Comics by Shaenon II

~Isaac~

He looked at Mysterious Racer G. "...hmm... he's probably been hit by a few things so far in this race, right?"

He reached into his pocket, taking out a small sphere about the size of a marble and pushed the button on the front with his thumb, causing it to grow to about the size of an orange. He was PRETTY sure Primary only used the newspaper when these were used on Claire...

He shrugged, and chucked the Pokeball at the car that had just passed them. It wouldn't do for part of a blue shell explosion to possibly hit Ashley's car, after all.

~Archimedes~

Email! From Sparky! His tail wagged as he read it. Ooooh... Hmmm...

...Dad could probably manage without him for a little while. Especially since he had Puppy now.

He trotted over to where Puppy was practicing on a doggy keyboard. "<Hey, I was going to go visit a friend for a bit... would you mind watching Dad while I'm gone?>"

-The Mysterious Racer G!-

The pokeball bapped the Mysterious Racer G's car, opening and pulling it inside in a beam of red light, then falling to the ground and sitting there, twitching, as other racers past it.

...

...

..

Suddenly, the pokeball exploded, as the G-Car burst out of it!

Aw, and it was sooo close, too!

The Mysterious Racer G was honestly a bit confused about what had just happened. "Hmmph. So I can see you're experienced at not playing fair, then." He nodded as a foot hit the accelerator pedal and a hand flipped a Nitro switch. The G-Car sped forward with unnatural speed, blazing through the mountain track, easily outspeeding any evil squirrels along the way.

As the emergency nitro-boost wears off, the car has caught up to Mama Bosco and Axel, and is neck and neck with the two of them, zipping between them both and matching speed...

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-Natalie and Khan-

To Khan's surprise he was being lifted overhead. Natalie had not only been fast enough to grab him, but also strong enough to lift him overhead. There was a moment of stunned silence between the two of them as the little green blob sitting on Natalie's shoulder bounced and squealed excitedly and Natalie realized her mama was watching. "Err..." She set Khan down and sighed. "Darn it." She frowned. "Ok... no point in hiding from Mama THE PLOT OF THE PLAY I'M ACTING IN." She glared at Khan, eyes narrowing dangerously. "That you're helping me rehearse for, remember? I was going to surprise Mama with the details, but-"

Khan looked at Natalie, ears drooping. Vaguely, he wondered that if she could lift him up, if she could also do other, more terrifying things to him. Then, after a brief moment of being daunted, he remembered that he WAS, in fact, a cat, and therefore was undauntable. "Ah, yes. The play. Always glad to help. Anyways, tell me more about that legend that is at the start of it? The one "your character" recites?"

A glance between the two of them communicated Khan's amused certainty that they weren't really fooling anyone. Another one conveyed exactly what Natalie planned on doing to Khan if he didn't play along. A third expressed Khan's sudden willingness to lie in return for an avoidance of emasculation. Natalie closed her eyes and began to speak.

However it got started is debatable. But there came about a situation where a pantheon of Norse gods existed, with four Valkyrie "sisters": Three representing the virtues of Strength, Wisdom, and Bravery, and a fourth to lead them who represented an even blend of the three. And together, they would choose the most worthy of the slain to serve as Einherjar, who would live and fight in Valhalla.

But there came a time when an inbalance occurred between the sisters. They fell into quarreling, and as things grew worse, strife. And the Fates wept, for they alone foresaw a time when-

It was at that moment when Natalie's watch began beeping. "Drat. If I don't hurry up and actually bother to take a shower Liam is going to wonder where I am. I'll be right back, you two." She turned and started hurrying to the Dorm's bathrooms.

Leaving Khan and Natalie's mother alone. Khan looked up at her. "Um... is she always this... contradictory?"

The Race!

For those approaching the end of the mountain section of the race-the track loops back towards Xyon, avoiding any populated areas. M insisted, much to the dismay of those who wanted to sell prime viewing pace in their yards. And it passes through...
The Abandoned Warehouse District.

Kid Atomic is watching the race with pleasure. Desdemona sips a drink, and smiles. "They'll be on the last lap soon. And zooming towards the finish line."
"Heh. Not quite." The Kid grins.
"Eddie....okay, what's the course challenge for the end?" She suspects it's a doozy.
"Heh, again. When they reach a certain point, the teleporter kicks in." He takes a swig, deliberately pausing.
"And?" She taps her foot. "Don't drag it out, spill."
"Spoilsport. All surviving cars end up in a central location-I set up some of the district special. Then the real fun begins. You'll see."
Kid Atomic adroitly dodges a kick. Desdemona sighs. Well, she'll see soon enough. Most cars are still fighting the mountain, but the first few are screaming past...


Sparky turns to Damien. "Oh, just a carrr rrace. Kid Atomic's sponsoring it. And Chic is a mad mechanic, tha's why rrI said she'll be sorry she missed it." She gives the canine equivalent of a shrug.

Damien grumbled. "I will bet any amount of money you care to name that Axel's involved in it somehow...
...
Anyway, he has a habit of taping stuff, maybe I could get him to give me a copy to give to you to give to... Chic, is it? Strange name." He looks distracted for a while, then - "What do I care anyway? Let's go play chess."

Axel crosses a certain spot on the road, having managed to make it to the leading pack, courtesy of his shortcut. He is then teleported with a crack and a fizzle. He hums happily. He loves teleporters. He gives this one an 8/10, points subtracted for not having a fadeout effect.

Sparky has the white pieces-Damien held one in each closed hand, and she picked one. She trots up to the board, and produces two small humanish arms from her shoulders. They're covered with green shaggy fur to match the rest of her. She gives a doggy grin. "Yeah, Chic's boyfrrriend, Wally 's a mad biologist. rrRI wanted t' be able to turn pages in books..."
She opens with her e-pawn, and the game swiftly becomes a Ruy Lopez opening.

Dr.Nefarious and the Amazing DuctTapeMobile! are currently in the clutches of a giant bat-eagle. He shoots her with the Adheso-ray, pinning her firmly to the branch!
"Take that, you avian menace!!", he chortles, then begins the drive back down the aspen's trunk.
But he's lost valuable time...

