Comics by Shaenon II

Claire: Yes, Boss! *scampers off to look*

fantasy-Claire: Wait, we still have to worry about being mentally unstable working for him? Aw...

Claire: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm *completely* stable. Come on- help me look. I don't have so good a sense of smell.

Jennifer: What about-

Claire: *eye twitches* COMPLETELY stable. I'm FINE! *cheerful again* So help me search, ok?

fantasy-Claire: Well, if you say it's ok, I don't see anything wrong with it... *starts to hunt down Rasputin and Ethan*

The Writer: This is bad... if Luc continues to acquire renegade characters, soon he'll overrun the game! I have to act fast! *Shoves his bunker door open, throws two catnip grenades into the general vicinity of the Claires, and grabs Chic's writer to get her inside* Get in, quick! We have no idea what Catnip'd Claires are capable of! It hasn't been established in the caaaaaaaaannnnnooooon! *Reseals the bunker*

Chic: I think you're okay, Claires, as far as the mentally imbalanced thing goes. And the family, too-after all, I've never seen any of the rest of the clan acting cuckoo.

Writer: *snickers, from inside the bunker* Oh, yes-you're all the epitome of sanity and rationality.

Chic: Shaddap. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to building my giant clocktower downtown.

Writer: Wha?

Chic: Yes, it's brilliant! Almost all mads blow up downtown-and the laws reflect that. But no one expects a mad to add a building! There's no laws against that at all! Bwahahahahaa!

Writer: Un, yeah...*whispers to Jess through venilation shaft* so, just snark playfully with Xerox, do some awesome thief stuff, and toss in a little slash to keep the fans happy-I'll keep slowly increasing your screen time, Chic'll be off stage before you know it-what d'ya say?

Sparky, Coffeepot, Mecha, and Godfrey-*Slowly close in on Jess*

Godfrey-I'm afraid we can't allow that...if you cut Miss Chic's screen time to such an extent, then there's no reason for us to be around. And that simply won't do, oh no, not at all.

Writer-Uh...now calm down, guys, surely we can discuss this like-
*Mecha extends tendril into air vent* AAAGGHH! Zobot! Help!
Zooooboottttt!!!!
*Jess hammers futily on door, turns to face sidekicks, sickly grin on her face* uh...okay, okay! I didn't agree! She didn't mean it! Honest! No! Put down that-*Hideous scream is heard*

Godfrey: Excuse us-please stand by. We are experiancing technical difficulties...

Writer: *Badly shaken, whimpers* I..I m-m-meant more screen time for all...really. Chic and Jess and all our w-wonderful supporting c-c-cast, t-t-too....

Rolf, Kid Atomic, Desdemona and Farnsworth-
Farnsworth: All the supporting cast, did you say? Splendid! I shall look forward to reading your latest literary endevors, hmm? *polishes pince nez*

Jess: Razza frazza....

Luc: Yay! Minions, *and* Mint Tea! This is the best day ever.

Xerox: Chill, convict. Like Andrew said- more screen time, more problems. Besides, we get more... private time this way.

Fredric: Wait- Da w less screen time... Sayasuke's busy... an' Xerox ;s on vacation... oi dun like where this is heading.

Elizabeth: I do! Nice sleep cute, boys- smile for the camera!!

Andrew: ....um... well... suffice to say, *you* don't have the instability. Not in the same way, at least- it arises from my personal copy of the 'Imperatives', and a healthy dose of psychological ballyhoo. You're *lucky*- your copy is 'Apha' set, so basically just regular human psychology aside from the imperatives. For one thing, I bet you've never forgotten how doorknobs work before...

Xerox: Wait, you're 'Epsilon' set... which means Eric had 'the instability', and so does Fredric.

Andrew: Father, oh yes. Fredric? No. Fredric has never experienced a period of intense psychological trauma the same way. And the Tinker Genes are set to repair... but, on the other hand, that may mean he has his *own* problems yet unknown.

Jennifer: ...uh-oh.

fantasy-Claire: *giggles*

Claire: Jennifer, I'd think you were worried!

Jennifer: I saw what you did to that vet! That poor, poor woman...

Claire: *opens eyes innocently* But it hurt and my head was all fuzzy... *giggles, brushing one of her ears* But now my head's always fuzzy, even when it's not!

fantasy-Claire: I like being fuzzy. It's warm... *purrs*

Claire: *spinning in circles* Wheeee!

Rose: You two are ridiculous. It's just catnip.

Jen-Jen: And yet, I notice you're far, far away from where the grenades went off.

Rose: Shut up!

