any further.
Dixie: Moving on to the main game- your family and Michael-
Jennifer: Michael is *fun* to mess with. He's just lucky Burn's not on his case. And that we're not supposed to experiment on him. Otherwise, I'd just do a full brain scan and directly download all the information I need.
Dixie: Why the interest in him, anyway?
Jennifer: Oh, I'm just having fun toying with him. He has no idea what I'm up to. And really, that will just make it all the sweeter when I win. Well, that and it's fun being friends with him- whether he agrees we are or not.
Dixie: Well, it sometimes seems like you all want to be friends with him, but you have a weird way of showing it.
Jennifer: What, with the breaking into his base and kidnapping him and all? That's just how we operate- Crash tried to kidnap Claire, and Arthur *did* kidnap Claire, if only for a day or so. It's much easier than trying to figure out if someone has free time. Same with the messing with him.
Dixie: You've also implied in Character Chat that you need to 'fix' him- care to elaborate?
Jennifer: No.
Dixie: Well, it seems like you think something is wrong with the rest of-
Jennifer: Nothing is wrong with anyone. Everyone is fine.
Dixie: But you've repeatedly said-
Jennifer: There. are. NO. PROBLEMS!
Dixie: *leaning forward eagerly* You can tell me. It won't go beyond here. And the video stream to several million fans. You don't have to- URK!
Jennifer: *slams a chocolate pie into Dixie's face* Mama was a pie ninja, remember? Aw, and it looks like time is up, too bad. Time to do your little quote. *points a mind-control ray at Dixie's head*
Dixie: *coughing as she spits out the words* Well, that's- all the time we have- for today. Tune in- next time for- another episode of “Mad Science Wars: Behind the Battlefield.” Help, please...

Michael: Ok, seriously. Keep that girl away from me. Along with, like, half the rest of the cast I can't stand...

Dixie De'ville: Aw, you act like you want to be alone!

Michael: I do. Lately I've been unable to get any work done! It's high time I get back to high-class evil! Mad scientists don't need friends... they just get in the way.

Dixie De'ville: Intriguing. *Holds up the microphone to him* So what about the Umbras?

Michael: *Sounds vaguely like Sasuke* They're annoying.

Dixie De'ville: Even Jennifer? *Looks interested*

Michael: ...Please. At best Jennifer's a rival, and at worst, she's just some annoying fangirl whose WAAAAY too obsessed. *Shrugs*

Dixie De'ville: Interesting... so did you have to work to get this arrogant, or did it just come naturally?

Michael: *Narrows his eyes* I'm going to mutate you now.

Dixie De'ville: Aaaa! Waitwaitwait! What about Frederic? Are you saying you don't like him either?

Michael: ...*Pulls out the mutagen and dumps it on her* Interview over. Period. *He turns and walks away*

Jennifer: Michael has frieeeeeends...

Dixie *now with antennae*: What are you doing back here?!

Jennifer: Oh, come on. Of *course* I would want to stay to see what he said. He's actually got a pretty decent amount right.

Dixie *covered in scales*: What?

Jennifer: Oh, I'm not going to say *what* he's got right, or explain anything. That's no fun.

Dixie: Have I mentioned how much I hate this job?

Jennifer: Yes, yes you have. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish figuring out how to restore heavily damaged computers enough that I can retrieve data. And polish the deathtraps. *wanders off* Heh. Michael has frieeeends...

Dixie: Hi, I'm Dixie Deville with MS101 “you'll pay!” The mad-sci news network. Here with *sighs* another episode of “Mad Science Wars: Behind the Battlefield.” And I had just gotten un-mutated from last time, too... Today, we have special guest Luc, who's going to-
*The camera pans over to show Crash, Burn, and Code. Code waves.
Dixie: Alright, what are you yahoos doing here? Luc's supposed to be giving us juciy information about Xerox and Andrew.
Burn: Actually, he's not.
Crash: I just modified the program schedule. They weren't accepting interviews with any more of Claire's family, for some reason.
Dixie: Well- well, go away! I'm not going to interview you.
Code: Then what *are* you going to do with this time slot? It's live, isn't it?
Dixie: *stares at him for a minute, then sighs* Fine. You win. Um... so, Code, why do you even exist? There wasn't much need for *another* Umbra. Really, *really* wasn't much need...
Code: Oh, well we needed someone to stay with Dad so Crash could go work for M, for one thing. For another, it shows that Dad's- mmf!
Burn: *covering Code's mouth* That's all we're allowed to say on the subject.
Dixie: *groans* Crash, why did you decide to work for M?
Crash: Well, after someone mentioned that M usually hired people who tried to hack them, it got me thinking. There isn't really a reason I *shouldn't* work for M, because Primary probably won't target any of my family, and even if he did he'd know to lock me in a closet or something ahead of time so I wouldn't have a loyalty conflict. Plus, it sounded like fun. And Burn's had a job for years.
Dixie: Burn, what exactly *is* your job? I think the CIA has been mentioned-
Burn: Data gathering for the government, CIA specifically, of course. That and some stuff with Project MKULTRA.
Dixie: Didn't that end in the 1960s?
Burn: *smiling sweetly* Of course it did! Everyone who says the government is still running it and experimenting on innocent civilians is a paranoid nutball. They even have special medicine now for 'the government is trying to take control of my brain.'
Code: I thought you said that was for your experimental brainwashing- mmf!
Dixie: *looking disturbed and edging away from Burn* Crash, tell us a bit more about yourself, please.
Crash: I break things! Sometimes from across the room. By designing viruses and stuff for computers to shut them down. A lot depends on whether or not I have internet access, though. But I almost always can talk to Tufty, and sometimes he helps.
Dixie: Who *is* Tufty?
Crash: *gestures to a squirrel on his head* Ta-daa! He's-
Arthur: *walking onstage* What are you three doing?
Burn: Hey, you know what I just realized? We have the same gender balance as the Anamaniacs, and we're all siblings! *looks at Arthur* Can we call you Dadoo?
Arthur: Do and I emancipate you so you're no longer my children. Now, why are you here?
Code: *having disassembled an extra microphone* We got bored and it looked like fun.
Dixie: Arthur! The fans need to know- why are you so paranoid, what are you hiding, and does it have anything to do with your incredibly inconsistent accent?
Arthur: I'm not, nothing, and I don't have an accent. Come on kids, stop bugging Dixie.
Crash: So I can't mutate her, then?
Arthur: Michael already did that.
Code: *captures Dixie in a Pokeball* Whee! First Pokemon!
Burn: Now how are we supposed to close the show?
Arthur: Not my problem. Come on!
Jennifer: *walking on stage carrying several sinister-looking objects* Wait, we're on the next show already? Wow, that was fast... What happened to Michael, anyway? I need to-
Crash: And goodnight everybody!
Jennifer: Put that project on hold while I kill Crash for those implications. *starts shooting at him as the show closes*