The Race, again!

With a crack and a fizzle, the teleporter kicks in, neatly bypassing the populated area to land Axel smack dab in the center of the-say it with me now-
The Abandoned Warehouse District.
(cue lightning flash and ominous roll of thunder)
Kid Atomic's voice is heard clearly, despite any background interference from Dr. Malevolent's Destructo-Ray.
"So, you've made it this far. Congrats. Now, the fun begins. All survivors start from this central point. And take it in, Slick-see those numbers? Over there."
The numbers 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,and 9 glow around the car. Each number is at the start of a different section of track.
"You have to take each track in the correct order, one after the other. Finish one, it teleports you back here. How do you know you've taken the right one?" The dashboard sticker flashes.
"Yeah, that. You'll hear this-" it beeps loudly-"if you took the right one. And you'll hear this-" at this a loud raspberry sound is heard-"if you screwed up. Got it? Good. Now, the paths themselves are challenging. Lotta mads here, what passes for organized crime in Xyon, too. This is the Abandoned Warehouse District, lotta unsocialble types, lotta folks who like to keep out of the public eye."
As if on cue, a bevy of lasers emerge from the littered parking lot in front of Dr. Malevolent's lair, and start firing.
"Now, no one else will be able to hear your auditory signal, so they can't just follow the one who's figured it out. Recap-nine paths, follow a certain order, you're teleported back here after each one, get the signal if you're right or not, choose another path, repeat. So what are you idling around here for? Beat feat, cat!"

(okay, pm me which path you take, don't declare it here. I'll pm you a beep or a raspberry. Feel free to write what you will for your path, but it won't go anywhere but the district. If this drags on too long, we'll find a way to move things along. Everyone may assume they've made it to this starting point now-if you want to write a transition scene between this and the mountain, you can, but it's not necessary. Clear?)

Edit-perhaps you will use a number more than once, or not at all-I neither confirm nor deny.

-The Race!-

The Mysterious Racer G appeared in the center of the Abandoned Warehouse district, swerving his car towards the "9" exit and taking off, just as stuff around the drivers started exploding.

The Abandoned Warehouse district had been used originally as a place for Mad Scientists who had a strong "Yay! Splody!" urge to come and test out their latest creations. It had been continually updated and maintained, with portions of it that were destroyed closed off and new abandoned warehouses built to replace the ones that were constantly being destroyed in other regions. Mayor Dean had cut the update for the Water Treatment Facility's upgrades long ago in order to fund the construction of the district, which had largely been heralded as one of the moves that got him such a level of fame in Xyon's politics in the first place.

In case you're curious, the Water Treatment Facility hasn't been changed or upgraded since the fifties, and is one of the least interesting places in Xyon City. No one really cares or even notices what happens there, by and large, so the slash in funding was probably inevitable.

Regardless, what all this meant was that the SAFEST parts of the Abandoned Warehouse district were the parts that were closed for construction of new warehouses to be destroyed... the rest of the Abandoned Warehouse district consisted of places that were either currently exploding, waiting to BE exploded, or filled with failed experimental beasts and creatures that Mad Scientists from Xyon really really REALLY hoped someone would figure out how to explode. The few portions of the district that were left entirely untouched were filled with things far too dangerous for anyone to go near, which had been roped off...

So Racer G wasn't at all surprised as a trail of rainbow-colored explosions began erupting on the track behind him, leaving it still navigatable but covered in pot holes and unnamed patches of odd colored goo.

DR.KINESTRO!(TM)

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!(TM)" Ashley Kinestro yelled in annoyance, firing out the... window. Well metal framed square of air next to the driver's seat anyway. Her shots wild and not really aimed, just venting her annoyance at not being teleported to the next leg of the race. She had to follow the bunch all the way to the abandoned warehouse district. Luckily Isaac had traced the signal to the point all the racers had appeared at, missing the bit about the puzzle entirely, and settling for simply chasing after the oddly divergent paths of the racers one at a time.

The first one was someone that had picked the number 3 path, chasing them down the length of the road between warehouses and firing wildly on the racer. And of course, as usual, there was something down this path. Or at least there usually would be. Ellie was strangely quiet about the rude ruckus going on over her main lab, no lasers or kidnapping robots, or even a single hypnotic screen to teach the racers a lesson about disturbing a "delicate country girl".

Zvetta Tarnowsky

Zvetta smiled, seemingly ignorant of the way her daughter was changing the situation and trying to keep her in the dark. she knew Natalie would tell her in due time, and was patient for her daughter to come to terms with her inheritance. When Natalie left she smiled down at the talking tiger, the same way a mother would when meeting a friend of their child's, she didn't even seem to notice that Khan was a talking tiger. If it weren't for the fact that she was talking with him instead of screaming in fear of a loose tiger, one would think she had the weirdness filter.

"Well, it seems to be a thing with my children." she leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. "Don't tell her I know. It'd break her heart to know she couldn't hide it from dear old mom~"

Somewhere on the mountain outside Xyon

Several agents of M was trying to discuss things reasonably with a young man, dressed in a blue jumpsuit, the numbers, 667 across the back in white block print. He was gesturing animatedly. "What do you mean support? We don't need support, that's downright communist! You pull yourself up by your own bootstraps by golly, not let the government spoon feed you till you're too weak to do anything on your own!"

One of the agents, a bit new to the job and forgetting how easily mads could be set off at times, held up a card. It was bright red and had the words "Communist Party of America" printed on the front.

...

"...why do you CARRY that."
"We get a discount at select businesses, comrade."

So it should come as no surprise when a horde of mads straight out of the 50's came flying into town to "Take America back from the dirty reds!"(feel free to bring in some random fifties mads)

Laughingman

An alarm was buzzing somewhere, and someone was knocking insistently at the door to the desk bunker, despite Bill's reassurances that he was not indeed inside. Someone would probably fetch the Steve or someone actually experienced enough to be in charge he told himself.