Jennifer: *hands fantasy-Claire a big mug of warm cream* Drink that. That should take care of her at least...

fantasy-Claire: Nu-uh! I haven't fought anything all day! I'm not gonna go to sleep yet! Hmmm... who should I attack...

Jenny: I know you're being playful, but your claws are out!

fantasy-Claire: Maaaaaaaybeeee...

Claire: *tackle-hugs Rolf* I like you. Y'know that? *purrs*

Jennifer: And Chic, so far you've only seen the Claires being mentally stable. I'm just waiting for something to set one of them off. And everyone else in our family is horribly unstable too, except me. I'm the only one who works properly so I have to fix everyone else- *THUD*

Burn: *holding a mallet* Uh-huh. Completely functional. Just really, really Mad. And I don't know how 'stable' half the experiments you do are...

Crash: Isn't anyone *else* worried about both Claires being really out of it on catnip?! Just because neither of them has gone psycho yet doesn't mean we're safe!

Burn: I have a mallet. I'm good.

Steve: You have much to learn, little Crash d00d. The path of least resistance is the path of peace. And peace is found in the core- the true inner threefold way. The first path is of enjoyment, of pure play.Of... the lulz. Without malice, exist and facilitate moments of this matter. Observe.
*produces a large bag of kitty toys- mostly jingly bouncy mice*

Steve: Behold. Lulz.
*CAT TOYS EXPLOSION!!*

Andrew: ... you know, I had sort of assumed he was, ah, more... *sane* then the other denizens of section 'L three three seven'.

Xerox: Nope. just a different kind of crazy.

Rolf: *recovers quickly from being tackle hugged by Claire* Oh, baby! *Dip kiss* Hy'm gonna start vearing dot schtuff as cologne!
Then-Cat Toys Explosion!
*giggles, watching the Claires gleefully pounce on the jingling mice* AW, dot's so cute!

Jess: *brushes of her shoulders, puts her cool back on* That's right, we're vacationing in Paris right now. Eh, let the others have their precious screen time. We'll just-What the? WHERE'D THAT MIME COME FROM?!

Chic: *giggles, nudges Jane* A clockwork mime-my most fiendish invention yet!

Writer: *slowly backs away in horror* You...that's...AAGH!!

Crash: *as the Claires go after the toy mice* Wow. That's brilliant...

Claire: *stalking one of the mice* It jingles... *pounces, only to have it bounce away* YAAAH! *pounces again* I'll get you next time...

fantasy-Claire: *attempting to shred the mice with her claws, and failing adorably* These mice are weird... *giggles and goes after the next mouse*

Rose: Simply ridiculous.

Jen-Jen: Heh. You know, you still aren't used to having ears and a tail. I can tell from them that you want to play, too.

Rose: I said shut up! *starts shooting at Jen-Jen, who runs away laughing*

Isaac: *panicked* MIME! KILL IT! KILL IT QUICKLY!

Anson: Since when are you afraid of mimes?

Isaac: *holding some sort of large death ray* I'm not. Why?

Crash: Wait a minute... Tufty just sent me a lolClaire... that's a bit strange...

Steve: *Pats Crash's shoulder* And thus, we learn to manipulate events in a way that leaves people happy. Done correctly, you can run everything and no one will mind.

Xerox: Waitaminnit... Steve... are you grooming him as a pupil?

Steve: Perhaps. But The Steve has merely been awaiting a pupil who would *listen* to The Steve.

Xerox: ... Makes me glad I'm across the damn Atlantic.

Andrew: Oooh, a mime! I love mimes!

The Writer: And thus, knowing Claire's attention span, by the time their catnip high wears off, both Claires should have forgotten about being Luc's minions entirely. *swipes their ascots* Of course, for this to work, I'll have to take one further measure.... *Leans over to Luc and whispers in his ear* "Everse." There. *Dusts his hands off* Problem solved, and no LASTING damage to anyone at all.

Crash: So... I guess I'm going to learn the way of the lulz... Although I can't believe more people don't listen to you.

Burn: Most people have fewer worries about being stabbed by psychotic family members. And the thought of you learning the way of the 'lulz' is highly disturbing... I don't think you need more ridiculousness...

Edgar: Aw... I thought the ascots were cute...

Isaac: No, wait. For a mime I need *anvils.* Where can I find anvils?

Claire: *rattles off some coordinates*

Isaac: Thanks. *starts to build a sinister-looking machine*

Claire: *yawning* Hey, fantasy-me, what'd you do with the beanbag?

fantasy-Claire: *asleep on the beanbag* zzz...

Claire: Drat... *curls up next to the beanbag and falls asleep*

Jennifer: Claires don't seem to have much catnip tolerance.