Dixie: Hi, I'm Dixie Deville with MS101 “you'll pay!” The mad-sci news network. Today we're here with one of the writing staff for the hit show "The Mad Science Wars", which has already generated over 100 hours of viewable content! Now, to protect his identity, we're merely going to be referring to this individual as "The Writer", although fans have known him as that from the Cast Commentary for years!
The Writer: I don't really see the point, I mean, my name is the same as one of my characters, <Censored for content!> Hey! Why did you guys censor my name?
Dixie: To protect your identity, of course!
The Writer: *Sighs and folds his arms* Very well... so what's the first question?
Dixie: Well, the fans have noticed that you are the head writer on the current chapter...
The Writer: It has nothing to do with me drugging Luc and that person who writes for Jane Narbon! I swear!
Dixie: Umm.... right... anyways, fans are just kinda curious about why the chapter itself is divided up into 3 separate "acts", rather than just doing what's traditional and attacking the entire concept all at once.
The Writer: Well, the answer is mostly because I have a lot of ground to cover, and not a lot of time to cover it. Besides, each act deals with different subject matter, it's all just interconnected by an overrunning plotline.
Dixie: So, we know the title of the chapter is "Energy and Potential", but why did you name it that?
The Writer: Because the entire chapter is about Choices. I wanted this chapter to be pretty freeform in design: there's a lot of stuff happening, yes, but the characters are all capable of changing the plot in what they choose to do, and what they choose not to do. This is hampered by some things that are currently in play, of course, but not forever... Anyways, this has led to some interesting changes in how the chapter are filmed, since most of the main characters don't have scripts.
Dixie: Wait, they don't have scripts? Why is that?
The Writer: Well, to make things a bit more... "realistic"... we've rented out an entire city to serve as the fictional "Xyon City" in the show and the actors are all being asked to improv their characters, rather than working off of a main script. Of course, this only applies to the main characters of the show, since the newly introduced secondary characters, and some of the regular secondary characters, are all involved in the overarching plot. It's actually been working pretty well, since most of our actors are actually closer to their characters than they might be willing to admit. They've responded pretty well to the situations we've put them through so far! Well, with a few snafus, but those will just make excellent outtakes for the DVD release...
Dixie: So let's talk about Choices. What did you mean when you said the chapter was going to be shaped by the players?
the Writer: Hey! I didn't say that? Have you been looking into my notes?
Dixie: Err... yes?
The Writer: *Sighs* Well, just that different situations will result from different things people do. I've planned out several different possible endings for this chapter, some happy, some sad. But I'm trying to keep it in the "zany" area, so mostly happy. And of course I expect we'll have to come up with an entirely different ending once the entire thing is done, since things never work exactly as planned around here. And there's going to be at least one point in the game where everyone will have to vote on one key action that could change everything.
Dixie: Intriguing... so rumor has it that this chapter is going to be "Special" in some way... can you elaborate on that?
The Writer: Ok, ok... well, in addition to the typical musical score we're preparing, there's going to be another surprise once Act 2 rolls around. Just wait and see! It's awesome!
Dixie: Can you give us an example of what you're vaguely alluding to?
The Writer: Well, when the cast first-
????: HOLD IT!
The Writer: It can't be... Michael?
Michael: That's right! And I'm here to give a rebuttal to the recent comments by Jennifer! I do not have FRIENDS, and I'm getting sick of your teasing and insinuations! I'm challenging you! Evil showdown, in the Character Chat thread! You verses me! And if I win, I'm going to strap you down to a labtable and experiment on you! Mwahahaha! *Storms off*
The Writer: Huh...
Dixie: Wow... well, I guess that's it. See you all later, everyone!
The Writer: Wait... how did Jennifer and Michael even appear here if this is supposed to be a world where the writers exist and the game is just a television show?
Dixie: umm... cut! *Interview ends*

Welcome to New Age Radio! Radio for the new age!