Captain Cape

Captain Cape watched the display of the newest hero, looking mostly confused. He was surprised by the display. The kid could possibly adapt the system he had going for actual law enforcement if he just dropped the ridiculous theme.

"Well... it's not an effective system you have. Tin's not all that bulletproof... or knife proof, or fist proof even if it's thin enough. Maybe just work the soda delivery system into something more useful, like maybe quick acting glue and get some body armor."

He was, as in many things, earnest and not really trying to simply discourage the wannabe hero, as lame as the idea was. Just shooting down the well intentioned folks wasn't like him, even if he would caution the more reckless or naive.

"For now though, I wouldn't say you're up to the caliber needed for the Ten Gentlemen."

Dr. Momma Bosco, on her new pair of rocket skis, zipped through the track courses, dodging other competitors and stray blasts left and right. The first piece of track she tried sent her on a complex set of spirals, describing a minimal geometric surface. Unfortunately, at the end of it, the ticket let out a BLAT, indicating Dr. Momma B had taken a wrong path.
Her next track pick was free of obstacles... apparently. That was before some uncouth jive turkey started firing straight at her. This wasn't going to work as is.

With one finger, Dr. Momma Bosco pressed a button she'd bound into the ski poles she was holding, and the undersides of the skis began to glow blue, antigravity generators kicking in as Dr. Momma B sent the skis slewing left and right, hoversliding off the roofs and sides of buildings as though she was riding a snowboard.
And, with another finger on the opposite ski pole, Dr. Momma B lifted up her pole and fired one single warning shot. "Don't mess with me," the message was, and she intended to honor it.



Meanwhile, Dr. Momma Bosco's car was making its own set of progress through the maze.

Kid Atomic gives a low whistle of appreciation. "Mona, check out that cat's set of wheels."
Desdemona takes a look at the car he's indicating on the big screen, and clicks her tongue.
"It's that crazy pair of mads who crashed the race. Why, what trouble are they up to now?"
"Because, doll, that 'crazy pair of mads'? Who don't know jack about the race, who don't have a spiffy teleporter and announcer? Who've livened it up by being a mobile course hazard? Who-and tighten your ears, baby-have no idea there is a puzzle, or how it works?"
Kid Atomic pauses for emphasis. "So far they've been running the route better than any of the contestants."
"...What?" She blinks.
Kid Atomic grins. "Yeah, they won't get the prize, but if they keep drivin' the way they are, they'll have bragging rights. But the race ain't over yet."

-Flux and Biome-

Flux looked over the resume of the next applicant. "Ok... oooh, you're a Mythical, right? Like Thor and stuff?"

The applicant nodded. "Aye."

Flux nodded. "And your name is?"

The man put his hands on his hips. "Eros! Greek god of Sexual love and Beauty! "

Biome raised a eyebrow. "A toga. Really."

Flux looked over the applicant. He was a tall man, with golden hair and blue eyes, and milky-white skin. He was clad in literally nothing but a resplendant, unblemished white toga, with a bow and a quiver of arrows strapped to his back. The reason he wasn't better clothed was likely because of his enormous white feathery wings extending out of his back, which he kept folded. Flux nodded. "So... I'm not really big on earth mythology. I don't really know much about the stuff. What do you do, Eros?"

Eros grinned. "I fly, and shoot at people with two sorts of arrows! Those golden with dove feathers which arouse love, and those leaden arrows which have owl feathers that cause indifference!"

At this, Biome sat up. "... that's weird."

Flux raised an eyebrow. "Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but if you make people fall in love without deciding to, isn't that kinda... on the less moral side of the street? I mean, it's basically just a specialized version of mind control."

Eros paused. "Well... you're supposed to take it as more of an allegorical thing rather than a LITERAL thing..."

The little green man folded his arms. "So you're saying that if you shot someone with an arrow right now, they'd only ALLEGORICALLY fall in love?"

"Err... well... um..." Eros shifted uneasily.

Biome folded his eyes. "I give it a 3. Too questionably immoral."

Flux shrugged. "Kinda unnerving if you ask me... what do you think, Caped Commando?"

A woman with carefully coiffed hair adjusts the string of pearls around her neck. She's wearing a cotton frock and high heels. A little boy tugs on her arm.
"Mom, look! Ice cream! can we can we pleeeaase?" He looks up at her imploringly. He's wearing a striped shirt, and a slingshot is visible sticking out of the back pocket of his shorts.
"Well...Ward, what do you say?" She turns to the man standing beside her. He's tall, wearing a suit with a narrow tie, and a hat.
Something about the trio makes folks give them a second glance. No one thing you can put your finger on, but taken as a whole they give the odd sense that they should be viewed in black and white.
He puffs on his pipe. "After the day we've had, we could all do with a treat. Come on, Sport." He tousles Jimmy's hair.
"Yay! You scream I scream we all scream for ice cream!"

"Sir, I'll have to ask you to put that out." The waitress taps her foot.
"Oh, very well." Ward grumbles and looks about in vain. "Where's the ash tray?"
"It's a no smoking zone, you have to take it outside."
"What? What kind of communist nonsense is this? Can't a man smoke his own pipe anymore?"
Eunice pats his arm. "Now, Ward, don't cause a fuss."
The waitress sighs. "Look...some folks are allergic. Others just don't like the smell of tobacco mixed with their Rocky Road."
Jimmy's eyes light up. "I love Rocky Road!"
The waitress smiles at the boy, and continues. "But mainly it's so others don't have to breath the secondhand smoke-it's carcogenic. New in town? I'll tell you now you'll run into this a lot. Now, what'll you have?"