Edgar: I think that's just because the writer finds it funny...

Andrew: Oh, grandiose. Grandiose indeed. You broke him.

Luc: AndthehandcomeswithnoWATERandthewallismadeofBLOOD

Xero: Wait, wait, I think I can fix this. We just need to trigger.. something... else. *grabs the Clockwork Mime, and shoves it at Luc*

Luc: atheriverswill- Hey, a Mime! Dark Servant of the Silent One, feel the wrath of my Battle Rake!!
*Penny Arcade Adventures Style Violence!!*

Steve: Most people have already found their path, for better of for worse. The Steve is, to them, a brotherly figure- but they do not need The Steve's Way. But you... the Steve can teach you to be the eye of the storm.

Crash: That could be useful...

Burn: Look, I *said* I was sorry about setting off a hurricane in your bedroom.

Crash: I was more thinking about any time we get more than three family members in the same room.

Code: How do you set off a hurricane?

Burn: Oh, it's really easy. I'll teach you. So, first you need something to hydrate the air...

Isaac: No, Luc! Anvils! Lots and lots of anvils! *anvil falls next to Luc and the mime* Hmmm... aim needs work. *goes back to fiddling with the machine*

Edgar: *holding a glowing syringe* Hmmm... Claire's out of it, but I can't mutate her any more at the moment, Arthur's still stuck in the trunk... *tackles Jennifer* HoldstillI'mgonnaimproveyou!

Jennifer: Keep that away from me! *pulls out a gun and tries to twist around so she can fire at Edgar*

Crash: ...really, *really* useful...

Steve: It is. You are already more prepared than you know- the first step is to accept the chaos. Not *embrace* it- just relinquish any conception of a natural form of order. Beleive me, The Steve knows- My family? Know only that the Steve considers *your* family enviable, and consider what this entails. The Steve's niece aside, anyways.

Andrew: Don;t you have a file on him, Commander?

Xerox: No. We have an agreement...

Crash: I don't know what it says about your family, but I like my family. They aren't boring.

Burn: I think you've actually embraced chaos...

Code: *watching a mini-storm* Is it supposed to be pink like that?

Jennifer: *looking at her new tail- the only part of her that's visibly different* What kind of an animal has a tail like this? It's got a gold knob on the end.

Edgar: It's a Li-Mon-Eag tail. Duh.

Jennifer: Wha? At least I can smell properly now. That's nice, even if the remaining catnip is making me a bit dizzy...

Edgar: I *told* you I'd improve you. And sorry... I forgot the 'lion' part would be affected by the catnip.

Burn: *to Edgar* How do you even know about those?

Edgar: I saw one flying around and looked it up. Funny thing is, I still haven't been able to find this 'Sky Island' that they come from...

Crash: *thinking about what Steve said* Wait, why would there be a natural form of order? What would that be? Arithmetic?

Steve: A delusion that most mortals like to entertain, is that the world- no, the *universe* is governed by rational progression. That it is something they can understand... or even control. The Steve will not claim that this is not a truth... but whatever order there *may* be is so far beyond our understanding, that it cannot live up to their notion of 'rational'.

Xerox: ... wait. *we*?

Steve: The Steve will never claim to understand much more than you. To claim that even *my* time has imbued me with more knowledge than the sum of human thought? The Steve considers such arrogance unimaginably rude.

Crash: Ooooh, it's one of those 'it might be rational or not, but I have no hope of understanding it anyway' things. I'm good with those. They're- hang on *yanks Code away from the microwave* Burn, I thought you were watching him.

Burn: *turning the mini-storm different colors* Sorry, what? I got distracted. Code, stay away from the microwave until you can figure out how to get back.

Code: I just wanted to know how it heated food.

Burn: ...

Crash: ...what? Heat food? With a microwave?

Jennifer: I don't know what he's talking about.

Neal: Don't look at me...

Isaac: I think some people use them for that.

Burn: That's bizarre. *takes a panel off the microwave and starts showing Code how it works*

Crash: Sorry about that. So why does it matter if the universe is rational? There's no way you'd be able to model it, even if it were, so why would anyone care?

Steve: Because it makes them feel safe. Otherwise... To have little power, little influence... to have only that which is around you. It is a feeling of being very small and weak, in a universe that is large and uncaring. It is... a terrible feeling. Do not search for meaning in it- if you do not know the feeling, I suspect you never will. But I wonder, little Crash d00d... do you have Faith? In what, it matters not.

Crash: Oh, that's easy. I have faith in my family. I'm not sure exactly what that *means,* but I'm pretty sure it's true. Although I think that might be part of my core programming, so I'm not sure how much it counts.