Blame chicgeek for egging me to do this. This be for NAR announcements, interviews and possibly radio plays and all things done on New Age Radio. First off two interviews from the cool smooth sailing Kenny Banks. Btw feel free to add any ideas, interviews or even shows if you want. I don't want to have full claim on NAR, I want it to be for anyone who wants to use it.

Loose schedule:

12:00 A.M. - 5:00 A.M.--------------------------Music
6:00 A.M. - 7:00 A.M.---------------------------The John Dean Hour
8:00 A.M. - 9:00 A.M.---------------------------News
10:00 A.M. - 11:00 A.M.-------------------------Office Talk
11:00 A.M. - 12:00 P.M.-------------------------The Hungry Chief
12:00 P.M. - 4:00 P.M.--------------------------Phone in request Music
4:00 P.M. - 4:30 P.M.---------------------------Chilling with Kenny Banks
4:30 P.M. - 5:00 P.M.---------------------------Mistress of Love
5:00 P.M. - 6:00 P.M.--------------------------- The "What if" Hour
6:00 P.M. - 7:00 P.M.---------------------------News
7:00 P.M. - 8:00 P.M.---------------------------Andy Dandy Talk Show
8:00 P.M. - 10:00 P.M.--------------------------The Radio Play Crew
10:00 P.M. - 11:00 P.M.-------------------------Wall Street Cover
11:00 P.M. - 12:00 A.M.-------------------------Columnar's Hour

If you want to add your show, just let me know and I will place that show in the slot. This schedule is by no means set in stone, just to give you folks the general idea what happens and when.


First up, Jane believe it or not.

Kenny: You are now chilling with Kenny Banks and the Lovely Jane Narbon. Now Jane, I have heard you are one of the devious of the group is that correct?

Jane: {smiles} Perhaps.

Kenny: *puffs on his cigar* Would you mind telling our listeners some of the things you have done?

Jane: Welllll, so far, I've established myself as a villain, done a few villainous activities, and drugged you.

Kenny: Cool Cool. I have gotten that from quite a few people myself. Ever relaxed on a beach before and enjoyed the waves?

Jane: Of course! It's nice for plotting... and the beach is a great place to set booby traps, then entice-- oh, wait, you mean *relaxing*? Yeah, I've done that too.

Kenny: Yeah the waves are pretty cool. I got a question from one of our listeners. Wants to know what you did to the Grand prix trophy you won a while back.

Jane: It's in my trophy gallery.

Kenny: I bet that gallery is quite big now. Another question from a listener, you seeing someone right now?

Jane: {enigmatic grin} Maaaaaaaaaybe.

Kenny: *chuckles* Guess that means any single males out there wanting to bag this one have to scope her out first. Ok I have to asked, was that comment about drugging me the truth? I have heard some of your exploits and I knwo you can be one sneaky woman

Jane: Oh, I never say anything I don't mean... {voice shifts towards 'purring' a notch} except when I'm lying.

Kenny: I am not gonna secretly transfer all of my goods to you or become a squid of some sort right? That would put a cramp in my career.

Jane: Of course not! Only some of them. {smirks}

Kenny: *puffs* Alright I will keep that in mind. Another question from a listener via e-mail. Before reading it I have to say that the internet has been quite useful, does not tie up the phone lines as much. Ok this person wants to know how you went mad.

Jane: {smiling} I was induced to do so.

Kenny: I know you listeners can't see but she have a good control over her body language. No wonder she pulled off what she has so far. So why the path of villainy?

Jane: {stage-whispers in Kenny's ear, loud enough to still convey emotion and be heard by the microphone} Because it feels so good, that's why...

Kenny: Woah. A bad girl we got here. I bet you got a plan to rule the galaxy or something like that. Seems like all villains do at one point or another

Jane: {breezily} Oh, no, nothing quite like that. Only the world.

Kenny: You got a lot of competition out there. A lot of people are grabbing for the same title *puffs*

Jane: I can wait. {smiles enigmatically}

Kenny: You are very sneaky. I have heard reports of someone might actually be smarter then you. Temptress she is called. Any thoughts on that?

Jane: {grits her teeth} uuuuUUUUUUh. That low-down... let's just say she's my nemesis, and leave it at that.

Kenny: A crack in that armor of yours? *chuckles and puffs* Alright. What is your greatest invention or act?

Jane: If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Kenny: *chuckles* How about for our dear listeners then

Jane: Well, I think one of my favorites is the time when I gave myself a controlling interest in the newspaper...

Kenny: *puffs* Ok I have to ask, what for?

Jane: Free classifieds.

Kenny: I am sure there is a long story behind that one but we are running out of time. You got anything to say to our listeners out there Miss Deviousness?

Jane: Of course. I just want all of you out there to know... {voice drops to its most loaded purr yet} you'll never see me coming. Bye-bye!

Kenny: You heard it from Jane herself. Next week should be as much fun as this interview with the lovely Jane. Till then, hang cool. This is Kenny Banks, signing off.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Next up, the lovable Rolf.