The Malt Shop is tiny, old fashioned enough that it looks normal to the trio, and has the best ice cream sodas in town. As well it should, seeing how Kid Atomic is a half owner of the place.
The prices however, are not rooted in the past...
"TWELVE DOLLARS?! is this some kind of joke?" Ward splutters in disbelief.
The waitress grits her teeth. "The prices are posted right their on the board. And they're more than fair-you'll pay the same or more elsewhere, for ones that don't use the quality ingredients we do."
Eunice looks at the waitress. The rhinestones on her catseye glasses start to glow. "Subject is telling the truth. Ward, if everywhere is like this, things are worse than we thought."
Little Jimmy's lip quivers. "Does this mean we don't get any ice cream?", he asks in a quiet voice.
"There there, son. Buck up. I said you would"-here Ward pulls out an odd looking raygun and points it at the waitress-"and I meant it. Now, Miss, I'll offer you a deal. I'll pay you a reasonable price, and you accept it. And I'll forgo testing the Mark IV."
The waitress nods jerkily, and accepts the old coins he lays on the counter.
The family finishes their treat, and departs. Eunice picks up a newspaper another customer has left behind as they do. Ward grumbles. "Communists are everywhere! Man can't smoke his own pipe where he pleases, inflation's a mile high...."
"Dear?" Eunice's voice is strained. "I think you need to take a look at this. Let's sit down on the bench, and Jimmy can play on the swings." She wordlessly hands Ward the newspaper.
Ward goes quiet. "That's..."
"I know. What are we going to do?"
"We're going to do what any good American would do." He voice is full of steel, and she nods, determination in her eyes. Together, the two mads poor over the newspaper, page by page. Studying. The article about the menace the red signs pose is particularly interesting. The Red Menace. They knew it.
Little Jimmy plays with his new friend and his pet gerbil by the swings, content.

The Race!

"Oh my gosh." Desdemona blinks. "The lead racer is..."
"Yup. The troublemakers who aren't even entered are acing it. And Doctor Momma Bosco is hot on their trail." Kid Atomic grins.
As the cars scream past on their various routes through the Abandoned Warehouse District, one warehouse in their path changes. Every available inch starts sprouting ominous guns and turrets, all tracking the race cars. Some of them are glowing...

Elsewhere in Xyon, events totally unrelated to the Race were occuring.
"Why on Earth do you have a hubcap collection?"
Well, mostly unrelated.
The small man clutched the round object to his chest nervously.
"They're so shiny!"
"Lots of other... oh, forget it. Droll, just fetch us the drinks."
"Right away!" Relieved at the lack of reprimandation, the man scuttled away.
The person who had spoken sighed, and took his glasses off, causing a brief flash in the poorly lit chamber, before idly wiping them clean with a cloth.
"Shine is dangerous to a man whose profession rests on stealth." An amused voice came from further into the darkness. The man with the glasses did not turn.
"He is quite proficient, even with his magpie-like nature, which many of our members share."
The shadowy speaker leaned aganst the throne in an utterly relaxed manner.
"Actually, I was referring to you, Mr. Silk-goes-with-everything."
The beglassed man said nothng.
"Mr. Silver-rims."
Still nothing.
"Twinkletoes."
"Is there a reason, you called me here, Sir? I have a not insubstantal backlog of paperwork that cannot be delegated."
"Ah, Spokes, the day you stop acting like a stuffy butler is the day the Earth's destroyed by meteors."
"Meanwhile, sir, back at the mythical land known as Point..."
"Right, right. Yes... tell me... do you know who stole the Jasmine Diamond?"
"No."
"Neither do I. Interesting, eh? And I know pretty much every theif and fence in this city... which means... either a talented novice... or someone new in town... or..."
"The dramatic pauses are both irritating and unnecessary, sir. No-one is listening."
"Both. You just totally ruined the moment, Spokes. And people are always listening."
"Sir, I know you know who this mysterous newcomer is. I have pressing business."
"Just let me waste your time for a moment more, I need to savour the scent of pure stress you're giving off. You're practically marinating in it. We could wring you out and use it to produce a new generation of workaholics."
The Spokesperson was about to reply with something caustic, when a clatter and rattle heralded the return of the droll.
"I have the drinks, Supreme Erazmi - whoops!"
Given the circumstances, this event was inevitable. The Droll tripped over some unseen object in his dash across the darkened room. The cups smashed as the the tea tray went flying.
The Droll quickly gathered up the pieces, apologzing profusely. The Supreme Erazmitizer raised a hand.
"No, no, it was dark. Please, I'll have someone do that later."
"I have warned you about the safety hazards of darkened rooms, sir."
"Psch. Having the proper mood lighting for a sinister evil organization is far more important than some chumps who can't even get through a dark room without infra-red. No offense, droll."
"None taken!"
"Also it saves on power."
Spokesperson rolled his eyes and looked at his watch pointedly.
"Yeah. Anyway, deliver this to Xyon Hotel, will you? I know you'll make a good impression."
Spokes snatched the envelope from the other's hand and stalked off.
Droll watched him go, worried.
"Oh, no! Is he angry I spilt his tea?"
"No, droll."
The droll looked relieved.
"On the other hand, about my coffee..."
The droll gulped.

-Ten Gentlemen Auditions: Take 1-

Flux looked at the auditor. "And you are...?"

The figure before them struck a post. "Meeeeeowra!" She held her arms up in the air, jumping in excitement, as a little bell bounced up and down against the collar around her neck. Her large feline ears twitched as she jumped with exuberance.

This provoked a glare from Biome, who looked at her inscrutably. He was good at looking inscrutable.

Flux sighed. "Ok... so what sort of thing do you do? Some kind of special... catgirl powers?"

She purred, oversized paw-hands rubbing together. "I am a catgirl from another planet with magical powers who works part time as a Maid while juggling an average schoolgirl's life!"

Flux looked at her. "Magic, eh? So what sort of stuff do you do?"

Meowra bounced eagerly. "Lotsa stuff! I've got claws and fast reflexes, but those are mostly for show. When fighting bad guys, I can use my special heart powers to defeat the evil in their hearts and turn them back from monsters! I've also got a magic wand I can use to shatter the evil Shadow-Ra summoned from the Neatherworld!"

Flux tilted his head. "So, against monsters that AREN'T from the Neatherworld?"

Meowra's ears drooped. "Not so much..."

Flux looked at his fellow judges. "What do you guys think?"

Biome reclined in his chair. "Menagerie of Anime stereotypes."