Burn: You know Dad gave you the ability to subconsciously modify that, right? Something about 'brainwashing' and 'personality' and I don't remember the rest.

Code: Personality?

Burn: You'll figure it out eventually.

Crash: Maybe it does count, then. I don't know, I tend not to be very philosophical... I think that comes from growing up in this family, though.

Burn: Ohhh, that's right... Isaac wanted to know how you worked, didn't he... *So* glad I'm not the oldest...

Crash: I was kind of busy staying intact for the first couple of years, you see.

Isaac: Hey, I was curious! And it's not like I did *that* much lasting damage.

Steve: Good. It's an important thing to have. Althoug, the Steve notes a unique spread among the characters...

Andrew: Hey! I have as much faith as can be conceivably be expected of me. I score a three point four on the Malcom Reynolds scale of faith loss.

Fredric: Everything is explainable eventually, my family will always be there for me, and people are generally good.

Xerox: ...the fact that I am *alive*, and not locked up in a padded room somewhere... I have faith.

Sayasuke: Unfortunately, my supreme gods are both very silly. Tinker san wears a frilly apron when he cooks, and Ameratseru sama beeps my nose.

Burn: So what do we all have faith in?

Neal: Oh, come on. Do you really have to ask?

*all together* SCIENCE!

Jennifer: *grinning* I love that...

Crash: Oh, yeah. That too.

Fredric: Hallelujah.

Andrew: *sigh* Maybe I should have taken him to church a few times or something... but I just always suspected he would pull a River Tam on the bible.

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Luc: No. No. No. No. NO. You, sir, are taking liberties with my character. He is GAY, if he was born 30 years ago he would STILL be Gay, and at any rate WHAT exactly makes you decide he would be promiscuous, for ANY reason? I rankle at the idea that he would just randomly father children.

Andrew: !!!!!!!

Dr. Viktor: Keed, if that vos possible, Vladmir vould haff hed a bakers dozin of children by now. They aren't particularly fertile unless: A, zey are drugged, or B, zey are actually in love. Und the Viktors haff a lowered chance uff havink female children due to... tamperink, dot hy am unable to fix mitout invasive shiftink.

Xerox: By the way, feel free to consider the wacky despite El Ariste's little temper tantrum up there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have baked a custard pie expressly for the purpose of inciting Micheal.

Fredric: ... is this going to be a *thing*?

Xrox: yeeeeep. Besides, I need to keep my throwing arm in order.

Jennifer: Pie combat, hmmm? *is suddenly dual-wielding apple and blueberry pies*

Edgar: *with two turtle pies* Heh. This should be fun.

Neal: *with cherry and custard* BWAHAHAHAHA!

Anson: Uh-oh.

Isaac: Someone mentioned pie combat around Aunt Anna's kids... *dives for cover*

Crash: Come on! *tugging Code behind a upturned table*

Code: What am I missing?

Burn: *shoves Code from behind, then hides behind the table with him and Crash* Aunt Anna was a Ninjutsu Battle-Clown for a few years. She taught her kids a couple of tricks. Which is why we're hiding until this blows over.

Xerox: Is this... a challenge? *spins the custard on one finger*

Sayasuke: ... come to think of it, I wonder is pies fall under my jurisdiction. A pie rests within the *sheath* of a pie pan...

Luc: this is leading up to a 'calming pie' gag, isn't it.

Jennifer: *grinning broadly* Oh, yes indeed. *flips one of the pies through the air and catches it right-side up*

Neal: Long has it been since I have done battle with baked goods. *readies his pies*

Edgar: You think you can beat us, Primary? *launches a pie at Xerox*

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Narrator: Meanwhile, in the programming of Cleesequest...

Cleese: *Sitting on top of Sparky, facing a literal horde of different Ceeses making up a rainbow of different colors* Meep. Meep meep meep meep meep meep. Meep ma-meep meep vreep meep meep! Meep. Meep meep meep meep meep me-me-meep!" *He turns to look at all of them, who are hanging on his every "Meep!"* Meep meep! Meep meep me-pe-me-pe-meep! Meep, meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep! Meep! Meep! MEEP! Nom! *He nom's his sword and points it at an army of Shadow-cleeses being led by Black Cleese on the other hill*

Cleese army: *begins to charge at the Shadow-cleeses, who also charge at them* Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep!

Sarcastic: So Xerox and the Cleesequest build version 1.0 are having creative difficulties?

Michael: That's putting it lightly. They seem to have different ideas about how the project should be going. It got particularly ugly when the Build deleted some of his paperwork files in revenge for a comment he made. *Dodges and grabs a pie thrown at him* Mmm... peppermint pie.