Kenny: Back again to cool off with yours truly Kenny Banks. We got ourselves a real treat today. A full blooded Jaeger by the name of Rolf. How do you do

Rolf: Hy'm fine. Hyu?

Kenny: Just chilling. Now I heard you jaegers serve the Heterodyne family at Mechanicsburg.

Rolf:(Further comments translated to English for easier reading for the dear listeners.). That's right, Kenny.

Kenny: Got any comments about that?

Rolf: The Heterodynes created the jaegerkin, the jaegerkin swear loyalty. We're shock troops in war, and whatever they need in peacetime.

Kenny: *puffs* Breed for war. That is the reason for the strength and the thick skin right?

Rolf: Well, not bred. Say...changed. And yes, we're fairly invulnerable. And it gives us our dashing good looks, too.

Kenny: *chuckles* All I got to say is that you are perfect for radio. Now I heard reports you have been going after a special someone. *puffs*

Rolf: Yes, I count myself fortunate to have a special lady in my life.

Kenny: You heard it ladies, he is already caught. Now how did you become an Ambassador?

Rolf: Well, the Heterodyne decided that an ambassador to Xyon would be a good idea. I was already living in the area, and I've served the Heterodynes for some time. I'm honored that they have trusted me with the responsibility.

Kenny: Quite an honor bro. The greatest honor I have is being a on the radio and I am ok by that. So what do you usually do on the job?

Rolf: Oh, it varies. I keep in close contact with the fine folks at M, I act as an intermediary when necessary...If there's anything The Heterodyne requests, I'm on it. Really, it seems like it something new every day.

Kenny: An ever changing job then. *puffs* Sounds like fun. Have you ever thought abobut going into football? I am sure the NFL would love to have you as the center man somewhere.

Rolf: *Grins* Oh, an all jaeger league would be fun, at that. You know that Xyon and Mechanicsburg have two of the highest mad populations around. Keeping in touch makes sense.

Kenny: That is true *puffs* Got any ideas why those two places?

Rolf:*shrugs* Your guess is as good as mine. (jokingly)Maybe something in the water?

Kenny: *chuckles* Maybe stray radiation from outer space as an experiment from aliens beyond our galaxy. Do you have a lot of trouble dealing with mads?

Rolf: Weelll....every mad is different. I think being respectful helps-hey, you're in Xyon, you know this already!

Kenny: *puffs* Chill down dude. I was asking if you have trouble dealing with mads. You know like having to defend yourself against them often or not.

Rolf: Oh. Not too often, surprisingly enough. I think it helps that most mads know if they mess with one jaeger, well, we've got a lot of others to get our backs, you know? And, really-everyone I've met in Xyon has been pretty cool so far.

Kenny: That is cool. Any chance we can hire some jagers for security guards? *asking in a non serious and joking manner*

Rolf: Heh. Sorry, the Heterodynes have an exclusive. Plus, I don't think you'd want us on the dental plan. *Grins good naturedly, showing the sharp fangs*

Kenny: I heard you have some quite rough parties too. Not sure if the Bossman or the janitors would like that part either.

Rolf: Hey, so we like to have a good time. But yeah, I think you're right about that.

Kenny: Alright, got any plans for the future?

Rolf: Just taking it as it comes, is good enough for me.

Kenny: *puffs* Sounds like my kind of guy bro. Time is about up. Too bad cause I like you Rolf. You are a cool guy. We should hang out some after wards. Before we end this interview, got any words for our dear listeners out there?

Rolf: Just keep that dial tuned to NAR!

Kenny: You heard the word. later Rolf.

Somehow we got Andrew and Claire as a double feature



Kenny: Kick back and chill with Kenny Banks. Tonight we got a two for one special. Claire and Andrew. Welcome to the show

Andrew; Glad to be here, Mister Banks.

Claire: Hi!

Kenny: Now first off, Andrew, what do you do on your free time?

Andrew: Oh, I dabble in the garden, rebind damaged books... I like to cook as well, and tamper in gods domain in an affront to the natural order. I'm your average teacher and father, really.

Kenny: Cool Cool. How about you Claire?

Claire: Um... I work for Mistress, and play with zapguns and explosives, and sometimes I read, and go out for ice cream and stuff... I dunno. I hang out at Mister Tinker's house a lot and spend time with Rolf...

Kenny: So you work for the lovely Miss Jane and is Rolf's girl huh. Andrew, you are a mad right? How did you become mad?

Andrew: Well, it runs pretty deeply in the family- we can trace it back to the drinking from skulls era. I personaly was shattered by the horrible death of my father vis a vis basic taunting.

Claire: *pats Andrew on the back*

Andrew: Thank you, Claire.

Kenny: *puffs on his cigar* You have my regrets and condolences Andrew. Claire, Why you like explosives so much?

Claire: Well, you have something little and you set it off and then it's a BIG fire and noise and CRAZY! *giggles* And they're really pretty.

Kenny: *puffs* You must have a lot of fun on 4th of July then. Andrew, you married?

Andrew: Oh, no, not yet. But I have a steady beau.

Claire: *pokes the microphone*

Kenny: A ladies man huh. *chuckles* So Claire, how did you get into Jane's service?