Flux nodded. "Yes. Yes she is." He folded his arms. "But she's honestly one of the better applicants we've seen today. Well, Meowra, you've just got yourse-"

"Kyaaaa! I'm late for class! Aaaaah!" Meowra turned and started running off in a hurry.

Flux slapped his palm against his face.

Biome frowned. "Just as well. She's a minor."

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-The Race-

And then, so it was that the mysterious Racer G somehow managed to slide towards the Finish Line somehow... closing...

Getting closer... closer... closer...

Just about to cross...

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-Ten Gentlemen Auditions: Take 2-

"So who are you?" The little green man watched at the new applicant.

"Plague Roamer." Said a large, ominous robot with more weapons than appendages.

Flux paused. "...yeaaaah... so what do you do?"

"I'm from a potential future where I hunt robots who kill humans called Mavericks."

"So... why aren't you doing that now?"

"Eh, got bored and killed a few humans. Also, I was made by an evil genius, like pretty much everyone in this universe. Also, I have the potential for unlimited power. Also, when I get bored, I wrestle with an ultimately evil dark power inside me that's continually trying to take control."

There was an awkward moment of silence. Flux looked over at Biome. "What do you think?"

"No way in hell."

Flux nodded. "Cape Guy?"

Captain Cape's cape shook itself until people realized it was saying no.

Flux smirked. "Yeah. It's unanimous, you're not getting in."

Plague scowled. "Fine. I'll just go off and kill humans."

Biome and Flux looked at each other.

Flux nodded. "...welcome to the team! Until we can think of a way to get rid of you!"

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-Sarcastic-

We could go through the motions of illustrating the long drawn out thought process that Sarcastic went through after Wolf propositioned her. We could evaluate how she wrestled with her conscience and evaluated the merits of working for a shadowy organization. We could talk about it for a long time.

Or we could just cut to the chase as Sarcastic pulled out a cell phone.

"Hello? Wolf? Don't ask how I got this number. I'm in. Just as long as I keep going to college.

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-Ten Gentlemen Auditions: Take 3-

"Ok, so what the heck is this?" Flux pointed at their new applicant.

Biome opened his eyes. "...tiny blob. In a cape. With a resume."

Cleese, wearing a tiny cape with the words "Super Cleese" on it, bounced excitedly, offering them the crayon resume he'd made. Flux took it and looked over it.

"So... your primary superpower is... being cute?"

"Nom nom nom!"

He nodded. "But you can also levitate, it says?"

"Eee!" Cleese made several nodding motions.

Flux looked down at him. "Not that I don't believe you, but what possible capacity does being cute have in battle?"

Cleese thought about that for a few moments, then bounced. "Nom!"

Flux looked at Biome and Captain Cape. "...does anyone have any idea what he was saying? Seriously, from the context I couldn't figure it out."

Biome folded his arms. "'Test me!' it said."

Flux sighed, shrugged, and looked over at their newest recruit. "Hey Plague, go kick that little red thing."

Plague grinned. "With gusto!" And charged forward to Punt at Cleese. Cleese got kicked, and started whibbling.

Then, things went insane for a bit.

Flux sat up after the rampage, unable to believe what had just happened and covered in bruises. "...did that just happen? Did an army of girls show up and just violently dismantle Plague for hurting that little guy?"

Biome had managed to evade the conflict by shielding himself in rapidly-growing trees. He nodded in confirmation. "...Plague's dead."

Flux shrugged. "Eh, he was a marty stu anyway. Either he'll come back later or if we're lucky he'll stay dead. More importantly... I think we just found our first new member! Super-Cleese, welcome to the-"

"No."

Flux turned to look at Biome. "Wait, why?"

Biome waved his arm. "No minors."

Cleese began to whibble, as Biome stared back at him. The two of them, locked in a staring contest... adorable cuteness vs. steadfast cantankerousness.

Who would win?

Dodging laser shots and barriers left and right, Dr. Momma Bosco was feeling the pressure, a woman on skis in proximity to several large racing cars. A smaller racing 'vehicle' was generally a faster one... but it came with its own set of drawbacks.
But that was about to change. Out of the corner of her eye, Dr. Momma Bosco saw what she had been expecting to see. Something was following her, and she had a plan for just what to do. It'd take a little timing, but it would be worth it.
As two of the cars moved in to crowd her, Dr. Momma Bosco suddenly pulled off to the side, driving herself faster with her ski-poles until she was aiming right at the side of a warehouse. She accelerated for the wall— and flipped herself, racing up the building's side.
A certain Mr Atomic had given some forethought to this. Using the roofs of the warehouses as a series of low ski-ramps, Dr Momma Bosco was able to stay on course and gain some headway. And the thing that was following her was still following her.

All that was left now was to wait for the right moment.

The Mysterious Racer G heads closer to the finish line...closer...then suddenly finds the ground give way beneath him, as he lands in a pit. In the split second before falling he sees the finish line and cheering crowds abruptly blip out. A hologram!
Makes sense, upon reflection. A mad car race, the cheering crowds would be farther back. If not watching the race on tv.
Kid Atomic grins. "Better luck next time, sport.
The audiance is watching intently. So far, it seems two cars have discover the correct path and solved the puzzle. It's going to be an exciting finish!

The last cars are careening through the Abandoned Warehouse District. In the lead is Doctor Momma Bosco! She took path three, and right off the bat her first pic was right! But then she veered down path seven. Raspberry! Then path four. Which lead to her being given another Bronx cheer at the end of it. But then she must have put her thinking cap on. One could almost see the shiny light bulb over her head.
Paths 3-1-4-1-5-9-2-6-5-3!! Easy as pi.
Still on her rocket skis, Doctor Momma Bosco glides across the finish line.
In style.
Only to see another car ahead of her. Sigh....looks like after all that, she came in second place. Kid Atomic walks over to her, and nods. "Congratulations, Doc. You ran a good race." And hands her a small box. She opens it-looks likes there's a prize for second? Huh, she doesn't remember that from the poster...
And finds herself holding the coveted super battery.
Kid Atomic cracks a grin. "Yeah, you figured it out before any of the other cats." He sees her glance at the other race car. "Oh, them? That's Issac Umbra and Kinestro. They weren't competing. They showed up to disrupt things, have fun-basically be a mobile course hazard. I was surprised we didn't have more of that kind of crazy shenaniguns, frankly. They didn't have the teleporter, the announcements, nothin'." His voice grows deceptively casual. "Those two crazy hepcats didn't even know there was a set path. And they ran it perfectly, no mistakes, better than any contestant."
He gives her a casual wave of his hand and turns to leave. The Kid then turns his head, and calls out over his shoulder to her. "So, you got first place and the prize. Those two got braggin' rights. Take it easy, Doc."