Andrew: Er, actually I'm gay... and my beau is David Toboz.

Claire: I whacked Fredric over the head with my wrench when he went Mad so he wouldn't freak out so much. *examining the wiring under the microphone*

Kenny: Ah, you swing that way huh Andrew. Claire how about them ears, I heard you like getting them scratched? For you listeners out there Claire have Cat ears and a tail.

Claire: Skritches are nice! But Edgar says he's not sure I should have the ears and tail... but I like them and don't want him to take them away...

Kenny: Mind if I scratch them Claire?

Claire: Um, I'd rather you didn't...

Kenny: Fair enough *puffs* Andrew, What is the coolest thing you have ever done?

Claire: *tugs on Andrew's sleeve* Where's the death ray in the microphone?

Andrew: The coolest? I think that would have to be the first time I made a supervillian cry. And I don't mean soulfully- I mean he whipped it like a whipped pup. Oh, just punch in '700' claire.

Claire: *attaches a keypad to the microphone and enters '700'*

Kenny: *puffs* There are no deathray in that mic Claire

Claire: *confused*

Kenny: Claire, what are your plans for the future?

Claire: I have a date with Rolf tomorrow after work. *splicing the wiring for the microphone* Can you help me, Mister Tinker? I'm not so good at this...

Kenny: I would like it if you leave the mic alone

Andrew: red over yellow, dear.

Claire: But I'm making it better... *follows Andrew's instructions*

Kenny: Alright last thing, Andrew you got anything to say before we end the interview?

Andrew: Hmmm... actually, yes! See, I know a lot of villains like to listen in to this show- it being fine quality entertainment and all. And let me just say that is you even think about screwing up a date of mine I will destroy your dreams. Oh, and I'd also like to remind your younger viewers that the Eric Tinker Scholarship fund is accepting applicants soon.

Claire: I think I messed up the microphone... *tries to tug her sleeve away from the microphone, which is chewing on it* Let go!

Kenny: You heard it, This is smooth Kenny Banks with Claire and Andrew, signing off, before more damage is done.

And then Miss Chicgeek graced NAR Listeners



Kenny: Welcome back to the smooth sailing and laid back Kenny Banks. Tonight we got ourselves a special guest here, the wonderful Miss Chicgeek

Chic: Hi, Kenny, great to be here.

Kenny: *puffs* The pleasure is all of the listeners of course. So chicgeek, hope this question is not too odd, What was your childhood like?

Chic: Oh, nothing much to say. I wasn't mad back then.

Kenny: So days filled with playing with dolls and maybe some sports with your parents?

Chic: *fidgets a little* I wasn't really into sports...I cooked, I was a bookworm, I was even in scouts for a little while.

Kenny: *puffs* cool cool. I tried being in the boy scouts but was not for me. So I heard you are part Jaeger right?

Chic: Well, you can't be part jaeger-you either are, or you're not. But it was latent buntil I was older, that's true. Normally any kids a jaeger has, are just human. But mt family's a special case.

Kenny: Best looking jaeger I have seen so far. *puffs* So where do you specialize in your madness?

Chic: Oh, let's see...clockwork, electricity, and radio. *tosses a small ball of lightening from hand to hand, grinning*

Kenny: *puffs* Not kidding when we say sparks fly around you huh. *chuckles*

Chic: Hey, it's fun!

Kenny: Without a doubt dudette. Ever have trouble being around water then?

Chic: Oh, no. That's nothing I can't work around. It doesn't bother electric eels, does it?

Kenny: I dunno, I am not an eel. How about those wings. How did get get them?

Chic: I invented them, of course.

Kenny: *puffs* Makes sense. Why don't you tell the listeners some of the things you have done.

Chic: Hmm...I won the Golden Gears award at the last Mad Sci Convention Awards, I was one of the finalists in the Frankenstein Grand Prix. It's been a busy year!

Kenny: *puffs* Can you sing?

Chic: Oh, some. I have fun going out to karaoke with my friends.

Kenny: Any plans for the future?

Chic: Oh, I don't plan too far ahead. I do plan on visiting Mechanicsburg, and catching up with my relatives in that part of the world.

Kenny: *puffs* One last thing, hate to wrap this up but we are running out of time. Got any final words or thoughts for the dear listeners out there?

Chic: Thanks for having me on the show...and Go Tigers! (college Calvinball team)

Kenny: You heard it from Miss Chicgeek's own mouth. This is cool Kenny Banks and thanks for chilling with me and Miss Chicgeek dear listeners. Kenny Banks, signing off

And just because I can, hawkwolf and Miss Clay.


Kenny: Once again you are now chilling with the cool guy himself, Kenny Banks. Here we have Hawkwolf and his assistant, Miss Clay on the show.

Hawk: Thanks Kenny. Pleasure to be here.

Miss Clay: Likewise.

Kenny: *puffs* Cool cool. I have heard you recently set up shop in Xyon City right?

Hawk: That is right, Gagdeteer's solution.

Kenny: Running your own business can be rough man. I heard you don't like being called by your first name Miss Clay, care to explain for our listeners?

Miss Clay: Humph. I got teased about it and going to leave it at that.

Kenny: *puffs* For her sake, we decline to say what her first name is on the radio. IF you want to find out you just have to ask the lady in person. Now Hawk, that can't be your real name can it?

Hawk: Well yeah. My mother was strange with names. My full name is Hawk William Wolf. But I usually go by hawk or Hawkwolf or even Dr. hawk.

Kenny: Strange indeed. *puffs* Now Miss Clay, heard a rumor you are quite well known for whacking people. Any reason why?

Miss Clay: All the people you got hit deserved it. I can't help it if they don't know morals or follow the rules.

Kenny: A crusader we got here. Better watch out moral abusers, Miss Clay might whack you.

Miss Clay: Humph

Kenny: *puffs* Alright Hawk, How long have you been in this business with your partner?

Hawk: Quite a while. We started right after we met after college actually. He was much better at the business aspect then I. I was more of the PR find of guy.

Kenny: *puffs* Cool Cool. PR guys are always useful. Miss Clay, You got a special someone already?

Miss Clay: *turns red* That is none of your business. And will you stop smoking? It it bad for everyone's health and not to mention stains the paint to an ugly yellow and you don't look cool with it! It sets a bad example!

Kenny: Woah calm down there Missy, just chill with me here. Do any of you have any last words?

Hawk: It was fun being here and go ahead and stop by Gadgeteer's for any of your gadgeteering problems.

Miss Clay: Missy? Missy! Don't you dare call me missy like that!

Kenny Banks You heard it from the man. This is Kenny banks saying to chill out and enjoy your day.

Miss Clay: I am not done with you! I am going to whack you until you smother that cigar-- *cuts off*

Don't think it is all about interviews.


Mr. Wong: This is Mr. Wong who is never wrong bringing you up to date news info for you the listeners. First on the list is the unknown alien fleet that seems to be destroyed. The alien space ships where detected yesterday are now gone as of today. Furthermore Debris can be seen burning up in the atmosphere afterward. Does this means the unknown alien fleet has been destroyed? This is not the first time this have happened either but the second time. this makes Mr. Wong wonder about what is going up there. Did the government or a mad did this?

Mr. Wong: We at NAR will keep you listeners up to date when they happen. This is Mr. Wrong telling you to stay tuned for more news, now a quick word from our sponsors.


Ad: We at the Ketchup Advisory Board Commission would like to remind everyone the benefits of having ketchup. Not only is it goes great on many different foods like french fries and hotdogs but it is also good for your skin. Yes ketchup helps enhances the radiancy of your skin in a natural way. Also it helps you to be happy. Just a small dose a day will guarantee you feeling glowy and happy for some time to come. So remember, when you are feeling down and blue, grab for a bottle a ketchup to brighten up your day. This has been a paid advertising by the Ketchup Advisory Board Commission.

(brownie points to anyone you knows where I got that advertising idea from)

----This is a paid advertisement---


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I am allowed to have interviews with a person who is not a cast member..................................right?




Kenny: This is Chilling with the ever smooth sailing Kenny banks. Today we got ourselves a cool cat, a Mr. Jack Kerouac.

Jack: Pleasure to be here

Kenny: *puffs* Likewise. So Jack, tell our esteemed listeners out there what you do?

Jack: In simple terms, a writer. The long version, a creator of stories for the masses in word format.

Kenny: Cool cool. What made you want to become a writer?

Jack: Well it was all thanks to my mother. She told me many stories, from books and from memory. I learned how to be a good story teller from her and writing seemed to be the best way to share my talents with the world.

Kenny: *puffs* And share you do. What do you say to the claims that your stories have warped some of the reader's mind and they acted as if they were in your stories?

Jack: Two things, first off those claims are baseless and two, even if I was true, I am not to blame. They are just words on a page.

Kenny: Makes sense. I have here a short novel you wrote, care to share what it is all about to the audience?

Jack: Certainly. It is a horror suspense story about a village which is besieged by a mysterious creature that keeps killing off the population. It is called "When the midnight Bell tolls*

Kenny: *puffs* want to read a little from it?

Jack: Alright *flips pages* The lights went out, throwing the house into pitch darkness. Sherry cursed at her luck and groped around in the darkness for her flashlight. Her felt her way into the kitchen and unto something.... slimy. She recoiled her hand and strained her eyes at what she touched. Headlights from a passing car passed through the kitchen window. There, standing at least 7 feet tall was a creature straight out of a nightmare. The skin was green and slimy with oversized warts and blisters all over. The monster's face was grotesque with a permanent snarl. It gave out a snarl and raised it's right claw...

Kenny: *interrupts* Yikes! I am sorry dude but I have to cut you off there. Was getting a little too creepy for me. I could have sworn I saw that monster looming over me.

Jack: Oh that is ok. I get that a lot.

Kenny: *puffs* Alright we are running out of time, any parting remarks for our dear listeners?

Jack: Certainly. Be alert, be adventurous and don't be afraid to take risks. That means go try my books.

Kenny: You heard it from the man himself. This is laid back Kenny banks saying to stay cool by listening to more NAR. This is Kenny Banks, signing off.

DOOM (TM) upon you all! For the fearsome Kinestro got interviewed!


Kenny: You are on the air listening to the smooth sailing Kenny Banks, Tonight we got ourselves a keeper, a Mr. Kinestro. Lend your ears well.