Dr. Momma Bosco calmly accepted the box, smiling as it was revealed to contain her prize. Then, in proper Mad tradition, she struck a pose, holding up the box with the battery up for everyone to see.

"Woo-hooo!" she said, with a surreptitious glance out of the corner of her eye. The thing that had been following her was getting closer. She'd about have time for a very short speech.
"Thanks for the nice race," Dr Momma Bosco said, "and thanks for the nice battery. Gotta run for now— catch ya on the flip side!"
Music of the 1970s began to play around Dr Momma Bosco as she tensed, and jumped, her skis boosting her and deliberately slipping off her feet. At the top of her jump, the thing that had been following her finally caught up with her again, and a stylized Packard Hawk swooped neatly to catch Dr. Momma Bosco, skis, and battery. The Mad landed in the driver's seat. The skis and the battery flew into the back.

And Dr. Momma Bosco buckled up, then pushed the gas pedal to the max, sending the car riding off on the air at full velocity. She had a date with a certain accelerator of hers, which was in dire need of a super-battery.

Ward and Eunice have finished studying the newspaper. They're deep in thought....
"It's not much to go on, Ward. This article about the Red Sign Menace is obviously about something that happened a while ago. It's not front page news, and it leaves a lot out-assumes that everyone knows what they mean." Eunice taps the paper against her knee.
"Well, let's review. People who had red signs were a danger, and it says some are still out there. That part's clear." Ward puffs on his pipe.
"We know that the man who offered us help from the government was a Communist-remember how proudly he pulled out that card?"
"Very true, Dear. And what we've observed with out own eyes since coming to town....all kinds of crazy rules and regulations."
Eunice smiles at Ward. "Still upset that they wouldn't let you smoke?"
Ward's face flickers in an answering smile, but his voice is serious. "That's always how it starts. Take away the small freedoms first, step by step. Now, this inflation-look at the prices!" He points to the advertising circular. "Looks like that ice cream shop wasn't an aberration."
"Ward, think! You know what the date is as well as I do! Now, our families left to begin the Vault in the 1950's. It's 204X. It'd be like someone from 1860 coming to the 50's, and expecting to pay a couple of dollars a month for room and board!" She leans over and pats his hand.
"All right, you've got a point. Still." He ticks off on his fingers. "Let's review. Known communists representing the government.Check. A Red Sign Menace. Check. And it said the red signs could be anything, but were always something a body wore."
Eunice props her head in her white gloved hands. "But there are still newspapers, and elections-why, Xyon even has a Mayor Dean, just like when folks left for the Vault!"
"Communist countries have papers, too. Full of propaganda." Ward harrumphs.
Eunice shakes her head, decisively. "Dear....I think this is still in progress. Communists are infiltrating, worming their way in-but they don't have complete control. And we haven't grown used to it creeping around us like the folks here-we're seeing all this with fresh eyes."
Ward takes a deep breath, then smiles. "I think you've got it. Always knew I married the smartest girl in the vault."
"Oh, you." She dimples."And it says when people destroy the red signs, they lose their power. Could they be a recognition signal? And when an agent is revealed as a red, they aren't a menace anymore?"
It's Ward's turn to shake his head. "It's not that simple. I think...the red signs are planted on folks by the commies. They make them act crazy. Look-it said some fella turned everything he could into kumquats before he was stopped."
"Ooh, that's right! Boy, do I feel sheepish!" Eunice isn't about to admit she was distracted by the fashion page. "But that means..." She wrinkles her brow. "Causing chaos is a good way to destabilize things, give them an opening. Heaven knows they don't have the might to invade! So, a Russian mad is involved. Ward, the Red Sign Menace is a communist plot!"
Ward gives her a one armed hug. "Bingo. We've spent enough time in the park. Today, I find work, we find a home. You cozy up to the neighborhood wives-have 'em over for a hen session, join the pta, trade cookie recipes. I'll stop for a martini on my way home, and keep my ears open at the bar. I'll meet the men, we'll throw a barbeque, maybe play a little poker."
"Not until we get a handle on this crazy inflation! Besides, I'm better at cards than you and you know it." Eunice adjusts his hat. "Oh, dear-heaven knows what Jimmy will be taught in school!"
"He'll have us to steer him right. Hey, maybe you can join the bridge club! All the while, we look for folks acting weird, and blast any red they have on." Ward loosens the Mark IV in it's holster.
Eunice nods. "For a start. But once we're established...." She taps his arm playfully. "There's an election coming up. I think Xyon needs a new mayor."
Ward's eyes widen. "Saay, there's an idea! We'll save this city yet. Mister Mayor, I like the sound of that...."
"Hmmf. I thought I was the smart one-you said it yourself."
"Now, dear, be sensible...."
Ward and Eunice collect a reluctant little Jimmy from the swings. Eunice uses her Hypno-Glasses on a few suspicious passersby. Most are just bidden to forget talking to her, but when she finds an honest to gosh mugger, she takes his wallet and valuables for a stake first.
She turns a small, beeping device over in her hands gingerly. "Tell me what this mad device does."
"Wha? Lady, it's a phone."
"Ward, what luck-a piece of Mad tech allready! You-" her glasses flash at the hapless would be bad guy-"Tell me more."
Step one in Operation: Retake Xyon has begun...

From somewhere far away, she arrived. As if responding to her whim, the sky obligingly darkened, setting up a light dose of thunderous foreshadowing. In the occasional flashes, one could see some things about her. Sneakers. Round glasses. Blond hair. A t-shirt, saying "There's no place like 127.0.0.1".