Kinestro: That is DR.KINESTRO!(tm) to you peon!

Kenny: *puffs* Alright, Dr. Kinestro. What made you decide to take the path of villainy?

Kinestro: Well peon. I was always determined to rule. In highschool I took over the student government, and in college I held the provost hostage until my demands were met.

Kenny: And what was those demands?

Kinestro: That the physics club, which I was the head of of course, receive more funding.

Kenny: *puffs* Cool cool. You have anyone special you are going out with?

Kinestro: Not currently. I have too much work to be accomplished to be distracted by trivial things like that.

Kenny: A shame really. Why did you pick doom to trademark?

Kinestro: After I went mad, I decided I need a catchphrase. Doom was already taken by that imbecilic latvian(I think that's what it was.) prince. So I went with DOOM!

Kenny: *puffs* Makes sense. I heard a rumor you were quite the genius before you went mad

Kinestro: Oh course! I've always been above and beyond everyone.

Kenny: *chuckles* And how many times have you tried ruling the world?

Kinestro: I have attempted to conquer the world 263 times. I have only failed through prodigiously bad luck and the incompetence of my henchmen.

Kenny: *puffs* Maybe one day you will succeed. Before we go, you got any last remarks for our dear listeners Dr. Kinestro?

Kinestro: Soon! Soon the world will belong to DR.KINESTRO!(tm)!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kenny: *puffs* you heard the man. You have been listening to the ever relaxed Kenny Banks along with Dr. Kinestro. This is Kenny Banks, Signing off.

AGHAST! Not that loveable ocean goer Dr. Beard?!



Kenny: *puffs* This is smooth talking kenny Banks and Today we have ourself a neat woman by the Name of Dr. Beard. Welcome to the show.

Dr. Beard: Good evening. Ah, I don't suppose you could maybe put the cigar out for a moment? It seems to be bothering Mimic.

Mimic: *is a grayish color and is scrunched up around Beard's neck, though I know no one can see that.*

Kenny: Sorry about that. So Dr. Beard. Why not tell our listeners more about what you do?

Dr. Beard: Oh, well I specialize in the Marine Sciences, mostly in biology and biosynthetics.I dabble a little in everything, but my specialties are enhanced adaptation, hybridization, and marine revivification. Most of my work is with the... underestimated denizens of our oceans.

Kenny: cool cool. I am guessing you are talking about muscles and clams?

Dr. Beard: Oh, not just mussels and clams! there are so many vastly under appreciated marine organisms out there!

Kenny: care to name a few for our listeners?

Dr. Beard: Diatoms. Tiny microscopic plantlike organisms, completely invisible to the naked eye. The surfaces of our oceans are covered in them, particularly in cold and temperate climates. They provide up to 25% of the world's oxygen, and some produce toxins that cause severe illness and even permanent neurological disorders. But do you ever see someone trying to conquer the world with their unstoppable diatom army?...Other than me, that is.

Kenny: *chuckles* No I suppose not. So what made you interested in oceanography?

Dr. Beard: Oh, ever since I was little I loved the water. I used to live not too far from an area where a river met the bay. Lovely little estuary, always an interesting place to explore. It was... in the industrial area though. The town council decided to allow a paper mill into the area. Thought it was more important, jobs and... things... I don't like paper mills much, even if they do produce interesting chemicals.

Kenny: I have to ask, where you the one responsible for the destruction of that paper mill?

Dr. Beard: I was officially acquitted and you can look at the court records if you don't believe me.

Kenny: Just asking. How about mimic? how did she came to be?

Dr. Beard: Oh, Mimic! Isn't she wonderful? It all started with one of my first deep-sea collections. Obviously certain sacrifices do have to be made for the sake of Science and all, and I don't disapprove of taking deep-sea specimens in moderation, but the problem is that they react badly to the temperature and pressure change. Originally we were trying to keep some of our cephalopods in special pressurized tanks, but we could tell they weren't making it. My colleagues left early and asked me to clean out the tank when I left...So I did. Took a few samples from some pelagic and semi-littoral species as well, meshed everything together. It took a few weeks. That was the first time many of my co-workers discovered my... my, ah, unique talents. Though not the first time I'd made use of such talents. She's just a squishy little Frankenstinian ball of tentacled love.

Mimic: *reaches out to mess with the mic*

Kenny: she is quite interesting. Got any plans for the future?

Dr. Beard: None at the moment, unfortunately. I recently lost both a grant and my position at a small research facility, so I suppose I'm looking for... employment... of sorts...I should really go find the rest of the Significant Worms. A few are still missing.

Kenny: I would offer you one here but I don't think you want to be a janitor *chuckles* Before our times is up, have any last words for our dear listeners?

Dr. Beard: Yes. Listeners, you should cherish our oceans and everything that lives in them. Because if you don't, you may just find a division of my cyborg polyplacophoran army in your front yard, and your back door and windows sealed by genetically enhanced reef worms.

Kenny: You heard it from the ocean goddess herself. This is chilling Kenny Banks, signing off.

Guess who Kenny finally got to interview




Kenny: *turns on the recorder* This is Smooth sailing Kenny Banks doing an on the sight interview with not one, not two but three people with some help. Please welcome Laitu, Rando and Teal.