When she stepped out of the car that had brought her here, she looked around at the city of Xyon. A tumultuous and chaotic place. She'd been away too long. Now, it was time to see what her little sister was up to.

Lightning flashed across the sky as Kaylee Davenport pocketed the Dramatic Thunderstorm device she was holding, and went to find Jane Narbon.

Kid Atomic's-There was a heck of a post race party! And more than enough new business and publicity to make up giving away that Mad battery he found.

Ward, Eunice, and Little Jimmy- One has a job. One's enrolled in school. And one's running for Mayor. But which one is doing what? Time will tell...

Zia ducks down a side street near the park, checking address numbers against a tattered playbill in her hand. She has a knack for finding odd little performances. It's a hobby of hers. Nodding, she steps into a funky little coffee shop, and grabs a chair. An oddly costumed quartet takes the stage, images projected behind them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOS9z31OdLA
"Heh." She takes a last sip of her tea, and stands up. "Well, that was different." It's still nice out. Maybe she'll go to the park for a bit. She's heard the Ten Gentlemen are holding tryouts, she could go make fun of them. Honestly, you'd think they'd have changed the name by now! Why not just 'The Ten', if they can't come up with anything else? Same old boy's club.
Or maybe she'll see if the rumors are true, about a wayward, ragged flock of Dyne ducks having settled in.
There'll be something interesting going on, she knows it.

Axel was distinctly unhappy. He was wet, burnt, bleeding and miserable. But more importantly, he had lost.
Not only that, he'd crashed. The car was now sticking halfway through the wall of what used to be someone's house, and was now nothing more than scrap. Or maybe a conversation piece for whoever's house this was.
That reminded him. Gotta get out of here before they come back.

Damien was just about to take Sparky's knight when he was tackled by a saturated madman. The chessboard and it's pieces went flying.
Damien himself went sliding along the wet grass.
"Damien! Hey, Damien! I went to the race and was all like Sonic, and then it was dark and then there were clowns and then it was all yuck and wet and there was a bad squid and then I fell off a cliff and then I ran over a velociraptor and broke a thing, and then I crashed and then I lost!"
"Get the hell off me!"
"Oh, right!" Axel scooted backwards, and then suddenly noticed Damien's opponent watching with an amused expression. "Hi!"
Damien got up, and finally managed to take in Axel's appearance.
"What happened to you? No, no, wait. What did you happen to?"
"I just tooooold you!"
"Not very well! Axel... are those gills?"
Axel felt his neck.
"Oh, hey, they are! Cool!"
"No, not cool! I'm really sorry, Sparky, but is there a hospital I could take him to?"

-Meanwhile, back at the hotel-
The Spokesperson knocked politely several times.
He sighed. No answer. And could he just slide it under the door? Oh, nooooo. He had to deliver it personally. What a pain.
He pounded the door a little louder. If the door didn't work, it'd have to be the window, and that would just ruin his suit.
One more try.
He kicked the door. This didn't hurt as much as it ordinarily would have. Steel toe caps do that.
He was rewarded with a crash as something ceramic was thrown at the door, and an irate "Go away, already!" The voice was female. Damn. Did he have the right room?
"Package."
"Oh, come on. Okay, gimme a sec."
Sounds of scraping furniture.
Muttering.
The clicking of the various bits of metal holding the door shut.
The door opened.
"Try and sell me anything and you'll sing soprano the rest of your life. What do you want?"
"Is this the residence of an Axel Nikolai Dodge?"
The woman's eyes narrowed. She appeared to think, then she shook her head apologetically.
"Sorry, I don't know anyone by that name. You want to come in for a cuppa, though? You must be a bit tired after all those stairs..."
Without waiting for a reply she stepped aside and went to the kitchen bench.
"Mind the coffee cup."

-Meanwhile, a hasty ten-minute shower later...-

She needed two towels.

The application of the first was obvious. Natalie needed a towel to drape around her proportions to keep observers from oogling them.

The second towel, however, was for her hair. Full length and drenched, it proved quite difficult to work around, so she entwined it with another towel and piled it atop her head similar to some manner of absurd hat.

Natalie, sopping wet and not even taking the time to fully dry herself off, stormed into her room. "Ok! Mother, attractive male, annoying talking tiger? Everyone out. I need to get dressed and I'm not doing it while anyone's in here."

-Natalie-

She had been surprised by how compliant everyone had been about letting her get changed. Finally she got back into clothing after what felt like a few months in the shower and getting dressed. In a sensible set of shorts and a tshirt, she gathered Khan and her mother back in the room. "Ok, I may as well start telling my story again."

And then Sarcastic poked her head in. "Hey, do you still have that little green guy? Come on, we've got to take them someplace."

Natalie's eye twitched. "Dang it, Sarcastic! This is kinda a bad time!"

Sarcastic put her hands on her hips. "Look, I like keeping them too, but the RA for our floor is starting to get suspicious that we're keeping pets... and I don't think she's going to buy the "Hide the little green blob down your shirt and claim your boobs just innately growl at anyone who comes near" excuse anymore ever since you had to start modifying it to "hide the little green blob down your shirt and claim your boobs just innately growl and wave a little claw hammer at anyone who comes near" excuse. I've got a nice little home we can drop them off at that has... experience... in these things. We can come visit them whenever we want." She patted the little pink blob she'd started calling Ruby as she glared at Natalie.

Natalie glared back. "...fine." She picked up Erik and put him on her shoulder. "I guess no one's really interested in hearing this stuff anyway. It's just weirdness."

The two of them walked off. A flabberghasted Khan watched them go. "Oh COME ON!" he growled, irritated.

-Meanwhile...-

"But Master Zobot..."

nZobot grinned. "I know, Sincere Male PC. We were pushing our luck with the first one. But why not push it all the way?" it was almost all he could do to avoid breaking out in maniacal laughter. There had been other conflicts in the negative-universe, yes, but most of those were *work*. Helping his husband keep up with an empire was no small task, and while far more rewarding than he'd care to admit, it had been quite some time since he or his husband had really done something just for themselves. Something for FUN.

He was sure Andy would thank him later for this. He fastened on his most dynamic cape and grinned. "Why not push it all the way indeed. Prep the airship, Sincere! We're going to go steal the water cycle Positive Universe Mad Scientist Lairs!"

The Fifties Mads!

Have settle into modern day Xyon nicely. Ward is going back to school. Algamated Weapons just loves his fresh take on things. Those retro designs he comes up are really something! But his computer skills? Considering he's used to working with something like an ENIAC...Yeah.
Eunice has decided to give Mayor Dean a run for his money. Numbers are her strong point, and her platform stresses fiscal accountability. Sure, it's a long shot. Mayor Dean will be hard to beat! But she's thriving on the challenge. Even those who don't think she has a prayer are coming to admire her determination. A warm smile, a steely glare, quick fire responses under pressure stand her in good stead. Plus, her 'coffee klatch' press conferences are quite the hit! Not to mention the freshly baked cookies.
Little Jimmy's room is like any other boys. The aquarium is home to the three eyed frog he caught at the creek, and persuaded his mother to let him keep. He swore to take good care of it, and he has. It's a great pet. Gosh, it mutates a little more every day!
Pennants from his favorite team decorate the walls. Go Redding Tigers! He dreams of getting a Calvinball scholarship, and someday making it to the big leagues.
He wanted to be a paperboy, but the Chief took one look at him and had a flash of inspiration. He's been partnered with Newsy to do human interest stories. After school and on weekends, and if he keeps his grades up, of course. The duo of freckle faced boy and animate former newspaper box is hard to beat. Oh, he's a little disappointed he can't wear a real newspaper reporters hat with a press pass in the band, like Newsy. But gee whiz he has a honest to gosh byline!
They're very popular with readers of the Xyon X-aminer. The Chief, however, can only take so much of their combined innocent enthusiasm, and needs to spend a few minutes with the latest circulation numbers and a stiff drink after an encounter with them.
Eunice and Ward still surreptitiously destroy red items whenever possible. A few even were real red sign items! They're still convinced it's a Mad communist plot. But they and some of the other fifties mads will stay vigilantly on duty, and protect their fair city.

Sparky and Damien!

Sparky's guided Axel and Damien to the hospital, to deal with his newfound gills. Darn it, and the chess game was going so well, too! Well, maybe they can have a rematch later.
Fleetingly, she wonders if Emma Peel had days like this.
Axel seems nice...wonder if he plays chess? Or Fetch?
She supposes she can get back to studying the archives of the New Maddology Journal at The Library. Biology's so fascinating! Slipping off to The Library has become a habit recently.
Especially since the two mad semi-biologists she knows best, Wally and Professor Tinker, are out of town-and they're so busy she'd hate to bother them anyway.
Hmm...Archimedes's dad is a biologist... Nah. It'd be rude to impose. Maybe she'll talk to Archimedes a bit. Her tails wag as she thinks of him. He's nice! She'd like him if he wasn't canine.
Shaking her head to clear it, she extends a paw for Damien to shake, then Axel.
"Are rru two going 't be okay here? They don' like dogs in th' hospital, rrI''d better not come in. Call me ir rru need anything!"

~Archimedes~

Puppy was watching Dad, and by that he meant that Dad was busy making Puppy a bedroom, and Dad took a while to do things with power tools.

He found a discarded phone book, and pawed through it. Sparky said she lived with Chicgeek... would that be under C for Chicgeek, V for Viktor, or L for Lopez-Smythe? Or would she just be in the yellow pages? Would that be under 'zappy things' or 'electricity' or 'lightning' or 'Tesla stuff'?

Phone books were such a pain... and big paws did not make it easy to turn pages.

Damien shook Sparky's paw, and nodded.
"I'll be sure to call if I need help. Thanks for the game."
Axel, who had started to wander off, found his ear suddenly in a firm grip.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...."
Damien ignored him, and dragged him off in the direction of the hospital, Axel exclaiming his discomfort as loudly as possible every step of the way.

-----

Sarah was currently making tea, and wondering about whatever had possessed her to actually invite him inside. She had no idea when Axel and Damien would be back, and she wanted to know exactly what this stranger wanted with him before even letting them catch a glimpse of each other.
Oh. That was why.
"Sugar?"
"Yes, please."
She set the two mugs on the table. He picked his up, and sipped it.
3...2...1...
Go.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't catch your name."
"My name's not important."
Ouch. Sarah: -1, Strange guy: -2
She did her best to nod as though it was a reasonable response. He did his best to look fooled.
"And yours?"
She laughed.
"Jenna."
"Hmm."
Sarah: 1, Strange guy: -1
"Anyway, I'm somewhat new to Xyon, so do you have any recommendations?"
"Well, the..."

This was going to take a while...

-Outside Andrew Tinker's house-

"So why are we doing this again?" Natalie patted Erik, who was riding on her... tracts of land.

Sarcastic knocked on the door, Ruby on her shoulder. "Because we can't keep them at the college dorms, and they need a place to stay."

Natalie sighed. "I know, but too much weirdness makes my skin itch. Do I have to go in there? There'll probably be, I don't know, tap-dancing lemurs or something."

Sarcastic smirked. "Come on, Nat. He's a bit eccentric, but I don't think Professor Tinker even OWNS lemurs, much less ones that tapdance. That would be so implausible as to stretch the limit of believability. Besides, you're currently letting a little green blob-thing ride on you chest, and it's somehow holding a claw hammer effortlessly by the edge of the handle despite being smaller than it is."

Natalie gave her a flat look. "...just get someone at the door so we can find these guys a home, Sarcastic."

---------------------------------------------

-Meanwhile, outside the hospital...-

"<Sparky! Yay!>" Elleb flew straight up towards the doggie, tackling and hugging her.

...and by "tackling", we really just mean she hugged her. Elleb's too small to tackle anyone. But the whole process eventually devolved into a tummy rub and a happy, ringing fairy, which even passers by couldn't help but stop and stare at.