Teal: ...meep peep?

Rando: He;s recording us. Remember ,when Daddy showed you th camera? It;s like that.

Teal: Peep?

Teal: *looks for the camera*

Rando: It;s for sound. It;s the little box he;s holding.

Teal: *pokes the box with her spear* Meep peep?

Kenny: Right. Records voices only. That way it can be transmitted to a radio and people like your dad and mom can listen to it

Rando: *fuzzles Teals hair* I;ll show you a recorder soon so you can play with it~

Kenny: And if you are all wondering who is my little helper today is... it is Newsy, an aspiring reporter. Go ahead and say hello to the nice listeners Newsy

Newsy: Hello out there!

Teal: Ee! Peep!

Kenny: *puffs* He is a great dude. Now the questions. Rando, why not tell the listeners what you specialize in.

Rando: I specialize in Paranormal Sciences! Involves a lot of chemistry and research~

Kenny: Cool cool. And for Laitu. I am curious, why a wiffle bat?

Laitu: I dunno.

kenny: Just one day came to mind like out of the blue?

Laitu: No, Grandpa got me a wiffle bat.

Kenny: *puffs* Makes sense. I bet your grandpa is a cool guy. How about you teal? What is your favorite food?

Teal: Peep! Peep meep! Nyam!

Rando: She likes a lot of things~ Especially chocolate.

Kenny: Well you are in luck little one, I just happen to have a small chocolate bar with me *grins and takes out a wrapped Hershey's bar and hands it over*

Teal: Nyam?

Rando: *shows teal how to open the wrapper*

Teal: Nyam nyam! *monches on chocolate bar*

Kenny: Man, too bad the audience can't see her, they would totally fall for her looks, being that cute and all. Rando, I ask this of many inventors, what was your very first invention

Rando: My first one? Hmm... that;d probably be the Monstometer. It pinpointed the exact location of monsters under the bed. i think I used a nightlight, bits of blanket, and a toothbrush.

Laitu: Ummm...

Laitu: My life, or the stuff I remember?

Kenny: Your life

Laitu: Ummmmmm..

Kenny: Or which ever is easier

Laitu: Probably hearing Teal do her maniacal laugh.

Kenny: So teal, care to share your maniacal laugh with the listeners?

Teal: *looks at Daddee* Peep?

Rando: The laugh~ Like Dadde. *clears his throat, and makes his eyes glow* Mua-hyahhaha!

Teal: Mooo-aah-yaah-yaaah! *teeny thunder clap*

Kenny: Woah, I am already quaking in my sandles at that.

Rando: She has real talent~

Kenny: *puffs* must be very proud of her. Before we go, any of you three have any last words to our dear and faithful listeners?

Rando: I call for elevators to be properly restrained. They attack me too often.

Laitu: If you get a soul from a nice elder god, it'll probably work out.

Teal: Peep meep meep chu!

Rando: And with that, this little lady nees to go to bed~ *picks up teal for her ducky PJ;s*

Kenny: You heard it from them. This is laid back Kenny Banks, signing off

Okay, Xyon's own Newsy, created by Chic during the Great Coffee Crisis. He's basically a newspaper box with arms and legs, and wears a hat with a press pass in the hatband. Freelances for the Xyon Xaminer. And he's snagged an interview with NAR's Kenny Banks!

Newsy: Gee, thanks for agreeing to an interview, Mister Banks!

Kenny: *grins and puffs* I never been on the other side of my job before

Newsy: So...are you from Xyon?

Kenny: Nope. Born and raised on the sandy beaches of California

Newsy: What brought you here?

Kenny: *chuckles* NAR. saw me working in Cali and dragged me here to Xyon

Newsy: Which came first-being a reporter, or working in radio? And what jobs have you held in radio? *scribbling notes*
newsy: And were you really born on a sandy beach?

Kenny: One question at a time dude. Being on the radio came first. *puffs* I was working for some shaty station for the surfers. I held the title of "Official scenary tester." Was a fun ride. Then a NAR dude came by and saw my work and liked what i did. I was hired on the spot. *puffs* And was I really born on a sandy beach? What do you think? *grin*

Newsy: Well, the whole 'being born' thing I'm still a little fuzzy on...I'm not a mammal. I'd guess you were kidding, but I've found out you never know.

Kenny: It was my thing, claiming that. *puffs*

Newsy: But we have beaches here. Tell me, do you spend much time there?

Kenny: The beaches are not as eye appealing as the one back in Cali. *chuckles* But the waves are nice. I spend every afternoon there when I can

Newsy: What do you like most about your job?

Kenny: Man there are a bunch of things. i get to meet new people. Even though some of them are uptights. The travel is great and the vacation time is very cool. *puffs*

Newsy: You've made yourself a household word here in the city, with your interviews of mads. It's one of the most popular programs at NAR. Are you ever nervous about your interviewees?

Kenny: Naw. As long as you show respect, they won't hurt ya. So far no one who is hsotile towards me has agreed to an interview. *puffs*

Newsy: And one last question-do you have anything you'd like to say to our audiance?

Kenny: *puffs* stay loose and enjoy life. Nothing else to it

Newsy: And that's a wrap! Thanks again, Mister Banks!

Kenny: Always a pleasure dude *grin*